SRS Arguing with GF about waking her up.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Slickismax, Jan 29, 2009.

  1. Slickismax

    Slickismax New Member

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    My GF and I basically live with each other and she is routinely late for work. She hates getting out of bed, and she will lay there for 45 minutes at least after she turns the TV on. All I've tried to do is make her aware of the time by kind of being her snooze button every 15 minutes. Well this morning she burst out with this rant about how she hates that I do this, that when I tell her what time it is she feels that I am telling her to get out of bed and that if she did get out of bed she would be taking orders from me, and that she is an adult and can get herself out of bed. Of course I just pointed out her history of her not geting out of bed, and pointed out that if I had a problem that was detrimental to myself I would hope that she would order me to stop, and the fact that she has been fired from a job for being late. I don't know how to proceed besides just letting her do her thing and be late all the time. It annoys me because to me a responsible adult can ge to work on time consistently. It also annoys me because I don't have to be at work for another hour, and we live closer to my job then hers. What should I do?
     
  2. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    Obviously irresponsible of her to do but you can't control your girlfriend or control her getting out of bed. It's up to her if she wants to or not. She paid the consequences once and she hasn't learned. Maybe the second time or third time around she'll realize how irresponsible she's being and straighten up her act.

    And I can understand her point of view. I hate getting out of bed in the morning, and on weekends, I'll just lay there for hours. :o I've got a job to get to though and realized it's more important than falling asleep again. But in result, I have about 5 alarms set in 5 - 10 minute increments just to get me up in the morning. :rofl:
     
  3. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    why do you think you need to be her mother?

    let her get fired again. she'll learn eventually.
     
  4. Slickismax

    Slickismax New Member

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    I guess I am being too controlling. I was just trying to help. I will stop babying here and let it ride out. Thanks guys.
     
  5. Pwen

    Pwen Guest

    Not necessarily, I've known a lot of girls who refuse or cannot understand things like this. The world revolves around and them until they get fired or something like that. Even then it's someone else fault.
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    then she won't. either way it's not his job to be her mother.




    and Slickismax, she resents you for telling her she's late. you know that, right?
     
  7. bluefox1081

    bluefox1081 New Member

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    When you say "my GF and I basically live together..." does that mean that you live together, or does that just mean she has her own house but is at your house all the time?

    If you do live together, and share the bills, then you do have reason to be concerned about her constant lateness and possible job loss that could result from it.

    If she lives somewhere else, then let her get fired and learn how to deal with it...and don't let her live at your place anymore.
     
  8. Jas0n

    Jas0n Антихрист

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    I think you've got the right idea, by trying to help correct behavior in a loved one that's bad. However, the method you employ here is what's going to determine your success or failure, and whether or not she'll wind up resenting your attempts to help.

    So she doesn't want to correct her behavior? If that's really the case, at the risk of sounding like an alarmist, I'd say you should move on - this behavior, coupled with a lack of interest in fixing it, shows tremendous irresponsibility. I mean, if it's cost her jobs, then her "addiction" to lounging in the morning is comparable to alcoholism. Would you stick with her if she had some kind of drug habit that cost her her job and that she still wouldn't kick?

    If you're considering health issues, skip sleep disorders and go to personality disorders. If it were strictly a sleep issue, she would be just as interested in fixing it as you are. As it stands... doesn't seem to be the case. So I suppose you have to weigh it out. Gross responsibility and an inclination toward resenting you for your virtues, is she worth that?
     
  9. Slickismax

    Slickismax New Member

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    I have a house, she has an apartment. We stay at her place during the week and mine on the weekends because her place is closer to her job. Her lease is up in March and she is moving in with me. We've already discussed marriage and she has already made some plans and set a date:noes:. I have yet to propose, but she has some financial issues that she wants to take care of before I do that, which is part of the reason why she is moving in with me so that she can pay off some of her debt. By the way, I am 28 and she is 33. It just seems ridiculous to me that a 33yo woman can't get her ass out of bed to make it to work on time.
     
  10. Deadhead9150

    Deadhead9150 Banned

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    I have to agree, 33 and still can't get her ass out of bed? Honestly, and no offense to your girlfriend, but that is kind of pathetic. Did she never have to get up to go to school? I just don't see how you can get to that age without having to get your ass out of bed. I'm 19 and I've been getting my ass out of bed for years.
     
  11. Slickismax

    Slickismax New Member

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    No offense taken. I honestly don't know how she got this far with this bad habit. If she were my employee I would have canned her a long time ago.
     
  12. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    some places do not require you to be there at a particular time. My job is an example. Although there is no required time to arrive, I still manage to get to work at a consistent time every day.


    buy her an alarm clock. Even if she has one, maybe another will help.


    I had a roommate that had 4 alarm clocks and he had them set to go off at different intervals an hour before he wanted to be out of bed. To me it was moronic, but hey we are not all the same.
     
