SRS Are you driven by an existential crisis?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by blackbirdbeatle, Dec 23, 2009.

  1. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2005
    Messages:
    5,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm doing a bit of an audit on my life; what I've done in the past and why I've done it. It seems to me that many of the major decisions that I've made has been the result of what others would call an existential crisis.

    It's not that I'm having trouble with the reality that I have to create my own meaning in life, it's the fact that I feel like many of the big things I do are a waste of my life. Something that I believe is extremely valuable as you only get one chance and that's it.

    In fact, I attribute such a high value in creating a purposeful existence that I sometimes flake out on plans I have made or have been laid out for me because I keep weighing my actions with the fact that in 80 or so years (If I'm lucky) I will not exist and so I better do the things that truly make me happy or actually helps out those I care about. This has been good and bad as I have lived quite a full life as a result in terms of experiences that are meaningful to me (And hopefully I've enriched others) but I'm not as far as I think I should be. This is especially true career wise but also with romantic relationships (Not in terms of getting girls, but having something meaningful out of it).

    I'm also not talking about the day to day things that run my life, such as housework, paying bills, or family obligations that I'd rather not do, but more of the general direction I'm headed in. I have no qualms in stopping my current work and moving onto something else abruptly (This is easier because some of my jobs have been entreprenurial). Sometimes it has to do with me getting bored and sometimes it has to do with the comparison that what I'm doing really has little to no meaning in anything that I value, like my retail management job or spinning BS for companies as a PR guy. So I better get the hell out and do something else because my life is short.

    I guess what I miss is having any flow experiences associated with things that I spend 8 hours a day doing. Things that I need to do to pay the bills. I'd be happy building cool looking furniture for a living if it gave me a flow experience doing so.

    I realise that most people don't like their work, but in weighing their options, do they have that voice in the back of their minds that time is short and if you don't like what you're doing you should move on? Of a constant need to examine what they are doing and act if it's not near where they feel they should be? Or do most people not think of that stuff? I guess I'm lucky in that I have experience in several in-demand trades to fall back on while I switch careers.

    I know one answer is to just be; to be content with whatever I'm doing. It's really hard for me to do this though and I imagine I have never had a really good template to assist me in reaching this end. Is it naive for me to refuse the notion that life is tough, therefore I have to do whatever it takes to pay the bills, even if it costs me developing an identity along the way (Almost complete obedience to societal norms, but in this case these people don't really hate much of anything that is within the norms) or a negative deviation from my values in a less extreme example? I just look at what people who say this have in terms of bills and obligations and I wonder if they realise that they didn't really need to go down that path to create a happy life and a happy family. That their life is the result of their own actions and not the tough ol' world.

    Or maybe it's just Anomie, although I sure as shit hope not. I like to think I have a little more faith in my existence and the world as meaningful than a Camus or Dostoevsky character.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2009
  2. untoastytoast

    untoastytoast The Glory Days

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2004
    Messages:
    10,842
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    The Palace of Auburn Hills
    it seems like you are almost trying too hard to enjoy life and make sure you don't waste a moment, just let go of the wheel and little bit and let life happen, it'll be beautiful no matter what happens.
     
  3. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2005
    Messages:
    5,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    Let me clarify, I enjoy the little things, cooking a meal for friends an family, right now, how it's snowing those big fluffy flakes at night but there is no wind and it's dead silent. I don't frantically rush around trying to cram all the shit from those 1000 things to do before you die books.

    What I can't shake is the big things I'm doing leaving me with a feeling of anxiety and a sense that more often than not, I really dislike the path. I feel a disconnect that our culture or society is supposed to fill in at least somewhat for me by virture that I'm a part of it but is failing to do so in almost every conceivable way. I don't want to take this in the direction of the cliched consumerism-sheep-no-identity rant (I really do like buying things like video games, nice clothes, etc...) but how can I make change around me when I'm stumbling around myself? When the things that create change and something meaningful that people can attribute to a sense of identity are almost universally shunned in public? It seems there is little help for me to get in a stride. It's frustrating that I seem to be onto something that will not only help me out but others, yet I can't figure out how to get started on it.

