Highschool to freshman year of college I was very depressed. I'd be depressed about everything from the way I looked to my social life, which actually wasn't that bad in retrospect. Depression was a part of my daily life. It became so routine that I became accustomed to it and I don't know how to explain it, but when you're so deep down into depression, you don't really want to feel happy again because it becomes so routine. I'd think about suicide almost regularly and would just feel sorry for myself. Eventually I started smoking pot and I loved the stuff. It made me feel happy and comfortable. It's hard to describe but when I was depressed, I longed for a comfortable, relaxing haven. My favorite book when I was little was the Fantastic Mr. Fox because Mr. Fox creates this large underground labirynth in which he takes everything he and his family needs from the crooked farmers. It seemed like paradise. A cozy little zone where one was safe from harm and was self-sustained. What I longed for was my own safe haven away from the world where I could just be safe, warm, and comfortable. Anyways, that's what drugs create... I guess. It fuzzes the world outside you and creates paradise, for a while. Eventually I started smoking everyday for about a year and a half and I really do not like the way it's making me. Apathetic, lethargic, forgetful, and generally unlike the way I'd like to be or idealized myself to be. I even got my first C in college! Anyways, I've stopped smoking pot for a while now, and a realize how much pot has kept the depression in check. I wonder, though, if antidepressants would help me. How does it make you feel? How exactly does it change you? Does it make you feel numb? Does it actively make you happy, or does it simply remove a person's depressive tendencies and thought patterns. It's ironic that I'm asking this because yes, pot definitely changes a person more than any antidepressant probably would, but when I smoke, I smoke at night and when I am sober, I feel just like myself (or think so at least). When taking antidepressants are you constantly under its influence and is it a life long commitment? Please share with me your personal experiences in terms of how it affected you mentally. Thanks a lot.