SRS Anyone deathly afraid of settling down and having a family?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SpicyMcVoodoo, Jul 5, 2005.

  1. SpicyMcVoodoo

    SpicyMcVoodoo New Member

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    The thought scares the shit out of me, and it's probably not why you're thinking. It has nothing to do with wanting to sport fuck multiple women or a fear of monogamy. In and of itself, I have no problem with monogamy; it's the ensuing effects that bother me.

    I just see having a family as the end of all excitement and hope in your life. It's the end of individuality. It's the end of all your dreams. The only excitement or dreams you have afterwards will be vicariously experienced through your kids. Autonomy is over. You will have to consider your family in everything that you do, and even ask your spouse's permission.

    And then there's the control. Your spouse could totally fuck your world if he/she decides to by divorcing you or cheating on you. I'm talking emotionally, psychologically and financially. That is not the kind of power I'm comfortable handing over to anyone.

    Of course, then there's the more base things that scare the shit out of me...

    I fear getting fat, old, unattractive, having my wife get fat, old and unattractive. I fear not having money to spend on myself, and constantly stressing about having enough money to provide for the kids. There's the reality of not having a model family, and actually not getting along with or despising your wife or kids.

    All of the above for what? So people will stop asking when you're going to get married? I just can't see why in the hell I'd do it, and the idea of getting married freaks me out.
     
  2. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Well then it doesn't make sense for you (at this point).

    There are reasons why people do want to have families though. Good reasons. Well some people just do it by accident, some because it's what their "supposed" to do, or what's expected of them.

    But you know, some people have families because sometimes you just meet that special girl, the one who is like some radiantly beautiful angel and just to be with her is to think of nothing else but "oh my god I must have babies with this girl". And so it goes.

    So, I guess you're not any one of these kinds of people. Not yet anyway.

    But no big deal lots of people decide to remain childless. Better that than to have a couple of kids that neither you nor anyone else wants.
     
  3. scaryice

    scaryice New Member

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    I feel the same way, but I'm only 22 so give me another five or ten years and I'll probably feel differently.
     
  4. alexs001

    alexs001 Mawk! Mawk!

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    Although I have no desire to have children, I would give anything to find the person I'm going to live out my life with and get on with it...
     
  5. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    I knwo exactly what you mean. I feel the same way, I am scared to death of letting myself go again ang "putting all of my eggs in one basket" just to have it all returned damaged AGAIN.
     
  6. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I know how that can feel. On the other hand, I often tell myself this...I must have had climbed a pretty high hill to have fallen so far. Meaning that you could have only have been damaged if you shared a pretty momentus moment at some point in your life with someone. Would you have traded it? Would you never ever climb that hill again to reach a moment like that again with someone else?

    To the original poster.... if it is the right person, it ceases to become the "end of excitement & hope". I look at my 2 best friends who are both married....I see happiness and joy in their eyes when they look upon their families. I've never once seen a shred of regret.

    Imagine witnessing each precious moment of a young child's life you created together with the one special woman/man you find more beautiful then anyone else in the world.

    You're right, I've seen marriages that do not work. Lovers become nothing more then house roommates. That's sad. But I've also seen it work. I've asked my friend just yesterday what made his marriage so successful....and his explanation was that he viewed his wife not just as a mother to his children, but she was his best friend and partner. An equal.
     
  7. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    my kids are my life - currently. I'm at peace with the knowledge that I can't control or see destiny as to when they will leave this earth, or my home.

    Life is about transition. You fear losing your individuality. I'll rebut that with why? What is so precious about your individuality.

    Should you leave this planet alone, what impact have you made by being here? Have you sought to make this place a better one? Will you be missed if taken suddenly.

    I make no apologies for being a family man. For being head over heels in love with my wife, and kids. Social status, individuality, fears of either of us getting fat, being crippled, cheating, driveby shootings, etc. are all just that - irrational fears.

    taken to the extreme: Do you fear being shot in a driveby shooting by a gay clown, in an ice cream truck with a chimpanzee sitting in the passenger seat, while a dog nurses a suckling pig at your feet?

    If you didn't, hopefully you don't now :)
     
  8. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    :bowdown: Wow, thank you. I never thought of it that way.
     
  9. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    People are generally scared of things they have no knowledge about... the unknown...

    Not everyone's marriage follows the scripted life that you see and read about. There's so much more to a marriage than just growing old and staring at your kids. :) It's all about the experiences man, be it good or bad... you'll never know what your missing until you try it... sure it may be bad, but you will never know if your missing the best things in life if you never try. Learn from the bad experiences, and enjoy the good ones. ;)
     
  10. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Shit...that happened to you too!?
     