    People have suggested reading I Ching, Meditations and other such things but maybe I'm not smart enough to place what they say in my own life. I get what they are saying but it's as useful to me in making change is someone telling me to follow my dreams.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    What you need to do is 'reach the masses', if you feel that what you do needs to have an impact, then that thing obviously must be experienced by multiple people. The people who stand out are those who are able to influence the masses, wether it be negative or positive(but strive for positve of course) that way you can leave a mark. For instance a music song that reaches millions, or an invention that helps billions of people. i think what you need to do is expand the impact of what you do so that it actually would make a more widespread change rather then a single drop of water on a hot pan.
     
  5. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    I've worked corporate jobs for over 15 years now and I have talked to many, many people along the way that have expressed similar feelings as you. I've had them myself.

    You should explain this more, with examples:
    You may find that things are shunned by a great number of people but fuck them. If you want to live a certain way, make it so but realize that other may not "get" what you're doing. So what...if your path is meaningful to you then it really doesn't matter who else validates it as "acceptable". Your judgment is as worthy as anyone elses.

    The 4 Hour Work Week
    is a book that really challenges what most people think of when they think of working and living. It's an excellent book about challenging and changing all the things we do in a day to fill up those 8 hours of work.

    Work is a means to help you live the life you want to live. The meaning of your life if something different. Just because a job/career isn't satisfying doesn't mean it's bad.

    I will also say that reading your posts makes me realize how terribly affected you are by other people's perceptions about how your live your life. You're trying to live up to some ideal standards and while you focus on one aspect, you're deeply critical of what you're NOT focusing on.

    When you get to my age, you realize you simply can't do everything in life and that's OK. It's OK to specialize, it's OK if you don't do everything in life perfectly. It's OK if you don't suck out 100% percent of the marrow of life at every possible second that you're alive. It's OK to spend lots and lots of time wasting time.

    Less judgment more acceptance.
     
  6. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2005
    Messages:
    5,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    Those that do something that will eventually benefit mankind or move it in a new direction are almost always shunned by not only the public but by colleagues in their field that should have the foresight to see what the potential is. I'm sure you can think of many great people that had a terrible time trying to implement their ideas that would eventually change the course of human history. On a more common scale, whenever someone deviates from the norm the shit hits the fan.

    For the second part, I'm talking about doing something that helps you to understand who you are and helps you grow. Not to sound trite but too many of us are shells. We don't benefit in any way other than monetary from the 8 hours we put in and that's a shame. For me it's not worth the sacrifice of trudging through 1/3 of your life to make the leisurely 1/3 a little bit better.


    An example of following your own path is me trying to get a job and employers telling me they won't hire me because I've done so many things on my own. That I'll get bored and want to start something by myself. I'm getting good at deflecting this with the usual BS, but I can't help but feel bad that all the work I put into starting my businesses is a negative to many people.
    I have strong opinions about self-help bloggers and I won't get into it here but I will say that I have read it and there is some great information in it for sure.

    To you maybe but it's all relative when it comes to value judgments. To me it's absolutely bad that I would work towards an unsatisfying career so that I can enjoy my free time. Who says there aren't thousands of other things that you can get satisfaction from most of the working day and still enjoy your free time? In fact there is, for every person, but most don't want tot take the risk associated with it. The possibility of starting over is scary. Golden handcuffs aren't just for people earning lots of money.

    Not at all. There are very few people in this world whose opinion I care about. I'm just tired of getting knocked down constantly by those in power that see my past as a liability. Is this the reward I get for trying to add something different to society? To be told that different doesn't work. Darketernal hit one nail on the head. I have a need to reach the masses. To impact many others, even if nobody knows I did it.

    What I will admit to is a frantic search to find meaning in the big things I'm doing. Something that I need to approach differently I think. I'm not getting much farther jumping from job to job so is the only other option to be content in whatever I'm doing? I'm aware that the journey is the meaning but it's terribly frustrating to not enjoy or find challenge in what I'm doing even 30% of the time.

