SRS Another girl question

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by lastrain13, Mar 12, 2006.

  1. lastrain13

    lastrain13 Not Awaiting Approval

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    Hello,

    I don't know if you guys have read my other posts or not, but basically there is this girl in my class who I like and I think might like me. She says hello to me everyday and talks to me occassionaly during class. We have two art classes together and almost everyday she compliments my art. She found me on myspace and told me she was excited when she saw my picture. I commented one of her pictures and told her she was pretty and she commented mine and said she likes it. So I really think I might have a chance with her. She even told me online that she had a dream that she came over my house and I threw a party or something.

    So this is where my question comes about. On friday night I sent her a message on myspace asking if I could talk to her after class on monday. The last couple of times I tried to ask her out I didn't have time after class or she took too long talking to her friends. So I figured now she will know I want to talk to her and come over to me or something. She replied saying "Sure, thats fine.".

    Now do you think she knows I want to ask her out? Don't girls know those kinds of things?

    Everything was different with my last (and first) girlfriend because we were coworkers at my job. But she basically knew I was going to ask her out. I asked her later on about that and she said she knew and would have came up with an excuse if she didn't like me.

    Thank you.
     
  2. ~*Mia*~

    ~*Mia*~ New Member

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    My advice: stop worrying about if she knows or not. If she does know you are going to ask her out, and didn't say she didn't want to, or couldn't, talk to you, then that's a good sign, right? :) Either way, worrying about it until Monday won't do you any good, and will just end up making you more nervous and possibly make you sound silly ;) I am not sure about girls just 'knowing' that stuff. I suppose some of them do, if they are confident enough. I'm one of those girls who are absolutely shocked everytime anyone actually likes me because I wouldn't think anyone would like me...haha!

    Anyhow, good luck, hope things go right for you with the girl :)
     
  3. Easygo

    Easygo New Member

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    Yes, girls know these types of things. She's giving you every signal for you to ask her out. She wants you to ask her out.

    You sent her a message asking if you could talk to her? I'm trying to imagine this message - "Hello, can I talk to you after class on Monday?" Is that it?

    No, you go over to her, take over. Pull her arm and drag her away from her bunch if you have to. This is a skill, do it gently but make the attempt. She has given you the signals and she wants you to take charge.

    Have something light in mind, and ask her out, ask her to something specific. Not "will you go out with me" but "I'm going to get a pizza tonight, come with me." Or whatever you have in mind. Something simple and light that she wouldn't say no to.
     
  4. Easygo

    Easygo New Member

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    Mia, some girls are shocked like you say, but most aren't. You have been asked out many times, right? Why would you think anyone wouldn't like you? Obviously, a lot of people do like you! :)

    What do you think of my response to lastrain?
     
  5. lastrain13

    lastrain13 Not Awaiting Approval

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    So I have to do it during class? I can't wait till after? In the message I sent her, I said," could i talk to u after ap art on monday? maybe after on the way to next period if thats ok"

    So maybe after the period I'll go right over to her. I think it would be just really awakard for me to ask her out with all her friends around. And the class is really small so its not like I can go somewhere away from everyone. Maybe 12 kids in the class, since its an ap class.

    Thanks for the advice everyone :)

    Edit: Also, I work right after school on monday till 9pm, so if she agrees to go out with me, can I ask for her phone number to call her monday night to make plans? Then we can find a night that we are both free and go see a movie and get something to eat or something.
     
  6. Easygo

    Easygo New Member

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    During or after class, after will give you a little more time. Don't "ask" for her phone number, GET her phone number. Here's how.

    "Here is my phone number." (You write down your phone number on one of the two pieces of paper or index cards you conveniently have with you.) "Here, let me have your phone number." (You give her your phone number and the extra paper or card and the pen.)

    "Great. I have to work tonight until 9. I'll call you right after work, OK?"

    OK? :)
     
  7. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Sounds like she was interested. Is she still? We will see.

    One thing I want to be clear about right now is that you should NOT talk to her on myspace, email, AIM, phone, etc unless you are using them for a quick important reason. All talk should be initiated in person, anything else leads to friendzone.

