SRS Anyone else suffer from or know about Depersonalization?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Musouka, Jul 4, 2008.

  1. Musouka

    Musouka New Member

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    Well, I posted a while back about not really being able to "feel" emotions. It was like I couldn't really connect with the world for some reason. Well, I've done some research and it seems I might be suffering from episodes of depersonalization. I just recently got out of my longest one yet which lasted a little over 3 weeks. I usually seem to experience it for about one to two weeks and it seems to pop up randomly, but mostly when I just start thinking about my life and where it's going and end up getting into a massive mindfuck.

    This is the Wiki definition: Depersonalization (or depersonalisation) is an 'alteration' in the perception or experience of the self so that one feels 'detached' from, and as if one is an 'outside' observer of, one's mental processes or body. A feeling of watching oneself act, while having no control over a situation.

    A lot of people describe it as feeling like you're in a "mental fog" and reality isn't fully registering with you. My own personal experiences are a bit different. It seems like there's some sort of wall or filter around the "inner" part of my brain/mind. This inner part is what registers everything that I take in from the outside world, particulary emotions. However this wall/filter strips my entire experience of reality of emotion and feeling and just seems to give me the basic info. My memory capacty drops fairly significantly. I usually have a VERY vivid imagination, but it's almost non existant during my depersonalization episodes. EDIT: I also feel a very constant and dull headache feeling like my brain is under a lot of pressure. o_O

    One of the worst things is that the people around you have NO clue that anything is wrong. You still act normally, like your body has been so conditioned that it still knows how you should react? Like if someone tells a joke, you still laugh, but you don't really experience the "funny" emotion.

    Unfortunately, there isn't much research into this "disorder" yet. The causes appear to be some sort of abuse (emotional, physical, mental, etc.) or linked to drug use. I never have and never will use drugs, so that's it to me, and I haven't ever been abused physically or any of the other ways (unless I somehow did it to myself if that's possible? I could see that being a possibility with how fucked up my thinking was in the past and I still tend to get myself into mindfucks occasionally when I think about certain things).

    There don't seem to really be any treatments that effectively work. The only thing I've found that helps me get out of it is comedy, GOOD comedy. It seems like if I watch something with some good comedy in it, eventually I start to "snap out" of the episode and slowly start to feel emotions again. It feels so relieving when I do this, but I still hate the emotionless zombie I become during my episodes.

    So, anyone ever suffer from this or heard about it before? Have any advice on trying to "contain" and prevent episodes from reaccuring? There are a few depersonalization support forums out there that have helped me a bit, but it usually just ends up being a lot of people suffering from it complaining about it all the time and not really figuring out how to get through it.
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2008
  2. 2500

    2500 Guest

    It has nothing to do with comedy, and everything to do with putting your mind on something else. I suffered from depersonalization for years, until in therapy, I learned that anxiety and depersonalization are only as powerful as you give them credit to be. If you have a hobby, or something to get your mind off the depersonalization, like watching comedy, you will eventually "snap out of it."
     
  3. Musouka

    Musouka New Member

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    Did the therapy help you get rid of it permanently? I know that everyone experiences this occasionally, but usually for a much shorter length of time. I have thought about possibly going into some therapy to try and fix it once and for all, but wasn't sure how effective it was so if you had a good experience, let me know. :x: I guess a way to fix it permanently would be to get rid of the cause, but I'm not entirely sure what is really causing it for me. :dunno: Maybe therapy could help me find this cause and eliminate it?
     
  4. 2500

    2500 Guest

    i was having it dozens of times a day, and it stopped dead in its tracks after 1 session of hypnosis. that was about 5 years ago, and i've only had it, maybe 4 times since. but now, i know it can't harm me at all, its just a "weird feeling" so when I get it, i say "OK, i know what this is, and if i ignore it, it'll stop" and it stops, and doesn't happen for another, year or something.
     
  5. Musouka

    Musouka New Member

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    Hmmm, I seem to just experience it constantly for a long time and then it kind of lifts. Hopefully I can take this advice and attempt to control it better. :x:
     
  6. fray

    fray New Member

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    I actually think I experienced this before I started seeing a therapist for depression and anxiety. Felt disconnected, like I was just watching someone else living my life. I especially remember that feeling of smiling/laughter because it was "the right thing to do for the moment" and thinking how dead I really felt inside. And it's funny you bring up the memory thing because I used to have a terrible time in therapy telling the therapist what was bothering me, because I would remember that something had upset me, but I could never remember what or associate any other real feelings with it. The incident would just be lost to me.

    Odd to think about. I haven't had that in years. It went away with meds and therapy when the depression and anxiety went away and I felt more in control of my life.

    Not sure what I'm trying to say. If what you are describing is the same as what I experienced, I guess I just want you to know that you're not the only one and you can overcome it.
     
  7. fray

    fray New Member

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    I think this is a good point. One thing I noticed after therapy is I am now better able to recognize when I am slipping into a "mood" of some sort and it has very little power over me. Whereas I used to feel I was stuck in this cyclical pattern of feeling bad. I now see when I am feeling bad, know that it is not permanent and that things will get better. That in itself makes things better.
     
  8. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    hmm...I feel like this. It's been a long time. But meds only made it worse.
     
  9. jagman

    jagman New Member

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    I have the same shit... and I like to mindfuck myself by thinking of how meaningless I am as 1 in billions of bacteria that inhabit one small planet and even in this day and age we are such simple creatures that we can't even live in space yet
     

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