    I know it's okay, but it seems like people pick something to specialize in at random and then continue with it because it's what you're supposed to do. And that's fine. We need people to go into professions because they went to school for it and that they went to school for it because it's what they were to do after high school. If people were as flaky as me, things would shut down pretty quickly. I'm just not ready to specialise until I can find something worth sticking with. I also know that I may end up 60 and still not know what I want to do. I hope if that's the case I'm wise enough to know that I had one hell of a ride trying to figure it out.

    I am fine with not seeing everything. I'm not stupid, I understand that this is not possible. I'm not fine with spending larger blocks of my life on things that don't make me happy or meet with many of the things I find meaningful in work.

    Easier said than done I'm afraid. The hamster wheel is always running upstairs.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Life = 100% misery, and you constantly have to dig thru that big pile of misery to reach happyness. If you say 'i don't want to be confronted with being knocked down by that misery' then it immediatly backfires because as a direct result of not doing any effort anymore you stay in the same position miserable position you do not want to be in. At that point you can only stand still and Howl to the stars, whilst in reality you should NOT have allowed anyone or anything to stop you or put you down, you should have do EVERYTHING in your power to grab the stars!!!

    Use the power of your discontent to move forward and arrange your life what you want it to be.

    You shouldn't surrender to the people's BS that try to knock you down, i can remember clearly the words A winner never quits, and a quitter never wins here.

    As you can see this 1/3 of extra sacrifice is obligatory , its hell but not doing the effort will mean you don't even get a 1/3 improvement in your life, this equals to 0 movement in your life and results in tons of complaints and wolve howls like you are doing now.

    So never give up, and never give in, keep doing effort and remain vigilant and remain your focus on your goals. Let NO ONE stop you from reaching your goals, don't listen to their bs, you might not get things done first, or even second, but in the end you will prevail. This is how you can succeed in life and give more meaning to your existance.
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    Actually I think we're more similar in our thoughts/ideas about work than you realize. A lot of what you've articulated, I agree with. When I was younger, I was so flaky about work that I seriously didn't think I would ever have a career. All that changed in my mid 20s....one thing I haven't read is your age. How old are you?

    Granted age isn't everything but it is an important factor IMO.
    I disagree that this almost always happens. Sure it has happened in the past but there are lots of people that haven't encountered this "shunning" that you describe.

    But what I'm thinking more is....who cares whether you get shunned or not. I mean it sounds like you aren't going to take action because you're scared of being shunned or criticized. If your ideas will help the public as much as you seem to think they will, the public will come to your defense.

    You sound much more like the person that would do something amazing "If only". This "if only" thinking takes many forms:
    If only I had more money....
    If only mommy/daddy had held me more....
    If only I didn't have this shitty job....
    If only I had this hot ass girlfriend.....
    If only I knew Donald Trump.....

    The list goes on and on. Most times, this is just bullshit and the real issue is either the person is scared or their ideas aren't really that good. Really it's just a noiseier way of not doing something.

    Actually I don't agree. It's easy to say that people working don't benefits except for monetarily but that ignores all the human interactions that occur while working. I work for a large corporation and one of the things I love about this job are all the amazing people I've met. I am seriously blown away by the level of talent in my co-workers. They are an inspiration to me. Not only that, there are a number of very cool, friendly, funny and amazingly supportive people working at this company. I've made a ton of new friends and this is a HUGE benefit.

    Yes the actual job sucks sometimes as every job does but not always. In fact the actual work I do is much more interesting than one might imagine. It's quite satisfying taking on a new challenge and overcoming it. In fact, my work benefits others because I help them do their jobs better. I work in IT and one might think of that as boring work but it's not.....one can actually have a huge impact on others.

    I agree. Unfortunately too many people in HR are chicken shit assholes. While they may give lip service to "hiring the right people" and "finding a good fit for someone" they're much more interested in not causing waves. They take the seemingly easy choice of someone that has 10 years experience working for a corp over an former small business owner simply because it's a safer bet. They're playing the odds in order to hopefully minimize the impact of a new hire NOT working out.

