SRS Argh. Girl problems and whatnot (long read)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by D-FENS, Apr 8, 2008.

  1. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2002
    Messages:
    5,197
    Likes Received:
    0
    (This post isn't really going to have much structure or direction, I guess I'm mostly just venting, telling my story, and alot of alot of crap that happened in the past. I'll probably edit/add stuff to this post when it comes to mind)

    Me: I'm 18 and a freshman in college. I'm generally a popular, well-liked guy, I have lots of friends, both guys and girls. I'm a very sociable person, I can get along with just about anybody. People say I'm crazy, and I tend to agree, not in the "that guy's crazy, don't go near him," way but in the "you gotta meet my friend, he's crazy, you'll love him!" way. Not the typical "crazy guy" you can find in any group of friends. All of my friends tell me they've never met anybody else remotely like me. I'm generally a very nice person, nicer than most people. I never backstab anybody, I never say anything bad about anybody, any time anybody needs something I'm always the first person to help. I'm a very real person. I always say exactly what I think, I never pretend to be anything I'm not.
    As far as looks go, I'd say I have an alright looking face, I've got some fat on me, but I'm not what you'd consider to be a fat person. The only celebrity I can think of that has a similar build is Brad Garrett (Ray's brother in Everybody Loves Raymond). I'm no Johnny Depp or anything, but I certainly wouldn't consider myself to be ugly.

    I've never been with a girl. Never had sex, never made out with a girl, the most I've ever gotten was a "just friends" peck from my prom date junior year. I've never had a real girlfriend (I technically had a girlfriend when I was in 8th grade, but we only went out 4 or 5 times, most we every did was hold hands for maybe half a minute, she had no real interest in me, she just wanted to be able to say she had a boyfriend).
    Only 2 girls have ever expressed interest in me. One was totally crazy, and not the "fun crazy" or typical "crazy bitch," but "is this girl going to try to stab me because I turned her down?" kind of crazy. The other girl was pretty cool actually, we hung out a few times over a month or two, she said she "kind of" liked me but didn't want to get together since we lived 45 minutes apart (we were 14 at the time so neither of us could drive) and she couldn't handle having such a long distance relationship. We were still pretty close, but then one day she just stopped talking to me, any time I tried to talk to her on the phone/AIM she'd act uninterested, suddenly say she had to leave, stuff like that. We started talking again this year, but she clearly has no interest in me as anything more than a friend.

    Alot of the other girls I have gone after were friends, but I know now that usually never works out. I started trying to go after girls before "friendzoning" happens, but none of them ever had any interest in me either, but they still liked me as a friend, and I still hang out with alot of them, but only as friends. My brother and his girlfriend have tried hooking me up with some of their friends, but as usual, they think I'm a cool guy to hang out with, but they don't want to be any more than friends.

    I've always felt a sort of emptiness in my life since I started high school. I had thought that that emptiness would be filled if I had a girlfriend (that's what the media is always telling us). It wasn't until this year that I finally sat down and thought about it, and realized that whatever it is that's missing from my life, just having a girlfriend isn't really going to change much. I realized that for the most part, while alot of these girls I've tried to get together with are nice people and make decent friends, I didn't really have very strong feelings for them. So I then started thinking that it's not just a girl I needed, but the right girl. however, thinking about it more, picturing myself with "the right girl" (one in particular), that it would make my current situation better, but there's still something big missing from my life, and I don't know what.

    "The right girl" happens to be a very close friend of mine. Unlike most of the other girls I've been interested in in the past, she really does have everything I could want in a girl. There's no other girl I know who's like her, whereas most of the other girls I've liked, while they did have certain things about them that set them apart from others, for the most part they were just your average girl. This girl, when I really think about her, I know why I like her, she is the perfect girl to me. With all other girls I have liked, even at the time when I was interested in them, I really didn't/don't know why I had any affinity for them in particular. I've had strong feelings for this girl since this past summer, but she had a boyfriend at the time, and I just got the feeling from her that she only wanted to be friends, But during my first semester here at college, my feelings for her got stronger. When I was back for winter break, she had since broken up with her boyfriend, I still didn't get the feeling she wanted to be more than friends, but I felt that I had to say something to get it off my chest. As I was dropping her off at her house one day, I asked her what she'd say if I told her I liked her as more than a friend. She said sorry, but she doesn't feel that way about me. I told her that's what I thought, I just needed to get it off my chest, she seemed cool with that. After that we still hung out and got along just fine, no real awkwardness or anything. The only time we've talked about it since then was spring break, we smoked together with a couple friends, everyone else left to get snacks, so it was just us left in the room. We somehow got on the topic of awkward relationship kind of stuff, I told her that even though I still have feelings for her, I understand that she just wants to be friends, and that I want her to know that I'm not going to try to make her change her mind or win her over, and to please try not to mind it if it ever seems like I am (I sometimes try to hit on her or casually say something like "you're a great friend I love ya" when I'm drunk). She said it's ok, don't worry about it. The tough thing is that usually when I know a girl isn't interested in me, I get over her in a few weeks, but I've had feelings for this girl for almost a year now. I know I'll eventually get over her, but it's hurting in the meantime.

