SRS antidepressants v.last resort

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by cali poptart, Jul 20, 2005.

  1. cali poptart

    cali poptart fuck it, it's such a blur

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    ive been depressed for a long time. its just getting too much to handle. i have no one to talk to about it. my parents want me to be open and honest with them, but they would freak out and maybe even kick me out of the house for some of the stuff ive done.

    i really cant take life anymore. ive developed an awful habit of taking between 8 and 15 advil to calm myself down. something about taking a pill makes it seem like things will get better. its wierd. im not trying to kill myself doing it, which my parents thought when they found out. they dont know that i still do it, or that the number of pills i have to take to stop crying keeps increasing. i know its totally psychological and not the best for my stomach/liver etc. but for some reason i still do it.

    anywas, i feel like my life is beyond help. i see a semi next to me on the freeway and i want it to crush me, not killing me, but sending me to the hospital for a while. sick things like that always pop up in my mind and it scares me. i want to be happy, but i cant. i have no friends anymore. slowly ive lost touch with them. the only friend i have lives 7 hours away and has no idea im depressed. i have a great boyfriend who i love, and he usually makes me happy, but sometimes i just dont feel its worth anymore (life, not the relationship)

    outwardly, it seems like i have a great life. big house, parents still together, new car, going to college, good job, boyfriend, and im outgoing. people dont get how i can be so depressed, so only a few people know (mostly oters i've talked with on aim) but my life isnt good. i cant stand my parents, or my siblings. nearly everything they do seriously bothers me. from my mom not working and bitching me out to clean the house all the time, to my dad never being home (has to work lots since my mom doesnt) and he never pays attention, to my brother and sister who get away with everything just becuase they are younger, its too much. i wish i could move out, but i cant afford to. i would have to sell my car, lose a ton of money on it, buy a cheaper one, and stop going to school to work more hours. so there is no way to escape my family.

    i feel that i am beyond the help of the few efriends i have. i need real help. i dont really have time to see a shrink once a week, but i feel i should. i have a ton of issues that i need to get help with. i also feel that antidepressants would help me a lot. i have already been diagnosed by a psychiatrist as depressed, so i know its not me just feeling blue over a broken nail or something.

    i know more people go to therapy/ are on medication than before... what is it like. are there any bad side affects of taking medicine. i thought i heard that one could make you more likily to kill yourself. :dunno: what happens in therapy? the last time i went i was 6. does anyone else pop pills to feel better?

    thank you and sorry for the long post...
     
  2. Layne Staley

    Layne Staley New Member

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    I am mainly worried about 2 things from reading this post.

    #1. The fact that you take so much Advil to make yourself "calm down" I'm a nurse and I see people come in all the time vomiting blood from the GI tract damage that causes.

    #2. The fact that you want a big truck to hit you just so you can be in the hospital for a while.


    Those two things really make me want to see you in some therapy/counseling ASAP! You certainly need some healthier coping skills than taking all those Advil at one time.
     
  3. cali poptart

    cali poptart fuck it, it's such a blur

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    ive never had anything more than a slight headache/dizzyness from taking that many. ive built up quite a tolerance from taking painkillers everyday for years when i was younger (i was a gymnast. you cant miss practice unless youve got a cast. and even then they'll make you do something)

    and i dont *want* to get hit. the thought just pops into my head and it freaks me out. the first time it happened i had to pull into a neighborhood and park because i was crying so badly
     
  4. Layne Staley

    Layne Staley New Member

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    Unwelcome, intrusive thoughts such as those are not healthy. I truly suggest that you print out this thread and the things you have said in it, and take them to your doctor and get treated.
     
  5. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    you really need to see a doc.. now.

    you are sorta like I was before I got serious and got help, and if you don't.. you can be in trouble.

    send me an IM if you want to talk.. i've been there and can maybe see if I can help you (if not just listen)

    AIM: civicmon
     
  6. AQT4u2NV

    AQT4u2NV Guest

    I've been here before. You want to send a wake up call to the people who should care about you so they realize what you are going through. If you were in the hospital, they would come visit you and care about helping you get better. Don't let it get to this though. It isn't worth it, please find a psychiatrist in your area to talk to. Also, I'm available on AIM too if you ever need to chat. AIM: BlondENVIED
     
  7. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    Sounds like you have your shit together. Chemical depression is my diagnosis, I'm no fuckin doctor but I've been there.

