ARGH! How long before I stop thinking so much about the ex-gf?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by puzzled_mike, Dec 3, 2008.

  1. puzzled_mike

    puzzled_mike New Member

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    This shit is really bugging me. I broke up with my girlfriend for the 5th (I think) and hopefully final time a week and a half ago. The problem is that, while I'm doing extremely well on the "no contact" clause, these intense feelings of sadness and missing her pop into my head randomly. It's the worst when I'm alone in bed at night, literally making myself ill with so many racing thoughts about her next hookup pounding his dick inside of her.

    We had a great physical attraction. Bluebirds kissed and tulips bloomed whenever we had sex, which is probably the reason why we got back together so many times. The problem lied in the fact that she just did not trust me whatsoever! Accusing me of staring at other girls when I was innocent, hinting at the possibility of me cheating, and other insecure attitudes were a common occurrence. It seemed like she never appreciated everything I do for her, taking her out lots of cool places, spending a fair amount of money, and listening to her problems.

    My question is: how the fuck do I get over her once and for all? It seems like the nostalgia of our sex life has me by the balls. I'm an attractive guy and know I can move on, but all of these sleepless nights are starting to catch up with me. Is a week and a half way too short to get over a year long adventurous relationship?
     
  2. forgotmyname

    forgotmyname Active Member

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    Date that you broke up + 6 months.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    If you are an attractive confident guy why don't you spend your nights out meeting women?

    You seem like the kind of guy that should follow the phrase "the best way to get over someone is under someone" or whatever it is. Basically stick to you no contact rule (because it's obvious all you miss is the sex, not the person) and get yourself out there meeting new women. Stop worrying about what she is doing.
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Ok this part has nothing to do with being over her. This is an insecurity inside of you, and it probably existed in you while you were with her. The beautiful thing about this is, you can face this right now and get over THIS relatively quickly, because it's an insecurity, and not really a measure of how much you miss her.

    This is you trying to control her (or rather WANTING to control who she sleeps with). You can't handle the idea because you believe that YOU are inadequate in some way. Face that inadequacy and you'll discover that this will not be an issue with you in the future (with her or anyone else, in or out of a relationship).

    Why do you miss that? ;)

    Look at it that way. You don't miss HER. All she ever did was nag you and get on your case. You're probably RELIEVED in that sense to be away from her.

    You miss the IDEA of her, and the security blanket of the relationship. That's what you miss. Realizing this helps A LOT, because it removes the desire to get back with her, which is really important in moving on.

    There's nothing you can do. Time is the only thing that will help you get over her.

    You can ease the pain by distraction, though. By getting so busy that you have no time to think about her. And if you lay in bed thinking of her, get out of bed and exercise and wear yourself out. Or read. Or watch a movie. Or play a game. Dont' lay in bed torturing yourself fighting to go to sleep. If you can't get her out of your head, get out of bed and do something to take your mind off of her. And then later try again. If you still can't stop and are fighting, get back up out of bed and do something else. Lather, rinse, repeat.

    You can help ease those bedtime woes, though, by taking some time for yourself and meditating on the relationship. Facing all the feelings and letting them flow through you. Let yourself cry great big sopping wet tears of sadness. It's cool. Nothing wrong with that. Instead of FIGHTING those negative feelings, just experience them and move through them.
     
  5. teep

    teep New Member

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    i hear you man. i'm in the same boat as you and it sucks. i even kept calling my last date by my ex's name :o failboat.jpg

    the night is the worst. i fall asleep with the TV on cause it keeps my mind from wandering, but i still wake up constantly reaching for someone thats not there.
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Oh, I forgot to throw out another tip:

    Try sleeping on the couch for a while. That really helped me get over my need to have someone with me in bed.
     
  7. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    werd.


    even in a ldr if i was lonely, i'd go sleep on the couch. :hsd:
     
  8. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    its only been a week and a half? give yourself some time. this will suck for a while, but it WILL get better. stick with the no contact rule, and do like others suggest, keep yourself busy and go sleep on the couch
     
  9. Arkaybee

    Arkaybee New Member

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    This is win.

    I came to realize this after I got divorced and it helped a ton knowing that I missed the companionship more than anything else. I spent a lot of time with friends to keep me busy. I forced myself to go to parties and social events even tho I would rather spend time by myself at home because it kept me from feeling sad.
     
