SRS Anonymous Thread

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Throwdown, Jan 25, 2006.

  1. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

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    a few months ago, I stopped talking to my girlfriend of 10 months. the relationship itself was wonderful when it started then problems started to surface when she moved away and both of us tried to do a long-distance relationship. we talked about the potential hardships of it all, i even expressed my determination to fly and see her when I could. Things sounded promising and good. however, all of this planning and positive thinking went downhill when occasional arguments developed into more frequent fights about personal character, faith in each other, and concerns about the relationship. in retrospect, i think i put a lot of energy into what we had because it was beautiful and I really thought she was it but then, i found myself being the only person calling, first during the early parts of the long-distance relationship, then much later. I was also the only person initiating emails, to which, replies were only occasional. And if she did reply, it was a complaint about how much I wasn’t around enough or that, what was the point of being in a relationship if she felt bad and depressed most of the time. Still, I kept my vigil and stood my ground, all the while reminding her that hardships didn’t mean we had to make things harder – we just had to find a way to keeping touch. i did all of these things while she was away because she didn't like being on the phone, answering emails about my day, or telling me what happened to her during the week was something she hated because she always reasoned that she didn’t have the energy to talk to me. i kept "manning the wheel" to keep my contact with her but things only got worse with the much televised disaster in the south.

    all of this ended a few months ago when we exchanged emails that basically accused me of being inconsiderate, selfish, and uncaring. Personally, I thought it was funny i was called those things when it was I who flew every chance I got, called/emailed/ talked to her every chance that I got, and made space for everything she needed from moving to helping her get settled in her new home. when we last wrote each other, she explicitly said that she didn't want to talk or hear from me and that, I should just leave her alone. I did EXACTLY that and stopped talking to her altogether. no emails. no phone. nothing. at that point in time, I was pretty much down-in-the dumps for a while that she didn't even consider the selfishness of her comments and the worst thing she could do was shut me out.

    now, months later, i recently found out that she is at odds with where "we" exactly stand - months after we last spoke. granted, talking to her would help set the record straight especially since I have grown out of the mental slump that accompanied her last hurtful email (in addition to her email, I got laid off from my job two days later - an excellent touch to my miserable holiday season). But then again, i do not want to revisit the past and subject myself to a relationship with her but feel, strongly, that I - at the very least - need to let her know how I feel about her. Any opinions on what might be the best thing to do?
     
  2. 311-420

    311-420 New Member

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    long distance relationships almost never last, especially when the circumstances are permanent. i'd be real with her and tell her its time that you two move on and just be friends.
     
  3. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Go ahead and contact her if you're interested in setting the record straight. You might want to send one email that sums up your thoughts first, though, because a phone call might open up a slew of emotions on the spot where you'd thought you'd closed the door, especially if she's in the mood to argue. An email is one way to keep things impersonal and say your piece without getting flustered - if she comes back with a bunch of accusations and excuses for her behaviour, you can simply delete the message and move on with your life knowing that you at least told her how you felt in the words you wanted. On the other hand, if she's receptive and is interested in talking, you can test the waters by email exchange first and give her a call if you feel it's necessary to clear the air.

    You'll know by the tone of her email whether to bother giving her a call. If she still thinks you're an item, make it clear that you considered the relationship to be over 10 months ago and that you're not looking to get back together.
     
  4. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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  5. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    if setting the record straight will really ease your mind, then go for it.

    I'm betting, that it won't go so well, and that you'll just end up regretting having contacted her, and a potential slippage backwards in the healling you've done since then.

    one can never, ever ever truly "set the record straight" with everyone, all of the time.

    for me, it has gotten to that point in life that it's just not worth the effort to worry so much about what other people are thinking, or saying about me, except for if/when it happens right there in front of me; or if it's something that is deliberately out of context of harmful to me, my family or our future.

    :dunno:
     

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