SRS Asylum I call upon your knowledge

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by slikna, Jan 2, 2008.

  1. slikna

    slikna Grenade

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    Everyones favorite thread, female problems... :ugh:

    Here is the start to what could be a long story, and if you read it and reply I really appreciate your time.

    It all started last May. I met a girl in class who was pretty good looking. I would say something like a 7-8/10. Right from the start we hit it off and found we have a lot in common. She is a huge sports fan, and she plays college sports. She enjoys doing a lot of the things I do. She parties a lot, and by a lot I mean practically every weekend its either a party or a club, which I am fine with but not overly excited about. She also gets pretty hammered all the times she goes out.

    Ok, so we go out for the first time and have a pretty good time. She would text me everyday saying things like "You're cute." About 2 days later she invites me over and we make out and watch a movie. This is when I first noticed something was wrong because she started to get quiet, and she is not a quiet person. We hang out a few more times, and then I give her flowers and ask if she likes me/plans to ever be serious about this(so im not wasting my time), and she says she isnt the commited type, and she drinks and goes out a lot and cant be responsible for what she does. She kinda gets like a freaked out expression but like trying to fake being happy at the same time. So pretty soon the texts stopped coming in so frequently, and then to the point where I had to text her or she wouldn't text me at all. Keep in mind I saw her at school quite often and she acted like nothing was wrong.

    I kept trying to make plans with her, and she keeps saying yes but then at the last minute blowing me off. Normally I would have taken the hint, except she would now apologize and say how she really does like me but is busy. One night she texts me drunk and says all this shit about how shes scared she will fall in love with me because she hasn't liked someone this much in a while and she wants it to work. The only problem is she wouldn't tell me any of this while sober, so I couldn't know if she really meant it. She did this about 2 more times. So I go out with her again to dinner and we have a good time and then she doesnt talk to me for 2 months, im over it good riddance...

    So out of the blue I get a text from her and we have a convo. Then I get the, "Do you still like me?" text. She says she is sorry for blowing me off and how she was just scared and she still likes me and she says she is really going to try to open up to me now. So we go out mini golfing with another couple who I know through her. New years eve we all go to a party, she gets drunk, is all over me and says she likes me etc etc we make out among other stuff. And now today it feels like she is trying to avoid me again. I honestly feel like as of right now if someone better came along she would go off with him instead of me without thinking about it.

    Where do I draw the line? She keeps coming back to me, and then ditching me. When ever I go out with her unless its her idea, it feels like I have to force her to go or else she makes an excuse, and thats no good. It also feels like shes almost afraid to be with me alone, and only wants to go out with other people. I would have been done with her a while ago, but she keeps coming back and I keep thinking there might be a chance. Should I come straight out and say if she isn't going to be serious about this that its done? Being the softy that I am I hate making others upset or mad, and I don't like enemies. Everytime she ditches me its kinda hard on me, and I can't keep putting myself through this.

    Cliffs: Girl keeps coming back to me of her own will, then blowing me off, then coming back, etc. What do I do in this situation. I'm a pussy

    Again if you took the time to read this and help me out I really appreciate it. THe answer seems obvious enough but I dont know how to go about it.
     
  2. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    You can either ignore her completely, or flat out tell her that you don't see the two of you going anywhere.
     
  3. slikna

    slikna Grenade

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    The only thing is it seems like it could work out fine between us if she became commited. I have this feint glimmer of hope that this could turn into something, and that if I ignore her i'll miss out on something that could have been great. She is more or less everything I want in a girl, and thats why it is so hard for me to keep doing this.
     
  4. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    her past history and recent history show that she isn't going to become committed anytime soon.

    Let her do her thing. Go on with your life, and if she grows up with some time, she can get back in contact with you.
     
  5. daxtrader

    daxtrader New Member

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    Exactly. Why do you want to go through that emotional roller coaster? Just picture yourself in a relationship with her. She goes out partying without you one night and gets trashed. Are you okay with that? If you don't mind her partying/drinking then go for it. If you really think you can trust her 100% then go for it. Otherwise it's just not worth it.
     
  6. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    I'd say just ignore her and go on with your life. She doesn't seem like she can't settle down right now. Most girls who are in the partying stage are not going to stop over night. It's in the middle of the school year so I doubt she's going to stop anytime soon. I would not suggest dating a girl who likes to party like you've explained.

    I don't like to hurt people either so I can relate. Best thing for you to do is maybe just stop communicating with her. If she finally gets a hold of you in person and asks you why you stopped talking to her just tell her you've moved on and thought it was for the best.

    Just some extra advice too. You may be aware of this but if she is the partying type she could also be the type to sleep around. So just be careful if you do get serious with her and even if you do start dating her maybe think about both of you getting STD tests done. I know that's kind of off-topic but it just seems that she may have problems and she may get to the point where she tries to sleep with you to try and keep you around.
     
  7. slikna

    slikna Grenade

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    Yea, I know you guys are right. I mean thats the advice I would give anyone else. I always thought I knew how to handle every situation when it came to things like this, but its pretty different when its actually happening to you. I mean I don't know if I could trust her once we actually became a couple, but as of now I doubt it. Another thing I forgot to add which almost makes it seem ridiculous is she is/has been on medication for depression for 3-4 years, which could have something to do with it. I know if I stop talking to her she might take it kinda hard. I think i'm going to tell her what i'm doing and why, so it doesn't leave her wondering. ugh.... i hate situations like this
     
  8. damM3

    damM3 Active Member

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    ignore politely ftw
     
  9. daneeyah

    daneeyah Guest

    I'd talk to her about it and be honest.

    Obviously she must realize that what she's doing to you isn't right.
    Bring it up to the surface and be honest about it, or else she'll keep toying with your emotions. And you keeping silent like this, is basically giving her the okay to keep "playing".
     