  10. puzzled_mike

    puzzled_mike New Member

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    Thanks for taking the time to write this up, I really appreciate it! When you talk about my insecurity reguarding her having sex with other guys, do you mean that I'm insecure with my sexual performance? Because that's not an issue, I'm pretty confident in that sense.

    As far as the security blanket thing, I know it's true, but it's difficult to tell apart feelings sometimes. When I miss her, am I simply longing for the companionship and physical affection?

    I guess since it was my first "real" long term relationship, combined with the fact that I've known her since high school, makes it that much harder to realize it really is over. I think my problem is that when we first got together, I had an ideal picture in my head of what the relationship would turn out like. When this didn't happen, I became in denial and kept trying to make a lost cause work out.
     
  11. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    It's a grieving part of a breakup and is necessary for you to eventually get over her once and for all. Give it some time.
     
  12. CorpseStreet

    CorpseStreet New Member

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    A friend of mine said this to me a while ago and I'll say it to you, it's easier to get over the old girl when you're under a new one. Try meeting new girls. Being by yourself is only going to make it that much harder to get over her. You deserve better than some one who is going to project their insecurities onto you so go out and find that.
     
  13. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    You're doing better than me with the no contact. Still talk to my ex but broke up for different reasons. I only ever occasionally miss the idea of sex with her, and it's been about 4 months or so now. Had it since with other people, but she was blow your mind amazing.

    Once you realise you are only missing the sex, then go out and get some more. Problem over.
     
  14. puzzled_mike

    puzzled_mike New Member

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    It's not just the sex, it's having her lying next to me in my bed and caressing her. Having a good laugh on a daily basis. Things like that and all the companionship that comes along with it.
     
  15. k1ko

    k1ko OT Supporter

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    just takes time
     
  16. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    From what you said it doesn't sound like you miss her at all. Sounds like you miss having someone, which is very different.

    That being said, I still think about my ex on a regular basis and we've been apart for about 3 years now. We were pretty much inseparable for over 4 years though. Even so, it was more or less destined to end at some point. Cest la vie. Now I have a girlfriend of over 2 years who I love and I wouldn't pick my ex over her any day of the week.
     
  17. Boudreaux

    Boudreaux Active Member

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    that is the best advice i've heard it a long time :h5:
     
  18. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I sleep with tons of pillows. Get your longest pillows and put one on each side of you when you sleep. I've gotten so used to having my pillows that when my girlfriend spends the night I actually miss the pillows. Hah!
     
  19. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Many people say a day for every week you were together. I can tell you that while I stopped feeling sad and crappy 3mo after a brake up from a 2 year relationship (about right)... I am still not sure I want another relationship like that... at least I am not going to be the one to initiate and do the work.
     
  20. teep

    teep New Member

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    thats a long time to feel this crappy. not looking forward to it
     
  21. puzzled_mike

    puzzled_mike New Member

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    What would be the other "kind of guy"? Isn't this the route that every man takes?
     
  22. MCohen

    MCohen #NotMyPresident #AmericaIsAlreadyGreat #GoSolar OT Supporter

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    Get out there and start talking to other girls. If after seeing a couple girls, you still miss her, call her up and try to work things out.
     
  23. Savage5point0

    Savage5point0 Im an asshole.

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    Go out with friends and drink heavily.
     
  24. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Do things you want to do to get your mind off her. I worked on my club's boat, went skating, and went wakeboarding a LOT. This helped even more because they were all things she never got into so we never did them together.

    Dont let it distract you from work/school

    The actual pain really ended once I started flirting with other girls, even if it was meaningless because I knew I wouldnt pursue a relationship at that point. Once I got into the pants of another girl I literally felt nothing for the other girl as far as remorse or w/e.

    My case was more difficult because she kept contacting me and I had no say in ending it. It came out of the blue with no warnings and then she just started treating me like complete crap.
     
  25. GammaRadiation

    GammaRadiation Active Member

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    Right after the brake up, I say no, never, stay as sober as posisble....well X might be good because it'd make you love everyone around you. lol

    However, alcohol makes you drunk dial and marijuana makes you over think things.
     

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