    I am currently on 30mg paxil. It does work. While it does start working within 2 months it took about 6 months for it to completely work to it's full potential.

    I have felt that stone in my heart called depression. Not being to be able to get out of bed. Sometimes it still happens, there is not much you can do about that. My girlfriend makes me really happy, shes been gone almost 2 months now and won't be back for at least another 2 weeks.

    I am sure when my friends leave I will start getting sad again. Not many friends in this town. I did have many, cut them off cause I couldn't stand the theiving they did and they weren't good people.

    All my friends move back to my old town for the summer but go to university here.

    So that means I have no real friends during the summer, and my girl is gonzo. A real bummer.

    But I've tried to learn and focus the energy I am not spending on friends or gf and went out, almost got a job and hope I get it!
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Im not going against the advice of seeking professional help, i would just like to say that taking pills are symptom suppressors and not problem solvers. Imagine you are locked up in a room, what helps more , crying about your situation or a key to get out? You need to solve your problem by finding the right key and open the door leaving the problem behind you.

    You need to start loving yourself, and then loving and helping others. Your mother has constantly and consistantly been putting darkness and hatred in your life, which affected you in such a bad way that you 'lost it'. That and all the other problems accumulated and the water is rising above your head making you suffocate thru-out all the things you have to experience.

    My advice is to read this free book(requires free acrobat reader)

    http://home.quicknet.nl/qn/prive/kes/cycle.pdf

    The cycle of the soul is a book that saved me from depression and suicide, it shows that no matter how deep a soul has fallen, there is always a way out.

    It made me appreciate life far more then i ever did, it gave meaning to my life and it replaced the depression ,darkness and hatred, with love and light.
     
  9. cali poptart

    cali poptart fuck it, it's such a blur

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    see thats the thing. im really scared of going to see someone. i think im convinced ill be the most fucked up person they've ever dealt with and that they'll just send me to some crazy house. i remember when i was younger and my parents had me see a psychiatrist because i stopped liking school after 1st grade and they were worried about me, the doctor just seemed really domineering with an attitude like they were better than me. and last year when i did go see an on campus doctor, the talked to me like i was a little kid. thats not what i want. how hard is it to find a good doctor that treats you like a person and doesnt act like they are better than you? is it easy to switch to another psychiatrist after a visit if you dont like them?
    but yes, i do know i need help. and that sooner will be better than later.


    thats exactly what im going through. after i moved in 6th grade, i never really had more than one or two friends at a time. by the end of my senior year i was just starting to make more friends and have more of a social life. and then my first semester of college i made all sorts of friends from my dorm. now im stuck at a jc for crappy reasons and its hard making friends when my only friend decided to stay at her school for the summer too. if i had more people to talk to, to hang out with and escpae my crappy family, i think i would be doing better. right now i feel like i really have only my boyfriend, but i hate to bother him with all my problems. i mean he loves me and we have a good relationship for the most part, but he hates that im so insecure.

    so it takes like 2 months for it to start working at all? that seems like a long time. and also im scared of having a pill be responsible for making me happy. do you go to therapy too or just take medication? i hate how depression is such a taboo topic, even though so many people have it. its not like you can just tell your friends "hey guess what. im depressed and you might be too. how do you handle it"

    but thanks for the responses and help. :wiggle:
     
  10. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    per the bolded part: if you have insurance it should be straightforward to change them. One size doesn't fit all per docs, some are stonefaced others are actually compassionate. W/o insurance it'll be harder but I'm going to assume you do.

    SSRI's aren't a one-size-fits-all bunch either. Each one has a different reacting time. Prozac is notorious for working quickly - it's also sold as Sarafem which is used for PMS, exact same thing. I took prozac when I was really depressed and it worked within a week... Placebo effect? maybe.. but still it really straighened me out.

    Regardless as to taking pills to straighten you up. If you start seeing a counselor, then further determination can be made if you 'really' need pills since no amount of talk therapy can cure a chemical imbalance (despite what the idiots who sometimes post here say). Ususally the chemical imbalances are there but offset by different factors such as social life/enjoyment. Then they pop up when the elation is gone. Again, they've been there but the jazz that makes you happy also masks it.

