Anyone been in this situation?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by MSF, Nov 14, 2006.

  1. MSF

    MSF New Member

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    So I have this pretty close friend that is female. She has a boyfriend who is stationed overseas (all 3 of us are military, i work with her). At present I am perfectly content with being friends with her, however, if she were single I might attempt the jump to the next level.

    So here is where it gets tricky. The other night she drunk dials me, and tells me that she is interested in being more than friends. She asks me how I feel, and through much coercion (i didn't want to answer out of respect for her current relationship) I tell her the same thing.

    Fast forward to the next day. She doesn't remember the conversation. So I'm the only one that remembers what was said that night. So I'm pretty much just acting like nothing happened, but it's still sitting there in the back of my mind. Anyone had something like this happen? I'm not going to do anything crazy like try and break them up. I'm just looking for advice, comments, suggestions, general feedback.
     
  2. ptlb

    ptlb New Member

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    being drunk is just a sorry excuse of doing whatever the fuck you want to do, to let loose. she "doesn't remember"..... i think thats BS.
     
  3. fray

    fray New Member

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    Does it matter even if she does remember? She has a boyfriend and you don't want to jump in the middle of all that.
     
  4. islanderman7

    islanderman7 New Member

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    when people are drunk, the truth always comes out.
     
  5. enfiniti

    enfiniti How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

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    thats what she wants... she remembers

    EXACT same thing happend to me with a girl I'm had been interested in but cant say anything out of respect.

    Whatever, I act like nothing happend because the truth is the truth but not always the way things should be.

    She said she didnt remember and I take from that she remembered but regrets it, and that's fine. Should she approach the situation sober, Id continue from there but no sense robbin a dudes woman. Thats left for high school girls to pull that shit
     
  6. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

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    Damn girlfriends/wives cheating while their men are doing GOOD. That really pisses me off. This is not a good idea. Do not get involved.

    Edit: :( MY 300th post had to be a crabby one I guess...
     
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2006
  7. fray

    fray New Member

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  8. MSF

    MSF New Member

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    Yea, I don't plan on trying to come between them, because I know I wouldn't want the same done to me. I'm fine with staying friends.

    I told her the same thing when we talked that night, that if she could come to me about it sober then we could talk.

    Whether or not she remembers, or chose to act like she did doesn't really matter. I plan to just continue on like nothing happened.
     
  9. MSF

    MSF New Member

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    She's not cheating, but it did irk me a little that she told me this while she's got a boyfriend. I suppose alcohol can have that effect on people, I know I've been way more honest than usual while intoxicated. I told her straight up though, that we wouldn't be more than friends while she was in a relationship.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    lol "she doesn't remember." She remembers good and well, she just wanted to know your reaction/response. SHE needs to want to break up with her boyfriend, so you need to chill and not try anything at all and see if eventually she does dump him and then comes to you.
     
  11. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    She is (1) a cheater (2) a liar (3) disloyal to her man and (4) will do the same thing to you. All of these should be HUGE HUGE HUGE warning signs to you that you need to raise your standards. If you even for one second think she's going to be a good woman in any long term manner, you're going to learn the hard way.

    Avoid cheating women at all costs. Personally, I'd stop being friends with her and make friends with better quality people. I'm sure her reputation for being a cheat is out there and you're probably already "guilty by association." Is that the reputation you want, that of you cheating as well?
     
  12. foad

    foad New Member

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    :werd:

    Shit.. I was just going to say that.

    I think you should confront her. Let her know just how unacceptable you think she is acting or acted.
     
  13. MSF

    MSF New Member

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    Though I appreciate your input, I'm pretty much going to disagree with everything you just said. Only because I know her in person, and your opinion is based purely on what has been related in my posts.
     
  14. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    So why don't you give us the full story. The advice you get is only as good as the details you provide. If you got crap advice, it's because you gave crap details! :wavey:
     
  15. MSF

    MSF New Member

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    I'm not saying I'm getting crap advice. I was mainly interested in how many people have been in this situation and how they dealt with it. I had already decided I was going to act like it didn't happen.

    Her and her boyfriend have been together for over a year, about two months ago he got orders and went overseas. So faithfulness isn't a question. I think she is starting to have trouble with distance barrier and is debating other options. I know they being involved with someone half the world away can't be easy, and it leads to a multitude of miscommunication that causes them to fight quite often.
     