    Secondly, NEVER ask for permission to talk to her. What, are you ashamed of yourself? Asking for permission to speak with someone is a very weak position indeed. A girl looking for a man, is looking for a real man, not some silly lost little child who must ask for permission to do something. If YOU want to talk to her, then be a man and go do it. I don't care if she is around her friends or not, do it. I know it is harder, but if you can still confidently walk up to her in front of her friends and ask her out on a date or even for her home phone number, then you are showing that you have a good amount of self confidence, and that is attractive to women.

    Quit wondering if she is interested. A man doesn't need a woman to give him the okay before persuing his goal of asking her out, if you want to take her out then simply ask. If she says anything other than yes, then your answer is a no, no matter how good the excuse is. At least you will have been a man and got your answer. Nothing is more weak in a womans eyes than asking if it is okay for you to do this or that. If you want, do it.
     
  8. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Oh, never give your phone number to her without getting hers first. If you simply give her yours then you are putting all of the power in her hands. The last thing you want to do is sit there wondering when or if she will call. If she doesn't give you her number then she isn't interested. Get her number. Don't give out yours until she gives you hers.

    With my current and past girlfriends, they never got my number until at least our 3rd or forth date.
     
  9. Easygo

    Easygo New Member

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    Interesting. I think it depends on the situation. In this case, lastrain and the girl are in the same class, and they are "equal" in that class. An equal exchange of phone numbers is the best in this situation, I think. The routine I described practically makes her return her phone number without thinking about it. Getting her phone number, in an honest way, is the point.

    YMMV.
     
  10. lastrain13

    lastrain13 Not Awaiting Approval

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    So after class I'll go over to her and say her, "Hi. I was wondering if you want to go see a movie sometime or something?"

    And if she says yes..I'll say, "Alright cool. Could I call you tonight? I work untill 9pm."

    And then I'll just pull out a piece of paper. Is that a good plan?
     
  11. lastrain13

    lastrain13 Not Awaiting Approval

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    I don't know if I ruined everything then. I didn't mean to ask for her permission, but mainly for her to wait so I could ask her after class. Since she either walks out and goes to her next period or takes a long time cleaning up her art after the bell.
     
  12. Easygo

    Easygo New Member

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    Too many questions. Take charge! Also, a movie is not a good first date. You need to talk and get to know her a bit on the "first date". You can't talk in a movie.

    Here:

    "Hi. [small talk, nice weather, class was interesting today yakityyak] Ok, let's go get a pizza sometime soon. I work until 9 tonight. I'll call you right after I get off work. Let me have your phone number."
     
  13. Easygo

    Easygo New Member

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    You didn't ruin anything - yet. Just take charge on Monday.
     
  14. ~*Mia*~

    ~*Mia*~ New Member

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    No, I'm quite shy in real life, and not very pretty IMO, so of course I'm shocked when I get asked out :)

    I thought you response was very good, what I was thinking of saying but when I came back to add a response, you had already said it. Definitely pull her aside and talk to her, don't wait for her to come up to you.

    to the original poster: Now, I can only speak from a girl's point of view: I don't think you've ruined anything at all by asking for permission to speak to her after class. I realize that all girls are different, and some might like the guy to take complete and total control. However, many girls I know, including myself, don't. I do like the guy I'm with to be in charge for the most part, and I will usually follow his lead, but I don't want a completely arrogant guy who just does whatever he wants. A relationship is equal, the guy is not more powerful, or any better, than the girl, so don't act like it. THAT will turn a lot of girls off.

    I do agree, though, you need to be confident. Get her number. Ask her out. Don't say 'would you like to go out some time'. Ask her if she would like to go to a movie 'on saturday night' (or insert a different day there). Just saying 'sometime' leaves it too open. She can always say she's already got plans, but another day would be good, or whatever. Definitely get her number and don't just give her yours. Coming from a very shy girl (although I don't seem like it really), I wouldn't call a guy even if he did give me his number.

