SRS at a low point

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DesignerAddic71, Feb 1, 2005.

  1. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

    Dec 29, 2004
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    deep in the shadows of my mind...
    im pretty new to OT, but i figure who better to get advice from than impartial people? not sure how long this is going to i apologize in advance

    im 20 years old, and i feel like everything is going wrong for me. i just lost a friendship of 6 years because i fucked up and made the biggest mistake of my life. she was like my sister and in the blink of an eye its all gone. im in the second semester of my sophomore year in college and if i dont bring my gpa up to a 3.0 by the end of this semester i will lose my scholarship (it is currently a 2.7). i haven't worked for the past 2 weeks (mostly because he hasn't been giving me hours) and the bills are starting to accumulate. i have a car note, insurance payment, cell phone, and credit card to pay for in addition to regular expenses like gas and food and such. my father has been pretty ill recently as he was just told about the severity of the nerve damage in his lower back and entire left side of his body. they also said he can't work anymore (he is a carpenter) so i've also been carrying the mental burden of figuring out how everything is going to function without his income and his physical capabilities.

    i know for the most part i am suffering the consequences of my own actions, so the only person i have to be mad at is me. i am the one who messed up the best friendship of my life. i am the one who let the grades drop. i am the one who consciously (sp) hasn't gone to work. its like none of it matters. like life is surreal to me. i know my goals but for some reason i dont see myself actually accomplishing them, and this really freaks me out. i used to be so different back in high school. i graduated in the top 5 of my class of over 300. i was president of everything and had a million friends. now im not involved in anything on campus and i have a handful of friends that i keep close to me.

    the only positive point right now is the new guy i have been seeing for the past month. to everybody else i am a bad ass who doesnt let anything get to them (some have even gone so far as to say that i have a heart made of stone or that i am heartless all together). but i feel comfortable around him and for the first time in ages i cried last night. everything just seems so overwhelming. and i cried in front of him. the whole time i was tellin him that i was sorry for crying in front of him and he just kept tellin me that even thought he didnt enjoy seeing me cry, he liked seeing that i was human and that i do have feelings and emotions. of course i have known that for awhile, but its not something i let others see.

    honestly, i am not sure what the purpose of this post is. to vent i guess. advice would be nice if any of you have some to give. didn't mean to burden you all with my problems, but i like being able to talk to you all without being judged.

    thanks for listening, again i apologize for the length
  2. jackpot

    jackpot boo

    Dec 11, 2001
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    brooklyn, ny
    Best of luck :hug:
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I advice you to put your dad on welfare, I don't really see how he is ever be able to go back to work so for a steady income you should make that step or pursuede him to make that step. (if he refuses(might be stubborn)) tell him that he has worked all his life for society, and that it's beyond his power but that there's still gotta be food on the table. Now to you.

    You are who you are and it's senseless into putting yourself down, even if you win or fail everything, the only thing that is important is that you give it a try. And for the love of your dad and his sake to improve life for him, and yourself.

    - get a pair of sciccors and cut your credit card in half.(im serious about this)
    - throw or lock away everything that is distracting you, and complete your study.
    - relax even if you lose scholarship you can still get a job as something else.
    - cut down expenditures. The rule of becoming rich is (if you don't spend, and money keeps coming in, your income will increase)
    - only get those things which are really necessary.
    - whip yourself out of the dip again and again, and start doing that which is necessary.Not tomorrow NOW!!.

    Now about the girl you lost, you have to spiritually work on yourself into becoming a loving person and helping out others. Everything in life is feeling, so the more sensetive you are the better. However just put a lock on yourself when people are trying to hurt your feelings. It's important to know when to open and expose yourself and when to close your doors from the elements. No one likes people who have a brick for a personality. That's not an insult it's a type of reckocnition. When more people say the same thing about you, it might be a clear signal that something is wrong with your approuch towards people. Try to investigate how your love for other people can make them have a positive outlook on you. And what not more there's a lot of work to be done, and i encourage you to start moving forwards into getting your grade, and when you got everything arranged you should get yourself a new gf, to replace your feelings of sadness with some good compagny. A warning however, treat her better then whatever it was that you did against your last gf. Anyway keep your hopes up high, there's always sunshine behind the clouds in the sky. Life is what you make it. :wavey:

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