SRS Anybody ever feel like they're in lingo?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by konrad109, Oct 8, 2006.

  1. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Not lingo, can't think of the word. Intermission or something.

    Long story short I had a pretty rough childhood. Grew up being afraid of people and a weird combination of shy and aggressive. Most of the friends I made prolly only liked me cause I was easy to get along with when I didn't feel threatened because I provided no competition. I was perfectly happy being in the side lines and helping other people do their thing as long as I felt safe.

    Now as I'm older and bigger, I'm not really threatened by people physically. I want people to give me some attention and respect now as well. I want to have some close relationships. But I have no idea how to do this since I haven't really grown emotionally since I maybe 7 years old. All that fear and anxiety seems to be gone, but its not replaced by anything. Its like I have no emotions almost. Talking to old friends is hard as there is nothing to talk about and we're starting to lose touch. I can't really keep any conversation going past a couple sentences except with one or two people that I know.

    Talking to new people doesn't really cause me anxiety, I just don't feel anything and can't really keep the conversation going. My apathy seems to make them nervous or disinterested, though that has no effect on me. I almost feel like a sociopath but not nearly as cunning.

    Theres a cute girl at my new job that seems to be flirting with me. But I can only tell this through logical examination and really I just feel like she's messin with me cause sometimes if I'm talking she'll just stop paying attention (prolly cause she's bored). Most of the males don't pay me much attention and just try to avoid eye contact. Nothing hostile, just a whatever. Its like I want to be able to connect to these people, but theres just nothing there. I feel like I'm so much different than everybody else I ever meet and that I make people uncomfortable. I almost feel like I'm a burden.

    I think I have a lot of underlying anger that I've bottled up that is apparent to other people but not to me anymore. I can't engage other people emotionally (hence their disinterest in me) because I block my emotions for fear of what will actually come out. I'm starting to feel like the rest of my life is going to be like this, because the more I get comfortable with this the less I'll be motivated to try and really change.

    I have maybe a year left till I get an electrical engineering degree, but I don't really feel like I'll ever be able to get a decent job with it since no interviewer will be very impressed by someone who's just sitting there with no idea what to say. I'll also have no real contacts in the field since I didn't relaly connect with anyone in college.
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2006
  2. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    yes thank you. :)
     
  3. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    You're in quite a conundrum. The feelings that you express are not foreign to me. I too, have an apathetic disregard for those around me. When I talk to people, if there's no connection there, I automatically draw back, and just respond with direct answers to prevent any advancement in the conversation. I find that I have a very low tolerance to engage in conversations where I have to force myself to laugh or to put myself in situations of awkward silences. I too am a very bottled up person. I don't show much emotion. Which ironically enough, when I do try to show emotion, I find that in most cases it comes off as insincere (even if it's genuine).
    The limbo that we both are in is frustrating (at least for me it is).
    I guess my advice would have to be no matter how much you hate those moments of awkward silences or your apathy toward others..Just try talking to as many people as possible. Even if you don’t give a rat’s ass about what they’re talking about. Just talk to as many people as you can, and practice. Practice what? I’m not quite sure, whatever it is just talk to people. And try opening up more.
    At least that’s what I’m doing. Trying to at least. I’m a lot better than what I was a few years ago.
     
  4. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    So the people seemed to warm up to me a little at work today. I made more attemps at small talk that were eventually accepted. I still feel pretty much alone but atleast no longer feel like there is much tension there. I think I give really bad initial impressions, because usually people do warm up to me but I think it takes longer with me than for normal people. I've been told I come off as intimidating, angry, or serious quite a few times in my life.
     
  5. SpaMan

    SpaMan Mind over matter.

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    I can relate to this. It's hard for me to "fake" the everyday interactions when I have little to reciprocate. Some days are better than others. But all in all, my childhood was pretty good in most peoples eyes. Except I had no voice in my life, nor any good childhood friends based on my circumstances. I too demanded respect and appreciation which was seldom given to me beyond a toy on Christmas from my family. No heartfelt conversations, or motivations. No 'birds and the bees' conversation. Most of the time the only time I'd have a conversation that is considered 'heart felt' would be when I hurt my mothers feelings, or I did something wrong. Talk about negative reinforcement. I was forced to do most of everything and I was always getting in trouble for disobeying or not following the social rules. My mother had trouble raising me. I see now she did her best, but her terrible childhood, bad decisions, and horrible taste in men was put all onto me unintentionally. Which is why I can't blame her for her faults, but I can certainly blame her for her temper and lack of real communication that isnt synthetic. My father, well I never met him. I had some misconceptions about my reality and dived into my own fantasy world of control and ambivalence towards others based on bad experiences early on. It's kind of like when you cut yourself with a knife or touch fire the first time; You learn it's bad. That's what I learned early on about people. From my parents, my peers, and everything around me. I could never understand people, and to this day I have trouble with that. I'm better though, and it's much easier than it was for me years ago - I've developed more patience for people and my mother. More patience for life itself.

    Now my advice would be to take life for what it is - which is a challenge that's meant to be played out whether we like it or not. And try to think positive and find things that make you happy. More importantly, remember you're not alone in wanting friends. We all want friends, and not all of us are your typical materialistic waste of space. Meaning...there are good people who arent gonna judge you like that on first appearances, it's just harder to find them.
     
  6. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Yup I was very similar. My parents never really paid me much attention unless I did something bad. My mom "forgot" about me a couple times while out on the town and I had to find my own way home when I was still suckin on a pacifier. This used to be told as one of the humorous stories during family get togethers. A lot of times I was just blamed for things I didn't even do. I accepted it cause atleast it was attention.
     
  7. cvgwpg

    cvgwpg Guest

     
  8. cvgwpg

    cvgwpg Guest

    BTW, to add to that...

    I'm not the big social guy, or the center of a party but I have developed the skill to talk with people, be genuine with people in any situation I walk into. Even if its talking with women, it doesn't matter who it could be, it's in the skill that you develop in making conversation. There are always little things to talk about... and it's in recogizing the 'sign posts'. Signposts meaning there are things about her, her job, her life, her family, who she is to talk about. Over time, its relatively easy to see the questions to ask. And it will take a little time.
     

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