SRS Attn Guys: How to approach and befriend guys?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by LikeADay, May 25, 2007.

  1. LikeADay

    LikeADay New Member

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    I am a college gal. One of the problems I have noticed with guys is that when a girl tries to volunteer for a friendship with them, they tend to think she is romantically interested in them. I have seen this with so many guys, and so many girls complain about this.

    This goes to guys: what suggestions would you give to girls as far as approaching guys is concerned? What sort of girl behaviors and antics put you off?

    Thanks!
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You're always going to have this problem, to a greater or lesser degree, depending largely not on what YOU do, but on what the particular guy is like.

    For now, why not go about looking for friends (regardless of gender) based on activities you like to do.

    If they happen to be a guy, that's fine.
    If they happen to like you, well that's fine too.
    If they happen to ask you out, well, let them ask.



    If you're at all attractive, this should be happening to you on a fairly regular basis anyways, even if you stand absolutely still and do nothing to encourage guys on.

    And so if a guy does ask you out, and you're not interested, simply smile say thanks and decline politely.

    You can use any variant of the time-tested, I don't feel that way, I see you as a friend etc etc.

    The key is less in the words, but in the delivery. Polite but firm, and yes you CAN be UP-FRONT and still be nice about it.
    And it's easier on everyone if this happens sooner than later.

    Decent guys will appreciate it, and be able to continue on.

    Loser emo fags will get all bent out of shape about how you're "perfect" , ignoring the fact you were repulsed by them, cause loser emo fags are only really able to care about their own feelings. (Key feature of immature social development)

    But I wouldn't base your actions on their wants and needs.

    Simply conduct yourself with politeness and dignity and you'll be doing just fine.



    This is a key skill you will need to learn in life, (dealing with others politely) regardless of whether you "volunteer for a friendship" or not.

    I know you know what I'm talking about. ... Right?



    Good luck and you sound like a great person, I'm sure you will make many worthwhile friendships.

    And enjoy college! It should be a golden time of your life filled with many fond memories and friends.
     
  3. autobahn

    autobahn New Member

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    if you're attractive, you'll just have to deal with it, methinks.
     
  4. glass

    glass New Member

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    be consistent. say you approach a guy and volunteer a friendship. if he sees you approach another guy to volunteer another friendship in the same way, that should put to rest any romantic thoughts for the meantime.
     
  5. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Stay away from the shy/creepy guys.

    When you go up to a guy say "hi, will you be my friend?" That way they'll get the message immediately :dunno:
     
  6. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I agree with that. Just be comfortable and mature about things. If your male friend likes you, just be ok with it. I think problems usually stem not from people liking each other...but from misunderstandings because people send mixed signals. If you want to be friends with guys, just make sure you're clear about it.
     
  7. Dana White

    Dana White Guest

    why are you trying to befriend guys in particular? just curious
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    This is bad advice all the way around.

    Shy guys can be some of the most affectionate. Many ppl are shy at first then open up later on.

    Also, do NOT as if they will be your friend. I would laugh at anyone that says that to me because it's just not how it's done.

    To the OP....part of the problem might be the guys you're approaching....some guys are just jerks. Also the location might be an issue.

    Just be casual when you approach them and try to get a conversation started and take it from there.

    What puts me off?? If a woman is overly aggressive in her approach or comes across as desperate. Sometimes it only takes her getting close and smiling at me for me to make the move. Perhaps she was going to approach me but if I'm attracted to her, I'll usually go for it.
     
  9. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I don't mean the good looking guys who are just a bit reserved. I mean the pimple faced creepy ones who do staredowns with everyone in the room.

    That's the point. It makes you laugh. Then again I was half joking. Someone tried that on me once and I ended up losing interest. Sometimes a girl can't get a guy friend unless she leads him on a little. :dunno: But who knows it can work :)
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2007
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    It doesn't exist, i for one don't believe in friendships between men and woman, although i know many people disagree i tend to think that there's always this thing called 'nature' will act up, they fall in love with eachother, get a romantical interest and have sex, that's the whole reason why they are male-female to begin with.

    The whole thing of: Let's just be friends.

    Is to me a female utopia in a sense and view that it would actually only be about a fun time spending together. It just doesn't exist, maby if the guy is gay sexual or something, but other then that i've seen it far too often that nature would kick in.
     
