Are you truthful in your compliments?!

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Deborah, May 29, 2009.

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when you compliment your SO do you mean it?

  1. I'm a guy and most of the time that I compliment a SO I mean it!

    48 vote(s)
    61.5%
  2. I'm a guy and I just say something to please her, I might mean it or not.

    13 vote(s)
    16.7%
  3. I'm a girl and most of the time that I compliment a SO I mean it!

    16 vote(s)
    20.5%
  4. I'm a guy and I just say something to please him, I might mean it or not.

    1 vote(s)
    1.3%
  1. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    So, due to lack of self confidence, I tend not to believe when people compliment me on my looks. When it comes to boy friends I am even more skeptical. I feel like if they ever say something good about you it is because they want you to feel comfortable in your own skin so that they can get laid and you can be happy and again this is why they rarely ever complain about how you look or dress. I would rather them to be honest with me tho, maybe that way I could change things or at least be able to believe I might be as good as they say.

    Now I don't have a lot of experience and what I say might not be true for many guys or girls, this is why I created this poll just to check!

    PS: I am honest myself and sometimes even harsh except when it comes to penis size:mamoru:
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Lots of people give shallow compliments for the sake of getting laid.

    Compliments from strangers = don't carry much weight.

    Compliments from your SO = they better be serious


    That being said, most women are low self esteem and don't believe you when you compliment them, even if they're your gf.
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    btw poll option 4 should be "girl"
     
  4. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    ouch, how do I correct it? I hope girls get it that I meant girls:p
     
  5. bs2100

    bs2100 New Member

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    I mean what I say most of the time but I might over exaggerate or leave stuff out sometimes if I know they're self conscious about it.

    But I'm like you, Deborah, sometimes I don't really believe them unless it's something I can see for myself. I think my nose looks kind of goofy and every time a girl tells me something positive about my looks I think they're just being nice (unless there's some "action" to prove that they're serious).
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yeah, I never compliment anyone unless I mean it. I hate people who throw around compliments like confetti.
     
  7. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    On that note, do you know what I HATE?

    When someone compliments you, you say "thanks," and they reply "no problem."

    It makes the compliment seem insincere, like they were just doing it for your benefit.

    I've heard this more than once, but I suppose some people may be so conditioned to saying "no problem" in response to "thanks" that they don't realize they're doing it in this situation.
     
  8. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    that can totally be it.
     
  9. seismic

    seismic New Member

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    Yeah, I say "no problem" a lot, so I'm probably guilty of that.

    I only give compliments when I mean it. I personally would think that a compliment from a stranger should be taken seriously. The stranger isn't gaining anything by giving you a compliment. They must be saying it because they mean it. When it's coming from a friend it could be sincere, or they could just be saying it to make you feel comfortable.
     
  10. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    What's wrong with complimenting someone because you mean it AND because you want to get laid?
     
  11. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    If you mean it there is nothing wrong with it. But if my SO compliments me just for the sake of me liking him, I would not like that.
     
  12. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    I rarely compliment, but when I do it's for real, don't like the idea of giving false happiness to anyone.
     
  13. fluentinsilence

    fluentinsilence New Member

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    In the end, I don't care about trying so hard to get laid, so if I compliment someone, it's usually sincere. I'm naturally so honest, that it feels very weird to flat-out lie in order to garner some benefit from a compliment. I don't like it when people patronize me with false compliments, so I try not to do it to others.
     
  14. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    9/10 times its sincere but sometimes its just to cheer someone up or I know she put a lot of effort in.
     
  15. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    the happiness would be real.
     
  16. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    "false happiness" means the person is happy for something that is not true, but she thinks it is true. I think he used it right.
     
  17. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    you could look at it that way, and likely be chronically unhappy, or you could say that you are truly happy about someone doing you a kindness, no matter how truthful "you look nice today" may be on an absolute scale.
     
  18. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I am a very forward and honest person. Most of the time this is to a fault. I say what I think, not what I should say.

    So in reply to this question I won't compliment ANYONE, not even a stranger, unless I believe what I am saying.

    That said I compliment my husband all the time. Most of the time it is purely because I am thinking it in my head and I figure if I am thinking it I should say it so nothing is left unsaid. I do the same with kissing him or similar. If I sit there and think 'Hmm, I wouldn't mind ___ing him right now" I walk over and do it.

    I wouldn't want someone to compliment me just for the sake of it. I would prefer people compliment me because they believe it. I would be much more upset if they said it and didn't mean it, than if they never said it. Giving false compliments is lying to me, pure and simple
     
  19. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    FUCKING WERD

    You have no idea who glad I am to see that I'm not the only one who thinks so.
     
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    That's ironic. You start that one.

    You are doing the exact same thing by saying "thanks."

    What are you thanking them for?

    By saying thank you for a compliment YOU set up that frame.

    For that very reason, I used to get annoyed when people said "thank you" after I complimented them. It framed it as if I had been "nice" rather than simply honest.

    It got to the point where, when people said, "Thank you," I would say, "Oh it was my pleasure, any time. Fun," just to tease them for saying, "Thank you."

    (Then I became social. But that is a different topic.)
     
  21. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    I'm very much the same way. And I have a hard time with accepting compliments, especially from my SO. I'm somehow convinced he's blinded by love. :o Which seems to make sense to no one but me. Go figure.
     
  22. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    Shit. That's a really good point.
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Falconer here is another way to look at it.

    When you say, "Thank you," for a compliment you are thanking someone for being brave enough to put themselves on the line like that.

    When they say, "Your welcome," they are acknowledging their own courage.

    Another important use for, "Thank you," is just that words are vehicles for expressing emotions. The phrase itself doesn't have to mean what you're expressing, it is the way you say it. It can mean surprised happiness, it can mean annoyance, it can mean whatever you put into the phrase.

    I feel like these online conversations about social dynamics are very limited because they're text-based.
     
  24. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :wiggle:
     
  25. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    I think SOs do get blinded by love for sure. But all their compliments are not just for blindness, but to make you happy. At least this is what I think. I don't wanna be happy because of lies tho:squint:

    oh one question, my SO rarely compliments me outside of bed. I mean he does, but once in a while if I wear something new or something.(and I don't really mind it) But when I am naked in bed or sometimes when he wants to get me in mood, he starts complimenting, does that back up my theory?:wtc:
     

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