LGBT Another "what am I?" thread

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by TheGrudge, Dec 17, 2004.

  1. TheGrudge

    TheGrudge Guest

    I'll give some brief history of my life, and then talk about current issues...

    The first time I really felt attracted or had fealings for another human was when I was 10 or so. Young eh? My past before then was kinda fucked though... I never had contact with my father and I lived with many different families, so I never felt connected to anyone. So at the time, I choose someone who was my age and had alot in common with me, than another adult. This person was a female. She hurt me so many times in my life... I've never known one single person that would have put up with as much as I did for someone that I loved so much. I never even "thought" about a guy in "that way".

    It wasn't untill I was 16, when I met a guy named "Steve" that I started being curious about guys. We became best friends, and I didn't really spend time with anyone else. He was the first male that I found myself attracted to, and I felt that I was starting to have fealings for him other than just fealing like "friends". Steve ended up going completely crazy, locking himself in his basement for a year, was a complete asshole to me, then left for the airforce.

    To skip ahead a bit, I ended up marrying the girl I mentioned above. She's not the same person she was in the past... I seriously mean that. She has actualy become a better person than I am. She cares about humanity alot more than I ever will. She is bi-sexual.... yes... she's had sex with another female, but only one. I call myself bi as well... because ever since the situation with Steve, I have found myself attracted to guys. Not all guys... only guys that are thin and have a feminen look to them. I've had the major desire to make out with different guys in the past, and I have.

    The closest thing I ever had to having sex with a guy was when one of my good friends was over at my appt when I was only engaged to my current wife. We were all good friends. Me and My wife were messing around on the bed while he was in the same room watching a movie. She starting giving me a BJ, and he started watching. He eventualy came over, and my fiance motioned for him to take over. So he came over and continued the BJ... but didn't finish. He stopped at some point and told me that he wasn't sure he wanted to go all the way with this, because he didn't know how I felt and didn't want things to be akward. I told him that he could finish if he wanted to, but I wouldn't be able to return the favor. He didn't finish.

    Ever since then, this friend talks to me intimitly online about how he has realized he is completely bi, and has had sexual relationships with other guys. He always hits on me. I moved at some point, and now live 10 hours away from him, but he continues to IM me and say stuff like "hey sexy". I think he's a really cool guy, but I'm not attracted to him at all.

    When I moved here to Texas, I met a gay guy who worked at a local hed shop, and we started hanging out. He knew I was married, and I knew he was gay. He was really cool. We hung out and went to bars and stuff all the time. We became really good friends. I started realizing that I was having fealings for him, and I was attracted to him as well. I told my wife about it, and she had no problem with it. I wanted to tell him about how I felt, but I didn't want to screw up our friendship. I also wasn't sure if I thought I would ever have the desire to have sex with another guy. I can find guys attractive, I can have the desire to make out with them, I've had the disire to have oral sex with a guy... but beyond that, I don't know... I don't think it appeals to me. Anyway... I ended up telling him how I felt, and he said that he would feel weird if we had a relationship because I was married. About a week later, he stoped hanging out with me.

    I concider myself bi because I find guys attractive, have had "some" sexual experience, and have desires towards guys. I also find girls extremely sexy, and I know for a fact that I enjoy sex with a female. I know that I could never be completely gay for that reason. I'm not sure that I would ever want to have sex with a guy, I don't think that appeals to me... but I know I could have fealings for a guy and want to do sexual things with them.

    So that about covers it. What am I? Sorry if I wrote that a bit sparaticly... I'm a scatter brained person. I also can't spell very well.

    If you need pictures and other info about me to concider my question better, you can check out my webpage at...

    http://www.evilwolf.com/derekmecca/
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 17, 2004
  2. Ferron

    Ferron So yes, I'll see you there.

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    Sounds like you have a pretty good understanding of what your feelings are.

    I think some people will have issue with you being married and wanting to explore your bisexual side (maybe why the recent guy stopped talking to you :dunno: ), but there are people that would be willing to explore with you, understanding your current situation. It appears that you and your wife have a somewhat open marriage.

    Don't get bogged down with labels. Just be yourself :bigthumb:
     
  3. TheGrudge

    TheGrudge Guest

    Thanks for responding.

    Well... I think that when someone asks me what my sexualy orientation is, I say I'm bi. I don't really feel like that is the best label though. I'm not too fond of labels anyway. Some people look at my pics and call me goth, but I'm definatly not goth... I'm not anything really. I just do whatever I feel like.

    My wife and I are comfortable with what we both like. We don't have a problem if the other wants to have a relationship with the same sex... but neither of us want the other to have a relationship with the opposite sex. Is this a rare way to have a relationship?
     
  4. Ferron

    Ferron So yes, I'll see you there.

