SRS At my wits end.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Anna28471, Dec 3, 2005.

  1. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    Let's see where to do I begin to describe my pathetic existance? Oh yes, we'll start with my home life...

    I am in my mid-twenties and I still live at home. Not by choice but because I feel I HAVE to. I feel as if something really bad would happen if I left especially to either my grandmother (85) and my schizophrenic mother. Both of them depend on me greatly for help..cleaning the house, run errands..etc. My mother is an alcoholic but has recently quit, I don't know how long that will last. She is currenty on disability and unable to work. She borrows money from me quite a bit. I feel as if I've taken over the parental role with her. My brother is in his mid 30's and never leaves the house (does not work but muches on my grandmother and whatever money my mother comes into). He stays in his room all the time and supposedly reads the bible. He is a very large guy and verbally abuses me. And often times tries to physically intimidate me. If I cry or try to get help with a problem, he will tell me "Shut up. I am sick of listening to you talk. Get over it." My mother goes along with this.. it's almost like she doesn't care anymore. Anyone that knows me knows that I am extremely vulnerable at the moment (I am overloaded with work from college and am looking for a second job to support myself) but that doesn't matter. I am not allowed to take out any "me" time to where I can go out with friends and relax...I must run to their every need. Thus, I don't have much of a social life. I haven't been out on a date in so long... My family doesn't care, they say "Oh what do you want to hang around with guys for? Thats what wh**res do!"

    I am afaid if I don't change my ways I will be stuck here forever. And be an old maid with absolutely nothing but be stricken years and years of abuse. Someone please help.
     
  2. Bioanger

    Bioanger Self-Proclaimed moron

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    There is no easy answer here; it sounds like you are the only one left in your family who does care. With that in mind, is there anything stopping you from taking charge of your family? You say your brother is intimidating, but does he do that to control you or just to avoid his responsibilities? My guess is the latter.

    Either way you are in a situation you can’t expect to solve on your own; ideally the whole family needs to be taken in for therapy. Since that probably isn’t possible, you need to allow yourself to be a bit more selfish and focus on your own welfare. If you do spend a night out, is there really anything your family could do about it? They are relying on you, and as soon as you disappear will they not realize the importance of what you have done for them?
     
  3. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    Anyone think the best solution here is for me to move out? I have been doing this since I was a kid and now I am almost 30! All my relatives know they are taking advantage of me and call it a sin. They need to learn how to take care of themselves and each other and stop relying on me...it's too much. I'm missed out on too much in life... I should be taking better care of myself... I don't want to look back in 10 years and see myself here still...
    it's not healthy (I've thought about suicide a few times)...thats what they've driven me to.
     
  4. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Sounds like you need to get out. You're not going to get anywhere forcing help on people who neither want nor appreciate it. Distance yourself now. Make sure you tell them why. And make sure you don't confront them before you make up your mind - don't let them berate you into changing it. Maybe in a few months they'll want to be decent people to you.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    What you are doing is absolutely wrong, and there's a word for it' you are doing yourself too short' in all kidns of things. You deserve to live and go out, it doesn't matter if your brother is very big, REFUSE to work for him. why? Here's why

    There's two types of help.

    One where people abuse your good intentions, as like (not an emergency)
    And one where people really need your help unintentional(as in an emergency)

    Meaning that your brother is abusing your help, which must stop. Go tell him to get a job. If he starts bitching again, tell him that a big fellow like him should help around the house, that it is his CHRISTIAN duty to help people. That GOD wants him to help a lending hand to his poor sister into getting things done around the house. And if he says ' shut up ' and verbally abuses him, ask him if Jesus died on the cross so he could sit in his room and do nothing, if he physically abuses you, call the police and get a restraint order for him.

    Second your are normally not responsible for people's personal health, normally people should take care of themselves, now in the case of your mom and grandma, they are both elderly and actually do need your help

    So therefore you are a wonderfull loving and helping person, but be warned not to let people abuse that help.

    Your life is not pathetic,nor is it over. You can't worry about nor can you carry all the 6 billion people in the world on your shoulders, or prevent them from dying. You only have one body , and you usually can't do grand things, but you can do small things with full of love, now furthermore keep those other things in your life namely to Love yourself, and love other, help others.

    But also give yourself some 'Anna' time. Its a matter of more properly deviding your time towards school,your mom,grandma, to yourself and to your friends.

    Remember your not a waitress. Give yourself some slack space, helping people is good but it shouldn't be stretched to the extention towards where you gonna hate it. Take it more easy from now on, and motivate that lazy brother of yours to get a job and do more tasks around the house. And say more to yourself 'stop, to here and no further'.
     
  6. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    I've been trying for the past 7 years for him to get a job but he won't. If you even bring it up, he will say "I don't need a job. I sit in my room and read the bible, what do you do? Work for some ***** for money? I don't need money. You're going to hell because you don't read the bible enough. You work for satan to get your money." Yet he registers a credit card in my grandmothers name, tags up 4grand in debt...then plays the poor victim "Oh I'll pay it (yeah right) if you just leave me alone." My mother is expecting a check for a large sum of money, he is as sweet as pie to her as soon as he found out (he's usually very mean towards her) and is talking about everything he wants. He's even trying to get her to put the money in HIS name. Did I mention he lost over 50grand on her in the stock market? I asked him if he got any money to pay my grandmother back, he started yelling saying what he did with his money was his business and that I should butt out. He does absolutely nothing but boss everyone around.

    Why does God let scummy people like him get away with this? He lives (in sin) but like a KING. I don't wish evil or nothing but I want some form of justice.. this isn't fair.

    This is too much for me... :-(
     
  7. GlassUser

    GlassUser send an email not a pm OT Supporter

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    Sounds like a bad situation to keep yourself in.
     
  8. Anna28471

    Anna28471 New Member

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    If I leave I am afraid someone will get hurt. While I've been gone in the past (for the day or whatever) I've come home to finding my Grandmother on the floor crying because he hit her; broke something special on her; or threw the garbage (literally out of the garbage can and all around the house). He's gotten arrested in the past for slamming my mothers head against the bathroom sink..

    Oh and tonight, I bought my mother a grape drink that she likes. He took it from her and drank the entire thing and started bitching at me that I didn't buy him one. He never buys me anything or does anything, he's not my kid...why should I? :-(
     
  9. GRocks10

    GRocks10 New Member

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    You're worried that someone is going to get hurt? Sweetie, right now you're the ONE that is getting HURT and you said you've thought about suicide.. that right there says ALOT. You need to get the heck out of your living situation and live for yourself.. right now its ABOUT YOU.. take care of yourself FIRST and then think about taking care of others.. its you, Anna.. take care of YOU.

    Btw.. your brother sounds like a loser.
     
  10. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Here's is my solution.


    1. You move out.
    2. You invite your mother + grandmother in your house.
    3. You dump your brother.
    4. Refuse him in, and let him lead his own life.

    You want to effectivly cast out your brother from your life. And force him to get a job and work for a living.
     

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