    But who cares....if you're working for yourself and able to support yourself, why do you even give a shit about getting a job with a corporation? This makes no sense.

    I think I did a bad job of explaining that point.

    One can derive satisfaction is many different ways while at work and not at work. Dealing with work, sometimes one has to work a shitty, unsatisfying job because they're in transition, don't have the experience needed for a different job and/or have made mistakes along the way. With the economy the way it is, 500,000 people losing their jobs a month, one should not be so arrogant to think they can leave an unsatisfying jbo and find another one easily. This isn't 2005 and the job market has changed significantly.

    Also I agree that one should seek a job that is satisfying. I've worked jobs I hate where I had to force myself to go to work everyday. I wasn't suggesting one stay in that situation beyond the point where it's beneficial. However one may choose to stay in that shitty job because of the outstanding exposure to something they desire.....be it people, technology, ideas, a particular business model, whatever.

    My point is that life is so much more than work that one is capable of existing and thriving in unsatisfying jobs because they're willing to make a trade off. Yes these are value judgments but simply leaving or dismissing a job quickly because it's deeply dissatisfying is immature and totally ignores any possible benefits that might be provided by the job.

    I firmly believe and I encourage people all the time in this sub forum to pursue a career that is satisfying and finding a job that really helps them grow. My response in no way changes that perspective.

    Ahh...ok....my apologies then. Guess I misunderstood.
    People will judge what you do harshly....ok....you're not ever going to change that. So the only possible way of getting through it is to realize that it's going to happen and not let it get to you.

    If someone tries to give you a gift and you refuse....who owns the gift? The giver. Same thing when you're dealing with negativity.
    You've been VERY vague about what you're actually trying to do to reach the masses. However you seem to have struck out on your own, starting your own business and now seem to be seeking a corporate job but you're disillusioned. Well you might be dealing with a bad attitude. You might have been the boss and now you're having to deal with a boss and that's the root cause of your discomfort.

    It's impossible for us to provide specific suggestions when you're so vague about what it is you're doing and where you're trying to get to.
    I totally understand. So if you're bouncing from job to job and still not satisfied, perhaps the job isn't the problem. Perhaps you are the problem? Perhaps it's your attitude?
    I disagree with this whole idea. I will agree that many people evolve into a career because of their dissatisfaction with past jobs. However, they don't stay because it's something they're supposed to do. They stay because they've either found a job that provides a high degree of satisfaction or they're getting other benefits that outweigh their dissatisfaction.

    People make these bargains all throughout life....a job is no different. We hang out with certain people and avoid others because of how we feel when we're around those people. We eat certain foods and avoid others because of how we feel when we're eating. We make the same choices in jobs.
    I was the same way in my early to mid 20s. I found myself working in the oil business but really wanting to work with computers more. I found a way to pursue my love of computers and still keep my job. It was a great lesson for me in committing to something and sticking with it regardless of my flaky mind. It helped me grow as a person and helped me realize the difference between dissatisfaction in my personal life and dissatisfaction in my work life. I was confusing the two constantly and both required different solutions. If I apply a work life solution to a personal dissatisfaction issue, I get more dissatisfaction not less. Learning to separate these and solve the root causes of my dissatisfaction has helped me evolve and grow as a person.

    It wasn't always pretty and very often I just had to suffer through a difficult period because it provided benefits to help me with the next phase of my growth.

    There's another good book called, Fist You Have To Row A Little Boat. I love this book because it describes life lessons using sailing analogies. I've always loved sailing and if you do, then you really should pick up this book.

    One of the lessons is about turning. You don't simply turn a sailboat like a motorboat and head in a different direction. It's a coordinated dance and if you do it wrong, you might get stuck or as they say, "In irons" where the boat is dead in the water and pointing directly into the wind. He describes how one turns to go in a different direction so as to not lose momentum and therefore make the turn more efficient. It's a simple lesson that has helped me many, many times in my life.

