At what point to her financial problems become an issue?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by IslanderOffRoad, Apr 2, 2008.

  1. IslanderOffRoad

    IslanderOffRoad Do you even lift kit? OT Supporter

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    My girlfriend cannot manage money. She constantly overdraws her bank account, makes payments late, and just accepts that NSF fees are part of her life. She has credit cards she hasn't used in years that are maxed out. that she only makes minimum payments on. Her cell phone got shut off for a week because she missed the payment.

    We do not live together. We do not share any bills. I also do not help her financially, nor has she ever asked.

    However, it seems like a constant battle for her to keep her head above water financially. As I worked in banking and am pretty good at managing my money, she constantly comes to me for advice. I give that advice, but she never seems to take it. She won't go to her parents to help her (she's still in college and works part time while going to school). Last week we had a 4 hour phone conversation about it because she had a breakdown over it, agreed she was going to start doing some things differently, but has not. She was going to look for another job that paid better, but still won't start looking.

    I don't know what to do. I love her, we've been dating for 4 years now. But I cannot see myself living with her or making any further steps in our relationship until she learns how to manage money. I don't need someone else destroying my credit, or running up my cards.

    At what point does one say that they can't stay with someone financially? While none of this has affected my finances, it is taxing on our relationship.
     
  2. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    We've actually talked about this quite a bit in the Vag. People seem to think all you need is love in a relationship for things to work...but those people are idiots :mamoru:

    Personally (and I think most would agree) you can lose love for someone you don't respect. In your case your girlfriend is either so flighty she can't figure out how to manage money OR she's just careless and frivolous with money. Both IMO are annoying as hell. I've dated guys in my past who didn't have a lot of money, and that's fine, but it's because all the money they got from working they blew on total bullshit that they didn't need. That left me having to pay for dinners, lunches, dates, etc. It gets old.

    After 4 years I can understand that you think a relationship shouldn't end over one's handling of money (which is shouldn't), but if you try countless time to help them out and they do nothing to better themselves it will never work. This is something that you two need to keep talking about however. You can't expect to marry this girl and have joint bank accounts if she's going to go and waste all your money because she "ran out" of her own, are you?

    I know you have talked about this and you're saying she's not following through, but it sounds like she's still very immature and almost needs to be scolded and reminded like a child. I don't want to say to give her an ultimatum since that's practically ending the relationship right there, but you do have to express to her explicitly how much this bothers and affects you and your image of her. Hopefully she'll get her act together.
     
  3. CCDRIVER

    CCDRIVER Yep !

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    my wife was the same way for years ! i took her to one of those dave ramsey get out of debt seminars and she finally woke up to see what i have been telling her for years. she actually is more on board with this stuff than i am. some people get it and others never do. i thought she never would but she surprised the hell out of me because i thought hell would freeze over before she realized how much money she "gives" away (atm, overdraft fees etc. ) .
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Interesting...I just searched your history to see if you'd written anything about this girl/relationship before and it's kind of intriguing what I found.
     
  5. CCDRIVER

    CCDRIVER Yep !

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    the good news is that she did wake up ! so hang in there man !
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    when you move in together, or it starts affecting you/your spending habits.
     
  7. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    whats going to happen when you decide you do want to live with her or marry her? i would hope you wouldnt knowingly get yourself into the situation with her that would negatively affect your credit and your money. but do you really want to stay with someone you cant move forward with in the future?
     
  8. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I won't get into a serious relationship with someone who can't care for themselves. An adult being unable to pay the freaking electric bill on time is a huge indicator that they just can't manage their own lives and will constantly need to be taken care of.
    I also try not to date slobs, smokers, overweight individuals, etc, b/c I see those all as indications that they either don't care to, or don't know how to take care of their shit.
     
  9. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    but still end up with major drug user after user after user ?
     
  10. IslanderOffRoad

    IslanderOffRoad Do you even lift kit? OT Supporter

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    me or the other respondant?

    yeah, its been interesting, things have been calm lately except this. this has been ongoing for probably 3 of the 4 years we've been dating... ever since she moved out. she's home now and still not making a dent in paying things back.
     
  11. IslanderOffRoad

    IslanderOffRoad Do you even lift kit? OT Supporter

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    Yeah, I want to avoid the ultimatums.

    Last night she was going on and on about her little brother and how worthless he is and how she spent half the night fighting with him over him doing his chores.

