Anybody else have the same problem?

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by forgotmyname, Nov 6, 2007.

  1. forgotmyname

    forgotmyname Active Member

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    When I meet a girl, I am cool and that, but when I start liking them, I get a lil bit stiff personality wise, and overall less relaxed. Girls have told me that I lose my coolness when I start getting more into them.
     
  2. Stev

    Stev Active Member

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    you just need to relax. You are the one changing and acting differently, not them. Just accept that, and keep treating the girls like u did before... girls arent scary if u suddenly like them.

    How old are you?
     
  3. forgotmyname

    forgotmyname Active Member

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    25.

    It has always been a problem with me.

    Whether I like something or someone, I start losing my patience to get it.
     
  4. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    I'm a girl, but I start to get nervous around a guy when I like him. You just have to relax and treat them like any other person. Be yourself and just act normally like you do when you first meet them.
     
  5. forgotmyname

    forgotmyname Active Member

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    It's a very complicated issue to fix. I like what you posted, but so far, I am trying to reach the middle area in between being cool and worried at the same time.
     
  6. ware_ru

    ware_ru I know, I know, I'm amazing

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    it's because you don't have 5 girls running at the same time and you think that one is extra super duper special even though she's not.
     
  7. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    When I like a girl that I've already hooked up with (done anything from kissing to sex), I become cooler / happier. Maybe if I think about why that is it will be helpful to you.

    The fact that I like a girl doesn't feel like pressure; on the contrary, I use the fact that I like a girl as a personal high. The feeling I have sounds something like this:

    "You make me feel good and you make me want you. Which is awesome! :big grin:"

    You may not feel that way naturally, but perhaps you can try to get into that mindset. Everything that comes out of your mouth at that point will be money. "Looking cool" is going to get in your way. Don't look cool. Don't try to relax! You have all this useful energy. Instead of trying to shut it down and remain indifferent, capitalize on it and become warm. Ride the tension rather than trying to fight it. Is this easier said than done or do you think it might be at all feasible?
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2007
  8. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    It's true. If the OP had 5 girls running at him the problem would be resolved. That doesn't mean learning game to the point of 5 girls running at him is the only solution.
     
  9. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i thought i understood what you were asking until i saw this post... do you mean that you get sick of the dating game and immediately want to be with them and this makes you cold and impatient? just clarify this a bit...

    i thought at first you were saying that you get nervous when you like someone.
     
  10. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i don't know if this is necessarily true. not to sound conceited, but i usually have a lot of guys that are after me, but once i start actually LIKING somebody, i still get nervous because i actually care. i don't care about the other random dudes who want me :dunno:

    is that what you were saying?
     
  11. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    kiri, yes... but I'm assuming the 5 girls wareru was talking about were hotties. Of course if they were 5 average-ugly girls he would still have the heebie jeebies around his 1 hottie option.

    Viper, I'll have to disagree with you there. As you know my internal compass got a lot healthier from everything I've ever done in terms of game. I would never have been able to be where I am right now 1 year ago. It might sound absurd, but the process in and of itself required in order to get to (or get closer to) being a "playa" goes deeper than a bandaid.
     
  12. forgotmyname

    forgotmyname Active Member

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    It is easier said than done. I have a hard time controlling my emotions. Naturally I am not the kind of pacient guy even though I try hard to become one. I am the one that is relentless and restless towards what he wants. And he doesn't get it, he gets a shitty moment then moves on.

    I just get nervous about it.
     
  13. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    You have a hard time controlling your emotions. I have a hard time controlling my emotions. That is the reason what I am recommending is NOT to control your emotions, but rather to capitalize on them. A lot of the stress you are feeling comes from this automatic attempt to reduce your emotional stimulation when you are around the girl you like. Instead of trying to reduce it, try running with it.

    I'm repeating myself because I think I didn't make myself clear before. I'm talking about the opposite of "controlling your emotions." It may be easier said than done but perhaps if you try this idea of using the butterflies to create a positive vibe, rather than taking out your fly-swatter and failing to kill the butterflies, it will be helpful.
     
