SRS B/S just adds up overtime

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by OneDollarBill, Apr 13, 2005.

  1. OneDollarBill

    OneDollarBill OT Supporter

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    Let's see...

    My mom and dad seperated a year ago. Really emotionally draining for everyone.
    6 months later they are officially divorced.

    My dad has had a girlfriend (that has a kid) for the last 8 months or so. And we are expected to accept her fully of course. And now they are speaking of marriage. She already moved in a few months back.

    My mom moved 9 hours away to get away from my dad. So now we hardly get to see her. Which really sucks.
    A few months ago she admitted to us that she has been blacking out, memory loss, bad migraines.
    She had quit her job a month before that because she couldnt work. So no medical insurance, no money, nothing.
    I drove all the way down there, picked her up, and came home. Made her go to a doctor. We luckily found a doctor willing to work with us.
    2 tumors inside her head. Not good stuff. This is her 4th time to have some type of cancer. And this one is EVEN MORE serious then the other ones that brought her to the edge of death.
    They gave her some kind of medicine that is suppose to reduce the tumors size, and some meds to take away alot of the other problems.
    Now, if the medicine wears off quicker then normal (eat/sleep habits i guess) then she has bad seizures. And I think its getting worse but she refuses to tell us anything, thinking it would make us worry more (im going crazy trying to figure out the truth)

    My mom and dad dont talk, ever. My mom is still taking it REAL hard. And its hard for me to watch that.

    Id move where my mom is to help her, but i have to much here. I just cant do it.
    ------

    I have bills. On top of a $500 truck payment, I have $400 more in other bills. And I make around 1400 take-home a month. That doesnt include food/gas.
    It's not bad, I have money to party and have fun. But its stressfull.
    On top of that I regularly give money to my sisters, brother, mom money to help them out when needed.

    ------

    My older sister borrows money from me, and others. But doesnt tell her husband. Im cool with both of them, and i dont want mess anything up. But Im tired of giving her money to pay a small bill, while he has a "hotrod" he regularly puts money into.

    ----

    my 16 year old little brother quit school. He was "home schooled" for years, and when he attempted normal school again he couldnt handle it. Mistakes on my parents hands, but it bears down on me.
    He hangs out with alot of people older then him (i did/do to) but he is ending up drinking ALOT on weekends. Smoking. Weed. etc.
    He wont let me know, because he thinks Ill knock the fuck outta him if i catch him. Im trying to figure out a good way to get him to realize the longterms in the ordeal.
    I had a bad sprint myself when I was younger (junior high) Hanged out with some drugies and stayed high alot (i was pretty successful of keeping it a secret from my parents)
    And I dont want him going through the same nightmare that convinced me to stop (joint laced with Angel Dust) that really fucked me up. I even had "flashbacks" for 1 1/2 years, id just start tripping out. It was a real bad mess that woke me the fuck up (i kept that a secret to) I was smart enough to get away from those people and go to a completely different High School. I had to start new with friends, but it was for the better.
    The whole ordeal has me questioning myself on the best step to take.

    -----


    After the whole Junior High thing i went to a "vocational school" I did NOTHING for 3 years.
    After that, I attempted college. It amazed me how 3 years of doing nothing ate away at my brain. I knew the stuff, im pretty smart really i just dont use it for some reason, but I lacked the needed school habits.
    16hours of school + 40hr work week = no go
    I failed most of my classes after I stopped going to them, I couldnt handle it.

    -------

    Now, I got a decent job. I bought a new truck.
    But now I hurt my back. But I called in "sick" a few days hoping it was a minor pain. I ended up turning it into work, The chiropractor said its bad enough to not be able to work. This REALLY puts my job in jeopardy. I honestly think they are going to fire me over it. It's "policy" that they can do so if I dont report an accident immediately.
    Hopefully Workman's Comp will even cover it, since i didnt report it instantly. We will see.
    But it makes me worry if I have the security needed on my monthly bills.
    Besides that, the managers are being dicks. They literally had me doing 2 or 3 peoples work by myself just because they knew I could. But doing it day in and day out to its toll on me, it wore me out. Physically and mentally.


    I just turned 21. Went out to party with friends the first 2 weekends after the b-day. Was great fun. But me and my friends have just kind of split ways. We kind of hang out if I really struggle to meet them somewhere, but its almost rare due to work, relaxation time, and just the distancing that is there between us all.
    I honestly dont even want to hang with them anymore. They all got real deep into partying every day. Im not into that, I enjoyed the old days when we could just chill, hang out all night on the 'drag' where people cruise. Or just sitting in a shop working on our vehicles. We partied, and threw HUGE parties occassionally. That occassional part is what made it fun to me.