    Oh, and as for the talking on MSN/AIM ad the 'friendzone' thing - that has me utterly confused. I've heard you lads on OT refer to the 'friendzone' quite a lot, but I think you're just silly. I spoke to my ex-fiance constantly on MSN and trust me - we were absolutely NOT just friends. And we started out speaking on MSN. I speak to my guy friends on MSN, and I also have spoken to my boyfriends/dates on MSN...it's different. If they aren't seen as a friend to begin with, just talking to them on MSN or the phone isn't going to magically 'turn them into' a friend :dunno:

    oh yeah - edited to add: DON'T ask her to a movie on the first date. All you do at a movie is sit there, no time or place to talk and get to know each other. Go to dinner, go to a park, something like that.
     
  15. lastrain13

    lastrain13 Not Awaiting Approval

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    So its okay for me to ask her to go out and get something to eat for another day? Like if I ask her out on monday and I call her monday night, I can just ask her to go out after school for something to eat on tuesday.

    I think I'll say.."Hi. Would you want to go out to eat sometime? I work until 9 tonight. I'll call you right after I get off work."

    The only thing, shouldn't I separate it and she if she would or wouldn't want to go out before I tell her I work until 9pm? So then it could be:

    "Hi. Would you want to go out to eat sometime?"

    Edit: Maybe this would be better, "Hi. Would you want to go out to eat after school tomorrow?" That way like Mia said, she would be able to say if she is busy or not. And if she is, I guess I would have to ask if another day is better or I could just say we can talk tonight and pick a day.

    She responds, and if she says yes, then I say:

    "I work until 9 tonight. I can call you right after I get off work."
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2006
  16. Easygo

    Easygo New Member

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    The problem here is how you're phrasing it. Too much questioning. You are "asking" her out, so have something in mind to "ask" her out "to". She has to eat. Every day. Not "sometime".

    You need to phrase it as something definite, that she could still say no to, if she has to, but something she could easily say yes to.

    It's easy to slip into that, even I did in my earlier repsonse:
    I WAS WRONG THERE. That word "sometime" has got to go. It should be more like:

    "Hi. [small talk, nice weather, class was interesting today yakityyak] Ok, let's go get a pizza tomorrow night. I work until 9 tonight. I'll call you right after I get off work. Let me have your phone number."

    In other words, ask her to something specific, and something she can easily say yes to.She can give you a specific yes or no to that. If it's a no because of a time conflict, you can have a second specific thing in mind, either a different day or a different thing to do, to "ask" her to.
     
  17. lastrain13

    lastrain13 Not Awaiting Approval

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    If she says no to lets go get pizza tomorrow night because she is busy, but still would want to go out with me, I'll just tell her we can decided on another night over the phone. Alright, I think thats a pretty good plan.

    I really appericate your help :)
     
  18. Easygo

    Easygo New Member

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    And Mia is right. You can't be arrogant. It's about being specific, not arrogant. The difference is a fine line you have to learn by trial and error. Have something specific she can easily say yes to (or a specific no). You can be flexible, but start with something specific.
     
  19. Easygo

    Easygo New Member

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    I hope I did help. I hope to read about some good things coming out of this. :)
     
    Last edited: Mar 12, 2006
  20. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I never said you ruined it by asking for permission to speak toher, but it definitely isn't a good thing. You are approaching her from a very weak position, and you will not create any chemistry between the two of you by approaching her in such a fashion.

    As far as asking her out, it should be done ASAP. When you ask her out, you do not need to be arrogant and aggressive, but neither do you want to be weak and passive. Remember this, YOU are the prize. Since YOU are the prize then naturally she should want to go out with you. So when you do it, do it with confidence.

    I wouldn't even "ask" her. Next time you see her, start small talk, but get to the point before too much time passes. When you do it I would say something like, "Hey Sarah, let's meet up after class on Thursday for a cup of coffee. Are you free at 5?" Have a SPECIFIC PLACE and a SPECIFIC TIME in mind. NEVER leave an open ended invitation. Also, have a counter offer in mind in case she has something going on. If you have both of those things and she comes up with an excuse for both options, plus does not counter offer you herself, then she isn't interested and you should leave it at that.
     
