LGBT As My Life Turns...

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by blaq19, Feb 13, 2009.

  1. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    WARNING: This will probably be long... just forewarning!

    (People's names have been changed for privacy)

    Hmm well lets see, I decided to start a thread rather than to post this into the random thoughts thread because I feel like this is going to become more of like a log to see what has happened, will happen and what I hope to happen!

    Little background, so I told about 5 of my friends that I was gay. As of Super Bowl Sunday the one that I thought was the most trustworthy told everyone about me just so she could get some attention or whatever you may have it. So then she calls me and tells me the next day that somehow everyone knows about me and that she doesn't know how? (RIGHT)

    So I just go along with it and then another friend Sally who I told, said she was confronted at the bar by Mitch at the Super Bowl party and said "So did you hear about Jerel?" She wasn't there so she played as if she didn't know anything. He then tells her "Yeah we all know, but we don't care. Harold said he's just going to ask him if it's true next time he see's him. So she calls me and tells me just so I'm aware and not just bum rushed with this. So the weekend comes and were all together at a party and everyone plays as if they know nothing, like I'm stupid or like any of them can keep secrets from each other. Especially when it involves the guy who's liked by all.

    So a few more days go by and nobody has confronted me or said anything, so I'm like whatever Ill just ask them what they know since it's out there and I'm tired of beating around the bush. So the girl who threw the Super Bowl party Emily was coming home from the bar the other night and said she was bored and that I and another friend Donnie could stop by, Donnie was also another one of the people I told myself and he was not at the party either.

    So we get to her house and her roommate is there and it just so happens he is gay and his bf is over and another girl who I don't know. So once we had a few drinks and played some games her roommate and his bf were going to bed and the other girl was going home so it was just Emily, Donnie and I. So I say to Emily "So I need to talk to you about something." She's then all freaked out thinking someone said something about her or that something was wrong with me... I looked over at Donnie and just had the biggest grin on my face cause I didn't know how to just look at her and say "Hey, I'm gay!" So since we were playing catch phrase all night I was like think about your roommate and then that's me. She was like I only think of two things and I don't wanna say one of them cause I don't want you to punch me. Donnie says "It's the one you're thinking of" she's like nu uh. "You're gay? (with the you're kidding, right face) and I'm like yeah I am. She's fine with it and all and she tells me that she overheard people talking about someone being gay but she was washing dishes so she didn't know who they were talking about.

    So last night was another friend Paul's birthday so we went to Friday's and once again everyone was there and Harold greeted me as soon as I walked in with a big hug. This being the same guy who was just supposed to so bravely just ask me if I were gay, yet he still hasn't? So we get ready to leave and he texts me and says "hey can you make me a CD?" I go sure, and then I text him back saying "so I heard a little bird told you something?" He sends me a message back saying "I dunno what you're talking about?" So I'm like was he too drunk to remember (which happens) or what? So I say back "you didn't hear anything about me at the party last Sunday?" He said no everyone was just asking where you were and why you weren't with us? So I blow it off and think no more of it.

    Today I get a call from John who is a truly down inside a good friend but we've have our personal differences in the past. As of right now were cool as can be. He says he's off work today and wants to get food. I said OK, when and where? He tells me about 3pm and he's going to pick me up. I said fine, we go to some Mexican dine-in and we order and he pays for my food (weird) then were just sitting and talking and he's like you know why I brought you here right? I'm not going to bullshit you! Everyone knows but I just wanted to talk to you about it man to man. I said yeah I heard by now that everyone knows. He then tells me about how he's been sticking up for me when people talk shit and that he's got my back. He then goes on to tell me that he's got a gay cousin who lives with a guy and him and his mother are the only one's who knows because the guys family is really religious and would disown him.

    (side note: this kid John use to have the hottest gf in the world, but fucked it up cheating on her. He bangs the hottest chicks you've ever seen and none of us know how he does it?)

    So he then proceeds to tell me that when he heard the news that I might be gay he was hoping that it was true?! He then told me that until he met his ex-gf he was at a point where he could say I'm gay and that I want to be with a man but he was too scared of what people would think about him and his dad hates gay people and he's only been back in contact with his dad for a few years now and didn't want to mess it up. He's told his mom and she thought he was too and still thinks so. He said that he's probably going to be that guy who gets married and has kids and finally it'll hit him that this isn't who he's suppposed to be.

    I was lost for words, I didn't even know what to say but WOW! He then went on to say that he thinks it's a few other of our friends that he's know many, many more years than I have that they are gay/bi and hiding it as well.