  11. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    I have plenty of friends that are girls, that i am not romantically interested in, not would be. But again, i am a little different in that category that most guys. However, my girlfriend did start as a friend first.
     
  12. glass

    glass New Member

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    "In the long run, we are all dead."
     
  13. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    A guy isn't going to befriend a girl unless he has some attraction to her (I believe it works the same way for girls too). The only thing to do is work on building a strong friendship thats independent of the attraction.
     
  14. Nyctrias

    Nyctrias If I can't be my own...I'd feel better dead.

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    shy and creepy aren't the same thing...:squint:
     
  15. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    both can be trouble for a girl who's looking for just a friend. they tend to get attached easily :dunno:
     
  16. kEVOgt350

    kEVOgt350 Like a flashlight on but lost, my energy's there b

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    speak casually with the guy. don't get too involved with stories of your love life, turn-ons, sexuality, or any form of flirting. if he ends up being your friend then there will plenty of time to discuss those things later. at first what you want to do is set the mood of a casual friendship.

    cynical but playful comments about an exterior entity is a good way for a girl to give off a "friendship vibe" to me. joke around about things unrelated to you and him specifically. if you make a joke about a movie, for instance, you can laugh together and it creates a friendly kind of bond. but be careful cus if you make a joke about him it could be seen as playful flirting and set his mind in a direction you don't want it to be going.
     
  17. Nyctrias

    Nyctrias If I can't be my own...I'd feel better dead.

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    I think shy people are the most misunderstood group out there...most of them just have no idea what to talk about with someone they don't know. They have deep friendships and are just as socially capable as their more outgoing counterparts...but it's a mistake to think that shy people have a tendency to get attached.

    Shyness doesn't equate to being anti-social...they are some of the best kept secrets out there.
     
  18. chucklenut

    chucklenut New Member

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    isn't big enough for the both of us
    i disagree. one of my buddies is 19 and im 17. we are very good freinds. she has stated multiple times that she would never ever date anyone younger than her, and has shown it too.

    and besides chick freinds kick ass, they screen all my girlfreinds :hsd:
     
  19. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    I'm a chick and have a lot of guy friends. I've had to deal with several of them taking things the wrong way or getting a little too emotionally involved and have learned that you have to be careful what kind of signals you're sending. But even if a guy does take something the wrong way, there's no reason you can't still be friends. I spent a lot of time with a guy friend of mine and he developed a bit of a crush. For a little while I made sure we spent a lot of time hanging out in groups and would mention a guy I was interested in or dating every now and then (not rubbing it in his face but just casually) and he got the idea. We're still great friends now and I'm glad I didn't just ditch him before.

    Be careful though. Having a lot of guy friends can be hard on relationships. I've always had difficultly with boyfriends because of the number of close guy friends I have.
     
  20. Cronin

    Cronin New Member

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    Don't joke excessively and be very conscious of any flirty behavior or any behavior that could be interpreted as flirting.

    And as long as you have clothes on you should be good :mamoru:

    Oh and avoid looking into their eyes and smiling. :o
     
  21. LikeADay

    LikeADay New Member

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    I think all the advice here is good, most of it.

    And yes, I think I've got to be careful and conscious of my behavior, as though I might not be making any advances really, it's just possible that they think I am. Yup, that's the point.
     
  22. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    If you're hot they don't want to be friends b/c we want more than that

    If you're ugly they don't want to be friends b/c we don't like hanging out with ugly chics
     
  23. Ark

    Ark New Member

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    A big thing that got me a while back was doing things together. I had a girl that always wanted to hang out with me 3-4 times a week. We went to the movies together and just hung out and watched movies at her house. Then the cold hard reality hit me as she was not really interested in me as a boyfriend, only as a friend.

    What everyone said is true, keep it casual and watch the signs you are giving off. This is especially true in the beginning of the friendship when it might be easier to take things the wrong way.

    I will also admit that maturity has a lot to do with it. When I wasn't as mature as I am now and less experienced with relationships I had a hard time with just having a girl as a friend, except for a few close friends I had made in highschool.
     
  24. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    The only way a guy can really be "friends" with a girl and not want to fuck her is if he is not attracted to her.

    If you are attractive you will probably have to live with the fact that 99% of guys who are your "friends" want to fuck you.
     
  25. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    And if she's not attractive, that figure drops to 98%. :rofl:
     

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