FRK Anyone ever have a question for a dominatrix but were too shy to ask?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by 123yenxtc, Feb 20, 2007.

  1. 123yenxtc

    123yenxtc New Member

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    Back in the early 90s, before some of you were in preschool, a nice little industry was rising from the ashes of the 80s AIDS panic. It was the ultimate in safe sex, from a professional standpoint - no direct contact with the clientele. Female domination has been around for ages. Leopold von Sacher Masoch wrote of his alter ego in Venus in Furs. Unfortunately so many take ritualizing it too far, incorporating contracts, body modifications suggesting ownership, and scary initiation rites stolen from the pages of Pauline Reage's Story of O.

    I don't know if anyone is interested, but if you have a question or something you've been curious about, I'd love to share my experiences.
     
  2. Lech

    Lech Rhymes with fetch.

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    Were you one of these, how do you say, "dominatrices"?
     
  3. Lech

    Lech Rhymes with fetch.

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    This thread is rawesome
     
  4. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    Ohhh... I smell an interesting thread.:wiggle: I have to think about this a bit....
     
  5. tb2883

    tb2883 New Member

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    I guess the only question i have for now is: Could you elaborate a little more on the topic itself?

    I don't know anything about a "dominatrix" or that type of sex. I just know what i know from pics and vids, which is a person could be dominating or submissive, using devices and tools which renders a person inmobile either completely or at the control of others.
    I guess what i am trying to ask is: How has the whole dominating sex life changed sinced the early 90's to now? and how has it changed for you since the early 90's?

    When this type or style of sex emerged in the early 90's i wansn't in preschool but i was in the last stages of elementary school.:hsugh:
     
  6. Soybomb

    Soybomb New Member

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    So you were a dominatrix? Sounds like an interesting career. Ever get hassled by the neighbors or the police? Were you ever tempted to take something from a professional relationship to a private one, or otherwise have sex with one of your clients? Why did you stop? working professionally?

    Thanks!
     
  7. Mighty_Zeus

    Mighty_Zeus Guest

    Mmmmmm very interesting. I am going to give some thought to this and pose you some questions for sure.

    Quality thread :bigthumb:
     
  8. 123yenxtc

    123yenxtc New Member

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    Oui!
     
  9. 123yenxtc

    123yenxtc New Member

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    Hope it will help anyone with a curious mind.
     
  10. 123yenxtc

    123yenxtc New Member

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    Standing by...

    (or in the former life, "YOU WILL SPEAK WHEN SPOKEN TO!")

    :mamoru:
     
  11. 123yenxtc

    123yenxtc New Member

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    The "scene" hasn't changed in many ways, except now there are a LOT more women who get into it because it CAN be lucrative. But it sullies the reputation of those who are really good. It's like when Homer Simpson blurts out Moe the bartender's secret drink and all of a sudden knock off places appeared everywhere. I see a lot more of these dommes are just straight prostitutes that use the dress up as a gimmick to bring in the clients, looking like something out of Hellraiser, but in the end it's the same - window dressing for sex for pay. A really good domme gets into your head, learns what you might be hesitant about, what might get you off pronto - your hot and cold points when it comes to sex. She is part actress, part psychologist, part tormentor/executioner, and part lover. All in all, a pretty balanced girlfriend.

    Domination and Submission should be about making sex more like a mindfuck - heightening sensory awareness. Blindfold someone and their hearing improves. Put earplugs in their ears and they remember more visually. Take both hearing and auditory senses away and their body becomes more sensitive - anticipating the next touch, sting, jolt, or caress.

    And many people develop these kinds of curiosities when they are young - so we're never really too young to enjoy! (Can I get arrested for that statement?) I remember being as young as 10 and tying both my feet to the posts of my bed because I liked the sensation of immobility. Remembering that sensation let me hone in better on my clients, speaking from personal experience.

    Movies are great for their entertainment value - unfortunately in the US it's illegal to have dominatrix movies that show any kind of penetration so it's all hinted at - like softcore porn.
     
