SRS Any input may be helpful ????

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by selvo, Feb 23, 2008.

  1. selvo

    selvo New Member

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    So its 2008 Im 28 years of age.

    Most of my life Ive been extremely shy and overweight, in 2001 I weighed 144 kg I guess thats like 300 pounds. I weigh around 100 kg at the moment.

    The last year or so Ive grown a fair bit emotionally, I'm not as shy and withdrawn as I used to be, I still don't really know how to meet people and have never had a girlfriend.

    I guess my shyness and being teased as a child has made me a pretty awkward adult, It pains me to see normal people having normal relationships and doing normal things.

    I try to dismiss it but It still makes me pretty depressed.

    Medication or counseling ?

    Done it, I guess I am/was social anxious. I really don't want to use any meds anymore and I don't felt like they helped anyway.

    I feel as if I had wasted the last 10 years since I have left high school by being unemployed and working some crappy jobs.

    I guess I wanted to /end myself when I was in my early 20s, now Im just to apathetic to want to do it, I'm sort of coming to terms that I wont live that American/Australian dream of the house wife and kids.

    What ever, :sad2:
     
  2. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    Counseling, long term.
     
  3. Stilgar1973

    Stilgar1973 New Member

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    Is eHarmony available in Australia?

    That is what I did. When I turned 30 I was so perfectly miserable that I too was suicidal.

    I did a 3 prong approach to changing my life.

    1. A head doctor to help me treat myself for my depression.
    2. A medicine doctor because it was pretty effing obvious my depression was medical and not just in my head.

    And after a couple of years of 1 and 2 I started on #3 which was to change my dating habits so that I stood a chance at a wife and kids some day.

    3. EHarmony was my choice. I had tried internet dating in the past and I was always left with a bad taste in my mouth. Internet dating sites always left me feeling like I was looking for someone out of a catalog. As such whenever I found someone I wanted to talk to I could never brush off this feeling that I was competing for her attention with others.
    My self esteem was so low that I just couldn't handle it.

    Eharmony is the exact opposite of that. You take a series of tests that are quite elaborate. If you run through them it can take 45 minutes. From these tests the site generates a profile of you and uses that profile to match you with other people. You never browse a catalog. You get emailed matches. You don't get emailed many either. In a good week you might have 3 matches. Most weeks only 1 match might come through.

    They then go to hold your hand through meeting the person. Each of you answer questions about the other. I have had it take a week before I was ever at a stage where I was just writing an email to someone.

    I met my wife this way.
    We are expecting our baby in May.

    Eharmony is kind of pricey, but worth every penny.
     
  4. selvo

    selvo New Member

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    Congrats man, some times walking around a supermarket or what ever Some chick will try to meet my eyes or smile at me, I usually try to ignore them as I don't really know what to do.
     
  5. OhFourTwoThree

    OhFourTwoThree New Member

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    It's never too late. Get in shape..start off simply by taking walks. Once you start to shed lbs, you will start to gain some self confidence and women will be more receptive to you.
     
  6. selvo

    selvo New Member

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    Yeah true, Ive started to go walking at night now, I just don't feel right.

    I hate being so anti-social but I don't know how to really talk to women.

    Right through out high school and the rest of my life I never really talked to girls, now I'm so far behind the 8-ball it would just be embarrassing trying to make any connections.

    Id like to go through life not worrying about things like marriage/life. Ive managed sofar. But I kind of feel some weird kind of ache in my stomach that Im missing out.
     
  7. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Ok, man, look...

    You are not going to have the "American Dream" until you believe that it's possible. As long as you believe it's impossible, you'll allow yourself to make decisions that MAKE it impossible...or you'll procrastinate your life away to the point where there really IS no hope for you.

    Congratulations on losing the weight. From a health standpoint, which is the most important, it's the best possible thing you could've done. are you satisfied where you are at?

    If you truly want to change your life and get the things you want, you've FIRST got to believe it can happen. The reason for this is because it's going to be HARD to overcome your past, really hard, and if you don't have the goal in the back of your head at all times, you're more likely to give up. I'm here to tell you that you CAN have these things and they are very well within your reach if you are willing to take control of your life and take your life back.

    First of all, some reading suggestions for you:

    How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

    How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes

    Fire in the Belly by Sam Keen

    Shut up, stop whining, and get a life by Larry Winget


    Those will get you started for just general tips and tricks on how to deal with people.

    For relationships and women, I present you with the Book of Pook:

    http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/Downloads/The Book of Pook.pdf

    Read it, live it, learn it, love it. He's the single most greatest inspiring writer on seduction yet. Actually, to be fair, he's not really a "seduction" author. He advocates being your own man, and living your own life on YOUR terms. If you don't read anything else I suggested, at least read this. This book literally changed my life.

    ****

    That'll get you some head knowledge to work on. If you really want to get into some more seduction types, I also recommend David De'angelo "Double Your Dating".

    Anyways, now to focus on your career. You said you've been working nothing jobs for 10 years. It's never too late to start a career. It's never too late to go back to college (if that's what you want), but you've got to get the goal in your head. What DO you want to do, if you could do anything?

    You have to know WHAT you want before you can get what you want. Bad things come to those who don't know what they want.

    ****

    Your life. You need a hobby. You need a good exercise program. You need a good healthy diet. This is where the energy to meet your goals will come from. I know that when I feel good physically, I accomplish more of what I want to do. When I don't, I become a useless bum.

    Notice how I haven't really mentioned much about girls in this post? That's mainly because the problem isn't necessarily WITH girls. The problem comes from withing YOU. Your confidence is shattered and as a result you don't think you can do the things you want to do. At some you allowed someone to stick their finger and your face and tell you that you weren't good enough...and you believed them.

    Well I am saying that you ARE good enough if you get up off your ass and do something about it. Take control of your life and the things you want will suddenly start becoming more and more real.

    You only have one life, and it's short as hell. You could wake up and 40 years have passed and you could still feel like you do today and wonder where all that time went...just like a blink and your life is over.

    Or, you could find the courage within yourself to be more than what you are right now. That you can change at any moment, but you have to truly WANT to change man. It'll take a little time, and you have to take small steps and sometimes you even take three steps forward and two steps backwords...it's definately NOT easy, but it within your power dude.

    But I can't tell you that. Only YOU can decide when you've had enough of this pity party, self-loathing crap and truly make something of yourself. I'm willing to bet anything you have the power to change yourself. But it doesn't matter what I think. It only matters what YOU think and DO.

    I'll leave you with this quote:

    Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.

    --Dorothy Thompson
     

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