  11. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Choises create realities. It's all done by your choise, so choose wisely what you want with your life, and if you don't feel that you are ready for a family my suggestion is not to participate in doing things then that will lead to that.
     
  12. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    I don't know if I'll ever want to climb that hill again. :hsd:

    As for marriage and kids, I don't want to marry just because there may be an inner desire to raise a family put in place to ensure the survival of the human race.
     
  13. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    :werd: it was the whole dog nursing the pig that took the longest to recover from.
     
  14. Finch

    Finch OT Supporter

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    I feel exactly as you do, to the letter. I don't find anything wrong with what you've said either...I have friends getting married at 21 and I just think to myself that it's not something I want to do now or perhaps ever. My schooling and eventual career will come first, including having my own house/cars/money etc. However, I have a feeling there will come a day when I meet a girl I actually "love" or whatever and all this will change. Hopefully it will be later rather than sooner...
     
  15. awwwdreyawww

    awwwdreyawww New Member

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    Sometimes I look at my parents and how much they fight after 27 years and don't ever want to get married. Yet, I'll be damned if I end up lonely for the rest of my life. Yes marriage is damn hard, but I believe it's the people that don't take it as seriously as we do that end up divorcing over dumb shit. I know that once I meet the love of my life, I'm honestly not gonna care about wrinkles & old age. In fact, the beauty part about meeting the right one is actually looking forward to it all.
     
  16. SpicyMcVoodoo

    SpicyMcVoodoo New Member

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    Being single does not necessarily mean that you're lonely, just as being married does not necessarily mean you'll be not lonely. It's possible to be married and lonely not only because your spouse could divorce you, but also because you can become nothing more than loveless housemates. Same with kids, you could have them and they could hate you.

    I think a lot of the reason why marriage is so popular is because people think it's insurance against being lonely, when in fact, it's not really.
     
  17. Justin

    Justin Guest

    this is likely to happen even if you're not married
     
  18. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    read a quote once that made me chuckle a bit:

    "Nothing makes God chuckle so much, as when we make plans..."

    whether you believe in a God, fate, whatever, I have in my 36 years on this planet seen enough to find some truth and humor in that quote. :)

    There is nothing wrong with feeling like you have a mission/purpose and pursuing it. However, fearing alternatives isn't healthy either.

    One of the reasons our species has been so prolific is that we adapt to change. Changes in climate, location, available resources, and yes to changes in plans.
     
  19. SpicyMcVoodoo

    SpicyMcVoodoo New Member

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    But if you're single, you have more time, money and less stress, which means you'll look better, be in better shape, and therefore be more attractive.
     
  20. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Look, if your deadly in love with someone you want to be forever with this person, and then you might as well marry to that individual since your already constraint , when love goes both ways you both make a sacrifice and give yourself to eachother, to live in good and in bad times till death parts you.
     
  21. OldSchoolSupra

    OldSchoolSupra What's the retail on one of those?

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    I feel exactly the opposite, :hs:
     
  22. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    more time? how? it's only you to get shit done - no sharing of responsibilities and tasks

    more money? again how? only one person to earn money for expenses and savings

    less stress? find a true partner in a relationship, and yes there are arguments, but nowhere near the stress of wondering if/when things will end when one is "dating". nowhere near the fear of rejection, the angst of wondering if you are more or less committed than the other person, etc., etc., etc. oh, and nobody to vent to, to lean on when things are tough.

    Recently, my wife's grandfather passed way. our 6 months old nephew is in the pediatric ICU. My father is in rehab, after spending a week in the ICU unresponsive, and having gone through respitory arrest after some nose surgery. my cousin had 14 hours of brain surgery. one of the neighbors lost their 2 year old only son. This has all happened in a compressed 5 weeks essentially. I can't imagine having had to endure that level of stress, fear, worry, and angst alone, or in a less than committed relationship.

    :dunno:
     
  23. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    More attractive... for who?
     
  24. when your ready to- you'll feel it and you will just know. Your not ready yet and may not be for awhile- so don't fret on it 24/7. Just live your life and let it happen.
     
  25. Finch

    Finch OT Supporter

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    You're right, and I suppose i've sheltered myself from any possible change...I've actually forced myself to stop caring about a great many things dealing with the opposite sex because I feel like nothing can ever really work out. I have a feeling this has and will continue to hurt me, but that's for its own thread :hs:
     

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