1. First time poster in the Vag. Been reading it for some time and it always seems as though the advice given here is good.


    Story:

    My wife and I have been together for 8 years and have been married for 7 months. About a month ago we talked and she made it apparent that she really just doesn't feel the spark any more.

    We discuss ways of bringing us closer and try for the last 3 weeks to obtain that. I though things were going really well and then boom out of no where we have a really small argument, and she says she wants to separate for a couple weeks so she can get her head right.

    Back story on my wife: She has depression issues and has been medicated since she was a teen. She is now 24. She has not been to her therapist for almost 2 years and her medicine just has not been having the same effect on her. She has been really moody, and has spats of wanting to fight and crying.


    Well about 3 weeks ago she decided to finally go back to her psych and try to be placed on different meds and start with her therapist again. She was placed on better meds and says working with the therapist is helping her alot.

    One of my concerns is the fact that we split up as she was going on her new meds and I really don't want her to think that she is feeling better because of the separation and not really thinking its the meds helping.

    She just keeps saying she needs her space and that she will let me know when she is ready to be back with me. She tells me she loves me very much and she keep saying she is so sorry for putting me through this.

    During the first week apart I made it my prime effort to get her back and went to our house and made her dinner and lit candles all over the place and when she got home from work we had dinner. A few days later I took her to a really nice restaurant. She seems so distant and things seem so awkward when we are together. Mainly because I'm still sleeping on my buddies couch.

    Some times I think she just really wants to end the relationship, but at the same time she does things that make me feel like she still wants me and that she REALLY does just need her space. IE: Last week she finally got full medical and dental coverage from her new job. She placed me on both of them as her spouse. She keeps telling me to hold out and not try to find a new place. (im not sure if she wants me to hold out seeing as I won't be paying half the mortgage if I get my own place and as of right now I still am)

    I love her very much and I don't know what I would do if I lost her. She says she is really Jaded with relationships since she really has only ever had 2 long term and she thinks that they always end like this.

    I keep trying to tell her that every relationship has it's dry spots and we both have to work to make it better.

    She keeps saying we will be back together when she figures out her own problems. But I keep thinking that this is more of a soft break-up.

    Like I said earlier I still try my best either via txt or phone calls to speak with her everyday. I usually text in the morning and then call in the evening before she goes to bed.

    I think maybe I am pushing her away by still trying to talk to her and sometimes she seems like she would rather not be talking to me. I've been doing this the entire time we have been apart.

    I think I am going to stop that and hope that she just misses me and or gets tired of being alone. I'm not really sure what to do.

    We have built so much together and I know I'm not the first person to go thru this and am just looking for any advice you all can give...

    Do you think she is maybe bored enough to be cheating on me. Or thinking that another man would be better for her.

    Thanks for reading my novel. :wavey:
     
  2. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Why would she assume that you would be right there waiting when she finally decides she wants to be with you?

    Have you asked her if she plans to see other people during that time?
     
  3. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    she is sending you "break-up" signals

    she has checked out of the relationship

    when was the last time you had sex?
     
  4. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    She's jaded with relationships, and you say she's been in two long term relationships, but you've been dating for 8 years which would make her 16 in the beginning. Yeah, you're pretty much her only relationship ever. She has almost no experience outside of that. That excuse is crap.

    I can say this because I've been with my bf since I was 15.
     
  5. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    I did skim this and did not thoroughly read so I apologize in advance. Have you considered that maybe the new meds are making her feel this way? I absolutely 100% think that you should attend couple's counseling. Especially if she's seeing a therapist already. This shows (IMO) that you want to be a part of any healing that needs to take place. I hope this helps. Don't lose faith!
     
  6. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Werd.

    Very rarely do people truly want to be completely alone...taking time apart just means taking time apart from you.

    I know this sounds mean, but fuck that. If she wanted to work through problems, she would be working WITH you, not going AWAY from you.

    I'm beginning to realize that "taking time off" or "getting some space" is pretty much ALWAYS a death sentence for a relationship.