  10. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    Not necessarily. Some girls are really screwed up in the head.
     
  11. daneeyah

    daneeyah Guest


    true.

    well i'm assuming she's normal. :dunno:
     
  12. slikna

    slikna Grenade

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    It's really hard to say. I know she felt bad about doing it because she texted me once and said she was sorry about blowing me off all those times, and then explained how it was on her mind for a while and just wanted to apologize. Now it just seems like she might be doing it again, but I just cant be sure yet. I know the best thing to do to avoid any future problems is to just cut it off now, but man I want this to work out so bad. The more I think about it, the more I think it's my fault. I probably have some kind of emotional issues I need to resolve. I get attached way too quickly i've noticed. I feel as if any other guy would have told her to get lost, and I keep letting her back in. I dont know, she just adds some kind of fire to my life that ive been missing for a while and I dont want to let it go.
     
  13. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Don't start blaming yourself for something that you truly know is not your fault. This girl is not ready for a commitment. She just isn't. Can you be honet in saying that you're fine with her partying and drinking (getting drunk) every weekend? She's not ready to settle down and she's stringing you along as her back-up to make her feel good and like someone still wants her. Just be straight-up with her. Ask her if she wants to be with you or if you're just wasting her time. You're spending a lot of time and money on this girl where there are other women out there whom might actually be more commited to having a relationship with you. Cut her off, move on. Maybe when both of you are older and she's calmer and more mature you two will meet again and who knows? For right now, move on with your life and have some fun. :)
     
  14. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    I agree with all of this. I know it sounds cheap but I def agree about the money thing too. If you're taking this girl out and spending money on her you need to know what is going on. I've taken girls out before and after the second date I ask them what they want. If they say that they just want to be friends then if they want to go out again they can pay there half of the dinner bill. Some guys like to keep throwing money around to try and impress the girls but I don't see the point if she's only going to be a friend. You're just wasting your time and money.
     
  15. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    what makes this girl so special, what separates her from the other girls (besides her stringing you along)? what does she do to make you happy and show you that she's worth your time and effort?

    i ask because there has to be something to her that makes what you're putting yourself through worthwhile. is the juice worth the squeeze, so to speak.

    regardless of the circumstances, if she really cared for you and was interested in you then she would not be behaving the way she is.

    i don't know exactly how this part played out between you two, but on the surface, this certainly was not a good move. you should not be buying her flowers and/or asking if she likes you so early in the relationship.

    in my opinion, she's stringing you along. she can use you for validation whenever she feels like it without having to do anything to earn it.

    would you let any girl do what she's done? do you enjoy being stringed along? you have to go all in. lay down what you want and expect from her and if she's not up to the task, move on. this does not make you a bad guy and she won't be devastated by it either. if she would hurt that bad from being rejected by you then she would do what it takes to keep you in her life. then again, you need to ask yourself, is this really the type of girl you want a relationship with?

    if you want to be friends with her, so be it, but you have to stand your ground and don't let her keep stringing you along.

    it's simple, but not easy.
     
  16. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Wow you are really letting this girl control you... Stop blaming yourself over it. Nobody is really "at fault" here, you guys just want different things out of life. She wants to go out and party so don't waste your time trying to tie her down. If you do she will just end up cheating on you. You want a relationship, there's nothing wrong with that or with getting attached to a girl you like. What is wrong though is letting her walk all over you. Stop hoping that she will change because it won't happen. It's time to stop talking to this girl and go find someone new.
     
  17. slikna

    slikna Grenade

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    Im in that stage where you feel like there is no one else in the world like this person, and you start comparing everyone else to them. I know from previous experience that it goes away, but thats just how im feeling right now. I know though that I have to go on my way. I wish there was some way to keep her as a friend because she is a really cool person, but I know if there is attraction friendship is not an option. O wells
     
  18. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    You can, it just takes a little time. Tell her you need some time away from her to get over her and when you are over it then you can call her and be friends again.
     
  19. eXyle

    eXyle ׂ

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    try to take a pragmatic approach. list her pros and cons and compare it to your ideal woman. it will be somewhat difficult due to the "blinders" you have on, but should still be doable, ask friends for help too if need be. once your mind realizes that she's not that great and there are other great if not greater women out there, your heart will catch up. in the meantime, keep her at a distance. once you're over her then you can try to be friends with her again.

    just remember, if she's not up for it, then you'll want to reconsider whether or not she's worth even having as a friend.
     
  20. eljacko129

    eljacko129 New Member

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    okay well the fact that she gets hammered so much means shes either and alcoholic or she is running away from something. You want some good advice PM Metallic Blue. I had a similar issue (see thread "So i am the man of her dreams") and he got me through it along with many others. MattThom01 seems to be pretty good too.

    Anyways, be careful. She sounds kinda like an emotional wreck so keep yor distance...

    Good luck.
     
  21. slikna

    slikna Grenade

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    Must have missed this post. Ahh, believe me I realize my mistake. It was a rookie move and I regretted it almost as soon as I did it. I was diggin her so much and emotion got the best of me. I am not too experienced when it comes to constant relationships, which is partly why I want one so bad now. All my past flings havent lasted more than a month at most.

    But yea I am taking everyones advice. I basically think the only reason she came back this time was she wanted someone to take her to a party on new years eve, and she knew I would. Her friend even told me at one point, "You should thank me, because I am the reason you are here." I questioned what she meant and she said, "It was my idea to bring you here." This basically tells me she wasnt even really thinking of me, she just needed someone. Well I am not going to make any attempt to contact her, and the next time she contacts me I am going to tell her how it is plain and simple. Thanks to everyone who posted, it means more than you know.
     

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