SRS Anyone have any help to offer *long read*

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by LancerV, Aug 25, 2005.

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  1. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    Not quite where to start, but I guess I will start with a childhood background.

    Ever since I've been in any school. Everyone has always made fun of me, it go so bad in elementary that I was actually put in a class for the "bad kids." Well after being in that class for 2months they built this thing we called the "box" yes its exactly what it sounds like it was a tall rectangle about 8ft tall and maybe 3ft wide with a plexiglass top with holes with air. Well one day I got thrown in that because they said I was being bad, and I ended up punching off the plexiglass top, and running away from my school crying. So my mom ppulled me outta school and home schooled me for a year.


    So after a year, I go back to school. Well now Im completely petrified of anyone. So I had maybe 1friend through out of all my elementary years. We then move to North Texas my middle school years, and my name when I lived in Houston was B.J. for Billy Junior. So almost everyday I had people calling me blowjob or hey you wanna come give me a blowjob? Got in many fights, and alot more name calling after that just followed. Like I even had a wrestling match with one of my princples. And they told me I had to change my ways or else I was going to juvvy and AEP(Alternative Education Program).


    That was my 7th grade year, so ever since then I've never expressed anger, when I ever got angry I would just push back inside me. I soon found out the best way to avoid anger and getting mad was to not talk to anyone. So all through my 8-12grade years I didnt have any friends, and when I say any I mean none. I would come home do my homework, and just watch movies or do something to pass my time.

    This is how bad it was, my senior year in high school we had something called a 'grad night' had around 150 people go to this place where they had games, food, etc... and I think that whole night only three people knew who I even was. So after that night I tried to kill myself which no one actually knows about.

    My Freshman years of college, I thought about killing myself everyday. I just never had the will power or courage too do it. And during my Freshman year I didnt gain one friend, infact I lost 3 :wtc:

    Well now I'm almost sophmore in college and still do the same thing. I've only had one love in my whole life as far as a gf is concered. But I find myself still going towards the side of not talking to anyone. Someone says 'Hi' I just walk by them with my head down and act like I dont notice them.

    I use to just deal with all of this by pushing it back and back in my head, but now I cant push it back any farther. I try and I just end up breaking down in tears. Everyone says Im really a nice person, I've been turned down 3girls for that supposed reason. They say "You're a really nice guy, im sorry you couldnt find it in me"

    Now all this has gotten so bad, where in the past week I have cried over 30times. Today I cried 8times with each time being at least 5mins and some around maybe an hr or so. Its so bad where I can't watch any movies or listen to any songs because about 90% of them make me cry.

    So my problem is I'm a 19 year old who doesnt have a single ounce or clue on how to express myself in words when I meet someone, and find myself becoming sociopathic in everyway.

    One other thing, I forgot to add. In all of this I can say I dont care about 99% of the things that happens in life, but when I do I care for that person or that something with a 1000%.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2005
  2. toeshoes

    toeshoes Guest

    Seek psychiatric help...
     
  3. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    I agree here, I think this case really does deserve professional attention.
     
  4. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Time to see somebody and there's nothing wrong with that. You do sound like a nice guy, your message was organized, you are articulate, and are obviously intelligent. I think if you took some time out and saw somebody professional it would be of benefit. Please do it. Do it for yourself.
    As an aside, being called "BJ" isn't the worst thing in the world, and, if memory serves, BJ was one of my favorites from M*A*S*H.
    Please, go see someone as soon as possible and keep us posted.
    You'll be in my thoughts.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Start with your family doctor. Ask for some guidance and a referral to a family therapist. It ain't no big deal, you'll *finally* get to talk to someone that actually UNDERSTANDS.

    Wouldn't that be a big relief? Someone that actually KNOWS?
    Make that appointment soon.

    PS As of this moment, I pronounce that You are no longer "BJ". Your new name is BILL or WILL.
     
  6. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    I see a couneslor but it doesnt really seem to help that much
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Have you discussed your perceived lack of progress with your counselor? What is his/her response?
     