  13. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    I used to be one of those people that would be lazy and get places late. My parents would take my brothers and I to disney world for vacations. My dad always insisted on getting up at like, 6am or so to be there early and get turns on all the rides without having to wait in long lines. I hated it. I hated getting up, I was not a morning person at all.

    I went a few years ago with my grandparents and the rest of the grandchildren. People were lazy, and lounged and didn't get to the park till noon or later. I HATED IT. We had to wait in long lines, we didn't get to see anything. It was crap.

    I now have the greatest understanding for timing. I hate to be places late, I usually leave myself 30mins extra to get ready and get on my way, even though I know it will not take me that long. Being around people that can't do things on time irks me. When I make plans with someone, and they can't get themselves ready to go to be there on time, just shows immaturity and lazyness. I also could not be with someone who was habitually late. Especially for marriage.

    I suggest that she does what I do. I know if I have to wake up in the morning for work or class I set my alarm 30 mins before I need to REALLY be up to get ready for the day. I use that 30 mins to just lay there and check up things on my computer, or just lay and enjoy the warmth of the bed before having to get up.
     
  14. no lol today

    no lol today Soy la bailarina de la muerta. OT Supporter

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    Ummm ... does she sometimes not remember protesting about being woken up?

    If she gets really mean about it does it seem like she doesn't recall?
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Some people might think it's petty, but IMO this is actually a big reason I could understand a couple breaking up. Why is that? Because things such as responsibility can be a large deal to someone and it can lead to more issues. In your case it's apparent you happen to be someone like me-I feel it's very irresponsible and rude to be late, not to mention if it's because you are lazy it drives me even more insane. There is no way I could seriously date or marry a guy that was consistently late to work and other functions because he didn't want to get out of bed.

    However, you can NOT act like a scolding mother. That's only going to turn her off more to you. The shitty part about your problem is this is something she has to want to fix. My guess? She's never going to change. Why after 33 years would she change now? Not because you asked I'm sure.

    So your best bet at this point is to have a serious talk with her. Apologize for treating her like a child but explain that you just feel everyone should be on time for work and with this failing economy you really don't want her to get fired. After that I wish you the best of luck because I have a feeling you are at that stage where you are seeing eachother's flaws.
     
  16. Frito

    Frito New Member

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    My sister has that problem. I always put my alarm about 15 minutes before I really need to jsut so I can get the snooze time and it'll feel like I slept more. But my sister even got fired from a job for that. She'll never learn
     
  17. Slickismax

    Slickismax New Member

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    She doesn't remember all of her protests, but she told me that she is a different person when she isn't fully awake. This morning she didn't get mean until after she was awake. Then she was resentful.
     
  18. Slickismax

    Slickismax New Member

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    Yeah, we are definitely running into that stage head on. I didn't think it would bother me as much as it does, but I really can't stand how irresponsible she is in this area.
     
  19. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Simply tell her that if she loses her job then she can't contribute to the household like a responsible adult would. So it is in your best interests to treat her like a child until she stops acting like one.
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I hear you man, loud and clear. I hate trying to be a downer but the logical side of me just feels it has to be pointed out because I think a lot of times people try to pretend those things don't matter to them, then they get married and those are the same flaws that end the marriage. When my bf and I first started dating he was sooo irresponsible. He was late to work pretty often, would call in if he felt like it and worst of all he would hit the snooze literally 5 times before finally waking up. Back then we weren't very serious so it didn't upset me very much but eventually I explained how much the snooze button part drove me nuts since I can't fall asleep once I wake up.

    He now hits the snooze one time and for the past 2 years has only been late to work 1 time and never calls in at the drop of a hat. I only worry that your girl at 33 is so set in her ways she wont change for anyone, even if it's for her well being :sad2:
     
  21. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    or, treat her like an adult until she can't (or doesn't) pay? don't "punish" her until she does wrong. if she's not getting fired then he should stay out of her business.

    he's not her mother.
     
  22. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    It is his business! You can't say two couples in a relationship, living under the same roof have to stay out of each others business. They are accountable on some level to each other. This isn't about her wearing blue and him wanting her to wear red. This is about her not being responsible and the outcome, should he leave her to her own devices, impacting him
     
  23. Slickismax

    Slickismax New Member

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    Well I am definitely going to have a talk with her about it tonight. It's weird that she won't call in and take a day off, even if she is sick or even these last few days with the ice storm here most of her office called in and she still went in. Maybe she thinks that as long as she shows up eventually it's okay? It's just kind of hard to believe that someone could have that mindset. You'd think she would be lazy all around, not just in that one area.
     
  24. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Have you suggested she go to the dr and get her blood levels checked? Maybe she has low iron? or something worse?
     
  25. Slickismax

    Slickismax New Member

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    That's the way I feel but this morning I started down that road and she quickly negated me with "I'm an adult and I can get my own self out of bed" so she obviously is sitting is 7960's corner. I think I either need to let her deal with it or find a way to get it into her head that it's important to be punctual.
     

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