SRS Ask her to marry me?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by obiwan, Dec 15, 2009.

  1. obiwan

    obiwan New Member

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    Hey guys. I'm a noob here and need some advice (this seemed like the best place to ask). I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for more than a year now and we're far enough along in our relationship to where we talk about getting married openly. We both agree we're ready for it, but we both know there's no way we could afford the wedding we want for awhile. I want her to know how serious I am about this though, which is why I'm thinking about proposing.

    I was considering asking without a ring since I can't afford one right now, but I feel like we'd both be kind of let down. Not so much because of the ring itself, but because the proposal didn't feel "complete." I'm wondering first off, would most of you girls out there be disappointed if your SO proposed without a ring? And second, is there anything else I need to do to make the proposal complete? Also, is it ok to propose a few years before you're actually able to get married or should you wait till you're able to set a date in stone?

    I was thinking about doing it on a walk at the beach, on a picnic, or maybe at the restaurant we had our first real date? Do you think that's a good idea or is that really cliche? And as for WHEN, what do you think about doing it on New Year's? Valentine's Day? Our anniversary? Be totally honest...I'd rather know something is a good idea or bad idea before I do it rather than after! Thank you in advance.
     
  2. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    if you get engaged but set a wedding date more than a year away from when you give her the ring, you don't really want to get married.

    wait....she's not going anywhere.

    and don't do it on a holiday. pick a day that's going to be HER day or YOUR (couple) day. I have "engagement day" marked on our calendar. I treat it just like an anniversary. It's OUR holiday that's special to just us, and not shared with christmas or valentine's day or a birthday or anything else.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    There's no reason to propose if you wont even get married for years down the road.

    There are other ways, besides an engagement ring to pledge your commitment.
     
  4. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    Out of curiousity, how old are the both of you?
     
  5. schmitty101

    schmitty101 You might remember me from such films as "Dig your

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    I know two couples that were engaged for years before they finally got married. I don't see a problem with it.
     
  6. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    I agree, it's probably not a bad idea. I certainly don't see any drawbacks if it keeps you from making a mistake.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    My guess is 19-21
     
  8. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    That's what I was thinking.
     
  9. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    When you say you're "far enough in the relationship to talk openly about marriage", I'm not sure that's an indication of the strength or progression of a relationship. I could talk passingly about marriage to anyone if I wanted and it wouldn't mean anything. It's probably best to talk about your wishes as soon as possible anyways, if you're with someone you're considering being serious about.

    I wouldn't propose unless I was sure my partner wanted that. Imagine proposing and then your partner saying no because they're not ready or not sure yet. That's a world of hurt that doesn't need to happen. Unless you're deeply religious, there's nothing wrong with living and growing with the person to test the waters. Go through a few major things together and see how you both handle them as a couple (ie. deaths in the family, financial problems, etc.).

    I don't know if I can comment on this, because I'm not materialistic, but I wouldn't care if my partner got me a ring made out of plastic or out of gold. First off, I hate rings, because they always get in the way or I lose them. Second of all, it's the symbolic significance that matters the most. However, there are people out there who believe that an engagement ring does have to have certain characteristics, and this is something you should try to find out between you and your partner.

    If my partner proposed without a ring, that would be weird, but if that's what he wanted, I'd be fine with it. There could be alternative tangent items as well, like a nice picture frame with a picture of you and your partner in it, a significant piece of clothing, a bracelet, a broach, a watch...it's really up to the two of you.

    As for not being able to afford the wedding you want, you can always have a small marriage, then have a bigger one later. For example, I have a co-worker who was married legally to his wife about a decade ago. Just this past year, they had a second marriage, but they went all out with it. I don't know if this was because of financial or religious/cultural issues, but it's been done.

    Also, I don't think there's anything wrong with proposing even if you don't plan on having the wedding within the next few years. I don't see why not.

    For the proposal site, think of a place that means the most to you and your partner as a couple. If your partner has a special place she likes to go to relax or if you had a really good time somewhere in the past and really want to return, these might be good places to choose from. I think the first meeting place is very romantic, but that's a personal opinion, because of the way my partner and I first met. You would definitely not want to make it a generic place that is fancy. It should mean something significant.

    I agree with 7960 about the holidays thing. It should be a unique day dedicated solely to you as a couple and nothing else.
     
