anyone else think that "friendzone" is a copout

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by wake_o, Jun 4, 2008.

  1. wake_o

    wake_o New Member

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    i know i just made a thread about being friendzoned perhaps, but im starting to think its just an excuse for failure. Ive dated multiple girls whom i was friends with for a long time, as in like years, before we dated. thoughts?
     
  2. Hunt

    Hunt Active Member

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    it's not an excuse for failure, it is 'failure.' although that all depends on what your 'aims' were...
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2008
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    it's not completely a copout. If it were totally under the control of one person, it would be a copout. However, since you can't really control another person's actions....

    I mean, it's entirely possible for a girl not to be attracted to you no matter what you do.
     
  4. wake_o

    wake_o New Member

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    i mean more, do you really believe in the concept of being friendzoned?
     
  5. Vanilla Tarantino

    Vanilla Tarantino OT Supporter

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    There are girls that, although interested in guys, will not date them out of fear of losing the friendship. That's being "friendzoned." My g/f has admitted to doing that in the past, so, no, it's not always a copout.
     
  6. Diesel66

    Diesel66 My standards for women is like rent-a-centers stan OT Supporter

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    Chatting with a few female friends, YES. They gladly admit to putting some guys in their neat little categories. And some of them still come around with puppy dog eyes and trying to help them, etc...




    Is there a way out ? Sure. Some girls love to date their close friends. But can you stick around while she dates other guys ? I had one pull that line on me "oh, I want to get to know you first" Ok. But then a month into it, she started dating some complete stranger. :ugh:
     
  7. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    while you were friends with these girls, did you have a girlfriend?
     
  8. wake_o

    wake_o New Member

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    i did with one.

    and on a side note, yeh, girls lve you when you have a gf. youre like a safe guy for them or something
     
  9. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Nope, being "friendzoned" is one of 2 things.
    1. The guy never flirts with the girl at all so she has no clue he has any interest in her. He then makes a move out of nowhere which makes the girl feel totally awkward. This can be avoided by being a little flirty with the girl from the start. Once you start to have feelings for her then escalate the flirting to more touching and sexual jokes/comments to gauge her reaction. If she just has no interest in you (see #2) then she will be :hsugh: and you know to move on. If she flirts back then it won't come as a surprise to her when you go to make a move.

    2. Sometimes 2 people just do not work together. Could be because of lack of chemistry/looks/personality/past actions/future plans, etc. You can't force someone to be attracted to you if they just aren't feeling it. It's not that she's not dating you because you've been friends for a long time, it's that she's not dating you because she just isn't interested in you in that way. Nothing you can do about that.

    I hope that make sense, I'm kinda out of it at the moment :run:
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I believe being "friendzoned" is a real thing. People just had to put a name on it. It's not some mythical creature.

    If you wait too long a girl either loses interest or has seen you as a friend from the beginning.

    It's hard sometimes to break free of this status but I've seen it happen.

    Ladder theory however I think is total bullshit.
     
  11. fray

    fray New Member

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    I have to say I have had a few guys that I "friendzoned". But only because they were really someone who I wasn't attracted to, but truly enjoyed as a friend. Sometimes your personalities connect, but it just really isn't there beyond that. Sometimes that's gonna be a one sided feeling and it sucks, but there's nothing you can do about that.

    In my situation, it wasn't my choice to keep them coming around, and I really wasn't getting anything out of it aside from a friend. I wasn't befriending them because I didn't want to date them, but wanted to use them for what they would do for me. A lot of people also seem to look at it as a conscious choice in which the girl doesn't really like the guy but likes to use him since he has a thing for her and that is completely incorrect (at least from my perspective).

    That said, I had been friends with my boyfriend for many many years and he thought he had no chance in hell when we finally hooked up a few years ago.
     
  12. NCS

    NCS Active Member

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    you can be friends with a girl for years and never be friendzoned with her...
     
  13. ForgottenSpiral

    ForgottenSpiral Hope and Irony OT Supporter

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    Cure for being friendzoned:
    1. Don't be a friend first. If you want to be more than friends then let that be known right away.
    2. Don't wait for it. If she isn't interested and you stick around hoping to wear her down, you are missing out on the girl that does want to be with you.

    If I had understood this when I was younger I could have avoided a lot of pain. It takes two to friendzone. If you don't want to be in the friendzone, don't go there.
     
  14. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :werd: I dated a guy that I was friends for 4 years first. Timing was just always bad with us, I always liked him.
     
  15. demosnat

    demosnat New Member

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    I don't know if the 'friendzone' exists or not (but my moneys on no), however i'd say about 90% of the men who reference it are using it as a copout
     
  16. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    i was friends with my SO for 2 years before we started dating. i had zero intentions of ever dating him and just liked him as a friend. he liked me as more. i eventually woke up and we started dating.

    i also have guy friends that i have known for years that i have never dated nor liked in a sexual way. some of them have had crushes on me, some of them have not. i would never date any of them, but i love them as friends. i guess they would be "friendzoned" but under that same definition, my SO was originally friendzoned and it worked out with us

    sometimes chicks just dont like certain guys. that can change, but it might not. its not black and white
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    i agree the term is overused

    it exists for sure though

    i work with 2 guys who have a crush on he same girl

    both guys frequently take the friends route with girls they are attracted to. they give her gobs of attention and are the shoulder to cry on, tell her how great she is, etc.

    both guys have been taking her on "dates" even though they have a boyfriend

    they are just hanging around hoping that she will have a falling out with her boyfriend and they can swoop in and get some action

    of course, she is not attracted to either guy, but she has no problem accepting their generosity

    both of these guys head straight for the friendzone with every girl they like
     
  18. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    werd


    I'd also like to add, as most people never look at it this way - sometimes the "friendzone" in and of itself is a way to crawl out of the friendzone. Like, the guy wasn't able to build enough attraction at the beginning, they became friends, but suddenly as she got to know him better she started developing feelings that wouldn't have happened off the bat. I've seen that happen before too :dunno: It's like the reverse friendzone :eek4: Although it's much more rare.
     
  19. wake_o

    wake_o New Member

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    Lots of good points and i agree with most. I get the real feeling that when youre friendzoned, its not cause you didnt make a move, but there just wasnt really chemistry there, and it was destined for that from the start
     
  20. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    and you have no other options so you happily accept what you can get (platonic "dates")
     
  21. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    It's real. Just like being on the "bad ladder" is real.

    Whether it's because the chick just doesn't like you or because you "failed to create sufficient attraction," it's still real.
     
  22. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    whats "bad ladder"?
     
  23. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    yep, i think so. being friends first is awesome!
     
  24. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Ladder theory. A woman has two ladders (rankings) of men; one for guys she will sleep with (the good ladder), one for guys she won't (the bad ladder).

    Supposedly men only have one ladder, because any woman they are friends with they would sleep with, but that's not true because I have female friends that I am friends with for intellectual reasons but I am not attracted to them :dunno:

    That site has some good terms, tho, like "cuddle bitch" and "intellectual whore." lol. It explains how the things women say they want are not the things they actually want. For example, they fuck the asshole outlaw biker with forearm tattoos, yet they obviously don't get "sweetness" or "compassion" from him, so they "cuddle" with guys on the bad ladder (friendzoned) to fulfill their emotional needs, yet they will never sleep with these guys.
     
  25. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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