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    It's not the most typical relationship, but I understand the reasoning behind it. :dunno:
     
  5. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    Ferron is giving me cliffs on the phone, but after seeing the size of the first post, I'll deal with this in the morning.... :wavey:
     
  6. BalkanBabe

    BalkanBabe Guest

    first.. im sorry to hear that you're having this dilema.. but you know what?.. everyone has some, at least a few 100 times a day.. so don't feel too bad...

    as far as your relationship with your wife goes.. i'd say sit down with her and discuss the possibility of having an open relationship.. and if it's what you want, discuss having kids.. cuz the two cannot go together.. and if the both of yall want different things, why in da hell did u get married in the first place?? if neither of you is willing to sacrifice something for the other, then you shouldn't be together.

    BUT.. there is one lil HUGE thing that bothers me.. i understand that you're new here and all.. but you can't just prance in and start stealing peoples' thread titles.. that is just wrong. wrong! ...ya hear me??.... WRONG!!! i demand an apology. :squint: :squint:
     
  7. TheGrudge

    TheGrudge Guest

    I'm sorry!!! Look at it this way, you were my inspiration for a thread title. Without your existence.. .my title could have possibly ended up something like.....

    "I are is? Confused... am sexuality?" :ugh:

    So you should be honored! :p

    Perhaps I didn't get some points across too well in my sparatic and overly long post. I'm not really having a delima with my current relationship status. My wife and I get along really well. We have a healthy relationship, and we both understand that sometimes we have the desire to be close to someone of the same sex. We feel that anything to do with the opposite sex besides eachother... isn't allowed because we have eachother for that. Also... I forgot to mention something very important in my post. You reminded me of this. We already have a kid. He's almost 8 months old. His name is Niko.

    The point of my post was to explain in detail my situation... by talking about my past and my current experiences on the subject of the post. I wanted to know what others thought of my relationship, relationships I've had with guys... and my sexual orientation.

    Thank you for reading, and responding. :)
     
  8. boris yeltsin

    boris yeltsin New Member

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    You seem like you know what you are. It took me almost 2 years to come to terms with my own sexuality. Your wife seems cool, with being okay with you having relations with the same sex. And since you are okay with her doing the same thing I would guess you have a healthy relationship. What of your son? What if he too has the same feelings like you when he is a teen?
     
  9. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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    As others have said, it already sounds like you know yourself already. I can see where your friend could have gotten a little freaked out about your marriage, because I have been in his situation before. The guy I was friends with always knew that I wasnt going to do anything to threaten his relationship with his wife. Or friendship did, however, collapse after awhile because he mainly wanted to get down my pants and that wasnt going to happen while he was married....ok, not more then once. :mamoru:
     
  10. Ferron

    Ferron So yes, I'll see you there.

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    OH SNAP!:rofl:
     
  11. BalkanBabe

    BalkanBabe Guest

    apology accepted.... :o


    about your kid... uum... when he's old enough, how will you break it down to him that the two of are bisexual?.. i mean.. even if you keep it on the down low...what if at some point while he's growing up, he catches the either of you in the act of your wild exploration?... and if he's really young when he sees this... what will you do?.. he's not gonna be a happy child.. and it will leave deep scars in his soul... and he's gonna end up being antisocial, dysfunctional.. in other words.. a hazard to himself...


    and you're more than welcome to join the sea otter lovin club, where all naughty things possible happen. ;) you are my bitch :whip: :mamoru: :wiggle: :wavey:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 18, 2004
  12. BalkanBabe

    BalkanBabe Guest

    jebem ti ja mater onu cetnicku... you need to learn how to reply to peoples' messages. :squint: :fawk:
     
  13. TheGrudge

    TheGrudge Guest

    My son's sexual preference will not bother me in the slightest. I'm a very open minded person. I will support him in whatever direction(s) he decides to go.

    I don't think that I feel the need to hide anything from him, wether it be about this subject or not. I'm not going to show intimate sexuality in front of him, wether it's from my wife or from someone else.... just because I don't feel like he would want to be subjected to that. I know that I wouldn't want to be subjected to anyone that took care of me showing a certain degree of sexuality in front of me. Intimacy in general though... hugging, kissing... that sort of thing... nothing wrong with that in my eyes. I feel that it's good to show him that being close to another human is acceptable.

    When he has questions about sexuality or spiritual belifes, I will answer them. I will tell him what my opinion is, what some other people's opinions are... and tell him that he should decide for himself how to lead his life. I don't see why he would be scarred by knowing that his parents display affection towards all humans... not just one sex.

    I think that if more people grew up knowing that they have choices as to how to lead there life, instead of adults saying "this is how it is, and you should lead your life this way"... that it's much less scarring than saying "this is what you should believe in and these are the types of people you should love" because when they grow up and realize that they have choices, they will feel cheated and lied to.

    It's the way I feel. I grew up knowing that being gay is wrong and not believing in god will get you sent to hell for eternal and painfull torture. That's way more scarring that finding out that your parent has kissed someone of the same sex.
     
  14. BalkanBabe

    BalkanBabe Guest

    wow.. i wish you were my daddy. .. oopps.. you can be.. :p
     
  15. TheGrudge

    TheGrudge Guest

    :whip:

    (yay... 200th post)
     
  16. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    ..you're gonna beat Ferron soon. :noes: And then Balkan!
     
  17. BalkanBabe

    BalkanBabe Guest

    are you threatening me? :squint:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2004

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