SRS Anyone got any deadbeat siblings?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Yardsale, Jan 26, 2008.

  1. Yardsale

    Yardsale OT Supporter

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    what's it like later in life for them and their relationship with you and your famiry? :hsd: How did you come to terms with it?
     
  2. Rich

    Rich New Member

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    Only child crew checking in.
     
  3. Yardsale

    Yardsale OT Supporter

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    fucking hell. that is exactly what my little brother is going to become. He's already floundering in college and can't even pass easy classes at a sub-par college. My parents will probably have to take him in after he screws it all up.

    How the hell do I get him to realize that he's throwing his life away already? The kid has no motivation, no drive...

    just plays videogames all day.
     
  4. 04JETTA

    04JETTA OT Supporter

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    older brother graduated from college watched the news all day long into the night goes to bed then starts all over again although he went out yesterday so :dunno:
     
  5. Lindsay Loo

    Lindsay Loo ミ★ Mikel's POZ Partner ミ★

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    my brother is like this. i'm 24 and he's 26 and things just keep getting worse the older we get :(
     
  6. Yardsale

    Yardsale OT Supporter

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    I feel powerless to do anything

    a.) not in the same state
    b.) he has no determination to better his situation :wtc:
     
  7. pixing

    pixing New Member

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    My husband has two siblings who are deadbeats. In their 30s, no work, section 8 housing, etc. One sibling (like him) who takes care of business like a responsible adult, lives on the other side of the country and rarely communicates with anyone but us. The mom coddles the two and we suspect her entire estate will be left to them to fight over. She enjoys the co-dependent lifestyle. We don't discuss the deadbeats with her, we invite her to visit but not the deadbeats.

    Our experience has been that the ones who cry the loudest about how family > *, have nothing to bring to the table but drama. No resentment, just resignation.
     
  8. Malicious

    Malicious Whats in your hatch?

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    :wavey:

    My younger brother (24 now, I'll be 26 in March) dropped out of college after 1 year in a music program and has been working kitchen jobs at restaurants since. He seems to be chasing the dream of making it big in a band... which is fine, but you need a back up plan.

    Anyway, my parents had given each of us a ton of money when we were in our late teens as they needed to funnel it out of their business at the time. A family friend was in charge of the investments and although he felt bad about it, he tipped my parents off to the fact that my brother had blown quite a bit of it on random bullshit.

    Needless to say, he doesn't communicate with any of us anymore.
     
  9. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    Kitchen jobs at restaraunts and things like that may be abnormal to some of you collegiate folks but not everyone has the same opportunities or gets proper upbringing and advice to make good, solid decisions on things at those crucial times.


    Some people are content and happy making that type of wage and having the smallest amount of responsibility as they can. I make 17 bucks an hour sitting on a phone all day, I hate it, wish I could do something like teach jiujitsu but I cant because I have made poor financial decisions.


    I went to a technical college but I failed everything because I didn't understand it, I was young, didn't care to go 150% at it, and I regret it but what can I do about it now?

    Motivation is key for people, some day these people will wake up and understand that at any moment they can grasp the reigns and start guiding their own life like I did.

    My advice to anyone who supports these people is to stop helping them, you give them a cushion to sit on and they will sit on it without thinking about it. Take it away and they have to find their own cushion and you'll see how motivated they get. Everyone has standards and a quality of life, it isn't hard to motivate these people..
     
  10. Yardsale

    Yardsale OT Supporter

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    My famiry and i gave my brother tough love, but until he's on the streets scraping by he's not going to figure it out. I guess I'll have to wait till he flunks out of college :hsd:
     
  11. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    Life goes by fast.
     
  12. pixing

    pixing New Member

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    Yes it does. But say you have an acquaintance that is mostly a parasite: taking, complaining, lying, undermining and offering nothing in return - would you continue to associate with them? It would be foolish. Just because a person is related by blood that doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice your feelings and money and whatever else. Sure if it's an emergency, or if they're ill - but if it's a lifestyle? Hell no.

    We are the ants not the grasshopper :hs:
     
  13. Yardsale

    Yardsale OT Supporter

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    Yeah but it would be one thing if my little brother were an ingrateful little shit, which he is not. Besides being a little emo, he's pretty kind and mild-mannered. But he's lazy as all hell and has no motivation to make something of his life. Everyone's been telling him how shitty it's going to be if he doesn't straighten up, but it doesn't seem to faze him :wtc: It pains me to know all his classmates went on to better colleges and are getting great educations and doing well, while he's fucking up at some low-rung shit college and pissing it all away on bf2 and halo 3 marathons.
     
  14. StayLRG

    StayLRG New Member

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    i wasn't motivated and fucked up a lot. now that i'm actually working on getting my shit together my parents give me more shit than ever. makes it hard to wanna put forth some effort.
     
  15. Yardsale

    Yardsale OT Supporter

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    you sound like my brother in the future. like after it's too late and no use and everyone else was right in the beginning :o
     
  16. Avenger97

    Avenger97 New Member

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    not a sibling.. but an ex gf, who is still stuck in my life for the time being..

    i know what you are all saying though.. just has no motivation to go out there and make it happen for herself and her children.. just wants to glide by with the smallest amount of effort put into it , and getting everyone to feel bad for her in the end

    i mean how can a 29 year old mother of 3 think that quitting a good 40 hour a week job makin 12/hr due to a "personality conflict" ( though i believe she got fired) is a good idea , and is now delivering pizza for domino's , makin like 200 bucks a week and bustin her ass is a good idea ?? i just dont get it.

    lack of responsbility for some people just amazes me . in the 2 years i have known this girl.. i have had the same job.. she has had i believe 9 jobs.. none for longer than 3 months at a time.. in the end its all how somone else is always trying to screw her over and she is "trying so hard" yet still failing.. at least she knows it.. and knows that she will eventually totally fail if she doesnt pick it up sometime soon....

    yea i know a lil offtopic.. but somewhat relevant as well....
     
  17. pixing

    pixing New Member

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    yes? but if you feel that you cannot do that, then make a contract (and write it down and both of you sign it, seriously) You have x time to find a job... by y time you will be paying me $ for rent and by z time you will move out. And then do it. Even if it means getting the locks changed. You aren't his keeper.

    Forget school, he had his opportunity and blew it. Once he's supporting himself he can take classes one and two at a time like other broke folks. The funny thing about working your butt off and attending school is that you don't have time to party, or spend money that you don't have.
     
  18. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

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    sounds like my ex- :hsd:
     
  19. Exiled

    Exiled New Member

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    .
     
  20. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    A number of my family members are sick mentally. One is a prostitute with a coke, heroin, and crack addiction, the other suffers obesity and weighs 350. My other brother is an alcoholic and abandoned the family when we set a boundary that he wasn't allowed to drink or be drunk in the house. I haven't heard from him in 15 years. My other two brothers are emotionally detached, rarely talk to me, and have become "incredibly successful" (aka, success is used to cover the internal damage).

    I fell between the cracks and ended up in therapy, so I have 20 years of recovery behind me. None of them have gotten treatment except one of my brothers, but that was only when he found out his wife cheated on him, so he "promised" he would go.

    So yeah, you could say we have our problems. I have a hard time calling them losers or deadbeats though, given I know the enormous misery and suffering they endured. When you damage children, they grow up to be damaged adults unless repaired.
     

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