    Cliffs:
    I'm a not-bad-looking, generally popular guy.
    I've never gotten more than a "just friends" peck/kiss.
    I've never had any girl (who wasn't nuts) show any interest in me.
    I've never had a real girlfriend (only a bullshit 8th grade girlfriend who didn't have any real interest in me and who I only went out with 4 or 5 times)
    I feel a big emptiness in my life but I don't know whats supposed to fill it, and it doesn't seem like a girl fits the bill.
    I have strong feelings for one of my best friends, and I can't get her out of my head.
     
  2. stormywaters

    stormywaters Tornadoes are just wind...

    Joined:
    Nov 15, 2006
    Messages:
    1,178
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Minnesota
    You have to just keep going out there and meeting new girls. Don't let the past rejections get you down, you'll lose your confidence. You just need to find that girl that shares your interests.
     
  3. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    I didn't get far past the fact that you are only 18.

    In the grand scheme of life hun you are really really young. You are the only one preventing yourself from finding more women and being in a relationship. It's all in your head and then how you present yourself to new women. Get up some confidence in yourself!

    You are well-liked (as you say) and are in a college filled with women. Failure is always going to be imminent but you can't let any rejections get you down and give up hope. Not every girl is going to like you, get over it and move on to the next one :)
     
  4. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,002
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Raleigh, NC
    This should be your user text :mamoru:
     
  5. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    At least I didn't say "You are 18. You are old and have had issues with women obviously....so it'd be best to give up now." :rofl:

    I'm just trying to make it understood (because younger people have a knack for thinking they are old, wise and all-knowing) that he has a lot of life left to live, and at 18 giving up would just be silly. All there is to say is get out there more and keep meeting women. And maybe read some of that PUA material :dunno:
     
  6. hbrown023

    hbrown023 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2006
    Messages:
    108
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ATL
    You are young..as everyone else has said. I knew a guy who was 21, good looking, funny, "crazy" (in the good way), and he had never been laid or had a girlfriend until he was 21. So there is hope.
     
  7. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    you haven't embraced your sexuality

    women are attracted to sexual men, not men who are ashamed or conflicted or insecure about their sexual identity (which is in no way calling you gay)
     
  8. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    an ugly, sexual man will fare better than a physically-attractive and popular man who doesn't communicate his sexuality to her
     
  9. bradh

    bradh New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2005
    Messages:
    16,021
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Dallas
    Truth man. If you're slow to move on that stuff they won't be interested (most likely.)


    Threadstarter:
    You need to make some moves when you first meet new girls... or relatively newer girls.

    Drop the feelings for your best girl friend as that shit never works out. Plus, she will end up with some other dude and you will feel like shit about it. (i read a couple of your paragraphs but then skipped to cliffs, so I dunno if she is single currently or not.)


    Also, my most fun relationships have been with girls who I did stuff with THE FIRST NIGHT upon meeting them. It doesn't have to be sex but.... head in that direction - especially if you think you're interested or could be in the future. Chances are if you don't make a move early you will be friendzoned no matter what.
     
  10. D-FENS

    D-FENS New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 13, 2002
    Messages:
    5,197
    Likes Received:
    0
    Believe me I'd like to drop the feelings for the best friend girl, but as we all now its not as easy as just saying "hm, I'll stop liking her now" and it's done. Though if anybody has any advice on how to stop liking a a girl (but still maintaining the friendship), I'd appreciate that.

    I've tried making moves the first night, those have all been unsuccessful. There was once where I was on the couch with her, she had her head on my shoulder, but everyone else was outside (this place has couches outside) so I figured it would be kind of wierd to make a move right there in front of everyone. When they all went inside, I was about to make a move, then bam, starts pouring rain out of nowhere. We go in, she decides to head home, offers me a ride, we get to my place I ask if she wants to come in, she says she has to work in the morning but she gives me her number. I try texting her a few days later, ask if she wants to hang out or go eat somewhere, no answer. My brother asks me who it is, turns out he knows her, and she's a total (as in not bi) lesbian. wtf?

    I understand that I'm young and still have a lot of time, and I'll keep trying, but you know that 5 years of trying, and getting absolutely nothing, is gonna be a bit discouraging.

    The thing is, I don't even really want to hook up with/date girls anymore. (And not guys either if that's what you're thinking) I don't really think sex will be that good. Physically, sex does the same thing to my cock that wackin it does - Perhaps warmer/tighter/softer, but it is essentially the same action. Would I be wrong to say that the vest majority of the pleasure of sex, compared to wackin it, is psycholigical (and keep in mind psychological pleasure can translate into felt physical pleasure). However, I don't know whether I really don't think sex will be that good, or if I've just convinced myself of that so I don't feel so down about not being good with girls.

    Considering my real lack of actually wanting to get with girls, I think what bothers me about not being good with girls is not the fact that I'm not getting any, but rather a problem with myself, that I'm dissapointed in myself for not succeeding with girls.
     
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2008

Share This Page