SRS B/F wants a 2 week 'break'.....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by sheep10, Mar 9, 2009.

  1. sheep10

    sheep10 New Member

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    So me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 months now. He told me he loved me about 2 months into our relationship. We've only had one other fight, which resulted because he went to vegas for a week and said he didn't want me to come because he wanted to 'bond' with the friend he was going with b/c their friendship had been 'on the rocks'. [which is true -- this friend was 20 years older and they had been friends for over 2 years]

    Anyways, the other night I went out drinking with friends and previously i asked my b/f if he'd be cool with that, and he actually encouraged it. The same night i'm out drinking, my b/f tells me he's going out bowling with a friend of his. This friend is someone I'm pretty sure might like him, and I started getting upset and said a lot of bad things. I told him I was going to break up with him at the end of it. (I obviously overreacted way too much)

    We meet up the following day and I apologize, I ended up crying involuntarily, asked him to forgive me and said I hoped he could move on with this. He kept a straight-nonresponsive face almost the whole time. He decided he wanted to have a break until spring break. During spring break i'm not allowed to stay in the dorms, and we had previously agreed i'd stay at his place for a week. He said he thought we both needed some time to clear our heads and that I could still stay with him over spring break and afterwords he'd decide where he wants to go from there.

    Spring break is a little less than two weeks away and he said he'd still talk to me occasionally (like through texting). I'm having a hard time though with this. I know what I did was wrong, but I just wish he'd work with me to get over it. The fact that we only had one other fight and we're always laughing/having a great time together, leaving each other little notes, etc; makes this just seem 'a little much' and unexpected. He says the biggest issue he has is with trust, he says he thinks it's going to take a very long time for me to trust him and he can't handle that.

    So OT, what should I do? Should I fight myself as hard as I can and give him the space he needs until he talks to me? Do you think I should prepare myself for a breakup? He's never done anything up until this point to really make me doubt his trust, it's just always been a problem with me -- trusting people. What can I do to make myself more trustworthy of people? This is someone who (while i'm young and relatively inexperienced) I truly feel I love and connect to on a whole new level, what is the BEST thing I can do during this situation to keep our relationship strong during this period?
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2009
  2. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Sounds like he's giving himself time to have fun with his said "friend".
     
  3. bluefox1081

    bluefox1081 New Member

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    When someone wants a break, they usually either want to break up, or they're bangin someone else and don't want to feel like a cheater.

    In my opinion, he's either "trying out" this new friend during your break to see if she's worth breaking up with you over, or he's already "tried her out" and wants this little break to segway into an actual break-up, or he wants to use this spring break time as a time to be with her and then when it stops he can come back to you.

    I could be wrong...he could very much be using this break as a time to just get his thoughts straightened out about your relationship, but just the fact that he's gone out with a girl you said seems to like him makes me think otherwise.
     
  4. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    agreed 100%.
     
  5. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    hes fucking his friend
     
  6. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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    two options

    #1 - Break Up
    #2 - Stay together and work it out

    breaks are bullshit
     
  7. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    Guys generally don't like jealous and/or non-trusting chics he's probably getting scared and thinking of breaking it off, honestly if that happened to me I'd do the same thing 2 weeks before spring break so I didnt have to worry about that bullshit and I could have fun on spring break.

    Best thing you can do is let him go out when he wants don't question it a lot and don't call him while he is out. Until you have a reason not to trust him you just have to let him sink or swim. You both should have separate lives and be able to go out without being together 24/7.
     
  8. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    What ever the reason is for the break the root is that he is just not that into your relationship to make it work. He wants his freedom. It's still pretty early in the relationship for him to be really invested in it and it's obvious your more into the relationship than he is. Stop worrying about him so much and if he comes back he does, if he doesn't come back move on. If he was that great to begin with and really liked you he would not have taken a break for such a stupid reason.
     
  9. sheep10

    sheep10 New Member

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    Since we're going to be living together for that one week of spring break, depending on what happens and how it turns out, how should I act when i'm living with him? Should I not be as close to him? Act like I normally would to the best of my abilities? Or just be as open up as much as I can to him and try to let him see how I feel? -- How can I prove to him that I do trust him? I feel like over these four months i've given him everything I can to prove to him I love him and trust him and that he can feel secure around me, but it obviously wasn't enough...

