SRS Anyone here ever give up their dreams?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by tenxia, Feb 6, 2010.

  1. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    I'd like to backpack around the world. I got laid off, lease is ending in 3 months, no wife/kids. My parents aren't too happy about it. They prefer me working 9-5, live a "normal" life.

    I know it's my life and I should do it while there's a window of opportunity for me. I'm 27 already, if I do get married etc. down the road, I don't know if I'll ever have that same chance again. I'll have all these things that will tie me down.

    But at the same time, I also want to stay in my comfort zone and also please my parents. Live "normal".

    It's an internal struggle I have. I think fear is holding me back and just doing it. Fear of displeasing parents, fear of going into the unknown for months...

    Anyone can offer me their experience? Did you get to pursue your dream or did you not because of some reason or another. Fear maybe?
     
  2. Makkari

    Makkari Awake in a Dream OT Supporter

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    Loving your parents doesn't meaning pleasing them and, besides, it's easier to get forgiveness than permission. You do have to live your life, because, ultimately, it is your life, not theirs. Sometimes being too practical can suck the life out of you. That was my mistake: fear of disappointing my mother (dad died when I was 13) and lacking the courage to do something that was seemingly impractical. I'm 34 now, have two kids, and work as a teacher. I don't necessarily regret my kids, but they were not planned. My work and my relationship are emotional tennis matches. I work to pay bills, feed the kids, and make a living. And trust me, there's a different between making a living and making a life. I'm surviving, not living. You have the time now to truly live. You're young. Settle down later. It might sound trite and cliche to say it, but you live only once. You'll never be 27 again. It's a good age. Do what you can do with the time you have in the place you are because you don't want to regret anything in life, as regret means you wasted time and didn't learn or grow from it.
     
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2010
  3. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    At 27 it's probably not a good life measurement to make life decisions on what makes your parents happy. You dream sounds perfectly normal and like a kick in the ass. Do it.

    You're right also. Once you get married and start a family, you don't have the same opportunities (w/o being irresponsible) as you do when you're single.

    You sound like if you don't do this, you'll always kick yourself in the ass for not.
     
  4. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    You can travel around the world for months on 12 grand without penny pinching everything. That's not a lot of money on such a trip once you get a steady job. You can travel even more cheaply if you work tourist type jobs over there or join the a freebed network. I've hosted people before and they were awesome.

    As a guy, if you take care of yourself, your value will rise over the next 10 years considerably. You'll be able to marry a younger girl if you want and start a family when you are 35.

    Are you telling me that 35 is too old to start a family? Or that you can't save up 12k in 7 years? Or that you can't get your life in order in 3/4 of a decade? You can even travel around the world with your wife before you have kids if you don't mind being slightly more responsible.
     
  5. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Either one you choose means that you say "not now" and perhaps "never" to the other choice. Welcome to adult life.....you will have many more times like this.

    I never gave up my dreams but then again, I realize that now some of them are unattainable due to a variety of reasons. However, there are also examples of people doing crazy things as they get older. I even heard of an 80 year old that graduated college with her first bachelors degree because it was always her dream. Also heard about a 70 year old that started taking flying lessons and became a pilot because it was her dream.

    Sometimes dreams need to be delayed due to other life things. Sometimes it's time to just go your own way. Only you can really know what time it is. Don't let fear stop you from doing something you really want to do.

    Life is short.
     
  6. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    Thank you all for the encouraging words.
     
  7. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    i went abroad to hong kong for a semester

    in that time i also backpacked to thailand, japan, taiwan, vietnam and beijing

    i'm only 20 years old, but i can say for certain that those 4 months of my life, were definitely THE BEST 4 months that I have had, and probably will have for a while.

    coming back to home is just dull and i feel like i'm confined.


    just sayin.
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    So why not go back?
     
  9. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    I've read that this is the case for most backpackers who go away long term and return home. Most just pack up and leave again.

    Does 9-5, material goods interest you? Just curious...
     
  10. erynne936

    erynne936 my av is a car, but i'm a girl. stop calling me b OT Supporter

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    I feel that "fear of displeasing parents" is playing too big a part in your decision-making process for someone your age. Fear of the unknown I get, but I'm not sure how/why the parents thing makes it in to your concerns? Would you care to elaborate?
     
  11. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    It's a huge thing depending on your culture. I'm as white as white can be and even I have trouble sometimes when I feel like I haven't lived up to what my family had expected of me. As foolish of thinking as that may be. I couldn't imagine being an Indian or Chinese kid and taking the route I've done the past 8 years.
     