  12. 123yenxtc

    123yenxtc New Member

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    It was never my official career. I had a day job (get this, at an accounting company) and moonlighted at night and on weekends as a domme. I was never hassled by the neighbors because I had a driver/bodyguard and it was always at a private party or motel/hotel. It seemed to be a lot safer then, the tweakers weren't as common as they are now. Or, maybe I was just a lot more ignorant then. Never had a safety problem and never had a bounced check. Yes, I took checks! I got into the business reluctantly because of a new relationship. He identified with the Venus in Furs author and had images of making me his Wanda. I went through the motions initially because it made him happy. Then I found out that, while I wasn't good with the tie them up and beat them scene, I was really good at getting a sense for what turned them on, really attuned to their responses and reactions. Once I found my niche, and not too many people (at the time anyway) could duplicate it, I had a backlog of clients. It got to the point where I was a bit overwhelmed, didn't want to give up my day job, and because I was only dealing with clients, all guys, who had this particular desire, it started to change how I felt about men in general. I started to view all men as wanting that same kind of woman who always took the lead. And, at one point, I needed a break. I needed someone to get me off for a change. I hung up my crop and went on a sabbatical.

    Though it started out because of a relationship, I never did develop a romantic "Pretty Woman" kind of relationship with any of the clients. Most of them were very compartmentalized when it came to sex. They could separate their kink from their vanilla life and liked to keep it that way.
     
  13. RougeOgre

    RougeOgre FS Librarian and MOD

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    And now? Do you do it anymore....for YOUR pleasure?
    Would you do a short "Tips & Tricks" for couples who are newly experimenting?
     
  14. 123yenxtc

    123yenxtc New Member

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    I hope my answers will help dispel any outrageous misconceptions and encourage anyone who is interested in at least checking it out. Even playing around a little with a s/o makes regular sex fun.
     
  15. 123yenxtc

    123yenxtc New Member

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    I haven't done it in a while. It's not something I bring up in normal dating conversations as sometimes if a guy is interested in it and it is brought up prematurely, he can obsess about it and then all he wants to talk about is how he wants to be tied up, forced to do any number of things.

    For couples who want to experiment a little I suggest that you start out with just a little bit here and there. A simple blindfold for the first time, and it doesn't matter who is blindfolded, with directions that they blindfoldee isn't to do anything - no moving or talking. And a blindfold doesn't have to be black silk - It's so weary that in erotica the blindfold is always described as black silk. Please. Use whatever you have. Neckties, a regular scarf, a sleep mask - it all does the same thing. Ritualize it if it makes it more fun, but don't get to bogged down in the materials department.

    Blindfold the person and "shhhh" them. There will probably be some first time giggles. You want the person to focus. The "you have to make me do it" is fun for other scenes. Calm the person, get them to be quiet. Use a direct voice. Not be a bossy asshole/bitch, but a tone that you use to convey a point without emotion. If they are resistant and remain giggly, say nothing until they are quiet. Have them lie down. Explore their body with different sensations. It could be dragging fingertips down skin one direction and reversing the path with fingernails. You'll see skin react when goosebumps form and nipples harden (both men and women).

    You can tie their hands together if it isn't too much the first time. One thing I've found is exposing wrists is vulnerable which is why frequently when people are tied with their arms above their head, their wrists are exposed. This is using body language to your advantage. It keeps the person in a vulnerable position whether they "want" to be or not.

    The best experiences, especially for the first time, is to have the person completely "helpless" and waiting for the next thing they are going to do to them. Use hands, mouth, vibrators, anything that you can and bring your "subbie" to an orgasm. And once he or she gets there, untie them, take their blindfold off, and hold them - even cover them up with blankets if you're on the bed. This takes a strong person not to want to jump in and bone the person who just came. But this kind of scene makes the other person want to try it again and do a little more the next time.

    And, if the girl was the subbie, it's very likely she'll want to jump you because you've achieved some things that I think may be hardwired into women's psyches: (feminists will want me to die in a fire here.)

    1. calming her fears/insecurities, effectively subduing her
    2. a natural tendency to want to be "taken" by a dominant partner
    3. the patience to get her to cum
    4. the physical comfort/security afterwards

    For a guy that was a subbie, if he's young he could probably be up for some hot sessy time right afterwards. But don't fault him if he needs that recovery time.
     
  16. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    good thread
     
  17. 123yenxtc

    123yenxtc New Member

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    thanks, birthday girl!
     
  18. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    you're welcome.
     
