SRS Approaching this girl?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Panoptimist, Feb 15, 2006.

  1. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    I've got the hots for this girl. I've gone to school with her since kindergarten (I'm a junior in high school now), and we kind of grew apart middle school. I haven't said anything to her in at least a year except for "Hey Madeleine" in the hallway when I pass her, and one or two short conversations I had with her at lunch about how things were going and such. She's a pretty well-reserved girl. She's a runner, and doesn't spend her time getting wasted/causing silly bullshit highschool drama. She sticks with her group of friends, she's pretty quiet and a shy girl. She's very smart (she's got common sense and does outstanding in school) which makes me even more attracted to her.

    Now, I'm more of a "slacker." School isn't my main priority, and I'll toke a few buds and drink some beers. I guess her stability and low-keyness is what makes me so attracted to her. It seems she displays the traits that deep down I wish I could have in myself. That's what turns me on. Her whole personality and aura attracts me in some indescribable way. Her best friend, who is also a runner and a good student dates one of my good friends who is also more of a slacker type. Most girls at school I just treat as a joke because they're so into silly shit that I can't stand it. She's like a refreshing break to this. I'm more impulsive, and silly, but her personality feels like it clicks better than any other girl that acts the way I do.

    I know she's shy and most likely wouldn't initiate anything, but I know she'd be comfortable once we started talking. I saw her in the hallway today with one of her friends, and they both ended up bringing me a valentine during the middle of class, which made my day. I know some of her friends think I'm probably a bit erratic, and I've said some things which I'm sure have made some of them uncomfortable, but I'm also on a balanced level with a few of the girls she's friends with. Not that they are too important in our relationship, you just know what influences girlfriends have on their friends. That being said, I just don't know how to approach her, and any advice or help would be appreciated.
     
  2. American SuperBeast

    American SuperBeast New Member

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    Advice i would be able to give really is just do it and get it over with. I learned myself that just waiting won't do anything so go for it and hey what happens happens and you can't do anything about it just i hope for the best for you.
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Pretend she's not some girl you've known and semi-idolized since you were still in diapers. That's causing part of your problem here, you desperately want to "craft" your approach so as to drive up your success percentage toward 100%.

    Well the truth is, practically nothing you say, or how you say it, or how artfully you approach the topic will do much to change it either way.

    You already know her, you already reinitiated contact after falling out of touch for a while. This shows you know HOW to approach, you're just scared to, now that "more" is riding on the line. High stakes = fear.

    Simply find reasons to be in more contact with her. The fact that you're a slacker and a toker might repel her or attract her. You won't really know which way she stands on it until you try.

    Just try talking to her. If she's into you, then "awkward" becomes altered, it becomes "funny" or "cute". You really can't lose here.

    But there is no way to guarantee you'll get her.

    All you can do, is resolve the question of whether she's into you or not.
    That's really the most anyone can ever really do.

    Go find out.
     
  4. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    I appreciate the advice, Johan. You're right about wanting to "craft" my approach. This girl is just one of the reserved types. She's never had a boyfriend, but she's so beautiful, she could be a model. She isn't hot. I think what turns most guys off is how reserved she is. She's very softspoken, and she isn't one you see with just a group of guys. I guess the reason why I'm so wary is because her "group" doesn't really tend to associate with alot of the people I consider myself close friends with. I do branch out, and I'm friends with lots of different types of people, but I fear that some predetermined notion about my ways would hold things back. Maybe not from her, but from the people she's around. She's just not an ordinary case, because usually I have no problem walking up to a chick and just starting a conversation. It's just, she's very different all around, and I guess I don't really know how to handle it.

    The other problem is that she's usually always with her girlfriends. She hangs out with a couple of girls who think they've had more experience with things, and it seems as if they would be more "protecting" or "informative" about which guy is right and which one isn't. What this guy does, what he doesn't do, how he acts, blah blah blah. I guess I'm mostly worried about her friends trying to put a shield around her. I guess I just need to find a way to find the opportune moment to just approach her one on one. I wouldn't have much problems with that I guess, it's getting around her friends which seems one of the barriers. Again, appreciate the advice.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    alright then, your response shows you to be intelligent and sensitive to the issues here.
    So then, let me ask you. What opportunities do you have to see her? When and how do you come into her sphere of daily life?

    If school...when? What subjects?

    Let's see if we can design a basic game plan here. Not something for you to follow down to a T, but just a basic idea of how you might make your entrance into her world.
     
  6. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    Well, I guess the both good and bad part of the eqation is: I don't have any classes with her. But I have time at TAB (15 minute break between first block and second) and at lunch. The problem is, shes always just fucking surrounded by all of her friends. And they're usually always girls too. I share a period with one of her good friends who is one of the more "experienced" ones I was talking about, and she was talking about how wierd it was for my friend to be dating one of their friends (the one I mentioned earlier). I guess it's because she can't seem to find anything in common between the two, though it's not really her concern. You know girls and how they do that shit though. It's expected. I'm on a friendly basis with this girl, however I just feel like she could say something to this girl, or imply something the way she does about her other friend and her relationship with the guy she's dating. Now, I'm sure she doesn't talk about her friend's boyfriend, but she's certainly voiced how she feels. Since I'm not in the picture at all, it makes it a bit harder for me.

    Also, in school I put up a facade around most people, mainly because I have a hard time dealing with things. I treat most social issues very sarcastically (who's dating who, why so and so didn't call so and so), and I feel that my true self wouldn't have a chance to be expressed without the door already slamming shut on me. When I get around people I'm really comfortable with, and I feel are worth my time, I tend to drop barriers and speak from the heart. When I'm around the every day kid that I have a class with, I'm known as being erratic and impulsive. I guess it's just my way of dealing with shit.

    *inhales deeply, exhales* ALL THAT being said, I really only have opportunities at the two times I mentioned to talk to her. I really wish I could spend time with her outside of school and get to know one another. I mean, maybe things wouldn't work out, and we wouldn't be compatible, but at this point, I'm very willing to try. Things have changed and have been changing so much for me mentally, I'm just only trying to do what I think is right in the current situation. Thanks again.
     
  7. Panoptimist

    Panoptimist Put a bangin' donk on it.

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    I talked to her briefly today (she was with a couple of friends), but things seem to go really well. She doesn't seem to have problems talking when it comes down to it. We're always giving eachother that 'look' and I'm slowing becoming more attracted to her every day. I just need a way to approach her one on one.
     

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