    I haven't had a "best friend" in 3 years probally.
    and I havent had anyone i can really talk to in 5 or so. I just have to keep it to myself.

    ---
    I havent had a girlfriend in focking forever (like 4 years). It didnt bother me, Id occassionally end up having a 1 night thing with a girl after parties and that was enough for me.
    I dont go out alot, I dont have time to. I didnt care about it.
    But now, it would be nice to have someone to actually be able to confide in.


    I have so much bullshit on my back its unreal.
    It just all keeps adding up more and more and more. Eventually there is going to be a breaking point.
    Like I sometimes catch myself having an "anger streak" where I am just mad and quick to snap on anyone. But I control it.


    -----
    Im just tired of carrying my life story on my back.
    Little things, people saying this, people doing that.
    To much bullshit carried on my back.
    I am not even posting alot of the things that really bother me the most. I for some reason am still keeping those bottled.

    ---

    I think everyone just assumes i have my life under control. But I dont. It's just like a wall I have set up to block unwanted questions/pit.
    I dont want people I know talking to me about it. I just need to find a way to ease the stress. Take the weight off my back.

    -----

    I have to find something to ease all the b/s
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2005
  2. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    problems mount up if you don't deal with them right away. You've already done a pretty good job of listing a lot of the things weighing on you, best thing to do now is develop a plan of attack to deal with each and every one of them... a few thoughts of my own:

    RE the work situation: Report it ASAP. If they question why you didn't report it sooner, tell them the truth: that you just thought you were a little sore and it wasn't any more than that. The longer you delay, the more likely it is that you won't get any compensation whatsoever AND lose your job.

    They can't fire you for reporting a work-related injury. The policy on reporting accidents right away would be more applicable to something immediate and definite (like something falling on you) than a strain injury (not easy to realise right away)

    RE the sister borrowing money: stop loaning her money, and tell her to grow a spine and confront her b/f if he's spending all their cash. It'll be a fight, but it's gotta be done

    RE the wall: Just talk to people. I've found (I'm male) that talking to women, even if I don't really know em, about a lotta the shit that bugs me helps. Often it stays just like that, never even really become friends with them, but it still helps.

    RE no girlfriend or best friend: Put yourself in situations and scenes where you're more likely to meet someone you'd want to have in that role. These girls you take home from a party, are they the kind of girl you'd want a serious relationship with?

    would the kind of girl you want a serious relationship with want a guy who regularly goes home with new girls for 1 night stands? make yourself the kinda guy who'll attract the kind of girl you want.

    RE your brother: tell him straight up your experiences, and why you don't want him following the same path. He'll probably ignore you, but he'll at least know where you stand. After that, be there for him, but don't cushion him. Let life kick him HARD in the face a few times, and then once he's learned his lesson, help him pick his life back up.

    RE the parents: it sucks, but that's the way it is, nothing you can really do there. Make your peace with both of them.

    RE dad's new g/f: would you rather he be alone and miserable, or with someone he cares about and who cares about him? You parents aren't gonna get back together, thats not an option. If his girlfriend is good to him, then accept her. She's not going to be your new mom, she's going to be your dad's new girl, nothing more, nothing less.

    If you have other things you want to talk about, post :p
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    NO no and no , what you have to look for in your life = Stability.

    How come that everyone of your family just seems to throw their lives into the gutter? I would try to consult with your dad, afteral he has been married to your mom. I would plea with him that she has cancer and that someone has to take care of her. Even if he says fuck off , it would be painfull but still worthwhile trying. If he could take up the medical expences of your mother it would be one burden dealt with. But as you said you have many things going on on the same time, there is no other solution then immediatly take action with all of them. I would like you to do the things novulea told you to do as soon as possible, the faster you solve this the better. Remember take each of these things on , one at the time. Im sure your mom could stay with you, and maby there is some sort of deal you can make ,or find a cancer support group http://www.cancernews.com/support.html which you can find here, in order to deal with your moms situation. I am sure they can give you a better insight in what to do when it comes to medical care,insurance, work, aftermath depressions etc, that they can provide to you in order to help your mom.

    :hug:

    Find all the support that you need, and activly solve your problems one at the time.
     
  4. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    :werd: it's like fixing a car.... if you look at the whole picture, everything you need to do, it seems insurmountable.... but when you go step by step, bolt by bolt, next thing you know, you've got it done, and it was a lot easier than you thought....

