SRS Anxiety and Uncertainty

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by BwanaKuu, Oct 20, 2008.

  1. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

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    I feel like there is way too much going on in my head. I am constantly worrying and thinking and analyzing. I have all of these thoughts pulling me all over the place and it's stopped the flow of life. I can't just seem to naturally go through my day; I seem to become paralyzed. Right now my brain feels so full and used up that it can't seem to function very well at all. Even trying to write this post I feel like I'm all over the place and not very coherent. I can't even do simple things like watch a movie because I'll be constantly worrying I should be doing something else. I keep planning and thinking and worrying so much that I just can't go naturally through my day. There is a constant flurry of thoughts in my head as I move through my day. I go to bed with these thoughts racing around and wake up with them still going. It's very hard to get to sleep sometimes because of this. I also don't feel emotions like I used to. Anything that I used to love doing produces no emotion for me anymore.

    I also feel like I've lost my sense of self. I used to be a hard-working, warm and helpful person. Now I feel like I'm very cold and apathetic towards other people and I have no motivation to accomplish anything.

    I'm a college freshman and people keep telling me to take classes I'm interested in and then pick your major from those. But the classes I'm interested in are all full of fail after school. I want to make pretty good money but it seems like I'm bad at any subject which leads to good money. Plus I feel like the other classes I'm interested in are just fleeting interests that I wouldn't want to go beyond the introduction class. I guess I'll see but nothing has ever struck me as a passion. :dunno: Plus I feel like I wouldn't really be doing something for society or the world.
     
  2. cctyler

    cctyler Mornin'

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    Are you worrying about school? Or just life in general?

    I've gone through the exact same feelings you're having for a long time. I finally decided to turn things around and started to see a therapist. My worrying stems from my childhood and my parents divorce. Its crazy, that 11 years later its still affecting my life. Its hard to describe, but its amazing what can come out of therapy :hs:

    It wouldn't hurt even to see a counselor at school to give you some different options.
     
  3. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

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    School is part of the worrying but it's a lot of different things in general. Mostly it's worry about what I should be doing right now. Like I keep trying to plan things out far too much and keep creating these "systems" for doing things. I also worry that I'll be lonely later in life, that I won't be happy, etc. My biggest thing is that I can't find anything that I enjoy doing anymore. Everyday is just boredom. And yes, I have tried out a lot of different things to see if something brings me out of this funk and nothing has worked. I think it's partly to do with the anxiety that I feel because that is blocking all my other emotions? I KNOW what I need to do which is to just stop worrying and let things come naturally, but that's nearly impossible, it's like there's some wall that stops me from doing this. I'll just keep worrying.
     
  4. cctyler

    cctyler Mornin'

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    Sounds like you stole a page from my life. Are you depressed? I've always been told that worrying is a self esteem issue.

    I can't offer much advice except for to see a therapist. I've worried about anything and everything since I was 12 (23 now). I know exactly how you feel, its not something you can just snap out of and its mentally exhausting.
     
  5. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

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    Did your therapy help you?
     
  6. cctyler

    cctyler Mornin'

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    It's mind blowing. I've learned a lot about why I think the way I do because of my childhood/parents. I won't go into detail because everyone's case is going to be different.

    Every time I leave her office I feel that much better about myself and the future.
     
  7. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

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    I am going to look into making an appointment when I get back to school but we're on Fall break right now.

    Although I think I might have realized the source of my issues. I've always felt like I've kind of been "ignored" for a lot of my life by my peers. I never seemed to really excel in anything. I started getting this idea in my head that I need to start doing something RIGHT now so that I will make something of myself. And not just something like getting high grades, something bigger and better like being the best at something. So I've spent countless nights just rummaging my brain for ideas on where to begin. I've searched and sifted through thousands of web pages. It's like I feel I need to "show up" all the people who I used to know. I want to make them feel jealous of me. I know this is irrational but I can't get this idea out of my head. I think this caused me to just start thinking far too much and worrying about everything. I still am constantly thinking that I need to plan out everything now. I know I shouldn't be thinking this, but it's like there's a wall or barrier that just won't let me change the way I view things.

    I used to just work hard in school, then come home, eat dinner, do my homework and play games with friends or something like that. No other worries. I can't do that anymore (well, my schedule is a bit different now that I'm in college). I started worrying about the time I was in 8th grade. As I said, it started off with the whole I need to do something now to make myself known to the world idea but it's branched off now into things like Who do I want to be? What hobbies should I have? What major should I be? How can I be happy? Will I be lonely forever? etc. I still am constantly worrying and would love it if I could just forget all of these worries and just enjoy things. But I simply can't.

    Fuck, I really need to see someone about this. Maybe I need medication to break down the barrier?
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Do you ever try writing down all the thoughts? Like just sitting down at the computer and typing everything (or actually writing if you like doing that) that comes to your mine. If you can get the thoughts written down somewhere then maybe your brain won't need to go over and over them again so much :dunno: also it's a good stress reliever
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    It sounds like you could become a great doctor, good money to earn, enough to analyze, to think about and worry about.
     
  10. BwanaKuu

    BwanaKuu New Member

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    Doctors need to focus though which I can't do. I think a lot, but it's about so many different things, it's very distracting. Plus I wasn't that great at chemistry in high school. The only classes I did very well in were english and history classes but those lead no where in terms of a career (basically limited to teaching). I was still good at my other classes but I struggled a lot with them, and that's just at the high school level. I still came out with a 3.89 (4.0 scale), but only because most teachers bumped grades up a little so I ended up with a B+ in certain classes instead of a B. Plus nothing really ever struck me as very interesting during school.

    But anyway, that's getting offtopic, I don't really care about that, I'm sure it will sort itself out if I can just stop this anxiety and constant thinking and just go from action to action and see where things lead me, but it's just so hard to do that right now.
     

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