Attraction in an SO

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Falconer, Dec 28, 2009.

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Read the post, then come back and vote

  1. Yes, I want my SO to be more attracted to me than to any previous SO

    46 vote(s)
    69.7%
  2. No, who cares, as long as she's dating me *now*. (I'm fine being second best)

    12 vote(s)
    18.2%
  3. I'll ruin the thread by not understanding the question. "So you mean physical attraction right?"

    8 vote(s)
    12.1%
  1. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Knowing the vag, this will probably turn into a flamefest :mamoru:

    I have a rule for every relationship I have:

    My SO has to be more attracted to me than she was to any previous SO. I don't want to spend time with someone for whom I am second best. When I take my shirt off, she needs to think "holy fuck this guy is sexy" and not "this guy is hot, but I liked [ex's] body better."

    This applies to all facets of the relationship, not just physical appearance.

    Another example: If all the chick's exes are like rough, quick-to-fight rebels with forearm tattoos (because that's her ideal type as far as attraction goes), and then she dates me (clean cut businessy type dude who has too much to lose to fight at the drop of a hat), I'm wasting my time because as soon as the right rebel-type guy comes along, she's gone.

    Or, if she let an ex take naked pics of her (something women do if they're very attracted to the guy) but doesn't let me, that would be a slap in the face. "Hey baby, this other guy turned me on enough to want to please him in this way, but you just don't do it for me."

    Related point: the inverse of this applies to me, too: Every gf I have must be at least as attractive as my previous ex. I never want to be with a chick and think "I'm not as attracted to her as I was to [ex]", and I'm sure my GF doesn't want me to think that, either.

    Poll Question: Would you be happy and comfortable in a relationship if you knew that your SO was more attracted to one of her exes than she is to you?

    Now, how to actually go about finding this out is a long and very subtle process. There will be small cues here and there. Sometimes there will be big obvious clues that smack you in the face just because the universe wants to actually make sure that you see them. In other cases, you can find out the honest answer to any question if you ask it at the right time. But that's a discussion for another thread.



    IBpeople assume I'm only talking about physical attraction even when I gave 2 specific examples to the contrary :rolleyes:
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I wish that, when a poll option "exceeded 100 characters," it would stop letting you type in the box rather than letting you type as long as you want, submit the poll, and THEN find out that it's too long, except it doesn't tell you how much too long it is, so you have to manually count the characters in the poll option and then go back and edit.

    That's annoying.
     
  3. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    BOOM! Roasted.
     
  4. JoJoBee

    JoJoBee Hanging out with my chicks! OT Supporter

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    Ok - I agree with lildevildee on what she said. When there is an ex involved, they become an ex for reasons and I lose all attraction towards that person what-so-ever and am usually repulsed by that person.

    However, I like to think that I date up when it comes to an actual relationship. I find my boyfriend now to be extremely attractive in my eyes and I am more attracted to him than my ex and ex-husband. I find this in physical appearance and overall attractiveness. I find this both in the initial attraction towards the person when first meeting them as well as after I got to know them and have been in a relationship with them for awhile and got to know them and their personality along with the physical appearance.

    I am just going to refer to my relationships in the past 10 years with the ex-husband, ex and new boyfriend when responding.

    Ex-Husband - He was one of my cousin's best friend and I met him at my cousin's house when they were exchanging pills for pot or some shit and I was spending the night. I was 16 at the time when we met. When he came over, I was initially attracted to him because he took care of himself at the time and had really nice arms and was well... 19 and the older thing attracted me to him as well. Brent kinda had that bad boy thing in my eyes at the time probably because he was older, had a tattoo and did the drugs thing and for some reason I was attracted to him... I lost my virginity to the guy and long story short, we wed and have a baby when I am 18. He stopped taking care of himself and we just weren't right for each other and I became repulsed by him by the time I left him at the age of 23. When I see him now in pictures or in person, I am not attracted to him at all.

