SRS Anonymous Thread

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Throwdown, Jan 2, 2006.

  1. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

    Feb 25, 2002
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    Orrville, OH
    Ok, i have something that's been overshadowing me for quite some time. it's nothing that interferes with my everyday life.. but its always there in some form, and i never feel 100% settled.
    This 'shadow' is that i feel out of place, and that people don't accept me entirely for who i am. i have lots of freinds.. im optimistic.. don't have any trouble with that. It seems to be something else. It's like everyone has a role.. but i dont have one. Dumb kids are good at being dumb. smartasses are good at being smartasses. pimps as pimps. dorks as dorks.. but i dont seem to fit into any of these. and i dont have many 'true' friends.. only 1 (im in college too).

    I was recently talking to my close friend, and he told me he has the exact same 'problem.' we talked about it for a long time.. and he said some stuff which makes a lot of sense.
    I'm in a rutt here though because i can't figure it out, and im aksing you because i figure some of you may have been in the same situation and can help. It's like one big loop, and i cant get out of it. I'll tell you it's implications..

    -Common advice is to not care what other people think.
    I have tried to not care about waht other people think.. except the problem is i don't have anything to fall back on, so i cant do that. I dont think i've found who i "am" yet (because as i mentioend above.. i dont really know where i fit in). so if i didnt care what people think.. id sort of be lost 'out there' which i dont want. if i had ONE thing that was sure.. i could easily say fuck other people.. but i havent found that 'one thing' or 'who i am' yet.

    -I have confidence..and in a bunch of different areas (talking to girls for instance isnt a problem), but they seem to be in the wrong areas. i dont have that much confidence in the area its supposed to be in (myself). It doesnt have to do wtih looks either... very weird situation.

    -I think this stems from my background. I went to a private schoola nd had a very different childhood than most people. I didnt have any close freidns or girls until college (due to many circumstances outside of my control, whcih i dont feel like explaining).

    -I've tried looking 'within' myself.. but i cant find an answer.

    -smoking weed is a very bad idea.. which is why i stopped. it makes me think of bad introspective shit.. and i think its because of this whole 'thing' which is above my head.

    -i have many freinds.. but i dont have many true freinds. i feel like i dont 'click' with many people.. but this may be just because i dont let them.. and im too self conscious.

    -i have tried being direct and more outgoing..b ut sometimes it doesnt feel 'right'. i dont know if its because it really ISNT right.. or if its ive been teh opposite my whole life and breaking out is difficult. one night stands was definitely a BAD idea.. i felt like shit about that lol..

    I honestly believe all this is an illusion brought about by my childhood. it's like i didnt have the circumstances that everyoen else had.. so i had to adapt, but it was in a more complex way or osmething. its not so black and white because i have many friends.. im not depressed.. little shy adn self conscious but not too much.. yet i have this problem at the same time. i feel like wahtever i do is awkward.. and that people never fully appreciate me for who i am. i feel never satisfied in myself, and i find it VERY difficult just to say 'who cares what other people think'.. i havent foudn who i am.. and i feel like i dont have a role (losers are losers.. jocks are jocks... stuck up girls are stuck up girls.. i am ???). whatever i try to do .. i feel like im very unnatural at it.

    this is very hard to describe.. sorry its wordy and redundant.. im tired.

  2. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Feb 22, 2002
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    Iron City
    Get involved in some college programs. (Like world hunger), or any group that is reaching out to help others. As you do something outside yourself you'll help others and undoubtedly make some friends that have more depth of relationship than to what you've been accustomed to.
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Oct 8, 2002
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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    What you have to do is accept that you are different, and even more that its ok to be different. That you are a private school student and exactly just that. Its the 'whoohoo im an alien in New York' feeling of being 'out of place'.

    And it probably would go away if you where back in private school again. Just aknowledge your roots, and let it go.
  4. Jay Pheezy

    Jay Pheezy New Member

    Dec 31, 2005
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    There's one thing I always admired in certain people-- ones who could avoid those stereotypes (jock, prep, geek, etc) and define themselves. You know, the people who were different, not in a bad way, because you just couldn't place them into a category. My best friend is one of those people. She's very pretty but has had trouble with guys because the ones she got involved with all wanted your typical white girl who shops at Abercrombie and Fitch. But I always tell her the most amazing thing is I could walk down the street and find clones of all those typical prep girls, but I could never find another her. And that was the main thing, I'll never be able to find anyone else like her.

    As for you, if you truly want to be a stereotype (not the best idea but maybe you do) you need to kind of shop around. I don't like saying this because it's against my beliefs, but maybe you should try hanging out with the different groups and seeing who mesh best with. If there are none, well so be it. You can make your own group of friends.

    YOu mentioned your one close friend in the same situation, well if you think about it, you could find more people like him/her willing to accept you and be completly cool with you.

    I'll be honest though, I'm in high school sometimes I feel the same way. I'm not an outcast or anything at all, I have many friends, just not too many that are close. The way I relate to you is that I just never found a clique of them.

    But either way.. one of the greatest things is if you can avoid everyone all defining you and you can just define yourself and not just fall into some stupid labeled category.

    Good luck :wiggle:

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