  14. forgotmyname

    forgotmyname Active Member

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    lol i am laughing in real life. It's like I discovered something. Tell me how do I ride those emotions. :eek3:
     
  15. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Viper, this has not been my experience. I believe that you fixed your inner demons by thinking it through or working out or whatever. Do you believe I fixed mine by sarging? I feel like you are discrediting what I'm saying because you don't want to believe it. Did you get to "playa" status at some point, only to find that you were a huge insecure mess? No, right?
     
  16. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Well like I said it just happens for me, but the best explanation I can offer is the mentality I seem to have when I know it's "on".

    I get this way when I like a girl and I've already hooked up with her. I did not "discover" anything, it was just the way I found I reacted to that situation. My thoughts run in a positive loop. That's why dates have been easy for me compared to other things.

    I know she kissed me before, so she's attracted. I feel the butterflies for her. The thought behind my feelings is something like, "You make me feel good things... you make me want you... That is so awesome. Look how awesome that is."

    It converts attraction to glee. The glee is contagious. Sometimes I think, one of us is going to catch fire. Or at least get sore from smiling. The point though is that, buffeted I suppose by the evidence of her having already made out with me, I realize why it's a really GOOD thing that I'm into her and then the butterflies are something to wallow in rather than chase off.
     
  17. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    i dunno... maybe it's just because i'm not a guy, but i'd get more nervous around an average-looking guy that i have a crush on than a really hot guy that i don't care about. i've had guys of varying attractiveness trying to get with me, but once i like someone, he becomes (in my mind) the most attractive/desirable and that, in conjunction with liking him, is what makes me all nervous.
     
  18. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    yes, girls, unlike guys, or at least much moreso than guys, have a strong disconnect between "model" attractive and personally attractive

    the equivalent would be something like if there were 5 guys you "liked", to use your term. if that isn't something you can imagine then there's no equivalent i guess :hs:
     
  19. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    I stopped reading the debate that stemed from this after a few posts.

    It is about the fact that if you have less options you tend to be more concerned with a particular outcome, therefore you walk on egg-shells so you don't scare the girl away.

    But if you do scare her away, who cares? You have other OPTIONS.

    No one is trying to turn your nerds into players, but people are trying to explain how you can get rid of certain stupid shit you do. But you just automatically go on the defensive and start "logicing" (I know it isn't a word) it all away.

    Again, it isn't about the fact that you have 5 girls around you so that you can feel all mighty and player like. It's about the fact that you have OPTIONS!
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2007
  20. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    :werd:

    I agree except I'd modify as shown.
     
  21. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    Well IMO it is different from men to women. Kiri probably has the guys wanting her, so yes I guess they are options per se. But most are probably one sided (They want her, she has no interest in them).

    Where as for guys, it's rare for most guys to have a shitton of girls want to be with them for no real reason. Guys can have multiple girls as options, but the guy probably shown his interest to the girls, and they reciprocate it; so it goes 2 ways.

    But again back to Kiri, once she starts liking a guy it is now going 2 ways and this is her only real option, since she doesn't really want any of the other guys.


    Now of course she could blow this theory out of the water by saying that she does like all the different guys :dunno:. The point I was trying to make is most girls have a lot of options just for being a girl. It doesn't work that way for most guys. We have to seek out our options, they don't just start liking us because we smiled and said hello.
     
  22. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Damn dude I have the opposite thing. Once chicks get to know me, they tell me how awesome I am.
     
  23. JohnJohnJohnson

    JohnJohnJohnson Effetely Sipping My Latte OT Supporter

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    Don't hate on kiri bro
     
  24. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    I don't know what you read there that made you say that, but I didn't mean anything bad towards kiri.
     
  25. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

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    See I look it at it more like: A kid has a nice red shiny marble. The kid doesn't want to play any games with it for fear of losing it to the other kid.

    However, if the kid had an entire bag of other marbles, he would be more willing to have fun with it and risk losing it. Even if he does lost it he has a whole bag still. Sure it might have been his favorite one at the time, but having the rest of them makes the loss hurt a lot less, plus he can still have fun. Plus the kid knows he'll probably win new marbles tomorrow, and could even find a new favorite.
     

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