Anyone else's SO hang out with their ex all the time?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by G-man, Jul 10, 2009.

  1. G-man

    G-man Well-Known Member

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    and does it bother you at all? Mine does and at first I didn't really care but now it is starting to bother me quite a bit. A little background: She was married when I met her and had been for 7 years. Was with the guy for 3 years before that. We flirted a little when i met but that was about it. She got divorced and a few months later we started dating and have been for about a year and a half now. The divorce was completely civil, no animosity at all. They fell out of love years ago and basically lived as roommates for the last couple of years as just friends. The guy shows no ill will towards me at all.
    At first she wanted to be free of him and when i met her she talked about how they should never have married and are completely different from each other and should have just been friends. She said how he kind of inhibited a lot of things she could have done in her life differently. However now she is all the sudden inviting him out everywhere and he goes out with both of us sometimes and stuff like that.
    I guess it bothers me more and more that she is getting so close to him again. I know that they would never get back together or anything, hard to explain but I just know. But it's just a reversal in her position from how she hated this guy before and now invites him everywhere (they share a lot of common friends). In the past for me I have always moved on from my exes. I might be okay with it but the guy is kind of a douche and I get to listen to him go on about and make snide remarks to her sometimes about how they used to be together and all. Just wondering thoughts on this, maybe i am just being insecure.
     
  2. Bacardi 151

    Bacardi 151 New Member

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    Sounds like not a good situation to me. Have you talked to her about it calmly?
     
  3. G-man

    G-man Well-Known Member

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    I brought it up last weekend and she got kind of defensive about it. She was like "what's the matter? there's no chance we'll get back together. We're just friends" etc. I mentioned if she'd mind if I was friends with my exes and at first she was like "I think I'd have a problem with that if there was a chance you two might get back together or have sex". She has said that he is a close good friend and she can't really imagine him not being in her life.
     
  4. Bacardi 151

    Bacardi 151 New Member

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    Hrm, I don't want to make you panic about it more but it sounds like she will never get over him. :hs:
     
  5. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    I don't date women who still talk to their exes.

    It's never "just friends."

    One is still pining, the other likes attention.
     
  6. G-man

    G-man Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for the replies. I'm pretty sure that romantically she wouldn't get back involved with him and I know that she loves me and all. I think she is partly doing it for the attention and I also think she is kind of frustrated with how willingly he divorced her. She brought it up and he didn't even hestitate to say yes. Now he's dating all kinds of other women and says he'll never get married again. I think after she divorced she realized how lonely it would be and needed the friends and realized they all have the same friends. I dunno, sometimes i feel like giving her an ultimatum but then think that might be going to far.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    When I first started dating my current SO I was still great friends with my previous ex. Our breakup was mutual and I really really loved his company; we always had a great time. We'd call or text here and there and see each other at friend's houses...but never hung out alone.

    My SO finally admitted to me one day that it bugged him and I toned it way down, but we are still friends and SO finally learned eventually that their really was nothing to fear on both sides :dunno:
     
  8. bs2100

    bs2100 New Member

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    Her getting defensive about it would be a bad thing to me. You calmly told her about how something made you feel and it was all about how it's wrong, don't worry. It seemed like there was no consideration on her part for your feelings. This is how I would expect a person that cares about the person their dating to react:
    It's not like you wanted her to stop seeing the ex, but reducing the amount of time spent with the ex is such a small action that makes a big gesture to show how much you care about the person that you're dating and their feelings.
     
  9. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I find it strange that she suddenly started wanting to hang out with him a lot more. Were you guys going through a rough time in your relationship at that time?
     
  10. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    I've been on all three sides of this argument and I can tell you that it's just so much simpler to let an ex go. Personally, I think it's a horrible idea to stay close friends with an ex and I think your relationship will suffer if she maintains that relationship. I wouldn't go down that road again. Good luck though.
     
  11. G-man

    G-man Well-Known Member

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    Not really a rough time but i travel a lot for work, almost every week so i think she was getting bored at home and she asked me early on in the relationship if I cared if she stayed friends with her ex and not having been in that situation before I said not at all.
     
  12. tarheel

    tarheel Guest

    I know a few people who stay friends with an ex. But it's never mutual.
     
  13. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    abort
     
  14. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    Yep

    My ex talks to me constantly and her current bf cant stand it :rofl:
     
  15. G-man

    G-man Well-Known Member

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    I hope it doesn't have to come to that :hs:
     
  16. just_another_on

    just_another_on New Member

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    I was supposed to pick her up last night but all I could think about was that poor kid. Cause I know damn well if I saw my ex, our pants would be off within minutes.
     
  17. Deborah

    Deborah Seeing is believing, but I don't want to know.

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    I really wonder what happens and how I feel if I see my ex again, haven't seen him since the break up.
     
  18. G-man

    G-man Well-Known Member

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    yeah when I would get together with either of my last two exes it would usually end up in sex :mamoru:
     
  19. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    I husband (when not my husband) used to have lunch with his ex all the time. I loathed it and it got to the point where he would go to lunch and not tell me until days later :o

    He doesn't any more and I don't hang out with any of my exes either
     
  20. Calypso85

    Calypso85 New Member

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    no, exs are bad news. every time an ex comes around bad shit always starts happening

    well at least in my experience :(
     
  21. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Don't do it! :)

    Even if it feels good, or if it is satisfying, still it will harm your relationship. Also, no guilt-tripping. Same reason.

    I would say anything that frames you and your ex as oppositional is bad news.
     
  22. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Have you considered talking to the man about the snide comments?

    He's probably not feeling great because you've got the girl.

    Maybe you are laying his nasty behavior at the feet of your wife, making it her responsibility for him to behave himself.

    In that case it might help to initiate friendship with him, take steps on your own to stop the tension.
     
  23. BlackIce72

    BlackIce72 New Member

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    Depends.

    In a lot of ways I prefer the woman be friends with her exes. If she has a problem with every single one that's a red flag.

    Depends how insecure you are about it and what their relationship is/was like.

    If my gf had an issue with me being friends with exes that wouldn't fly.
     
  24. G-man

    G-man Well-Known Member

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    thought about it, i dunno, maybe not really snide but he teases/makes fun of her a lot, always brings up their previous relationship with others and sometimes when we're together he still bosses her around and stuff. I guess it's jsut annoying more than anything. Lol, she hates it when I call him her ex but he always refers to her that way. I guess I just feel it's time for her to move on.
     
  25. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    He bosses her around? In your presence?

    I would be tempted to say, "Yeah, honey, do what your ex-husband tells you to do." :o

    That's weird. I would tease both of them about it if I saw that happening.
     

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