    Ex-Boyfriend - When I met Joey, there was shit that bugged the hell out of me that I did not like right off the bat. We weren't even dating or fucking or anything when we met. We started off as friends and just went to the bar together and he would be my DD and I would buy him dinner and a few drinks and such when we went out. I hated his teeth and his gums. I know, I am horrible but I really hated his bottom teeth and he had to really pay attn to himself when he smiled or his gums would be all big and that just turned me off. Then I got to know his personality and he was fun to hang out with and was a funny guy and then I started to become attracted to him more out of his personality. Then I took advantage of him after getting him drunk and then we had a LTR. He used to also take care of his body and went to the gym a lot and then 2 years into it, he let himself go. I did too but then his insecurity set in. He let himself go, became insecure and controlling and was very negative and that is what turned me off. The controlling shit drove me batshit insane and I just couldn't take it. I became repulsed to look at him, to spend time with him or to even fuck him and ended up cheating on him and spent a lot of time masterbating.

    Boyfriend - There was something that immediately drew me to Shawn, his eyes and I was attracted to him as well. Then after getting to know him as a friend, I became even more attracted to him and well it was difficult to stay friends with him because of that and my situation at the time. When the clothes came off and things got physical with us, I was blown away. He takes care of himself and has nice tools to work with. I have never been this attracted to someone and he has never made me insecure about myself (ex's have made me feel insecure or second best) and makes me feel beautiful. I have never had someone make me feel that way.
     
  5. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I want to vote for 1 and 2. I mean who doesn't want to be the most attractive? :hsugh:
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Do I hope my SO thinks I'm the hottest and best girl he's ever been with? Of course!

    Will I ask him, probe him, or obsess about the thought? Nope.
     
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2009
  7. JoJoBee

    JoJoBee Hanging out with my chicks! OT Supporter

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    :werd:
     
  8. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Why would you vote for both? They're opposites. Maybe you should just vote for #3 :rofl:
     
  9. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    This may be a case of women being unable to compartmentalize this stuff (no offense... it's just that this comes up very often in certain threads).

    Look. Let's use a physical example because that's the easiest.

    You date someone. They're fucking sexy. The mere sight of their body makes your pussy wet. You thought they were physically attractive before you started dating, and you thought there were physically attractive while you were dating.

    Now you guys break up.

    Even tho mentally and emotionally you might not be attracted to them anymore, they are still physically sexy (assuming they still look the same).

    Therefore, it doesn't matter how much you hate them, when you isolate the physical, they are still attractive.

    For example, my "psycho ex." She is super hot, but absolutely bat shit crazy. The mere thought of her gives me an anxiety attack and brings back memories of constant balls to the wall drama. But you know what? Physically she is still extremely attractive. I don't like her, don't talk to her, delete her texts, wouldn't even entertain the idea of being FWB with her if I was single due solely to the amount of constant drama she brings to the table, but physically speaking, I'm still very attracted to her.

    Do you understand?

    Now extrapolate that to apply to every aspect of attraction besides "physical."

    Got it?

    That is what I'm talking about.



    And, even if attraction is transient, like you say, even if you're no longer attracted to exes (even ones that, at the time, made your pussy soaking wet just thinking about them), if we were dating I would still expect that your attraction to me (now) is higher than your attraction for them (was in the past, before you started hating them).

    Otherwise, it's doomed to failure, because the other person is "settling" and you'll never live up to what they want. They're just putting up with you in the meantime until what they really want (what they used to have) comes along.
     
  10. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    It could even be argued that having a huge list of criteria for an SO is doing them a favor. It makes it less likely that you are just dating them until something better comes along (saves them future heartache).

    Anyone who's ever had a FB fall in love with them (and then break their heart when you end it) knows what I'm talking about.




    How altruistic :o
     
  11. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Opposites? Are you kidding me? Look at what beer said.
     
  12. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Maybe not opposites, but mutually exclusive.


    I want to be the most attractive person my SO has ever been with.

    OR

    I don't care if I'm the most attractive person my SO has ever been with.


    I guess you could "want it" but "not care if you don't have it," but then I would just argue that you don't really want it.
     
  13. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Maybe I should've phrased it as:

    "It is important to me..."

    "It is not important to me..."
     
  14. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    Fucking falconer :rofl:
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    I knew exactly what you meant :dunno:

    Just because someone settles for less than what he wants, doesn't mean option 1 and 2 are the same :rofl:
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    :love: Alaya.

    I still remember the PAGES and PAGES of flames I got when I posted my long criteria list back in the day :rofl:
     
  17. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

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    stupid and very insecure thread
     
  18. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    or she got smart and realized letting guys take nudes is a bad idea because they'll end up all over the internet later :dunno:

    Have you ever actually broken up with someone because of this? I can't imagine ever spending so much time grilling a guy about his exes where I would find out this kind of info.
     