    I just feel like a two week break is too long. I could easily understand a 3-5 day break to clear our heads, but two weeks? To me that just seems like you want to do more than simply clear your head, it seems to me like you want to restart your life....and I don't want him to, especially over something like this. I feel like if he instead just worked -with- me rather than without me, -we- could make this work. idk. A relationship is between two people and I just feel like he should also keep my own needs in mind as well, and comprise. I made it clear to him as best I could that two weeks was asking -a lot- from me, and he said he understood and would keep that in mind, but it didn't change anything.

    But thanks guys for all your input. I'm really going to try to give him that space and not text or intrude on the time that he says he needs. :sadwavey:
     
  10. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Breaks are BS. You're either committed to someone or you're not, you don't get holidays from a relationship.
     
  11. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    you have been dating for FOUR MONTHS. if it's not working after 4 months, it's not working. why fight for some crappy relationship that barely even got started? he wants to break up with you but is too much of a pussy.
     
  12. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    he just doesnt want to feel guilty for screwing some slut on spring break.
     
  13. Ivan

    Ivan New Member

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    You deserve more than the "I need time, I want a two week break" typical bullshit.

    Each time I've been told that, it always ended in a break up because the guy was too coward to admit it at first. They want to avoid the issue and they don't know how to do it, because most likely they don't have the balls to face the other person's tears and all that comes with it when giving bad news.
     
  14. RockDaBoat

    RockDaBoat New Member

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    This has already been said, but end it. No ifs or buts, he wants to fuck other girls and this a cowardly way to break up. Your relationship is only four months old and he wants a break? Get it out now and avoid guaranteed future tears.
     
  15. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    You flipped out on him when he was with a female friend, thats a huge red flag to us. If he wants to go out with his boys or whatever just let him go and don't call him a million times
     
  16. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

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    anyone who wants breaks before marriage will want them after marriage.

    now you take your course of action.
     
  17. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    The main reasons why someone wants to take a break...
    1) to sleep with someone else and not feel guilty
    2) to date someone else and in case it does not work out, fall back to you
    3) does not have the balls to breakup with you

    The key thing is a break is a form of a breakup. It just means after X time you might get back together.
     
  18. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Agree 100%

    Breaks are basically sugar coated break ups.
    I would tell him to take his "break" and shove it up his ass. The guy is playing you and your relationship is too new for this kind of stress.
     
  19. sheep10

    sheep10 New Member

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    I just think it's weird since its been pretty much smooth sailin' up until this point. I feel like it's my fault for freaking out like I did over someone else. That's what caused this -- I feel like he just wants me to understand I can't freak out like I did, and I need to be understanding of him and learn to trust him. And to do that I need to give him the space he needs, but we'll see what happens...9 more days....

    Thanks again guys for all your opinions! :)
     
  20. Ivan

    Ivan New Member

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    If he wants you to understand something, he would talk to you about it and not request a break.

    My opinion, the relationship isn't worth it. It doesn't matter how good it was before. When something bad happens and it goes downhill so quickly that means something is wrong. A couple is supposed to stick together when something bad happens.
     
  21. Drifter87

    Drifter87 Yippi-kay-ay, Motherfucker

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    The thing is, in most relationships when you hit a rough patch you stay together and work through it. The problem you will be facing in the future will be that every time you hit that rough patch, you will go on a break, he will sleep around and then you might get back together...
     
  22. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Relationships require work so if he really wanted you to understand things then he would NOT be asking for a break every time you two hit a rough patch.

    So what if you overreacted in the past. That was the PAST. You two need to learn how to move on from things and how to communicate. By asking for "breaks" he is treating you like a glorified fuck buddy and being allowed to have his cake and eat it too since you'll always be waiting in the background. It's not fair.

    He's either ready for a relationship or he isn't and right now it sounds like he isn't.
     
  23. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Wow...

    This will not end well.
     
  24. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    i dont think its been said enough so I will reiterate it. it sounds like your boyfriend is out getting his dick wet. sorry.
     
  25. OhHai

    OhHai New Member

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    :uh:

    You don't get it. He is probably out fucking his friend right now. You don't take a "break" if you want to work through it, you talk it out. Like its been said 100x before, a "break" is a sugar coated break up so he can go fuck another girl, presumably his friend, and not feel bad. He wants a "break" because you over-reacted about a small situation? I say move on.
     

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