    I'm very, very flaky and love new things in my life. I'm still this way and have to be careful that I don't fuck up a good thing in my life simply because I want something different. I have found a lot of benefit from keeping my flakiness in check.
     
  9. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    Jesus....didn't realize that post was so long.:o
     
  10. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2005
    Messages:
    5,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    Mid 20's on the lower end. Are my vague answers killing you. :mamoru:

    I can't think of many situations I've read in biographies or in history books where a radical change from the norm is not met with hostility. It's later adopted and found out to have been the best route with what was given but that's usually after the creator is ruined or turned to drugs or dead. A good example is the feud with Tesla and Edison.

    My ideas might not help the public, and I do take action, I'm just venting at human behaviour I guess.

    No, no, I've taken lots of risks. A fault of mine is to be too comfortable with risk. I've lost everything a few times and haven't lost much sleep over it because I always make it back and then some. Mistakes are how I learn. I'm sure some of my ideas were shitty, or else my execution of them was shitty. They failed for a reason. But I tweaked them for the next time.


    Agreed. I guess what I'm saying is that the job itself for most people is secondary to the money and other things such as the relationships that you mention. It could be any job really, as long as the other factors (Money, decent coworkers) are there.


    I want a steady paycheque for a while. I want to work 40 hrs a week while I gather my thoughts and plan for the future a bit. This doesn't mean work for 6 months and then leave once I've figured it out. I've always left on good terms with my employer.


    I'm talking a career path, not a short term thing. If I was in enough need, I wouldn't be above applying as a waiter or something.

    This is different. This is getting exposure to things that will help you learn at a faster rate than if you tried them yourself. While getting paid and making contacts. it also exposes you to what the field is really like and what you would change about it, if you had the choice. before I start my businesses, I usually take a menial job for a month or so in the industry to see the workings of it. I know above I said that I wouldn't leave after 6 months, but these jobs are really low end ones.

    I'd like to hear the explanation of leaving a horrible job as immature. I'm talking about leaving a job that will not benefit you in the future. Not one that may provide some good knowledge or contacts or whatever. I won't stick with a job long if the company and work is shitty but the people are amazing. There are amazing people in all places.

    I have my reasons.

    Businesses ;). It may be my attitude but it's not because I'm no longer the boss. One of the main traits I look for in work is constant learning. I love to learn from others, no matter their position. Being the boss doesn't matter so much to me other than the fact that I can control my own fate to a greater extent. Lording over others doesn't make me feel good other than to teach them what I've learned along the way.

    I will get more specific with my goals in a few days when I can put them on here in a more structured way.

    Of course, but I don't want to be the guy that's satisfied with mowing lawns. They are out there.

    I think this is it for many people. Only the benefits are being outweighed because they've built up so many obligations that they feel they need to keep up with them. Too many payments, not enough forethought into what really matters to them.

    And I do think that many people stay because it's the path that they have followed for so long. Again, it's the risk thing.

    Sometimes you can't avoid a job. Sometimes you have social pressure to stay with it or bills and you don't want to downsize and start anew, etc..

    I work much harder with my own businesses and stick with them till the end. In the trades I worked my ass off because I was learning so much every day. I could also cause change in what I was doing to any degree I wanted. I suppose it's one thing that frustrates me working for others. The difference in vision or else the power game where they know my job better than me because they are the boss so my suggestion isn't as important as their view on it.

    I grew up on the prairies but I love the water so I'll take a look.

    This kind of stuff I like to hear. I'm giving vague answers but I only expect vague responses. I do well with analogies and a gentle push in the right direction. I'm not expecting an ABC list of how to help me.

    If you believe in the stuff I am an ENTP to the core. If you read up on it it pretty much describes me and my method of thinking. Jumping form idea to idea and passing them on to others to do the repetative tasks is what I'm good at. I'm working to change that.
     
  11. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    No just curious. I think that a fair bit of your dissatisfaction is due to age. I never would have believed this until I grew older and looking back, age has certainly mellowed me.