    Running from or ignoring a problem NEVER fixes it. Sure, she could take a bunch of time, realize she can't do any better than you, and come crawling back....but fuck that, who wants to be someone just because they are settling?

    Realistically, this will end in one of two ways: She will actively work with you on fixing the relationship, or she will run away, which pretty much means the relationship is done.

    She is definitely showing signs for the latter.

    Plan on the relationship ending.
     
  7. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    How about counseling?
     
  8. LBFilmGuy

    LBFilmGuy LOL why u mad tho?

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    I stopped reading here.

    It's done.

    I hope you don't have kids, that will at least make this easier :hsd:
     
  9. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    I'm upset that everyone is telling you to end things. You said that she's had mental issues, that she's on medication. Work with her. I don't feel that breaking up is good at all. Go on a vacation together. Do something to show her that you love her. Go seek help.
     
  10. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    he's already done plenty to show he loves her

    she's shitting all over him

    how can he respect himself and keep taking her shit?
     
  11. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    There's your trouble there's your trouble...

    You got married too young.
     
  12. fray

    fray New Member

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    Is she willing to take time apart while still seeing each other (i.e., you guys will try to spend less time together, but you don't have to leave the house and just not see her at all? you'll just try to go out and not hang on each other every moment)? I also think you should attend counseling together. Suggest this to her. Her refusal (if she does refuse) of couples counseling will be a good sign to you that she is done with the relationship.
     
  13. She says she is open to counseling. We have discussed it and are currently awaiting a slot with the local bishop.

    About 3 days before we decided to separate I was sitting in my office listening to music and she came in and gave me a Blow-job.

    I really do think that she needs to get her head figured out before we can progress any further.

    I am already making ready for the relationship to end. Although I do love her so very much and want nothing more than to be back with her. I'm a optimistic guy and it takes quite a bit to upset me. I guess you coudl say i'm a " there are more fish in the sea " kinda guy.

    as far as being married since we were 16 that is not the case. we have been married for 7 months. I have been sating her since she was 16/17. Her other relationship was a 2 year stint with another guy. He turned out to be a mean drunk and had hit her a few times i think.

    i don't feel that she is exactly shitting on me, I just really think she needs some time to think about getting herself better before we get better.


    I guess all I can do is wait. I don't want to add to her stress level by saying hey i'm gonna go get my own place in 2 weeks and your gonna have to pay the mortgage/bills by yourself.
     
  14. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Unless she has SEVERE mental issues, they won't affect her feelings for him. Even with depression, if it were JUST the depression, it would be more of a "I just don't care" than "I want time apart",

    She's ACTIVELY trying to move AWAY from the relationship.

    Also, if she's been with one guy from the age of 16, it's not a huge leap to see why she wants out. They only got married less than a year ago, but they have been together since she was 16.

    Mental illness aside, it would be completely understandable for her wanting out.

    But this simply is NOT a case of "her mental illness is making her do that"
     
  15. Miss Red

    Miss Red New Member

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    Well, keep us posted. Best of luck to you
     
  16. I'd say she is close to SEVERE. she has had bouts with cutting. She also goes thru this about once every couple years. We have had time apart before but I guess the last time it was not near this hard.

    The las time we took two weeks apart and than it was better thatn it ever has been before. that was about 4 years ago.
     
  17. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    I would predict that if these cycles continue, they will get longer each time...
     

  18. I agree with all the statements being made.


    But they still confuse me hahaha:sadwavey:
     
  19. Alaya

    Alaya Active Member

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    you guys have no idea what you're talking about when it comes to mental issues :ugh:
     
  20. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Can I ask a stupid question?

    If this has happened before multiple times, and she has come back from it...what's different now that is making it thread worthy?
     
  21. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    thank god ;)
     
  22. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sorry I missed this thread, moving to the Asylum.
     
  23. fray

    fray New Member

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    Maybe I'm just biased, but I'm not sure this is really your best option for counseling...
     

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