    I've been there done that myself... had some great times travelling to become morbidly depressed the day after I return because the elation was gone. I have bipolar disorder which was untreated at the time and after a few days of distractions and jazz the sentiment would go away, but nonetheless, the happy endorphins masked the bad ones.

    Pills don't make you happy - they help you deal with your problems when you get straightened out.
     
  11. cali poptart

    cali poptart fuck it, it's such a blur

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    is there a way to test if there really is a chemical imbalance? or does a doctor just talk to you and determine it? although i feel worse when things arent going well in my life, i still get really depressed for no apparent reason when things are going well. its just hard to explain to people that care about me why im all "emo"

    but yeah i do have insurance, and i think im gonna make a doctor appointment soon because i keep getting really bad headaches in the afternoon, and ill bring up everything when i go see him maybe next week
     
  12. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    In therapy you talk to someone who asks you a bunch of questions. Your reaction to your life details is more important to them than the details, so don't worry about being the most fucked up person they've ever met because to me you sound rather average. I honestly feel that what you are suffering from is stress induced anxiety. You've dealt with this for awhile so the long term effects are going to need more than medication to fix. I feel like you could benefit most with life coaching from a motivational speaker or hypnotist (believe me it's the same exact thing). What they do is train you to conquer the stress (you have to be very willing however) permanently. Meds can help but they don't teach you anything so you end up relying on them forever.
     
  13. cali poptart

    cali poptart fuck it, it's such a blur

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    you think i have anxiety? i seem to feel more depressed, not caring about things i used to, just wanting to stay in bed, sometimes wondering if its worth it. sometimes i do have anxiety attacks, like when i stress too much about something unnecissary (school, parents, work, etc) i mean i stress way too easily. but i just give up; i dont care anymore.

    as for the life coach/ hypnotist... what does that entail? does insurance cover that? i know i need coping stragegies and that taking pills is only going to make me feel better and wont make me be better, but im sure they help right?
     
  14. Indagator

    Indagator Twist of Cain

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    Anxiety and depression are very closely related. One can lead to the other. I myself would suggest going on meds for now, and while you're doing that research your condition(s). A therapist can possibly help you come off the meds later.
     
  15. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    there's no test (for now, word is MRI's can MAYBE tell if bipolar conditions exist but that's not conclusive either).

    yeah if you're really depressed and things are going good for you, doc will probably agree that it's something not right in the brain, and probably start you on some sort of AD.

    You probably have some sort of anxiety problem but more than likely, it's tied into the depression - it's common and most SSRI's also help relieve anxiety so that'll just go hand in hand.

    Call your insurance company and see if they cover therapists. Most do for 20 or so session a year (bipolar and schitzo are exepmt from that - ours are virtually unlimited due to disability laws). so it's worth seeing what the insurance limits are on your policy.

    basically docs and therapists going to ask a lot of questions but the truth is you'll need to be as honest as possible - they're not your friends but paid professionals so they won't be condensending or 'think negatively' of you, but it's their paid job to help you. So go in with that mindset since it WILL be different than dealing with friends/parents/boyfriends.

    I've been there done that.... lemme know if you have any more questions or anything.
     
  16. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    If you feel burnt out it could be anxiety but it's hard to tell since I don't know what you're thinking.

    Life coaching involves direct suggestions to make you feel motivated not just during the session but afterwards too. It sounds simple but is actually quite powerful because you're reinforcing the connections of your weakened positive neurotransmitters and you're weakening the negative ones. As for whether or not insurance covers it, they might if you get your doctor to refer you to one.

    Meds do help. Like civicmon said, prozac works great. I've been on that and wellbutrin. They're both great. All of them work immediately, it just might take some people longer to notice it. Don't look at them as a last resort though. There's a lot of things that can help with depression.
     
  17. cali poptart

    cali poptart fuck it, it's such a blur

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    thanks for the info you three...
    im just so tired of being not happy and taking it out on those i love. it sucks. but tomorrow i am definately calling the doctor. i really cant go on like this much longer before i do something stupid again and fuck up my life more. dont wanna post more details on that though. someone might bring it up in another thread and that would suck
     
  18. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    fyi, per OT rules, what's said in the asylum (F&N, vag, freaky) stays here and can't be reposted.. though the main forum mods usually ignore this like most other rules.

    either way.. get help before you do fuck your life up and cause damage that's not reversable.
     