  12. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    i have another year and quarter to finish up my degree in california

    i would love nothing more than to just gather my best friends, pack my shit and go off again. but of course, life isn't that easy :rofl:

    i spent almost all of the money that i saved up on my trip to hong kong.

    since coming back, (as a finance major), i'm going to register for classes that involve international work, for example, i am going to take an international finance class next quarter.

    i hope that with this background, i can find a good entry level finance position my last year of school (gonna be hard) and get good experience and hopefully get transfered somewhere else, or something that will allow me to travel all the time :bowdown:



    Note: my goals/aspirations were completely different before i went abroad, i would have been content with a 9-5 job and staying in california, but now i know i can no longer just stay in one place while i'm still young enough to travel.


    and to answer your other question, i am a pretty materialistic person. expensive clothes intrigue me, i want a fast sports car, etc etc. though i think i've moved a bit away from that and more towards living for experiences now.


    one thing that hasnt changed is my love for food, if anything, i think i want to try different foods from all over the world even more now.

    if anyone is interested, i could probably dig up some of my better pictures from backpacking and post em up :dunno: i bought a panasonic lx-3 just for my trip to hong kong to take spectacular pictures (while still being portable, a dslr would have been a bit much to carry around) :)
     
  13. lansing

    lansing New Member

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    Just do it. Chase your dream when you are young or you will feel sorry for yourself when you are old. I think your parents will get used to it and understand you eventually. Anyway, be safe when you backpack around the world. Give yourself some time to realize your dream then settle down and live the normal life to please your parents.
     
  14. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    I'm from an Asian immigrant family. My family immigrated here when I was 15.

    They just want me to live a normal life. Of course, they expect me to be happy with that too.

    Anyway, I told them yesterday night, my mom blew up into her "cry,scream,threaten" routine which she pulls out every time me or my sisters do something displeasing. I suppose I should be used to it by now but hell, it still affects me but I'm trying to stay strong here.
     
  15. Kev07

    Kev07 New Member

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    Im also Asian with Asian parents. You hav to make them realize that you are no longer dependent and you have your own life.

    I had to work up my parents tolerance since high school up to where I am now where they know I am responsble for my actions
     
  16. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    we've ALL given up our dreams in some way, at some point.

    but in giving up what I thought was a dream, I probably gained a lot more.
     
  17. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    There's a difference between a crazy dream and a normal dream. Backpacking around the world (or at least parts of it) is not a crazy dream at all, if you consider how many other people have done the same thing. Putting your future on hold indefinitely to chase a crazy dream is something that it would make sense for them to get upset about, but putting your future on hold for a year at most to do something you have the opportunity and ability to do is not something that it makes sense for them to get upset about. The only real snag is where you'd get the money to pay your way, but if you've got a plan for that then there's nothing standing in your way except yourself.

    Go do it.
     
  18. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    i realized something similar when i was your age and married. My wife didn't like the idea, so I had a choice, divorce or do what I want. Well, I'm posting from Chile, haven't talked to my exwife in a year, one of the best decisions of my life.
     
  19. VA197

    VA197 New Member

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    I'm 39. I've done a lot of things in my life, some spur of the moment, some planned out. If I listed the life experiences I've had, you'd call me a liar. But let me tell you, some of the things I've done have been awesome, some have turned out badly, but the main thing is I've LEARNED from every single one of them. I don't regret a single thing I've done, even the so-called mistakes, because they've made me who I am today. And one of these days, when I'm old and grey, I will have some amazing stories to tell my grandchildren.

    Don't ever let your fears keep you from experiencing life. You only have one chance to live it, and no one gets out of it alive! Go do what you want, and suck up every bit of the experience you can!!!

    Good luck and God bless!!!
     
  20. erynne936

    erynne936 my av is a car, but i'm a girl. stop calling me b OT Supporter

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    I see. Would you be financing the whole trip yourself? Could you sort of help them see that it would be temporary and you plan to go for x number of months, and that you will return home on a certain date? That you are being responsible by doing this now, while you have the time? Could you help them by offering to keep in touch with them very often and provide them lots of updates about how you are to put them more at ease? Would it help them to know that the trip is well planned out and prepared for, and you have taken safety measures and precautions into account? I don't know if this would really help, just thinking of ways you could give them more info to help them feel more secure about your level of responsibility and actual concrete plans to return and lead a "normal life" (if you have those plans - I'm not suggesting that you lie).
     
  21. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    Yeah I'm financing everything myself. I told them if they have any questions, I can answer them (regarding travel insurance, health, money, etc.) I told them I'll update my travel blog frequently, email them, call them when I can to let them know where I am and what I'm doing...everything to assure them I'll be safe. I told them I researched quite a bit and that I'm a resourceful person.

    I need to get over my nerves though.
     
  22. erynne936

    erynne936 my av is a car, but i'm a girl. stop calling me b OT Supporter

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    I think nervousness before a trip like this is totally normal. Your parents may not agree with what you're doing and may not understand why you want to do it, but you seem prepared and sensible to me and I bet your parents know that about you too. I hope that your parents know in their hearts that you love them and respect them even though you may choose to do something they don't agree with. I personally think you should go for it - you have the time and the $ and like you said, it will not be as easy to do once you start living your "normal" life.
     
  23. tenxia

    tenxia OT Supporter

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    Yeah, I told them I loved them and I did consider their feelings about all this and that's why it took me so long to tell them about it and it was so hard too. It will be a while before my mother accepts this.
     
  24. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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  25. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    comfort zones are evil, you should do what is logically correct in your life rather then doing what you want to do. The body seemingly just wants to do nothing, in an enviroment that it is familiar in, you have to slash that thought away from you, immediatly put your shoes on and leave.
     

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