  10. obiwan

    obiwan New Member

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    Thanks for the input so far. We're both 22 and fresh out of school (read: not that well off). I'm big on actions speaking louder than words. I've told her I want to, but I feel like proposing would show that much more than anything I say. I just don't know if having to wait a few years would kill the excitement/realness of it. When I do propose (whether now or later), what bases do I need to cover to make it legit and romantic?
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Do you two even live together?

    I'm trying to stress again that after only dating just over a year there are many other things you can do to prove your commitment to her that don't require a ring. If you think she is hungry for a ring you have another issue.
     
  12. Ritley

    Ritley New Member

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    I don't necessarily think that it is too early to get engaged, but if the timing is bad what's the rush? Neither of you are going anywhere for the next year, and if one of you does it's better that you weren't engaged anyways.
     
  13. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    while ive known people who have had long engagements, it seems kinda silly to me. the point of getting engaged is to get married. i didnt even want to wait any amount of time after i got engaged (and wished we would have just eloped that night)

    if you are serious about marrying her, then discuss things with her about the future. what do you both want in a wedding? how will you handle your finances? when do you want kids? how many? will you both work? where do you want to live? etc.

    do you have any idea on what type of ring she would want, if she feels she needs a ring, if she feels she needs a big wedding, etc?
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :bowdown:
     
  15. obiwan

    obiwan New Member

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    First off, thank you for your thoughtful response. I'm quite sure it's what we both want. By "talked openly about marriage," I mean we both have said we want to marry each other (should have made that more clear).

    I definitely don't want to do anything that might make the proposal seem "weird." I want it to be as perfect as possible and I don't really have anything that would be as significant as an engagement ring to give. I want it to be something she can wear for her whole life so I think I'll just wait and save up for something nice.

    Hmm, that's something to consider. I'm not against small weddings at all, but I would only want to do one if it was our choice, not because of necessity.

    I feel like I've heard that it's ok to wait a few years after the engagement too, but it seems like everyone has their own opinion on that one. I'll have to give some more thought to the where. Is it generally a bad idea to do it somewhere public? I also agree with 7960 about having an "engagement day" as its own holiday of sorts. I hadn't really thought of it like that before. So it can be just any day then?

    Well I feell like I have a somewhat better idea of what to do. So do I prepare something to say or just improvise? I don't want to be at a loss for words when i do it but I also don't want it to seem too planned.
     
  16. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    100% depends on the girl. I would have been mortified had my husband proposed in public. some girls love it. if you dont have any clue how she would feel, you need to wait.
     
  17. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    .

    You really sound like you two have talked about this once and are now rushing an engagement for no reason.
     
  18. oakback

    oakback New Member

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    Don't do it on a holiday.
    Don't do it in front of friends and family, or purposely in front of a lot of people.
    Just to keep from screwing up and stammering, stick with something simple: "I love you, will you marry me?"


    You can make payments on a ring. Nothing wrong with getting a ring with a small stone, leaves room to trade up in the future, and it's not going to lose value (unlike making payments on a car, by the time it's paid off it's a piece of crap). I bought my wife her engagement ring when I was 20, made payments on it. Our first tax return after we got married, I got a huge refund, paid it off.
     
  19. jonno

    jonno New Member

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    slowwww it down. let her know you're serious about the relationship and in it for the long haul by telling her this. not by proposing.
     
  20. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    You know you can go to the courthouse and get married for about $50 or just fly to vegas and get it done, only invite close family. Big weddings are overrated and a waste of money. That said 1 year is not enough time to really know someone IMO whats the rush wait a few years and live together for now thats how you really get to know if you're compatable.
     
  21. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    personal question:

    are you two "saving yourself for marriage" if you know what I mean? :naughty:
     
  22. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    If waiting a few years is going to kill your excitement to marry this person, thsi probably isn't the right person to marry.
     
  23. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    Well a proposal is a private thing, so you might want to find somewhere that isn't crowded. You don't have any place special where you first met or had a really memorable time?

    As for what to say, speaking from the heart can be very difficult to translate clearly and to communicate exactly what you feel, so it would be a good idea to at least give some thought to what you're going to say.
     
  24. Daria

    Daria New Member

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    my mom did this for her second marriage. my mom is awesome.
     
  25. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    :ugh:

    Or a proposal is a public declaration of a couple's love for each other. like someone said
     

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