  19. cali poptart

    cali poptart fuck it, it's such a blur

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    i know. but that doesnt stop someone from iming me and giving me crap for things. its happened iwth things that werent even true... sometimes i hate ot. :hs:

    anyways, i know i need help. tomorrow i am for sure callign to get a doctors appointment for a psychiatrist referal. thanks for caring and being interested in my fucked up life
     
  20. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    no sweat.. i've been in your shoes as well and it's scary at times not knowing what to expect... so the idea is to not turn you off from getting help but making it as comfy as I possibly can.

    It's what i'm here for :)

    ps, I have a slew of friends in the Sacto area.. bay area kid myself.
     
  21. Spike2k

    Spike2k New Member

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    i've been crying so bad that sometimes i'll just go on a back road and let loose in my car, not even caring the consequences. when i'm done i start crying even more for letting myself do something so stupid. i've brought my car up to 110 on a 2 lane, unpaved, twisty road. probably the dumbest thing i have ever done and i don't want to ever do it again. i recommend you don't try it, and stop with bad thoughts.... i wish i could take my own advice
     
  22. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    depression is very common, trust me. If you go to a doctor about it, chances are they have been talking to bipolar people, skitzophrenics, etc all day so just depression might be your average joe to them.

    Don't let that stop you from getting help, being afraid that is. They are easy to talk to just make sure the pychologist isn't perscribing you too much stuff. Some paxil or other SSRI at a low dose couldn't hurt.

    It's not really a mask as some people say. It is a pill a day, but it has, for me, transformed me from being shy and nervous to outgoing and a better guy in general.
     
  23. cali poptart

    cali poptart fuck it, it's such a blur

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    i know what you mean about that last part. its so hard knowing you are doing something stupid and dangerous, but still doing it anyways and then crying about it later...

    anyways, i talked to my dad today. and my mom. they think that its all in my head, that i should just be able to talk to them and it would be ok (meaning do exactly what they tell me. they want to control me. and they dont get that i cant live my life like that forever. thats part of my problem in the frist place; ive been to sheltered my whole life. i know they were just trying to protect me, but now its hard for me to make the right decisions on my own and resent them for that.)

    ok so yeah, they are mad that i am growing up and dont want to live their life. my parents got pissed when i told them that right now they are making me more depressed and that it bothers me a lot that they arent trying to help me get through this. i also mentioned that my boyfriend is one of the few people who can bring a real smile to my face. my mom went off about how i was too young to have a seriuos boyfriend etc and that he doesnt do anything for me and i should like my family more because they do things for me. which is kind of true i guess. they do a lot for me. but they also dont do a lot for me. they dont make me feel loved or cared about or missed or anything the way steve does. and im sure they do love me etc, but they just have a messed up way of showing it (sheltering me)

    so finally, my mom was like "do you want to be in therapy or something?" umm yes i have only told you a million times before and you either ignore me or say thats what family is for. my parents have a problem with us telling our problems to people outside the family; not just strangers, but friends too. it kind of sucks when most of my problems are a result of my family. not to blame everything on them. i know i've made everything worse myself, but still. a lot is because of them.

    i guess im going to start therapy soon then. hopefully i get better. i really am sick of being like this :hs:
     
  24. cali poptart

    cali poptart fuck it, it's such a blur

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    hmm dad just called...
    said he made an appointment for family therapy...
    which is good and bad. i mean my family is pretty fucked up, and we most likely all need help in being nicer and not fucking crazy, but there are more to my problems than just them. and i dont want the psychiatrist telling my parents all the reasons why im messed up that dont have to do with them. they cant can they? privacy laws right? im 19 so it should be good. but its family therapy so what then? anyone know or been?
     
  25. Spike2k

    Spike2k New Member

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    the therapist won't tell your family anything if you don't want him/her to. If the therapist does, they can be in a world of shit. so tell this person everything that's on your chest and don't be worried about him telling your family. You might want to get your own therapist though because i believe a family therapist is one where your whole family goes in to talk about the problems you are having
     

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