I'm doing a bit of an audit on my life; what I've done in the past and why I've done it. It seems to me that many of the major decisions that I've made has been the result of what others would call an existential crisis. It's not that I'm having trouble with the reality that I have to create my own meaning in life, it's the fact that I feel like many of the big things I do are a waste of my life. Something that I believe is extremely valuable as you only get one chance and that's it. In fact, I attribute such a high value in creating a purposeful existence that I sometimes flake out on plans I have made or have been laid out for me because I keep weighing my actions with the fact that in 80 or so years (If I'm lucky) I will not exist and so I better do the things that truly make me happy or actually helps out those I care about. This has been good and bad as I have lived quite a full life as a result in terms of experiences that are meaningful to me (And hopefully I've enriched others) but I'm not as far as I think I should be. This is especially true career wise but also with romantic relationships (Not in terms of getting girls, but having something meaningful out of it). I'm also not talking about the day to day things that run my life, such as housework, paying bills, or family obligations that I'd rather not do, but more of the general direction I'm headed in. I have no qualms in stopping my current work and moving onto something else abruptly (This is easier because some of my jobs have been entreprenurial). Sometimes it has to do with me getting bored and sometimes it has to do with the comparison that what I'm doing really has little to no meaning in anything that I value, like my retail management job or spinning BS for companies as a PR guy. So I better get the hell out and do something else because my life is short. I guess what I miss is having any flow experiences associated with things that I spend 8 hours a day doing. Things that I need to do to pay the bills. I'd be happy building cool looking furniture for a living if it gave me a flow experience doing so. I realise that most people don't like their work, but in weighing their options, do they have that voice in the back of their minds that time is short and if you don't like what you're doing you should move on? Of a constant need to examine what they are doing and act if it's not near where they feel they should be? Or do most people not think of that stuff? I guess I'm lucky in that I have experience in several in-demand trades to fall back on while I switch careers. I know one answer is to just be; to be content with whatever I'm doing. It's really hard for me to do this though and I imagine I have never had a really good template to assist me in reaching this end. Is it naive for me to refuse the notion that life is tough, therefore I have to do whatever it takes to pay the bills, even if it costs me developing an identity along the way (Almost complete obedience to societal norms, but in this case these people don't really hate much of anything that is within the norms) or a negative deviation from my values in a less extreme example? I just look at what people who say this have in terms of bills and obligations and I wonder if they realise that they didn't really need to go down that path to create a happy life and a happy family. That their life is the result of their own actions and not the tough ol' world. Or maybe it's just Anomie, although I sure as shit hope not. I like to think I have a little more faith in my existence and the world as meaningful than a Camus or Dostoevsky character.