    It's been my experience that life's the same way. If you look at ALL your problems, you'll give up before you even try... if you deal with problems one by one, it wont seem so hard at all
     
  5. ragnarok

    ragnarok nuclear launch detected

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    what if BS piles up faster than you can deal one at a time with?? :dunno:
     
  6. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

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    I am letting you know Navi, that your brother is not drinking over here with me and his friends. I KNOW , you have heard a lot, due to my expense, but believe me, your brother and weed and drinking is not happening over here. I know that is hard to believe, but none of us, have really got shit faced since Ed. It is like we are afraid to or something. I would never let any harm come to your brother, especially, when it came to drinking. The only person I would expect to expose him to that, would be you, due to you being his brother and all. I and none of us would jepardise that... I know you don't believe me, but it is the truth, but yet again when it comes to Jeff no one believes me.
     
  7. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    then prioritize, and deal with the lesser issues later... like say, if your car breaks down, and then your mom calls you up suicidal, you talk to her first and then worry about your car, etc, etc (bad example maybe, but its 3am and im too tired to think of a more plausible one)
     
  8. Pimpolo

    Pimpolo New Member

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    Damn chris thats quite a plate full you've got there. I'll just start with my condolences where your mother is concerned. I understand also the pain of watching your parents seperate and the emotional/physical stress it can place on you. I feel for you. No pity, just a friendly concern for your/ your family's well being.

    As far as your job is concerned you know i know first hand what kind of crap they are willing to put people through there simply to make their production. I had probably an identical injury to my back there as you did, and they put me through all the crap like you... basically trying to find a way so its your fault you got hurt, not theirs. I've begun regretting trying to help you get your job there, in fact the few times we've talked about that place i almost wished a few times you were going to tell me you quit. Hell, i quit for what theyre doing to you, and i found a much better job. I've finally begun making something of my life, and starting a career. they dont understand that pushing people to their physical limits... someone WILL get hurt, regardless of following "procedure".

    I dont know what to say about loaning/giving your sis money for her/her husbands bills, especially when their car continually is getting modified. I always had a slight wonder as to how they could afford to build a car like that w/ house payments, regular bills, and two children. I guess you've partially satisfied my curiosity. All i can suggest to you about this matter is simply stop giving it to her... car parts wont get bought and necesseties will. You're becoming a crutch to her, and you dont need to be. You're 21 and supposed to be enjoying life and getting started on your future. You can't start on your future until you stop providing for theirs. I can understand about helping people out on occasion (im always one of the first people to speak up when i think family/friends might a need a buck), but if this is concerning you to the point of where you're worrying about paying YOUR bills then pick the obvious answer.

    You're right about your brother. He has some problems, and being the brother you've shown to be adress them with him. He turns in the wrong direction when he is faced w/ a problem, and hes going to end up hurt, in jail, or worse. He does the most ignorant, idiotic, things sometimes just to have attention. He is headed down the wrong path, but i can tell from when i've talked with him alone that the good old Jeff i remember from a few years back is still in there. You 2 have similar interests, build on that. Find things to do with him, hell just hang out with him even. You dont have to be his baby sitter or his keeper. Hes at the age where the mistakes he makes now could effect the rest of his life. Step in, dont let him end up like my brother did.

    Girls... now theres a never ending problem. ;) They come and go as you know man. Its good that you can catch yourself now about realizing one night stands and medeling w/ "not so good" girls is not the way to go. I've "medeled" to the point of breaking up relationships, causing divorces, etc, because i simply wanted to appease a sexual feeling, even a "want" to be wanted if you will. I'd gotten to the point where i could boldly lie to a girls face simply to get what i wanted. You haven't reached this point chris, so dont. Hold out, wait for a decent girl that you can "take home to mom". They're out there, and you'll find one. (and when you do ask if shes got a sister for me. ;) )

    If you've still got my cell number give me a call when you get a chance, im off until friday. I might be able to help you with your job situation. (read:might) I also extend an offer to simply call me to bs or w/e. I know you said you don't want to talk to anyone you know about this, but i dont technically think you really know me. So, offers on the table.

    People always used to tell me some time back when i had glasses and a pony tail that i looked like you... but i now think you and I are a little more alike than simply looks.

    Jay
     
  9. Mel

    Mel RIP James :(

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    I don't know that I have that much to add to what others have said other than (and I'm sure you already know this) just work on one thing at a time. You can't fix everything, so be there for people without singlehandedly supporting them. You can't take care of others if you don't take care of you.

    I'm sorry about your mom. :hug:
     

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