  8. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    Maybe you need to see different one? Is he/she just a licensed counselor, or are they a clinical psychologist? Maybe you need to see someone more specialized, or even a psychiatrist.
     
  9. Simo

    Simo Guest

    even though you flammed me in my other thread i can offer some life experience here
    When i was in a really bad state of mind a year ago i thought about suicide.
    I eventually changed some things in my life that brought me out of the hole. And the strangest thing is that weight lifting helped the most.
    Gaining new muscular definition in my arms and abs really helped my self esteem and eventually i was feeling better. I also did go see a doctor about this and was put on prozac for a few months.
    Hit me with a PM if you want to talk more
     
  10. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    I do weight lifting everday, went from 240 to 200 in 4months, Im trying to get to 180
     
  11. Simo

    Simo Guest

    Hmm. Well it had a profound effect on me.
    I guess we are very different
     
  12. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    But I made an an appt with an Psychiatrist today :hs:
     
  13. Simo

    Simo Guest

    i did that too
    And let me tell you the first day after i talked to one i felt so much better just to let it all out. it really works man
     
  14. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    Hey, good job, that's definitely a step forward.
     
  15. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf

    This book called the cycle of the soul saved me from suicide and brought back happyness in my life. It shows that no matter how deep a soul has fallen there is always a way out. Along with the psychiatric help, i want to say to you let "NOTHING or NO one belittle you in life" , you have been put down mentally drained and without confidence. To restore this confidence you have to win in life. Small victories, even if its just you cooking a meal in a decent matter, creating a small piece of art, doing things that show you YES you are worthy of life, yes its not someone else but its YOUR choises that create your own reality. You have to restore confidence in yourself as soon as possible. Bil clinton became a president, so don't think the name you carry is insignificant, its your actions who in combination with your words make the man that you are. REMEMBER absolutely nothing in life will give you happyness, exept by loving yourself, and help and love others.
     
  16. GOGZILLA

    GOGZILLA Double-Uranium Member

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  17. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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    ^ wow dude, wow...

    Anyways, everyone goes through bad patches, even some of the worst. A professional should be able to help you out. Good luck, don't give up.
     
  18. darkostoj

    darkostoj NEEEERRRRDDDDSSSS

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    You should try to avoid psychiatrists. You should start looking around for psychotherapists. Its hard because today its so much easier to be a psychiatrist because they make more money and basically just fill prescriptions assuming that everything thats wrong with you is biological. I was a Psychology major at MSU and studied under Dr. Karol before I switched majors, and he really stressed the importance of seeking an esteemed psychotherapist to help with your problems.
     
  19. tbizzle

    tbizzle you smoke that shit?

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  20. el es dee

    el es dee ...through a cloud of chalk and the midst of pain.

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    :bateman: :hug:
     
  21. Kytro

    Kytro I am become death, shatterer of worlds

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    Well the biggest problem you have is basically conditioning. You are conditioned to continue the same behaviour as a means of protecting yourself.

    I can't tell you how to fix it, other than you need to be committed to change - everytime a negative thing occurs you need to interrupt the pattern. If the patern repeats it reinforces
     
  22. Genghis.Tron

    Genghis.Tron New Member

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    Is it me or you're not quite acting proactive with your life ? You seem to react to things that happen to you instead of making good stuff happen. To begin lifting was a great idea, but you should also try to make things happens in all the areas of your life. Sure, some girls told you you were a nice guy, but if you don't act a little bit more agressive (maybe assertive is a better word), you won't get the things you want in life.
    The post just before me with the guy talking about conditioning kinda reminds me of the learned helplessness theory.
    Might not quite be it, but still, you seem to lack motivation and it could be useful for you to seek therapy (which you do) but also be a little bit more positive and not care about bad stuff that happen. Keep us updated.
     
  23. justinhazard

    justinhazard New Member

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    the guy is banned, and this thread is ancient...:squint:
     
  24. LancerV

    LancerV Something Happened OT Supporter

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    8-24-2005, 11:46 PM
     
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