Anyone ever date a victim of sexual abuse?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by angrybetty, Oct 19, 2007.

  1. angrybetty

    angrybetty New Member

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    Curious.....does anyone have experience dating someone who was abused as a child? Did you loose interest in them sexually when you realized what happened and how it may have affected them? I'm wondering if this could be the situation I might be experiencing....I thought someone here might be able to provide me with some insight. I'm afraid that once being seen the victim, it's too hard to be seen as something sexually desirable. If this is what's going on....is it possible that it will be temporary? Is there anything I could do to help shift perceptions? Thoughts...
     
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2007
  2. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Unfortunatly, my gf had an encounter, where she was on the brink of something happening, but the only good thing is nothing went beyond that. What it did do, was leave her emotionally scarred. Ocasional break downs and nightmeres. Theres not much you can do about it, but just be there for her when this does happen. She thinks that she should be over it already, but I told her, its not just 'something' you can get over.

    Its a sad thing too that her parents dont really understand her view point on this, primarily getting angry at her because of it. They guy that attempted was an illeagal alien from Jamaica, when she was younger. They said that he was deported, but was never confirmed. Her attempts to find out, only gets her family against her for whatever retarded reason that is. So because of this, you or myself for that matter, is the only person that they can talk to.

    Like I said, not much you can do, but just be there to comfort her.
     
  3. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    are you the victim or are you talking about your s/o ?

    in any case from my experience there's not much you can do. sadly there are so many girls out there who have had some kind of a fucked up past and it translates into emotional baggage.

    if it can be dealt with, includes no deal breakers, and i care about the girl sincerely, i'll continue with the relationship. it's never affected my attraction once i found out.
     
  4. Stev

    Stev Active Member

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    my ex was a victim of being sexually abused as a child. They never forget, and it effects most things in their life, especially their sexual life. Everyone handles it different. Like a lot of deep personal experiences little things can take them back and effect them big time at any given time.

    It did not turn me off, but then again i kind of knew something was going on behind the scenes and i was just relieved that she finially told me, and that she told SOMEONE so she could talk it out and begin to deal with it. But we had known eachother for years, and i was in love, so pretty much nothing she told me would have turned me off or turned me away.
     
  5. kronik85

    kronik85 New Member

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    i dated a girl who was sexually abused, and it didn't affect the sex for me. i felt bad for her but it didn't affect me and my desire for her. and i dont know how it affected her, she was a very sexual person, maybe even overly so than what i was used to.
     
  6. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    good luck finding a girl who doesn't have a drama sob story.
     
  7. nygiantplaya

    nygiantplaya I

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    i once went out with a girl that got raped as a child and her dad used too, well still beats her.. It was too much for me to handle atleast, i had my own problems and didnt need to get involved in her stuff. Also she was VERY quiet.... she never talked at all which was boring soo.. yea she was a freak but the other shit over her head and her not talking alot , eh....
     
  8. jazzmoney

    jazzmoney New Member

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    sexual abuse sux

    90% of the girls I dated have at some point in their lives been sexual abused, either as a child or an adult. Every person handles their situation differently. Some will put a brick wall up and won't let you in close enough to harm them. Others put themselves out there sexually because it helps devalue what happened to them when they were younger.

    Sad really... very sad... More attention should be put on this to try to prevent this kind of shit from happening...
     
  9. aagelly

    aagelly New Member

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    I was sexually abused 2x and it messed me up pretty bad initially...mainly cause the first was from my best friend of over 9 years...

    but ive moved on...

    the only thing that really upsets me now (6 years later) is when i see sexual abuse in movies or hear about it happening to those close to me
     
  10. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    If she hasn't been treated for it then do everything you can to encourage her to see someone about it.
     
  11. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Most women I know, and many I have dated, have been abused in some way or another. The only thing that really affected our sex life was how THEY dealt with it.

    Some women were so messed up sex was near impossible. Some other women I would have to fight off because they were so horny.

    Everyone has a past. It's the people who cannot let go of someone else's past that I feel sorry for.
     
  12. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Most girls I've dated have had some type of abuse, as well.

