SRS another fight with the gf

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by heffy, Apr 14, 2005.

  1. heffy

    heffy New Member

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    background: she has a male friend in our japanese class that she always talks to (borderline flirt) and ends up ignoring me

    story: Today was just like every other day in Japanese lecture… I would wake up early to go to her apartment so we can go to class together. When we’re alone in class, we talk about nothing and everything is great. When her friend walks in, though, she ends up completely ignoring me. I don’t mind her talking with friends, but when she ends up giggling the entire class because of a guy and doesn’t really talk to me or see how I feel, that’s when I get kind of upset.

    About a month ago, after we started dating, she talked the entire day with him… I swear they were flirting. When I asked a question, she just replied “umm.. yeah” and went right back on flirting with him. The teacher came up to them and asked if they were “good friends”. After class, I walked faster than he did to see who she would walk with, and she ended up walking with him, flirting even after class. Then, when I asked her to eat lunch with me, she paused for a second and said sure, only to immediately ask him to eat lunch with us. She seemed really disappointed that he didn’t, and I don’t think she would’ve felt as much disappointment if I said I couldn’t eat lunch.

    Anyway, we got into another fight today about it. Stop flirting with him during class, pay more attention to me. When him and I say something at the same time, she ends up listening to whatever he says and laughs. I guess that’s what got me upset today. After talking about it, she said she couldn’t hear me…. because she was so intent on listening to him?

    I’m having serious doubts on her feelings for him. She always sits closer to him than to me, she always laughs at whatever he says, she’s always asking him for help with homework (and denies my help)… maybe I’m blowing things out of proportion. During lunch, when I expressed my concerns and said that she CAN do something about how I’m feeling, she said “no, I won’t. I’ll do what is comfortable for me”

    ….

    correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think that’s what girlfriends are supposed to say to their boyfriends. I always thought love is one of those things where the more you give, the more you receive. What the hell am I doing wrong… not flirting with other people in front of your significant other is not only considered courteous, it’s COMMON SENSE.

    “oh, he’s just a younger brother to me”
    “oh, we have matching personalities”
    “oh, he talks a lot during class and you don’t… what can I do?”
    “I don’t care, I’ll do what is comfortable for me”

    I’m hoping that I’m blowing things out of proportion, and I’m really hoping that tomorrow we’ll both be laughing about this… but what she said to me right before I walked out did some serious damage. It’d be nice if she did something to fix it, but I’m not holding my breath. I’ve stopped expecting her to do nice things for me.
     
  2. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Wow - how long have you been dating her? How old are you both?

    She's got some serious problems with manners. The question is whether it's only manners or something more. Does she have other friends? (Having a bunch of guy friends can be normal for a girl, although not typical; most of my friends are guys.) She may be trying to make a friend but excluding you in the process is not cool.

    Does the guy have any idea what's going on? Maybe you can cut things off at the source by talking to him. Just make sure your GF doesn't feel like you're suffocating her.

    If you stated your feelings honestly and you're getting no response from her, then she may be growing apart from you.
     
  3. heffy

    heffy New Member

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    we've been dating for about a month and a half now... and he knows all about us. I don't know if he knows we're having problems because of him.

    They've known each longer than we've known each other, so I expect them to keep in contact... but what pisses me off is that she oftentimes completely ignores me throughout class

    the cake topper today was when she said that she didn't care how I felt and that she would do whatever she wanted to do
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    If she's that insensitive to your feelings, then let her go. Don't rage or go postal, just calmly explain that you don't want to waste your time on someone who evidently feels you're a waste of theirs. When she starts backpeddling, don't buckle and take her back in - you can find other people to date who won't jerk your heartstrings around and flaunt them in front of you.

    TBH it sounds like she's testing to see if the grass is greener on the other side. I wouldn't expect you to sit through it and neither should she.

    edit: Move seats in your Japanese class. Sit at the front if possible; it will make you focus on the class material, and you don't have to look at her... or him.
     
  5. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    move seats and see what happens. if she stays with him, then can her.
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I would break up.
     
  7. johan

    johan Active Member

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    It's just a matter of time now. Her head and heart are already --ziiiippp-- gone.

    She's your girlfriend in name only.

    The only chance you have is if this guy rejects her.
    She sounds like the type that'll come crawling back to you (for a while), only to repeat this sad sequence when the next shiny toy catches her eye.
     
  8. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    Your "so called" girlfriend has the maturity of a thirteen year old. Dump this ditz as this relationship is doomed.
     
  9. squeezemeNOW

    squeezemeNOW New Member

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    shes probably trying to get ur attention because shes insecure or shes just seriously interested in this other guy - either way ur doomed this girl sounds like trouble - free yourself from what could eventually turn into something much worse. I bet you the day you ignore the girl she'll be up ur ass the next day - just try it i guarantee and u don't want someone that shallow and childish in ur life.
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    I don't think she's trying to get his attention. Sounds more like she wants that other guy's attention.
     
  11. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    What she's doing does suck for you, but this type of behavior isn't really discouraged in American culture. In this country you're expected to be competitive. You need to win her over. Be more talkative and talk louder. If she's known him for a long time, I doubt anything serious would develope since it should have before you came along. I wouldn't fight about this stuff with her anymore because you will never win. Even if you do win she'll resent you for it. Try not to take her close friendship with others so personally. Girls love to flirt but it doesn't have to mean anything. Being more secure about yourself and your relationship will show greatly in your personality and make you much more attractive. You don't have to be the center of attention all the time and you don't have to make her your priority at all times either. Just ignore them when they're talking and do your own thing or talk to someone else. What matters most is how you two are when you're alone together.
     
  12. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    Update?
     
  13. Soju N Coke

    Soju N Coke New Member

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    dunno lol
    I like your reply. hey if i were you i would just start talkin to another girl in the class.
     
  14. Aviv

    Aviv OT Supporter

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    But she WILL get pissed if he flirts with someone else. And when he throws it back up in her face, she'll deny to her death that she was flirting with the other kid. Girls like this are hypocrites who make up their own rules as they go. Seriously man, go ahead and flirt and piss this bitch off, but don't expect it to help your relationship. There's women out there who don't treat their boyfriends like shit.
     

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