  19. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    This is something I've always wondered about....How many guys openly challenged your ability to shut them up and your ability to make them do what you want them to?? How did you accomplish this...or did they just "play along"?

    I mean for me....acting is very transparant and not really that much of a turn on. I'm much more responsive to real human emotions and interactions. I'm also kind of a big guy, 6' 240+lbs and I'm pretty strong willed. I'm not sure I would percieve that I was really being dominated unless I thought the woman could seriously kick my ass. lol

    no offense to anyone but if they are 5'5" and 100lbs, unless they have a gun I'm just not going to feel threatned much....that is untill I'm restrained but I wouldn't normally allow myself to be restrained....so I dunno.

    Maybe I'm over thinking it...they are there to be dominated so perhaps they just play along.
     
  20. Phantom Empress

    Phantom Empress mmmmmm tasty!!!

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    some people willingly submit, others submit under threat of pain or thought of reward, still others submit for other reasons entirely. I'll let the pro answer, but as a sub, that is how i feel.
     
  21. CrudeGT

    CrudeGT New Member

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    I am not writing this to step on 123yenxtc's feet. But I may try to lend my advice from a different perspective. I went through some training to become a Dom from a Master out here in California. Study the books (beleive it or not there are text books for this). I do not do this for pay, i do it cuz I love it. I have one contracted Sub right now whom I play with on a regular basis, and I will take toys to a few clubs out here every now and then and work with other friends to put on a show. and to see things from a different point of veiw, I am Male.
     
  22. Unknown

    Unknown OT Supporter

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    This is a great thread!

    Haven't had the opportunity yet, but there is something hot about being submissive to a dominant female.
     
  23. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    See that's the thing...being agressive or dominant comes more naturally to me and I do enjoy it, even if I may not be all that freaky about it yet. I doubt I'd ever pay to visit a pro...but if I ever did, I doubt I'd willingly submit.
     
  24. 123yenxtc

    123yenxtc New Member

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    Believe it or not, very few held that "make me do it" position. Generally speaking, they were there because they wanted to be. These were guys who liked the mental. Not necessarily the type that role played only. The only bit of uncomfortable resistance happened, usually during the first meeting or when they wanted to try something like "forced" bisexualism. It takes a hell of a lot of sensitivity to help someone through their fantasies. The very few that were just "playing along" because they wanted to flip the situation and take control were met with a firm, "you are not here because you want to take control."

    I find that those who have to be "made to do it" have other issues that I could not address. I was not into hardcore B&D and would refer the people who were more of a thrillseeker, to other dommes who were better equipped for the dungeon scene.

    Acting/Improv is good because it helps with things like posture, voice control, knowing how to react if something goes wrong. We're talking a professional standpoint, not a personal one. In a personal relationship there is more emotion involved, which isn't to say I didn't lack emotions when with my clients, but there was always some distance. I still get along well with some of my former clients socially. While I won't claim the ability to kick your ass, one of my clients was 6 feet 3 and 280 athlete. Without restraints and without too much ado, I could make him cry. But that was his kink. You are a big guy and are used to being perceived as big, strong, dominant presence. It's not my job to makeyou want to be submissive. It's my job to guide you through some fantasies you might have if you wanted to explore being submissive. If that entailed being restrained, we'd try it. At 5 feet tall and 115, I wasn't imposing by any stretch of the imagination - even with a gun.

    Maybe I'm over thinking it...they are there to be dominated so perhaps they just play along.

    Exactly!
     
  25. 123yenxtc

    123yenxtc New Member

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    There is a reward. Some people like the additional sensation on their skin - painful/pleasurable/hot/cold/soft/hard - it just depended. The reward was frequently in the delayed orgasm. There were a few who just liked to worship feet with no orgasm at all. Mostly, it was taking the guilt away from people. In that way, I was "making" them cum, and thus, freeing them from some of the hangups or guilt they had about their kinks and fetishes. That was what I did best at. There was nothing more satisfying than watching someone experiencing a kind of rebirth, I guess, once the shame of his actions was taken away from him. I guess you could say it was a rewarding experience for me knowing that someone who had been harboring all these "wrong" or "sinful" feelings could, in a sense, feel free. But, again, people into the hardcore pain or were referred elsewhere.
     

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