  21. lastrain13

    lastrain13 Not Awaiting Approval

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    My situation got a little more confusing and stressfull....in art today we had a guest speaker and he talked the whole class. My heart was beating like crazy because I was going to ask her out after the period ended.

    When the bell rang, I packed up my stuff. Then I heard one girl in my class call the girl I want to ask out to come over and talk to her. So there I was standing there, so I just walked out of the class room. I was so depressed for the rest of the day. I missed my chance.

    Then I went home and went to work. After work I went online and see I have a message on myspace from the girl I like. She said, " Tom..what did you have to talk to me abou today? you left after the period." And I explained to her that I wanted to talk to her, but I didn't want to inturrpt her with her friends. She then replied, talk to me on aim and she gave me her screen name. I didn't really know what to say because I don't want to become buddy buddy with her.

    So I just asked her a couple questions about where she wants to go to college and stuff. She then just said it right out, and said I am really impaticent and want to know what you want to talk to me about. She said she can't wait till tomorrow. So I said that I would really rather talk to her in person and tomorrow I'll go up to her even if she is talking to her friends. She said that would be cool. I said I felt stupid walking out of class without talking to her but I didn't know what to do. She said don't feel dumb, she is sorry that the other girl wanted to talk to her.

    Then she said she has to get ready for bed and hopes to see me tomorrow.

    I think she knows I want to ask her out. It seems obvious, right? So there is definately no way I can't ask her out tomorrow.

    I'm gonna ask her to go out to eat on thursday. I hope this works :). I probably shouldn't have talked to her though, right? But as long as she goes out with me I guess its okay.
     
  22. Easygo

    Easygo New Member

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    AARRRGH.

    Take Charge!

    GET that phone number tomorrow, as directed. TELL her (emphasis to you here, not arrogance to her) you're taking her to pizza later and you will call her later to make arrangements. Have a place and time in mind when you call. Call her - do not do this in IMs.

    "Let's go to Pizza Primo, I'll come get you at 7:30, how's that?" If she can't that day for a time conflict, then say "OK, tomorrow then. 7:30." (or whatever time) If you're working either evening, just say so and adjust the day you tell her you're taking her out.

    Tomorrow IS your last chance. She has told you she's getting impatient. There are 10 other guys who want to take her out - and/or 10 other guys she will hint to (one by one at a time) just like she has done to you.

    This is your chance, your last good chance, with her.

    Like I said and like Mia confirmed, if she gets to talking to her girlfriend(s) after class, just gently take her wrist and drag her away and get that phone number. Right now she is thinking of you and she would want you to drag her away. She might not even realize it, but when you do it she will be glad you did.

    You can do it. She wants you to do it.

    Report back tomorrow.
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2006
  23. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Today is his big day. I hope he does it but I am calling "not interested". I simply think too much has been made into an awkward situation by this point, and not too many relationships that I know of start in such circumstances. At least though, this is a good learning experience. We all have em.
     
  24. lastrain13

    lastrain13 Not Awaiting Approval

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    Guess what guys, she said yes :)

    I was so nervous. I waited till the end of the period and started cleaning up my mess while the other students left the room. She stayed in the room with one friend and the teacher. Then a bunch of new kids came in and I didn't think I was going to get a chance to talk to her. As soon as she walked away from her friend for a second I went over and asked if she wanted to go out for pizza later. She smiled and said yes. Then I said, let me have your number so I can call you later. The only paper I had in my hand was my pass to my next class, but she wrote her number on it anyways.

    So yeah, thanks for all the help :) :)

    But now the problem is, when should I call her? I was thinking maybe around 3pm and ask if she wants to go out around 7:30pm? And I'll ask where I can pick her up.

    I don't know if I should bring flowers though. Maybe a couple that aren't roses. Would that be okay?

    And then, do I take her to a pizza place or to an italian resturant where they have pizza? But if i just take her out to a regular pizza place, then giving her flowers seems strange. What do I do??
     
  25. Killuminati

    Killuminati New Member

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    I dont think I would bring her flowers yet.
     

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