SRS Ativan is turning me into an asshole and I love it

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by JordanClarkson, Oct 1, 2005.

  1. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    So I got put on ativan for anxiety. Well, I feel GREAT. I mean I'm 1000% more outgoing than ever, I have more personality, I'm VERY MUCH more motivated, and I never have any hateful or depressed feelings anymore. When I used to think of my ex it would bring up bad memories but now when I think of her I laugh. I don't get as bad of road rage anymore either. It's hardly there at all now. And my body is more animated, especially my facial expressions.

    I feel like I want to go out to bars, to talk to people, to party. This is an amazing drug. It's like I'm a whole new person which is a bit scary because the really shy timid part of me is starting to fade away and I'm turning into more of a jerk...I feel like a car dealer or greedy businessman. I'm still a fairly nice person but I think this is going to keep me from getting taken advantage of so much.

    It's really awesome to feel like you have none or little insecurities though. Other than that there are little side effects. It makes me a little bit more tired but nothing signifcant. My dreams are also not positive for some reason. Although I keep having negative nightmarish dreams, I feel like I'm facing my demons. They're not scary dreams, just very tense. For example last night I was going to get into a bar fight.

    I've been on prozac and I've been on wellbutrin. Both of them worked pretty decent but the feelings I had seemed artificial. Prozac made me happy for no reason and wellbutrin made me numb. Ativan allows me access to all of my feelings and even more but it lets me CHOOSE which ones I want with an inclination towards positive feelings. Another weird change is that I don't seem to care for freaky sex so much. I feel like "what's the point?" Thankfully, my need for loving relationships hasn't changed. It's not like I only care about getting laid now.

    My room is getting cleaned too. I look at a mess and instead of thinking "it's ok, this is me, this is how I live, it doesn't bother me" I'm now thinking "this is rediculous. I can't live in an environment like this."

    And instead of being obsessed with downloading movies which I think was done just to stall though I acted like it was my JOB, I am now able to actually WORK and have very little desire to watch movies. Right now the only tv show that I feel strongly about watching is Lost and Rome. The list used to be 10 or so.

    I wish I had this pill when I was a kid. .5mg 3 times a day. I feel so much better about myself :bowdown:
     
  2. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    ~~~///~~~


    Holy Benzos! I’d be real careful about that stuff. They’re addictive. I know…Ativan used to be my best friend. I’d be stressed out to the max, pop an Ativan (I had the sublinguals-they work very quickly), I’d be Queen of the World for awhile, get sleepy, crash and wake up with a headache, (and to quote Bob Dylan) "my mind on freedom and my head feeling like the inside of a prune". It got to the point where I’d be popping them like Pez candy. Then I stopped taking them cold altogether and it was dreadful. Terrible. Ghastly. Talk about one fucked up female. Jaysus Murphy.




    I am not saying that this will happen to you or that you will get to the point where you do pop them like Pez, but I caution you not to make them your best friend. I do not see anything wrong with taking them once in awhile, especially when one is going through a really difficult time, but please be careful with them.



    Pardon my use of the “F” word.:)
     
  3. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Thanks. Yeah I could see how they could become habit forming. I don't see myself taking more than what's prescribed though. I can pretty much function on just one or two a day and I never hated my old self anyway. :)

    But yeah the thought of addiction did cross my mind at one point. The first few hours after I take them it does seem like I can't live without it but when it wears off I have to force myself to take more.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Don't you feel fake :sad2:? as said be carefull with that stuff, i for one don't believe in miracle pills, so don't use more then you need.
     
  5. okita1

    okita1 Great spirits have always encountered violent oppo

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    congrats on the "new you"

    now that you know what life is like without all those insecurities and with ambition, try getting yourself in that state of mind without the pills. mind over matter

    good luck :)
     
  6. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I felt a lot more fake on prozac and wellbutrin. On Ativan I feel like I'm able to express myself. It's a CNS depressant like alcohol. You lose your insecurities and inhibitions.

    I'll continue to do meditations in an effort to heal myself. Hopefully one day I won't need any medication.
     
  7. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    He's not an addict. SHEESH! He has acute anxiety, and this is the treatment. Good to hear that its working.
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    Well, I actually mellowed out to a combo of my old self and my new self so that's good.

    I was able to resolve some issues with my ex. We spent the weekend at my parent's house. It's amazing because I don't really have any ill feelings towards her anymore.

    My dad also did something to really help me out with staying up here so that I could pursue my dreams. He did it without me even asking. Though I did make a desperate attempt to hint at needing monetary help, the fact that he understood made me feel like he "gets" me which was more than enough for me to finally be able to forgive the man for the way he raised me. I had previously held a lot of anger towards him, basically blaming him for everything wrong in my life. Now I can say that I love the man.

    I have gone down to 1 pill a day taken around 4pm or so because I found myself not being able to exercise in order to lose weight. It was frustrating when I gained 3lbs back in one day. Now I can exercise.

    Actually today I did not even take anything at all but amazingly I did about 10 actual hours of work so it's effecting me quite well. It just took a bit more effort to actually kick start myself and my efficiency wasn't all that great but the important thing is that I worked. :wiggle:
     
  9. rookie

    rookie New Member

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    grats and glad to hear it! Pschiatry isn't an exact science but you found what you need to be yourself!
    :werd:
     
  10. car ramrod

    car ramrod I'm all highway

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    Damn skippy. Sometimes it takes a little help to change yourself, but don't rely on help forever.
     
  11. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    I'm really happy for you...I really am. I hope things continue to work out well for you.:)
     

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