    My EX had some serious issues of sexual abuse from her mother and other people in her family.
    Also according to her, Due to that, she also had a hard time defining who she was.
    My EX was sort of a freak in bed too. But, I believe, she also had relationship problems due to that.

    This current girl i'm seeing also has had some emotional/mental abuse from her dad.
    This current girl is a little sexually reserved due to her past.

    Neither of them have/had sought out Professional help.

    Like others have said, its all about how the girl handles it. Its better for them if they seek out help and what not.
     
  13. ass_kicker32

    ass_kicker32 New Member

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    no, but Ive been with some pretty fucked up girls.
     
  14. angrybetty

    angrybetty New Member

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    yea i'm the vic. and i've been really open about everything with the guy I'm seeing now. it all happened a long time ago, it was bad....but not horrible. i just had a lot of stuff after that happen, and i think it would be impossible for a good guy to still be ok with me. i appreciate all the info that was shared. i just have a hard time knowing what to do.
     
  15. autobahn

    autobahn New Member

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    well here's the thing: It's honestly going to be hard for a lot guys to deal with it if it affects your sex life.

    Why do you think it would be "impossible for a good guy to be ok with you"? Did this experience turn you into a promiscuous sex fiend who consistently cheats? I know some women who were sexually abused sometimes do that...

    I'm sure there's a guy out there who will be willing to deal with it and love you anyways.
     
  16. angrybetty

    angrybetty New Member

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    hell no! i am a sex fiend... unfortunately, but i'm NOT the cheater kind. i've never cheated before...i'm just - me. i guess. i like sex a lot, i'm a little over the top sometimes....but who I'm with is who i'm with. i guess i just think that if you were a really good guy, you wouldn't want to be with someone who had been used so young.... when there are so many out there that haven't been tainted like that.
     
  17. autobahn

    autobahn New Member

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    so by "good guy" you mean "religious guy"? because that's the only type I could see caring if you got "used early".

    I guess I know plenty of actual good guys who wouldn't give a fuck, honestly. As long as you're not crazy and whatnot I think you'll definitely be able to find someone.
     
  18. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    well you're on an anonymous message board. it sounds like its that "other stuff after that" that the problem is about, even though its probably a result of the sexual abuse before. what happened?
     
  19. tubachris85x

    tubachris85x New Member

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    Not really a good idea to ask a victim of this kind of thing what happened...Took my GF over 7 months to finally tell me what happend, after she had consistant breakdowns and my questioning of whats causing it.

    Just my opinion though...
     
  20. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    I'll agree with this...my boyfriend has always known I had issues with abuse as a kid. He knows, and he knows who it was, but he would never ask specifics about what happened, and I have never told. I'm over it and I dont need to go back to those memories. Of course I still think about it from time to time, but once I met my boyfriend and released all those things to him, the quality of my life greatly improved. I'm sure he never thought of me as less desirable, since I'm positive I told him before we were even having sex. also, those things have made me who i am today, and he loves me for that person. meeting someone who can take care of you emotionally and love you for who you are could help you get over those old issues as well.
     
  21. angrybetty

    angrybetty New Member

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    what do you mean what happened....the abuse, or the after, or the now issue?
     
  22. angrybetty

    angrybetty New Member

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    i have a question for you.....i've never talked with anyone who has been abused before (if you are not comfortable responding i completely understand). i was also abused on repeated occasions (different people). how do you reconcile the fact that more than one person was able to do something that awful to you? i don't mean to pry....i just have a hard time getting my head around that thought.....i often wonder if i gave off some kind of weird vibe, or if it's "destiny" or some higher reason type of thing.

    it's just things i wonder about.
     
  23. autobahn

    autobahn New Member

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    I think you probably should see a therapist about this. A professional one.

    I can sense you may harbor a little blame on yourself for these incidents, and rest assured it's not your fault.

    Internet boards are okay for general advice but I'm sure there's a lot you want to talk about that just can't get resolved over the internets.

    You already have some wicked self-esteem issues and there are people who are professionally trained to deal with these things.
     
  24. angrybetty

    angrybetty New Member

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    interesting.....i have seen therapists for this....i don't want to even talk about how much money i've sinked into the whole ordeal....i was just looking for some non-professional insight.
     

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