    Well certainly there's support for the idea but it's not necessarily universal and yes, I know of the 3 stages of any new invention. While it's a cute saying, it doesn't necessarily have to be true

    Well if your motivations really are just getting a paycheck for awhile then moving on, why do you give a shit about meaningful work? What's your ultimate goal? To have one of your inventions become your major work to help other people? Ok....well the work in the meantime doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful. In fact, if your invention requires money, you're being inefficient working a job that doesn't maximize your pay for the number of hours invested.

    A career path will rarely fill this requirement of maximizing your income per hour of work because corporations don't necessarily pay you top dollar. They try to pay you just enough to keep you satisfied and not searching around. Unless you're a top revenue producer...then the sky's the limit. You don't sound like that guy tho.

    Then again I must ask....why do you care if this work is meaningful or not. You're a tourist in these jobs.
    You misunderstood my point. Leaving a job quickly is a sign of immaturity. Leaving a job because it's not meaningful enough is a sign of immaturity. Leaving a job because they don't serve hotpockets in the vending machine is a sign of immaturity.
    Ok but that's a different job than you've been discussing in this thread. Why are you switching around here?
    I won't stay either. My point is that there are many other factors when one considers whether to stay at a job or look for a different job.

    That was my point...not being in control of your fate is one aspect that former bosses have to deal with. I was once a CTO for a nice sized company. Small when considering all of the companies out there but med sized for Oklahoma. I had complete autonomy and no budget. I had the trust of upper management and full control of all computer systems, licenses, hardware, software....everything.

    I'm now working as a business analyst for a much larger firm and I love it. One of the things I've really had to do is to work on my attitude. Going from the board room to a cubicle was difficult but I love it.

    My point is that a lot of your dissatisfaction might be confused with this change in position.

    I never once said you should be that guy nor have I implied it. If you took that from my posts, you've misunderstood my post.


    Exactly. This is an issue for a great many former bosses that have decided to lower their profile.
    Cool hope you enjoy it. It's helped me tremendously.

    I don't believe in the stuff because I've seen how I have changed based on when I took the test. It tries to overly simplify complex animals and while it may help to describe you, I seriously doubt it completely does so. Read some of the other choices and you may find that you share many traits with the other types.

    IMO people put far too much faith in the MB tests and it has a detrimental effect on their ability to be objective.
     
  12. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2005
    Messages:
    5,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    I'm willing to stay as an employee if the work is meaningful. My end goal is to be happy doing my own thing but it's not the only path I'm open to. If I prove myself to a company and they let me have quite a bit of free reign with regards to creativity and applying my style or work to my job etc... then I'd be happy at such a place. As it turns out, most people are not that bright, and more than I like to see, they are in management.

    And I am trying to maximize my hours worked vs. pay by going into sales. I don't mind sales at all but I probably wouldn't stick to most places because I don't really give a shit about their product of cause. Not-for-profit is something I really like but it's very hard to break into in my province. There is a lot of selling involved there and I'd trade off a slightly lower salary for the good many of them do (Around here they really do get paid a surprisingly large amount).


    A top revenue producer or someone that won't look around? :mamoru:

    These jobs, yes, but right now I'm applying for serious jobs because I'm not sure where to take my next venture and I might have to figure that out for a while.

    I'm open to meaningful work regardless of if I'm an employee or an employer. Odds are it's a better fit if I do my own thing but I still haven't found what I'm looking for there.

    I don't doubt that.

    I guess I have. I understand you mean to strive forward but also you keep talking about contentment of where you are. I think it's the constant cold feet that is the source of many of my successes and many of my faults.
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    You are a coward, and its this prison of cowardice and fear that disallows you to move forward in life, even tho the door of this prison is open, for it is you who has to set yourself free in the understanding that it is better to face the pain that lies outside of that door then eternal imprisonment of fear that lies within your soul.

    Therefore, accept the fact that your soul must be like a sharp blade at times,
    do not let your actions speak of irrational and absurd fear, what is needed in life is not fear, nothing can grow from that. Cast off your fear! Look forward! Go forward! Never stand still. Retreat and you will age. Hesitate and you will die!!