    -------------------------------

    Later on tonight he starts messaging me on MySpace and he said on his way home he stopped by the bar and Harold, Benny, Mitch and someone else were there and he told them we went on a "lunch date" today and that we were going to a fashion show together on Valentine's Day. (Keep in mind I had no clue about said Valentine's Day plans) He said the look on their faces weer priceless.

    He then proceeds to ask me if I want to go to this fashion show/event at some club downtown that some guy he works with is having? I said sure I'm not doing anything else. He then finds out that it's not on Saturday that it's actually tomorrow Friday night. I said sure anyway.

    He then proceeds to tell me he's glad were friends and that he got that off his chest and all that stuff.............

    (What does this mean exactly? Do you guys think he's coming on to me?)

    :) Sorry it was so long, but I told ya so! :)



    ... to be continued soon
     
  2. Matitulo

    Matitulo If sexy never left then why is everybody on my shi

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    That, or he's riding on your "coming out" wave, making it easier for him. In any case, I'd bet that your relationship will get real strong, real fast.

    And :ugh: at your friends who are lying to your face.
     
  3. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    I see your point, it's funny cause he jokes around all the time when he'll do something questionable to another guy playing around. He'll be like I told you guys I'm completely fine being gay but I'm the one putting it in the butt.

    Yeah, this is exactly why I never have really truly trusted anyone in life, not even family!:o
     
  4. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Wow... that was long... but well written and a great story.

    So... I think you should just go with it and see where it goes. Are you attracted to this guy?

    Also, it doesn't really matter if people care or not if you're gay. If they are your true friends, they're not going to care. If they've got a problem with it, then that's their problem. Don't make it your problem.

    Other than that... have fun!
     
  5. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    Thanks, I didn't even think it was going to be that long.

    No, I'm not attracted to him in a physical way at all. Al though the sex would probably be pretty amazing.

    You're completely right about that. I mean it's not their life nor am I involved with them in that way so it shouldn't matter. I just find it hard to believe how amazing liars people are and right to your face. I'd rather you tell me it's weird for you or that you don't like my choice rather than lying to my face and then talking shit when I'm not there.
     
  6. Naturally Baked

    Naturally Baked Active Member

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    Awww,


    I don't think he's coming on to you, I just think he is looking for someone to talk about stuff with and relate to. I know I kinda wish something like this would happen to me, it would make things so much easier to have someone come out to me and then I could be like zomg me tooo!!!!

    but anyways, like I've said many times before, I've learned the only people you can truly trust (usually) is family and yourself, just learned this recently...its amazing how fake people are.
     
  7. Scylentbob

    Scylentbob New Member

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    :naughty: cute, Blaq. lol

    I agree with Mati and Baked. Sounds to me like he's following suit after you to make it a bit easier. I remember back in high school where most of that kind of drama starts, I was the first guy to actually come out; not even a month later, a bunch of guys had come out, and Arcadia high's BSA came around to talk to me and the school staff about us setting up a BSA of our own :hsd:

    On the other hand, it could be a possibility that he's coming on to you. Maaaybe. But hey, he's your friend, the way you see it; you don't have to change the way you think about or interact with him just because of all this. Besides, seems to me that if he actually is interested in you, the two of you are close enough one of you will eventually broach the subject.

    Same goes for your friends. And "friends". When I look back on my own coming out, only one of my friends stopped talking to me, and I hung out with this guy a LOT. I'm glad it helped me further identify my true friends. All my other friends, even the ones I actually thought wouldn't take it well, were all ok with it, and happy for me. Heck, the one friend, Nick, who I thought would be the worst case scenario, turned out to be a great support. He hangs out with me and my ex-bf Griffin, and even used to join us with his gf for dinner every Hannukah lol

    EDIT: I didn't even think about it, but this friend of yours sounds like my brother Justin. He's really my best friend, but we've known each other almost all our lives, so he's my little bro. Anyway, as long as I've known him, he always been as straight as can be. Although I can't help but get the feeling that if I asked him out, he would accept. But never mind that, the point is in all the years we've been together, I don't think he's ever put a move on me. I mean, I hear I'm pretty dense, so I could have just missed it. I do pick him up for breakfast before school everyday, we're joined at the hip all hours of the day, we even share our beds. But I mean, even if I had an IQ of ice water, I would have noticed any subtle hints.
     
