SRS Anyone else have a serious problem with losing?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by macbook bro, Oct 17, 2009.

  1. macbook bro

    macbook bro Guest

    Today I was playing cards (no money involved) with two of my oldest friends and when I lost a hand it felt like it took all of my willpower not to turn and punch the guy next to me right in the face. Pretty much any time I lose at anything I get this urge, like I just want to kill the person, no matter who they are. In sports, if I am defending someone and they get by me, I often foul them immediately, try to trip them, pull on a shirt, whatever. Except ultimate frisbee :hs: that's just a :nono:. I haven't always been this way, I guess saying "pretty much any time" is inaccurate, it comes and goes, but t happens really often. I do remember when I was in 6th grade, we were playing capture the flag in gym, and my team lost, and some of the other kids were celebrating their win and I just snapped and ran over and tackled one of them and started hitting him.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 17, 2009
  2. Doflamingo

    Doflamingo Freedom is not enough.

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    :eek4: See a therapist.
     
  3. BladedThesis

    BladedThesis New Member

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    I never lose, so I do not know how I react.

    Can't be healthy, though.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    There's 3 options, 1 is never to play games so you can lose, second is to goto a theraphist as suggested, and 3 is to see things in a different perspective ,you know in life you win some and lose some , the basic gist is to try just to win more then you lose.
     
  5. macbook bro

    macbook bro Guest

    okay pal
    1 is out of the question obviously
    2 ok
    3 i know that, obviously
     
  6. untoastytoast

    untoastytoast The Glory Days

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    yeah i have the same problem, i am way too damn competitive. example: i'm taking a volleyball class at my community college, and most of the kids there are simply there to sit around and get an easy PE credit. I actually do want to play volleyball, so i get angry when people don't take it seriously, and I hate being a team that loses.

    For me, i have to look at it inthe bigger perspective, and realize that I'm not in the world championships of volleyball, and just to chill out and try to actually have fun instead of worry so damn much about what everyone else is doing.
     
  7. macbook bro

    macbook bro Guest

    it seems like the less important the game is the more pissed off i am, even games that are entirely chance... shit is just infuriating to lose
     
  8. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    99% people that post on this board are sore losers. But I don't know many people that have the built up rage you do. Go see a therapist because one day you will end up either really hurting someone else with your cheap tackles or you'll get the living shit kicked out of you by another group. Seriously, go to someone with CBT training.

    Or meditation.
     
  9. macbook bro

    macbook bro Guest

    cognitive behavior therapy? what are they going to shock me when i get pissed off?
     
  10. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    That's not what that is. It can really help people like you with anger issues.
     
  11. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    It's just talking about your behaviors. It's definitely worth it. It may not solve your problems, but it will definitely get you 100x closer than you are now.

    There is obviously something deeper down that causes your competitive issues, and a therapist will be able to dig it out and make your conscious of it.
     
  12. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    how do you keep yourself from fouling in ultimate frisbee?

    do that in everything else.
     
  13. macbook bro

    macbook bro Guest

    its just a much bigger part of the game, its supposed to be absolutely no contact, i dunno how, it just doesn't enter my mind... good advice for real sports, i will try and treat everything like its frisbee... but that doesn't really help with the urges to flip over a card table and choke a guy or bludgeon someone with an xbox controller
     
  14. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    seems like you have some deeper underlying issues, whatever you are describing is just a symptom
     
  15. macbook bro

    macbook bro Guest

    any guesses?
     
  16. blackbirdbeatle

    blackbirdbeatle New Member

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    Ya, go see a therapist. CBT is very short in duration and most insurance plans cover it. At most you'll be there for 3 months, and probably out much sooner. They quickly identify the problem and then give you proactive exercises to sort it out. Go on some recommendations like ratemymd, friends, or something similar.

    Use therapy with this book, although it's more cognitive than behavioural. It's not just for depression and as big of a dork as the guy on the front looks like, it's a landmark self-help book. You have to follow the thing to the T though and at almost 800 pages, it's not that easy. It's mainly avoiding mind traps that people with depression, anxiety, anger, etc... have and replacing them quickly so that it becomes normal to not want to bludgeon someone if they beat you at Yahtzee.

    http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326

    Or again, meditation. Seriously, the stress and anger just melts off once you know how to do it.