  19. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    If my husband found his exes more attractive than me, I doubt we would have gotten where we are today.

    Just this morning he came to wake me up and as he lay there watching me and rubbing his hands on my chest he said "Sucks to be all the other men. I scored the hottest woman on the planet" :big grin:

    Everyone deserves to be treated and made to feel like the hottest person alive.
     
  20. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    I actually completely agree with you.
     
  21. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    :werd: I understand wanting to get to know someone but looking to gain details in minutia is just plain crazy to me. You'd have to spend so much of your time preoccupied about when and how to ask all these questions, how to handle their reactions or answers, and worrying when the deal breaker is going to drop -- because you know 9 times out of 10 it will.

    If I were having that kind of thought process in my head while I was with a person, I wouldn't stay with them since it'd be a waste of their time and mine to sustain a relationship like that. I'd much rather approach a relationship with the mindset that I can trust them to be honest with their feelings and if for some reason they don't like something, they'll communicate that to me. Whether or not it becomes a deal breaker has to be determined at that point.

    Far better to spend your time enjoying the cultivation of a relationship and spending time together instead of making it a laborious chore of hidden and subtle interrogation.... that sucks all the fun out of life.
     
  22. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    How can you marry someone when you don't know everything about them?
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    this thread is insecure?

    :mamoru:
     
  24. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Huge difference between wanting to get to know someone to soak in who they are and how they evolved into the person you love today...and obsessing and probing about every iota of their past so you can judge it and fill an insecure void.
     
  25. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Partially. My "psycho ex" dropped clues here and there that she was more into her ex than she was into me (despite telling me how much she loved me and wanted to marry me... remember, it was balls to the wall drama every single day with her). Then again, I realized she wasn't that into me when I found out she was out being a whore (of course, still telling me how much she loved me :rofl: psycho :ugh: )

    Clues:

    - Most of her exes were military or police
    - Most of her exes were bald or had shaved heads
    - Most of her exes had motorcycles
    - She gave her exes road head but wouldn't do it for me
    - She mentioned a few times about a time when one of her exes was about to kick some dude's ass at a bar cuz he said something to her or something (and I could tell her pussy was soaking wet just remembering the incident) (turned on by violence = red flag)
    - I found out later she dated some older men (gross... but she had pretty significant daddy issues)

    Compare to me:

    - I'm not military or LEO
    - I still had a bit more hair left when I was dating her :mamoru:
    - I don't have a motorcycle
    - The road head thing was an obvious slap in the face, I should've dumped her then
    - I have too much to lose to get into a fight over something retarded like some dbag at a bar insulting me :rofl: (she was one of the women who has trouble separating "smart" from "wussy". She got super turned on when she found out I did MMA (in hindsight, this is a potential red flag) but then I guess she expected me to go around kicking people's asses or something :dunno: )
    - I was a year younger than her so I didn't satisfy her daddy issues

    I thought I was just being insecure but, in the end, I realize I was not and should have followed my gut a lot earlier.

    Of course, on the surface I had all the things she thought she wanted (education, stability, on my way to becoming wealthy (since she thought a guy should pay for everything for the woman... lol @ her because I never did :rofl: ), good with money, no drama, etc.), but what she actually wanted was a rough and tough guy who brings the drama and emotional excitement, preferably older than her so she can fulfill her unmet daddy issues. The guy she ended up cheating on me with was bald, had a motorcycle, in a band, and almost 40 (gross... I think I was 25 at the time and she was 26 at the time).

    This proves once again that:

    a) Women are not able to verbalize what they actually want (most won't say "I want a bar-fighting motorcycle dude")
    b) History is the best indicator of future performance
    c) It's pointless to date someone who is not more attracted to you fundamentally than they have been to all their exes.
    d) Women don't place too much emphasis on the physical (we already knew this, however) because she told me constantly that I was the hottest guy she'd ever dated (meaning I had the best body, apparently, NOT hottest as in "most attractive overall") and after she fucked the old man she told me I was still hotter than him :wtf: Of course she could've been lying to me like she lied to me about everything else :rofl:

    Great learning experience.

    Good riddance.
     

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