another question for a vag. lurker

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by dumbaznboy, Jul 10, 2007.

  1. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

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    so ive made a few threads regarding my relationship, etc.

    heres a new one:

    so my gf had this guy she was hooking up with on occasion for about a year and eventually developed major feelings for him. then she went to europe, he kissed her when they met up (chance meeting she tells me...yea, right....i'm sure it was far from it), and then he stopped talking to her after they got back from the states. she tells me she was really sad over that, and that she got over it and eventually we got together. and now this guy sends her a message saying that hes in town for the summer and that they should hangout. he knows she has a bf, but a part of me cant shake that something is going to happen or will happen - becuase she had major feelings for him, and this guy asking to hangout after not really talking to her much...hits her up to hangout out of the blue.

    and now before i bring this up to her im looking for opinions on the matter, cuz i dont want to be that overbearing/jealous bf.
     
  2. Droopynuts

    Droopynuts New Member

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    She'll cheat on you.
     
  3. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

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    thanks. and im not being sacrastic, i mean i kinda have this feeling that it might happen. i just want to be sure that my feeling is warranted...before i go and talk to her about it tonite.

    i mean i want to tell her to not hangout with this guy, but that would just give her more of a reason to see him behind my back.
     
  4. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    I don't recommend an ultimatum.

    However, be aware that your only power in this situation is your time and attention.

    It is inappropriate that she continues to see this man while she is committed to you.

    I would tell her that she can do what she wants, but if she is going to spend time with him, you are going to start spending time with other girls. Basically you will no longer be "exclusive" and you will start to date other girls.

    Then you have to follow through and actually date other girls.

    You must respect yourself. You cannot allow her to continue to disrespect you in this fashion.
     
  5. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

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    well i havent gone in with an ultimatum, she knows im all for her hanging out with her friends. but shes gone a little off kilter the one time i met up with a grade school friend of mine who was up visitng a friend from her hs (her friend and i goto the same college - and i hadnt seen her in 2 years). she went off on me going on a "date" with her and all this other crap just over the fact that i didnt call to see if she wanted to come (i asked her a couple days ealier if she wanted to but she didnt seem to up for it, but i really wanted her to come and meet my childhood friend).

    so yea...

    how would i go about bringing this up with her, and telling her that it doesnt sit well with me?

    if it came down to dating other girls, i wouldnt have a prob doing that, cuz for some reason once i started this relationship, girls that i had an intrest in (but not really vice versa) have been constantly asking me to hangout.
     
  6. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Next time it comes up (she is going to see him), let her know you are going to start dating other girls.

    Then date other girls.
     
  7. Actually, Yail I think she wants the other guy, something in me tells me to tell him to dump her, do you get that feeling at all?
     
  8. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

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    well it hasnt happened yet, i just know they will cuz of the messages hes been sending her, and that she mentioned it in passing to me today that the guy messaged her wanting to hangout...(she was a bit annoyed that he left her a message instead of IM'ing her or calling).

    just to clarify - they havent hung out YET (that i know of....), but there seems to be plans in the works to set up a time and day to do so.
     
  9. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    I don't have enough information to make that determination.

    If she's still interested in the original poster, she's not going to be able to accept him dating other girls, and she will stop seeing this other guy.

    But if she is actually interested in the other guy more, then I suspect she will take the opportunity to end the relationship when he goes out with other chicks.

    Its a perfect way to make her "put up or shut up."
     
  10. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

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    beast -

    I get that feeling too (might just be becuase I'm a pessimist when it comes to relationships).

    but yea.

    he has also invited her to a bbq (last month) that she didnt goto becuase he never called her back to confirm it, but she invited him to her party (which i was at). (
     
  11. Yail from experience, he needs to dump her, I've been in the same situation, I think he needs to just dump her now and move on. That's where my suggestion comes from first hand experience.
     
  12. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

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    yail -

    i understand what ur saying in that shes not guna like it when i start dating other girls (in fact, she doesnt like the fact that alot of my friends are females). but she claims he is just a friend and that nothing is going on (i told her hes looking for some ass when i first found out that he had been contacting her from time to time - and more frequently now that it is the summer) and i told her that I wouldnt keep her from hanging out with her friends (but i feel justified in saying that this would be a different case)
     
  13. Does she fight with you when you tell her he's just looking for ass? Or try to defend him?
     
  14. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

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    im not saying that you're wrong, but what in my situation makes you feel like this is the case?

    if it helps, shes the first girl ive ever been able to say "i love you" and mean it.

    but this whole situation is making me uncomfortable, and your interpretation is pretty much one option i had in mind, but the one i DIDNT want to think i would have to do.
     
  15. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

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    no she doesnt fight, she's just said that hes not like that, and he wouldnt try anything. (i told her that he's a guy...yea...right he wont try that)
     
  16. She's quietly defending him, dump her.
     
  17. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    It doesn't matter what she says.

    This is not a debate.

    Any time she spends alone with this guy, she is disrespecting you.

    Why would you want to lock yourself down to one woman and aren't able to date other girls, and your girl is going to disrespect you by spending time one on one with another man?

    Its not appropriate, and if you continue to tolerate it, you are disrespecting yourself.

    So if she wants to spend time 1-on-1 with this guy as friends, you will spend time 1-on-1 with girls as friends (you don't have to call it a date, even though it is).
     
  18. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

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    but ive asked her before about cheating, and shes told me that shes not like that, but right now i dont remember if she cheated on her bf from her freshman year or not (she said he was a jerk, douchebag, horrible bf....none of which i am she says - she says im an amazing bf...)
     
  19. Yail you are giving him too high tech of advice tell him to dump her. This is only going to go in that direction anyways.
     
  20. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    How about this: if I was your girls' friend, I would be fucking her.

    When I spend time with girls 1-on-1 we have sex. That's the way it goes down.

    But if your girl won't spend time with me 1-on-1, I can't fuck her, now can I?
     
  21. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    I'm not convinced he would be able to follow through on that.
     
  22. This is clear cut, tell him to dump her, she's looking for something to make him upset with. If she loved him truly, she wouldn't do this, she'd invite him along too, the fact she's going alone, makes me say she likes him so much more. Dump her already.
     
  23. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

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    so you guys are pretty sure on me dumping her is the best way to go huh? i mean, it does seem like it would be if she continued to see him, but she hasnt yet (that i know of) and i would like to talk to her before coming to any sort of conclusion... :wtc:
     
  24. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    talking will do you no good

    trust me
     
  25. dumbaznboy

    dumbaznboy New Member

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    you're right...i dont know if i CAN go through with that. at least not until im able to see if she hangs out with him in the first place.
     

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