SRS Are you an affectionate person?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SICK GUY, Jan 13, 2006.

  1. SICK GUY

    SICK GUY 69, DUDE!!

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    i am not an affectionate person, at least not in general. when it comes to most people, i probably come off as a cold or distant when it comes to goodbye's or any sort of comforting (not distant like shutting them out, just have no interest in a hug from them). i never give hugs out to anyone, not even really my parents or siblings, and my goodbyes are usually straight to the point.

    but when it comes to my wife and 2 sons, i am the total opposite. i shower them with tons of affection, and make it a point to let them know i love them. :dunno: is anyone else like this?

    i wasnt hugged enough as a kid :hs:
     
  2. SICK GUY

    SICK GUY 69, DUDE!!

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    i get no love in the assylum either :wtc:
     
  3. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    i love affection :wavey:

    some people i know are like that though... they are warm to their SO, and cold towards everyone else...it's just the way you are brought up, and the experiances you have in life, i guess. :dunno:
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Hey, some of us are on PST, and you've been on OT long enough to know that most forums don't move as fast as OT>OT :hahano:

    Yes, I can relate. I'm female, so my demeanor comes off even worse since everyone expects the girls to be emotional basketcases. In my case, my experiences led me to determine that it's easier to not love everyone and consequently shelter myself from hurt than it is to love everyone and take the bad with the good.

    I've been reviewing that decision recently and I don't think that this is the best way to go, at least not to the extreme that I've taken it. I can correlate my lack of close friends to my lack of visible emotion - I've made efforts recently to show people that I care and the response has been overwhelmingly positive. People need to see and feel that you care and not just take your word for it, if you know what I mean. I'm learning that the frivolous stuff is more important than I previously thought.
     
  5. SICK GUY

    SICK GUY 69, DUDE!!

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    see, i dont think its me shutting people out. i am openly verbal about how i feel. my family has just never been an affectionate bunch.
     
  6. RunDMT

    RunDMT OT Supporter

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    I know what you mean man. I am very open and friendly but not physically affectionate except with my little bros and sis and my gf. I never initiate hello or goodbye hugs. I'm confortable with that though and don't think there's anything wrong with that, although people sometimes think I'm being less friendly than I feel I am.
     
  7. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    It is more a perception thing on their part than a change in the feelings on your part. People think I'm cold. I'm not really - I have emotions inside just like everyone else does - but people need tangible evidence of me caring, I suppose. My family isn't very touchy-feely either.
     
  8. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    I am kinda like that. WAY more affectionate with my children than anyone else. But I can still be affectionate with other people, but I try to get a feeling for whether or not they want to be hugged or touched first.

    I'm actually much more affectionate w/ my 2 baby girls(okay so they are 7 and 3, but they're still my babies) than my parents were with my sibs and I.
     
  9. SICK GUY

    SICK GUY 69, DUDE!!

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    my wifes family is like that. hugs and kisses when they say goodbye. i think at this point, they have caught on that im not in on all the hugs, so they are cool about it.

    only time i hug my mom is when she goes on vacation, or when i know i wont see her for awhile.
     
  10. SICK GUY

    SICK GUY 69, DUDE!!

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    same for me. im not cold, just feel its not needed to get all touchy feely to get that through. like i said, though, when it comes to my wife and kids, i am the total opposite.
     
  11. SICK GUY

    SICK GUY 69, DUDE!!

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    i am the same exact way.
     
  12. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    I appear to have absolutely no affection and appear emotionless. But inside me, I have a lot.
     
  13. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    I can ID with that to some degree too. While I don't think I always appear completely w/o affection/emotion, I actually do have much more within myself that I frequently can't bring myself to express, for various reasons, but mostly it's just paralyzing, I dunno how else to explain that.
    But it's pretty painful to be like that, wanting to express, but feeling physically "stuck" and unable to, don't you agree?
     
  14. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I personaly can't STAND to be touched by other people that aren't immediate family. I'm pretty much exactly like you described. Lots of love, hugs and kisses to my husband, daughter and 3 doggahs :)o:rofl:), but I would prefer that the rest of the world keep their hands off of me.
     
  15. CopenKagan

    CopenKagan OT Supporter

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    I'm the exact same way.
     
  16. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

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    I agree. It may not seem like a big deal to a lot of people, not until you have it... but I've lived with that hell my whole life. :hs:
     
  17. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    God, I am sorry to hear it. I know it sucks.
     
  18. johan

    johan Active Member

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    That sounds like most people. Not particularly physically demonstrative. Except when it comes to your lovely wife and kids.

    What's so abnormal about that? Remember, not everyone wants to get sloppy man-hugs from all the guys they know.


    Even worse if those over-enthusiastic huggers are overweight, got a big beard and wear shorts and sandals 24/7. Just looking at em makes you suspect there's jizz on his hairy mitts.
     
  19. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    I am affectionate towards my Son. I have no reason to show anyone else affection when I don't receive the same in response. Yes, I've tried that path already and it's failed me. Terribly.
     
  20. -=Likwid=-

    -=Likwid=-

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    i know i can be seen as a callous mofo... i'm just extremely selective on who i'm affectionate with. and when i'm affectionate, it's just... great.
     
  21. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    D'oh! I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. LOL wow that was descriptive. I totally understand that though, and unwelcome hug is ....very uncomfortable.
     
  22. KUBA

    KUBA New Member

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    i show some affection to my family
    other than that, not alot for others.

    (unless im drunk) then EVERYBODY gets a hug! :bigthumb:
     
  23. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    I am a friendly individual, and, as such, I am also affectionate. I believe that a touch, a hug, a smile can, and does change the person's who's on the receiving end of the aforementioned actions day. However, I am not touchy-feely...to the point where my giving affection can be misconstrued. My Grandarents who raised me, were very loving and affectionate and fond of kissing me on top of my head, hugging me, and they instilled loving/affection in me. I am an avid follower of the words of Leo Buscaglia, and I quote him here, from his book "Loving Each Other": "We are all angels with one wing, and only embraced can we truly fly." I may be naive, or a sentimental old broad, but I firmly believe the world would be a better place if we were not afraid to show affection, practise random acts of kindness and have compassion in all things. Moreover, everywhere in literature, scientific experiements, psyche studies and so forth, it is shown to be fact that animals (including us humans) grow/thrive when we are shown affection. Sometimes words are not enough....how much more certain is a touch, or a hug, or a smile?

    ~Climbing off my soapbox now.
    Mom
     
  24. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    OMG could it be that there IS another of ME in here???? I feel a little giddy.
    Thinking I was the only "older" female in here.
    (Sorry, I was not aware you were a female until now.)

    I just really don't wanna hug or put my hands on someone when I KNOW they will just want to squirm if I do. But, thinking about it, I do tend to put my hands on people, in a very non-threatening, friendly, comforting kind of way, sometimes w/o realizing it.
     

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