    But that doesnt mean you cannot take the path of the snake, afteral its easier for those who critisize you to kill a monkey in an open tree then finding a snake in the grass. You can also like that work behind the scenes or create those things without anyone finding out until its done to saviour yourself from the critisism like mr.tesla experienced that also lies as an obstacle in your path. You must never give up in achieving your dreams, remember winners never quit, and quitters never win, sometimes you need to go around a mountain if going over it is too troublesome. Remember that.
     
  14. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    :wtf:

    Did you even bother to read his posts prior to posting? He's started businesses, that's plural, more than one. I can guarantee you that noone that has ever started a business is a coward.

    You're way off base here dude.
     
  15. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    Yeah no kidding. That's been a real eye opener for me. I can't believe how many non-technical and unqualified people are promoted to management positions over very highly technical people (i.e. IT). It really boggles my mind.
    My experience in sales is that if you can't get behind their cause or believe in the product you're selling, you'll be less effective than someone who can. That's not saying you can't sell these products but that you might not be maximizing your income for the time spent.

    I never knew NFP sales paid well but good luck.
    Gotcha and I think it's smart to take time and figure this out. However, what I don't get is why the work in between needs to be meaningful. I mean sure, it would be ideal if it were meaningful but right now, you're in transition so I wouldn't sweat it much and just stay focused on your goals.

    I would suggest that the persistent cold feet is due to the difference between expectations and reality. In other words before you launch a business, you build it up and imagine all sorts of things about that business at various points in it's life (expectations) then you make it a reality and start doing the actual work and realize it's not living up to your expectations.

    Whenever I a mismatch of expectations to reality, very often the cure is simply to adjust my expectations.
     
  16. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2005
    Messages:
    5,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    I was shocked too. You aren't going to get rich but it makes you feel really good and there are tons of room for creativity. I worked on a project with the engineering school that gave electricity to remote villages in Nepal via a stationary bike. What was new was the efficiency of collecting the power. In just 20 minutes of cycling a day they could generate enough power for the whole family for the day. The guy made a lot of money doing this. He also make a lot of money licensing his invention but he could have done well even if he hadn't.


    I'm willing to work for somebody else indefinitely if the conditions are right. I know this is doubtful but I'm not closed to the chance it might happen.

    I think that this is what I need to come to grips with. I can have goals and work towards them but if they don't meet my expectations, then so be it. I can't let it bother me farther than it gets me to understand what I could have done differently. Even if that means nothing at all and that what went wrong was outside of my control.

    I just need to be okay with whatever I do and trust that It'll be okay in the end. That reaching my goal is satisfying but it's only a fraction of a moment. That working towards something is what really matters and what occupies most of your time. I'm just really cynical towards a lot of things and need to change that.

    I think my biggest problem is not what if's, as you said earlier, but holding off for a future event that may not happen. Specifically, not enjoying myself now because I'm striving for a perfect fit for a career or a girl. It might open me up to what's right in front of me, or at least give me a higher tolerance for what I am dealing with now.
     
  17. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I will say and stand by it again that he is a coward, and i say this not as a personal attack but rather because he shuns from confronting people and he shuns to defend himself from other people's critisism, nor does he keep standing tall for what he believes in. The fact that he didn't counterattack my critical post with a defensive reply (that i postedon purpose to see if he would defend himself) But as proven by his complete avoidance of even reacting by making a defensive reply means that it proofs he would rather run away from these stingy things, if that isn't cowardice or lack of defense i would not know what it would be. Because anyone at his level could theorethical build a castle(bussines) in an empty field, but its defending it against your enemies with pure intelligence and skill what is the true meaning of valour, and the true difference between a warrior or between someone who kneels. One needs to grow a thick skinn in order to go against the arrows of critisism and keep moving onwards towards their goals. Blackbirdbeatle doesn't have a bussines issue,rather then that he has a people's issue that he needs to resovle.