  16. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Gotcha.

    I've been there, done that, a few times. One time the boyfriend blamed it on me and managed to get me demoted at work (we all worked together, that's another lesson learned.)

    Long distance relationships rarely work out, in my opinion, but I have learned to distance myself from the woman in situations like that. People's outward impression will often be that (1) you're screwing her (2) you're facilitating the breakup and (3) you're to blame. She is relying on you as a friend, but you're in a very precarious position in my opinion/experience.

    Women need in person attention and contact. If you DO want to be involved with her at any point, I would recommend you consider carefully how it's going to look. I mean, really, the BF is probably going to find out and do something, right? (I don't know him at all, only she and you know, so you'll have to fill in that blank.)

    I personally have learned from situations like this that I *never* get involved with women who have boyfriends under *any* circumstances. My female roommate, for example, well her boyfriend thinks that my fiance' and I are fucking her. I mean ... :ugh: dude needs to get a clue. But that doesn't stop him from thinking that's what's going on, and that's the point.

    Never underestimate the stupidity of people. Cover your bases. If you're thinking about going for it, be sure it's worth it. She could be the one, to which I would always say go for it. But if she's not your soul mate ... consider the consequences.
     
  17. foad

    foad New Member

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    :squint:

    sigh......

    Why do we give basically the same advise in every thread on this forum? I think we should post a stick with the answer to all the questions that have been asked and then a emote for

    :readup:

    But yes..

    :bigthumb:
     
  18. Mallix

    Mallix New Member

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    I am going to say that this is a young woman, who should currently be having the time of her life exploring her sexuality. If her boyfriend is currently deployed, she is feeling lonely, left-out, possibly like she is missing out, and probably is starved for attention.

    I respect and support all our troops, but as I posted elsewhere, there are a lot of returning soldiers who might make a stop in Frankfort on their way home, and after not being near a woman for a long deployment, you'd be surprised what an honest man will do in a Red Light district. Not even taking it that far, I know men who return home to thier girl friend, only to find many more women throwing themselves at the soldiers feet. Military deployment sucks for "couples".

    She needs to tell her BF how she feels. If he's honest with himself he'll understand that she needs attention. If not, then he better be faithful when he does return home.

    I know plenty of people who took a "relationship break" to go to college or to go to active duty. Either the people meet new people, or they go explore life for a bit, and when the break is over, if they really were in love, they pick up right where they left off.

    The KEY however, is open communication!
     
  19. MSF

    MSF New Member

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    This situation is a little different than that. He isn't deployed, he is stationed over seas. Big difference. He's on a base, near a city. Which could possibly be worse. Who knows?

    "I am going to say that this is a young woman, who should currently be having the time of her life exploring her sexuality."

    I think this pretty much sums up where she is at right now. I've heard it talked about before.
     
  20. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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  21. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Honestly? I think like everyone else has said, she remembers it. The problem is, she's now in a place to have some leverage over you. She knows you like her, she can use that. She can use it to start drama between you, her, and her bf, to get you to give her an excuse to break up with her bf, etc. Basically, if the bf finds out about the conversation, he's going to be pissed, either at you, her, or both.

    Do not in any way get involved with a girl with a bf. Recently, I was kinda fooling around with a girl with a bf...she was from Cali, moved here, but still was in an open, long distance relationship. She fooled around with me a little, and eventually broke up with her bf. I originally didn't want to get in the middle of her and the current bf, but I was weak, and caved.

    Looking back...I should have trusted my initial feelings (slight as they were) to avoid getting involved with the girl. After all, if she fooled around with me while not being single, who's to say she wouldn't do it to me?

    It's a moot point now, but still, lesson learned.

    Put some distance between yourself and this girl. Now that she knows, I would be willing to bet that it comes up again at some point. It's going to make you feel awkward knowing she knows, and that you can't pursue it. She may even bring it up a lot, but not do anything to change things, but just say stuff to get attention from you.

    If she wants to be with you, she should break up with her bf, BEFORE you guys do anything more than friends. If she still tries to do stuff with you, but does not break up with her bf, then she is using both you and the bf.

    She needs to commit to ONE guy if she is going to be in a serious relationship.
     

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