FRK Are You Out?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Bubba Atlantis, Oct 31, 2008.

  1. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    I was having a lovely little conversation over dinner last night with Lovely and we were discussing the degree to which we want/are/can come out to the people around us. This can mean fetish wise or, in our case, our open relationship.

    We were discussing how it is still very frowned upon (Kink of any kind) by society and how you have to be careful about things. Since mine and Lovely's change to the kink community and opening up our relationship a bit more, we have found that a lot of our previous friends we do not hang out with anymore. This isn't because we have no interest in doing so, but more that they (and us) feel awkward around one another due to judgements about the lifestyle we chose.

    Lovely made a comment about relating it to be gay. She stated (and I agree) that she never fully understood the need for a 'Gay Pride Parade' as sexuality has no impact on the person you are and should not matter in the world. However, since immersing ourselves into the kink community more, we have begun to understand that feeling as you are constantly judged for your sexual decisions.

    This got us to discussing the degree to which we want to be out to those around us. Currently, especially the open relationship stuff, it does not make sense for us to allow everyone to know as we are both young and going into professions where it might not be the best if this information was common knowledge; at least to begin with. However, we did state that we did not want to really hide our true selves.


    Thus, the discussion that I propose to the FS community is:

    How out are you about your kink to those around you (friends/family/co-workers/etc)?

    How do you feel around non-kink individuals as far as judgement goes? Do you feel your decisions are accepted by those around you that are not a part of a general kink community? This, of course can include open relationships, but also dress, activities, interests, etc.


    Thoughts?
     
  2. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Thanks, but I was not questioning the validity of Pride nor interpreting its' meaning. Rather, I was simply using it as an illustration.
     
  3. korrosion

    korrosion New Member

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    Some friends are aware of the nature of the relationship between my and my SO. Most are not. None of my family are aware due to their conservative nature. None of my co-workers are aware due to my almost obsessive avoidance of discussing my personal life at work.

    Of those who know, they dont judge me and I can ask them for advice. Some of those who know share similar kinks, others are vanilla and just good friends.
     
  4. Mighty_Zeus

    Mighty_Zeus Guest

    There are those that we know to be reserved around.

    Mostly, we have the same attitude as you two, and that is if they want to be our friends, they have to know us for who we are and be okay with that. If they are not okay with it, then we typically do not stay friends, and while that may be sad, it says enough about those people to make the separation pretty painless.

    Living in such a small town it is difficult to hide it even if we wanted to. The local freaks get together regularly at a common bar and we do not let the fact that there is an audience hamper our public fun.

    :)

    As far as family is concerned, a great majority of my family knows where I stand and how I stand. her side is aware of the fact that I am the dominant role in the relationship, but I do not think they know the extent to which we conduct ourselves. My myspace is enough for anyone to work out the details ~ I do not hide it, but I do not flaunt it any more that what can be seen there.

    Cheers
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 31, 2008
  5. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I'm pretty open about it. I don't go out of my way to showcase everything but if people ask me "what's this, what's that" then I'll tell them. Most of the time they don't believe me anyway.
     
  6. IslanderOffRoad

    IslanderOffRoad Do you even lift kit? OT Supporter

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    We're pretty closed about it. Only one of my friends knows and thats because he's the one we've done a 3 some with.
     
  7. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    depends on the group. some fully open, some probably would be surprised I'm dating.
     
  8. I see no reason to be open about being kinky in bed what you do in your bed is your own personal thing. i dont even know why i came out ever (the closet, not the kink closet) all it really does it let people bash on you. i did meet my favorite person ever because of coming out though so i guess thats a benefit.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 1, 2008
  9. DvBoard

    DvBoard New Member

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    I try to be "open" to some people about what i like in hope that i can find someone who shares my interest, but to others: it's none of their business...
     
  10. sportsjunkie

    sportsjunkie OT Supporter

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    it's no one's business what i do
    so no
     
  11. CaiWooBlue

    CaiWooBlue New Member

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    Our friends know about our open relationship. Our family doesnt.