    Look all the playing around set aside, my advice to you is as following do not allow people to walk over you

    I know you as a person are nice, and that you would rather live in a world were everyone else was nice too. But reality is that if you allow these ill mannered people(just as in the example that i was giving) to walk over you again and again you just simply become a doormat. Ignoring a person who does or says bad things to you doesn't make them go away. Only by taking matters in your own hand and taking corrective measures in a way that you are ascertain of your victory you can learn how to deal with these kind of bastards in a proper way.
     
  18. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2005
    Messages:
    5,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    I didn't defend myself because I didn't move into this subforum to argue, but to help and be helped. If you look at my past posts, most of them were in Ontopic and DIAC. I argued with everyone there about everything. It didn't get me anywhere. So I quit posting there and haven't even looked in there for a few months. You call me a coward based on very limited information, most of which is misinterpreted and so I don't bother trying to change your mind because I don't really care to.

    But if you want a shorter defense, I can assure you that as a guy with a heavy entrepreneurial and sales background, I don't let people walk all over me in my work or personal life. I also know the time to defend my honor is not in an interview after I have been denied the position or shit on my managers. Because I've never run into one that has done anything illegal by me or my coworkers but has just been overall shitheads. I can deal with that and that means not competing for a power struggle but learning as much information as I can and then moving on as quickly as possible.

    Other than that I don't know how you got that I'm a coward with the certainty that you are posting with.
     
  19. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    Ya know, it's difficult because dreams and desires can be so compelling and have a huge influence on us. It's funny that very often when I realize that I'm in this space of unmet expectations causing me difficulty and I just say, "Ok...well things aren't working out how I planned. Let it go and let's adjust and overcome." very often I find immediate relief from my discomfort. I often don't want to accept this immediate relief and I'm not sure why....it's like I want that warm blanket of discontent to stick around a few more hours. :)
    Careful with that language. It sounds an awful lot like "should" language. I've found that should language = expectation.

    For me it goes something like this:
    If I were more successful then I should ____________.
    If I were smarter then I should __________________.
    If I were a better person then I should _______________.

    And there are other sentences I use but those 3 give a good flavor.

    All those blanks change depending on what I'm focusing on and the should language almost always fucks me up mentally. You know why? Because the implication is that I'm not more successful, smarter or a better person. Otherwise there would not be should language in my vocabulary.

    My shrink really helped me with this when he said he suffered from it also. He then said he reminds himself of his desire for more acceptance and less expectations by repeating this simple phrase, "I will not should on you or me today." :bigthumb: It's helped me a lot also.

    Many times I just have to remind myself that I am successful enough. That I am smart enough and that I am a good person. (as I type this I'm thinking of Stuart Smalley on SNL....I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and dog gone it, people like me.) :rofl: And yeah, it's similar to that only not as gay.

    Anyways, perhaps some of this fits.
    Yep, I know what you mean and I've been guilty of this also.

    I like how General Patton addressed this and I use this often to help get me moving. He said, "An imperfect plan implemented today is much better than a perfect plan implemented tomorrow."

    An AA speaker addressed it in a little different way. He said (and I'm paraphrasing), "Start from where you are. That's it....it's really that easy. Very often we make up all sorts of reasons for not taking action because something isn't perfect in our lives when really all we need to do is stop talking and start doing."
     
  20. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2005
    Messages:
    5,738
    Likes Received:
    0
    You are the second person to say this here and I'm a bit confused. Is it my writing that making people think this because I thought it was clear that I take risks. I've had successes and failed. My problem isn't that I don't go after what I want to do, it's not knowing what I want to do now. I'm going after a paycheque right now because I sold my last business and I have no clue as to what I want to do next. It could take a while and bills don't pay themselves.

    I only start businesses when I'm really excited about something. Hence, why I am asking this question. I find it hard to find out what I truly like to do. It should be easy but it's not. I know attributes of jobs that I love and have used that to enter fields or start businesses that I think match up but each time the industry doesn't line up at all. And it was said earlier that I do have a problem with expectations and my response when they are different than what I expected.

    Whoa, why the deletion of your post?
     

Share This Page