SRS Another girl problem... sort of

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by newsroom_can, Jun 11, 2005.

  1. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

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    So I met this girl about a year ago. We haven't really talk to each other or spent that much time together. (I had a little crush on her when I first met her though)

    But recently, we've had chance to talk to each other more on the phone. She asked me if I want to go out with her for coffee or something. So I said sure.

    I have been little busy because I was looking for a new job and so on. So we had little difficult time finding a time to meet. We finally did and we were supposed to meet today. After we set up the time, she called me again right again and said she double booked and can't meet me. She wanted to meet me tomorrow (Saturday). So I said that's fine.

    Then she just left me a message saying that she is so sorry but she has a job interview tomorrow and can't meet. (It is true that she was looking for a job) She asked me to call her back. I did and left a message.

    I've never had girls keep changing times like this before. Is she playing a game? Or she doesn't want to go out with me -which is okay btw- but can't say? (Kinda odd because I never asked her out)

    cliffs: A girl wanted to go out with me for a coffee then she asked me to reschedule twice...
     
  2. individual

    individual New Member

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    By the looks of it, if she is calling you most of the time she is interested and is just to excited to think out the rest of the day that she has planned since she is having you as a priority. So once she calms down, you not around her, she realizes what she has done and calls you back and tries to re schedule since her original plans are back into play. Just be careful though, you can probably be just a friend and nothing more.
     
  3. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

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    Well, I am kinda ticked off that she re-scheduled it twice.. but again she sounded like she was really sorry and she seemed to be worried that I would be mad..

    But again, you never know.. :hs:
     
  4. individual

    individual New Member

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    hmm, She is probably worried that she doesn't wan't blow your chances with you. She knows she has been screwing up with the schedule plus with the stress of everything going on in her life. Just let it come to you.
     
  5. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    Honestly, she is probably more worried about what's going on than you are. She is in the situation of cancelling on a guy she likes twice and doesn't want to screw it up. Chill and let her come to you again. However, if she cancels a third time I would bring it up, because you don't want a girl that is flaky like that, and certainly don't want someone that will lead you on. Good luck. Oh, and don't let her off the hook too easy... i.e. "I hope that you aren't mad", "oh, it's no big deal." She hears that as "don't worry, you can toss me around and I'll take it, oh and I'd be easy to switch to your friends ladder too". So yea, good luck
     
  6. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

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    Well, she called me last night again (woke me up actually) and said she could meet me. So we went out and had some good time.

    We will go out for a dinner again soon. :)

    The only problem is that she might have to move to other city for her job... but we have so much in common and we seem to like each other.. :hs:
     
  7. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Good for you for giving her another chance. I wouldn't have even counted the job interview as blowing you off; it's plausible that she did double-book you on the one night and often job interviews are scheduled within a matter of hours let alone days.

    How far away is this other city?
     
  8. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

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    About 120 KM or so. (That's about 75 miles I believe?) But it's on an island and I have to take a ferry to get there. :hs:
     
  9. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Where? I live in Van. Getting around VI isn't that bad if it's Vic or Nanaimo... or is it farther out?
     
  10. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

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    Victoria...
     
  11. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    I know several people who've made a go of things when one lives on the mainland and one lives on the island. At the very least, stay friends with her... imo it's not far to travel, and she'll have to put you up for the night/weekend when you visit. :naughty:

    Seriously, though.. my brother lives in Victoria and I see him often. Don't rule the relationship a failure if she has to move. At the very least, you can gauge her interest in you by how eager she is to visit/have you visit on weekends.
     
  12. johan

    johan Active Member

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    normally that level of "oops, I have to reschedule AGAIN" is a polite way of getting out of a date.
    If she reschedules a third time, well, leave it that she has your number and she can give you a call when she's free.

    This accomplishes two important things:

    1) if she does actually call and show up, it's up to her to arrange it, so the pressure is off you completely.

    2) and the more important thing... you show her you're not a wuss who will do anything just to get coffee with her. Stop being pushed around. You're a busy guy. You've rescheduled twice already, that is damn well ENOUGH.

    Trust me, you're signalling higher status, and if you have ANY shot with her at all, she will like you more if you stop allowing yourself to be jerked around.


    And if you never get a call back, you have your answer. And what's left of your self-respect which, right now, is fast devaluing due to all the circles she's got you running in.

    I'm not telling you to be mean to her, not in the least, you've simply got to restructure this deal. It's way too lopsided as it is.
     
  13. veonake

    veonake OnT poster, OT lurker

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    lol Johan, read the rest of the thread, he went out with her. :bigthumb:
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Yep, my advice is more general about how to deal with women. And SHE called him back, he didn't go on chasing after her, which is not the best strategy in the long run.
     
  15. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

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    Thanks for all your advices guys... :)

    I am also wondering if I should tell her that I had a crush on her or not...

    Or can girls just know if guys really like her or not? (From my experiences, I think they do...)
     
  16. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

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    Well, I want her to get a job that she wants but I also know that long-distance relationships are difficult... (not that she is my girlfriend or anything like that...yet)
     
  17. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Don't tell her you have a crush on her. What for? It serves no purpose, and depending on what she's like will be either neutral or disincline her to look on you favourably.

    Anyways, just hang around with her. If you like her, hang with her more.
    She'll do likewise. Save the soul baring for later. Much later.

    Right now, just be cool.
     
  18. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

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    Well, when I am with her, I don't have problem being cool... I can be just myself and we have good conversations and have fun.

    I am still wondering if she can tell whether I like her or not just by looking at how I act towards her... :o
     
  19. newsroom_can

    newsroom_can Canada eh?

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    oh and I cannot stop thinking about her.... :hs:
     
  20. johan

    johan Active Member

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    She answers when you call right?
    She calls you right?
    You two see each other right?

    She could simply be distant or otherwise opt out of these behaviours if she weren't interested. Since this isn't the case, we can assume you're good to proceed.

    Now, next step. You're not interested in being her friend, but being her boyfriend, correct?

    So now that you've actually met up a few times and talked, it's important to make that leap NOW.
    Don't feel ready for it? Good. You're nervous, that means it's not too late.

    Next time you meet up, initiate *coolly* some physical contact.
    Arm around the shoulder.
    Assess the reaction. Basically any reaction, (including "nothing") other than pulling away or acting weirded out or annoyed, is good.
    Next arm around the waist. Pull her in close.
    2/3 of the way into the date, you might want to try for more. Kissing on the ear first, and then...more.

    I leave it to you to mix it up and vary it a bit. The rest should take care of itself.

    If she's cool with the above ^^^ she's basically standing (lying) on the runway with two flashlights madly waving you in for landing. Make the move.
     

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