    I told her if she spent as much time managing her money as she did trying to parent him she'd probably be better off.
     
  12. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I know right? I'm working on that. A lot of the problem with that is that I was doing drugs, so I dated other users not knowing that their problem would get out of control while mine remained in check. I see addiction, not use, as a major problem, and I never knew before that about 90% of the population is totally incapable of remaining recreational.
    That realization has led me to look at use as a problem as well, even though it never was for me.
     
  13. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Get rid of her. You can't have any sort of future with her, unless you could be OK with getting serious but still keeping all of your finances completely separate.

    And like others said....if she can't take care of herself like a responsible adult....

    Well, think of it this way: Do you want to be the one who has to constantly help her keep track of all her money, bills, etc to make sure she can just "keep her head above water"?

    It's been 4 years and she hasn't changed? Get out now, she is most likely NOT going to change.
     
  14. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    I have the same problem man.

    My girl spends money before she gets it, has every credit card maxed out, goes hundreds of dollars overdrawn in her bank account several times a year and has no financial sense whatsoever.

    This is particularly bothersome to me since I am an accounting major and cringe everytime I see her make horrible financial decisions.
    I have the same fears as you. I am afraid to move in with her (she is regularly short on rent and needs to get her parents to help at the last minute), and I am scared to death of what married life would be like. I wouldn't want to be stressed to the bone everyday trying to fix her financial mistakes.
    Not to mention my credit is good and hers is HORRIBLE, so if we ever bought anything it would ALL have to go on my credit (cars, house, rent, etc...).

    The odd thing is that it's not like she's totally irresponsible. She keeps her place clean, stays relatively on top of her school work, she takes WONDERFUL care of her family.... She's just bad with finances.
    To give her credit though, she has gotten much better in time, but still has a long way to go...and it kinda worries me.
    She's thinking about attending business graduate school for finance or accountancy after her biology undergrad so hopefully that will wake her up a bit.

    I love her to death, but I would be lying if I said I didn't think about ending it with her because a future (in a financial perspective) worries me.
     
  15. IslanderOffRoad

    IslanderOffRoad Do you even lift kit? OT Supporter

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    I'm glad I'm not the only one who has these concerns.
     
  16. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    It's important to realize that the majority of divorces and break ups stem from an inability to compromise or see eye to eye within the realm of finance. If your girlfriend is completely irresponsible with her finances, there is no way on earth your relationship will work.

    You need to voice to her that you're seeing some negative things about it and hope that she can change... Bring it up in a polite manner and perhaps suggest some material to watch/read as others have done.

    This is extremely important if you plan on having any type of future with this woman.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    .
     
  18. squid

    squid braap

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    In reference to the thread title, clearly, they already have become an issue.
     
  19. squid

    squid braap

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    And how do you find a girlfriend in Two Harbors? :rofl: Sorry that life is just completely alien to me. Awesome, but unimaginable.
     
  20. Ritley

    Ritley New Member

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    If you ever move in together, the only suggestion I would make is that you be in control of of the finances. She at least comes to you for help, which means she knows that you are alot better with it, so I don't see why she would have a problem with that. Then again, that is also an IF, as I have no idea if you are even thinking along the lines of moving in together.

    I am so glad that I dont have this problem, me and my SO both being pretty frugal, and both being engineering majors graduating soon.
     
  21. Mangina

    Mangina New Member

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    You two won't last if she won't change. I think it's long past ultimatum time.
     
  22. IslanderOffRoad

    IslanderOffRoad Do you even lift kit? OT Supporter

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    She lives on the mainland. Like I did for quite a while before I moved here. I still live in Simi Valley half the year. But thats all besides the point.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I didn't realize you lived in Two Harbors. Where does she live on the mainland? How often do you even see her?
     
  24. IslanderOffRoad

    IslanderOffRoad Do you even lift kit? OT Supporter

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    I only recently moved out here, I've been here about a month, will be going home next week, then I'm out here for 3 months for summer.

    She lives in the Los Angeles Area. This month she's come out once, and I've been home for 4 days and saw her probably 3 of those. She went to Florida for a week, and had she not I'd probably see her more

    I"ll probably see her once a week in the summer.
     
  25. reallyneedmoney

    reallyneedmoney New Member

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    I have the opposite problem as you. My gf is debt adverse and has no debt. That's because she basically cuts back on her spending and have me pay for almost everything despite the fact that she makes more than me.
     

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