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2009
  8. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    UPDATE #2

    OK, so last night we were supposed to go to that fashion show. It got kind of late and we didn't go but we ended up going to his house, Harold and Benny were there. We all went to a local bar and it was lame so we went back over to his house and we all watched a movie. Low and behold it's "I Now Pronounce You: Chuck & Larry" and it was the most awkward thing!

    OK, so Benny left and it was just us three left. Me and Harold are getting ready to leave and John (the guy) is like Harold I'll ride with you to drop Jerel off so you don't have to ride alone? It's like 2:30am and he's like nah I'm fine. He seemed to be a little upset that he didn't get to go. So me and my friend were all really close and nobody really shakes hands or anything we all hug, so as I'm walking out the door John hugs me and he just gazes into my eyes! It was so odd I'm just like OMG he's totally getting ready to kiss me but he didn't.

    So me and Harold stopped at the gas station and he's like can you help me fix my computer's wireless network? So I wasn't sleepy so I said sure. We get to his house and were working on the computer and he starts asking me questions about when did I know and am I seeing anyone and we just had a long in-depth conversation about everything. I thought it was cool that he was so interested and wanted to know more. We got to talking about how John was acting weird and he said that he just wants to make me feel comfortable but he's just probably going overboard cause he doesn't know what to say or do.

    ---Since John has know he want to take me out to lunch, buy me drinks at the bar, be my valentine and go to dinner---

    So, time passes and were done talking and I don't get home till 5:40am! It was cool knowing that all my friends still love me and that they support me and that they are careful about things they say and all that it shows progress and growing.


    ------------------

    I get in the house and what do you know, I get a MySpace message from jjohn and here is exactly hoow it went...

    " This is realllly bad jerel... I was a second away from giving you a kiss in front of Harold! Idk why but the past 2 days I've actually been honestly happy like even deep down..."

    HOW DID I GEET INTO THIS SITUATION!

    Now see I don't want to hurt the kids feelings and I knows he's always on an emotional rollercoaster and he's tried to commit suicide a few times in the past couple years. I don't want to just hit him with a I'm not into you if he's really coming out but I don't want any unnecessary leading him on either. I just don't know what to do/say!!!
     
  9. Tyweezy

    Tyweezy New Member

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    I can't really help you with that one. Since I'm a closeted case, confused loser lmao. But I have a question. Do you live in Baltimore or Manhattan. Because I'm guessing all your great friends are home in Baltimore and thats quite a drive every weekend?
     
  10. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    I left Manhattan a few weeks ago and I'm back in Baltimore until summertime. There's no way I'd make that drive or train ride every weekend haha
     
  11. wrwarwick

    wrwarwick OT Supporter

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    You really need to tell him you don't have the same feelings for him. Letting him lead himself on, while not your fault, is not something that you should let happen if you care about him as a friend.
     
  12. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    I want to, my only thing is how do I do it without him taking it the wrong way and falling even more into depression or something worse. I couldn't have that on my consceinse. (I think I spelled that word wrong?)
     
  13. wrwarwick

    wrwarwick OT Supporter

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    It shouldn't be on your concise. You are only responsible for your actions, people are responsible for how they feel. Telling him honestly is the right thing to do, if he chooses to get depressed over it that is his own problem, in reality he should be glad that he didn't get more involved before finding out.

    This person clearly does not know how to handle their emotions in a healthy way, but that is not your problem. You MUST make it clear to him, or he is going to become more and more "in love" with you and it is just going to get uglier later.

    There is no easy way to tell a friend that likes you that you are not interested, and it may ruin the friendship depending on how he takes it, but that is not your fault, he chose to nurture those feelings for you instead of just being happy with the friendship.


    P.S. We should party when I get to bmore =D
     
  14. Scylentbob

    Scylentbob New Member

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    It's conscience. Pardon my grammar naziness.

    Anyway, boy did I have it pegged wrong. I had a feeling it wasn't all just innocent. But I guess I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

    I don't think his attraction is unhealthy, Warwick. True, from what you mentioned in your update, Blaq, I would agree he's mentally unbalanced to a certain degree. But hell, I can occasionally be an emotional rollercoaster myself, and I see a lot of it in some of my other friends as well. You don't honestly think the hippie movement didn't come with consequences, did you? :mamoru:

    Anyway, if you do consider it unhealthy, the extent of his attraction seems to be infatuation. It happens. In the off chance that he is truly in love with you, and just hasn't had the nerve to say anything until now, well I guess you'll know in a few months if he's still swooning all over you.