    We wont continue to remain friends with someone who chooses to judge us based on who we have relationships with. In the case of family, its easier to simply not tell them so as to not deal with the crap we would get about it.
     
  12. vlsi0n

    vlsi0n New Member

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    You came out because you didn't like pretending anymore?? :ugh2:

    The kink closet is a matter of who you're around, usually I keep that stuff to myself -- unless it's with my closest friends.
     
  13. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    A few people with the same appetites are aware of our 4some but for the most part, people have been left to assume what they will. One of our parties has a job such that the revelation would make their work-life MORE difficult.
     
  14. Soybomb

    Soybomb New Member

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    My family and coworkers have no need to know about my sex life. Most of my friends probably know.
     
  15. Eugene Wildwood

    Eugene Wildwood Foxbody for life!

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    Like the other above, If asked, I explain but I don't just go around throwing what I do in peoples faces.
     
  16. I'd say it more necessary to tell someone you're gay than tell them you have rope in your bedroom. :hsugh:
     
  17. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    nope. Well not really any way. People know I'm sexually adventurous wiht regard to kink and role play and stuff like that (within reason) but, no, we're not out about how far into this we are.
     
  18. ShoverBot

    ShoverBot OT Supporter

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    .
     
  19. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    The lives and careers of several people I am associated with could get seriously fucked if people really knew. It's part of why we don't play inpublic as much as some.
     
  20. jsx730

    jsx730 If found wandering, send back to FS...

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    While what we do and who we do it in the bedroom with is no one's business, sometimes it's hard to keep it entirely in the bedroom. We keep our family in the dark, as well as our coworkers, but most of our friends know, and the ones who don't like it generally didn't stay friends for very long.
     
  21. MAD PUNK inDC

    MAD PUNK inDC Sic Semper Tyrannis

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    I don't go out of my way to tell people about my sexual preferences, but I don't hide it either. If somebody don't like it, they can go fuck themselves with a brick.
     
  22. sparklwazngurly

    sparklwazngurly New Member

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    I know this is old, but I've been gone and I am pretty proud of myself for shotgunning the doors of my closet completely. I went out to see my family with my kid for New Years. Immediately after the New Years Eve party where my parents introduced their "oldest son" to all of their neighbors, I told my parents that I am trangendered Male to Female (MtF) and that I had a preference for females, though I have been with more men than women. I have made huge strides since the sabatical I took from FS after my assault. I am doing Laser Hair removal, I have changed my name and ID's. I finally cut all the strings and dropped the crutches of hanging onto the assumed male persona.

    My family took it kinda of hard, but not nearly as bad as I feared. They felt I should have told them when I figured it out 6 or so years ago, or even 20 years ago when things felt off. They also said they would need time to grieve since their son was now dead, and they'd have to get used to the new daughter/sister thing. I spent the rest of the time out there, calling and telling the rest of my family.

    It feels selfish a bit, that I couldn't carry the burden of pretending for them any longer. But overall, I am relieved.
     
  23. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    My husband and I have a standard monogamous relationship. I have fooled around with girls in my past, but I am committed to my husband and while he is fine with me being with other women, I am not.

    Emotionally I don't agree with open marriages. I don't know why, I just feel as if marriage is something between two people and that it shouldn't be entered into if you don't 'forsake all others'. That said, I am aware people enter marriages and cheat or abuse each other and it isn't 'kinky' people that shit on the idea of marriage.

    Logically I think what two people choose to do in their relationship is their business. So long as it is agreed upon and no one is pressured good for them. However, and I now this is a misconception (I hope it is :p), I still have a feeling that people in open relationships will try to crack onto taken members of society and I am not interested in socialising with people who don't respect my marriage.

    So, when I hear about people I know who have open relationships I get iffy. I don't know why, but I guess I feel threatened in some way.
     
  24. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    :hug:Congrats! I was wondering how you were and almost PM'd you but I know sometimes you need to step away and regroup.

    Welcome Back :wavey:
     
  25. sparklwazngurly

    sparklwazngurly New Member

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    Thank you thank you. Happy to come back and see everyone.
    :hugot:
     

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