    And as a bonus, the above book is easily downloaded for free as a torrent or a radidshare pdf. or something.
     
  17. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    I've read a lot of books on depression and other issues of that nature, and the book that blackbirdbeatle listed is by far the best book ever written on the subject.

    That guy's method for using logical thoughts to improve your mood is amazing. I bought it and read it fairly often.

    He even wrote another book called Intimate Connections that is pretty good. All about dating stuff. A lot of it is super-corny that would never work today, and he talks about picking girls up at a disco, but there is a lot of great principles that are still relevant.

    Get that book, and as he said, get therapy.

    Great advice blackbirdbeatle.
     
  18. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    It's your ego. It's important to understand that competitions aren't all the same. Fighting to the death is one thing, seeing how many free throws you can make to beat your buddy is meant to be more about enjoying the time together, not the actual events outcome.

    It's crucial to remind yourself of why you're playing cards to begin with. Are you doing it to feel superior and be the best or are you there having a good time with friends? It's ok to have a mix of both, but not at the expense of reasonable behavior.

    If you find yourself beginning to lose your temper and have a problem after a loss, don't enter another match or lose your cool. Make and excuse, go get something to drink or eat, and relax for a little while until you cool off. Then you can return to the activity.

    I sometimes have the same problem. I actually broke a TV dinner table while sitting on my couch after I lost a match in Halo. After a lifetime of counseling and common sense, I still behave foolishly sometimes. We all do in various ways. So, I moved the new table away from the couch. When I lose and feel reactive, I stop playing and pop in a campaign or something else.

    Most of the time I win most matches, but those few times I do lose, I need to accept that I'm there to play for fun and I'm not competing to be the best -- especially at a video game. These activities should bring happiness and joy, not rage. So, think about that.
     
  19. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    :mamoru::mamoru:

    That really brings back memories of me always trying to snap my Super Nintendo controller in half. They need to build airplanes out of that shit because it is some strong ass plastric!!

    N64 controllers too :).
     
  20. RedDawg

    RedDawg Well-Known Member

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    i only get like that over monopoly. i tweak out if i lose at monopoly and i have no idea why. Haven't played it in about a year because of that.
     
  21. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    You should play the game Killer Bunnies. When you see how the game ends, you realize it doesn't matter what you did during it. It's a great game for teaching children the value of games. It's not about wining or losing, but hanging out and having fun. I was tortured as a child by my parents and older siblings, I don't think I won a game against any of them until High School when I started to learn probability and statistics.

    Anyway, Killer Bunnies is a frickin' awesome game, and you're sure to love it (since you hinted that you like violence).

    http://www.killerbunnies.com/
    [​IMG]
     
  22. deadmeat

    deadmeat Active Member

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    That just means you've never tried anything outside your comfort zone/primary skillset(s).
     
  23. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Can't achieve success without failing first -- at least that's been my experience and that which I've witnessed in others around me.
     
  24. Lazy D.

    Lazy D. Active Member

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    I don't know you to attempt a guess. That's the only impression i get from your post.
     
  25. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Lots of people are sore losers. They see games with friends as reflections of their own social status and anything less than the top or best are unacceptable. I used to be very competitive with my friends because so often I felt inadequate deep down. I'd use the victory as proof that I wasn't inadequate and a loss just reaffirmed the inadequate feelings.

    There were other times when my anger at a loss had more to do with the people I was hanging out with. Most of the time they were quite good at insulting people and putting them down and I had to work hard to counter these verbal attacks. See the thing about sarcasm is that there is some truth in the sarcasm and I'd constantly think about that which would only reinforce my shitty feelings about myself.

    One way I started unraveling this shit was to realize when people were toxic to me and stop hanging around them. It's really goofy tho because a lot of people engage in sarcasm as a form of bonding. Simply stopping hanging around these people and finding other friends that don't engage in the non-stop verbal attacks really helped a lot.

    The other thing I had to realize is that friends are important and when I elevate the competition from a friendly game into something so much more important, it destroys the whole purpose of the game - spending time with a friend in a shared activity that is fun for all.
     

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