    But if you're honestly not interested in him and you have no romantic intentions with him in the least, then, really, what are you're other options? You guys are good friends, and you have to tell him you're not interested in him; go easy on him. Why aren't you interested in him? Or basically, why do you like being his friend, but not potentially his boyfriend? It will help him cope if he knows why. If he takes it hard, try to be there for him, but keep it platonic and avoid sending mixed signals, and definitely don't let yourself become his emotional crutch in the wake of this.

    Shit, sometimes I think I'm way too serious. :o

    But hey, this just sounded like a serious situation. In the end, if you're honest with each other, you stand a good chance of remaining good friends. If you lie to yourself, where will the two of you end up?
     
  15. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    wrwarwick - I completely understand your point of view and how you say it's not my problem and if he gets all depressed it his problem which is true but at the same time I couldn't see a friend like that and know that I had something to do with it.

    True, I feel he's never known how to properly channel his emotions and problems. The kid has had a problem for a long time now with alcohol and pills. It doesn't help at all that he has easy access to all of these things and he hangs around some guys who happen to do a stunt TV show for a network you all are familiar with. So you know he goes along with the flow and does things that they do.

    I'm always down for partyin'!!! :)


    Scylentbob - I thought that's how it was spelled haha (I just went with that whole I before E unless after C)

    I mean I guess I'm not really into him in a romantic sense because I've know him for so long and it was like we were brothers you know. At the same time though I think the sex would be amazing just because I've seen some of his self-made porn and the kid is packing! Other than that I couldn't see myself in a relationship and I wouldn't even want it to just be fuck buddies because I don't want to confuse him you know.

    I guess I'll just have to see how everything plays out over the next few weeks.

    ---------------------------------------------------------

    UPDATE #3


    OK, so Valentine's Day all of my single friends decided we should all have dinner and then go out to the bar. I was running late to dinner and John apparently kept asking where I was. I finally get there and he doesn't even say hi, it was almost like awkward. Dinner goes well it's like 7 of us (pics up soon), after we finish we go to a local pub and meet up with some other friends and I had planned on not drinking because I still felt like shit from the night before. I ended up having a few beers and some trashcans! Ugh...

    So, were all sitting in a booth and John is against the wall and I ended up next to him. He's a smoker so whenever he needed to go smoke or drink I had to get up and he would rub my leg or something like that. We hated the band there so we all left around midnight and headed back to a friends house and just hung out there for a little and John came back with us but he left early cause he had to work the next day and he told everyone by and all the girls got hugs and the guys got handshakes and dap or whathaveu and I get that long hug and kiss on the cheek and the love you call me tomorrow.

    I went to the Motor Trend car show today and haven't talked to him all day. I don't know about this kid, he's just lost I think. :o I'm going to have a drink and some food... more to come!
     
  16. Tyweezy

    Tyweezy New Member

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    Yeah post the pics I want to see what he looks like. But honestly maybe hes just enjoying the fact that hes not the only gay kid on the block. Hopefully this will all pass. You know when somebody becomes available to you and you start liking them because you never thought it would be possible? That's what he's going through right now hopefully.
     
  17. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    This could be true, maybe he just needs to know another gay guy and preferably one he like. That could do it!
     
  18. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    He's next to me with the striped blazer on...

    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
    [​IMG]
     
  19. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    do what i do:

    go rogue.
     
  20. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    Let's go rogue together!
     
  21. Matitulo

    Matitulo If sexy never left then why is everybody on my shi

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    I was just going to ask in the other thread if any of these people were the ones you mentioned. How are things going with him/the rest of your crew?
     
  22. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    Well the past few days everyone has just been pretty laid back, haven't done much. A few of us went to the mall and out to dinner but not too much else. I'm supposed to be going to a concert tonight but I think I'm going to bail, just because I want to sleep.

    As for the guy, he told me last night that he was really depressed and hated his life. He said that he doesn't think he'll ever find anyone who he'll be able to care about but he hopes he does. Then today calls and says he misses me and that we need to spend more time together?

    I dunno, the kid is just a wreck!
     
  23. Matitulo

    Matitulo If sexy never left then why is everybody on my shi

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    :ugh:

    don't let him get attached, it'll only be more work for you if you're "just not that into him"

    speaking from experience, it's best to set feelings straight at the beginning than to let it linger.
     
  24. blaq19

    blaq19 New Member

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    Well, I've heard nothing from him at all really I seen him once this weekend and he was drunk or something. The one friend who I confide in thinks he's not truly gay or even experimenting that he's just doing it to get a little attention? We shall see... FMLife.com :o
     
  25. u got good friends. i doubt i could come out to any of mine... prolly wouldnt turn out so good.
     

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