SRS Anonymous Thread: Resolving an Emotional Dependance (kinda long)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Throwdown, Jul 14, 2005.

  1. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

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    last semester i made a good friend; a girl. we recognized each other in a class, and remembering that single time we met 12 months ago, started talking. by the end of the class we'd rearranged our schedules so that they were almost identical, and resolved to work together for the group assignments for this semester for the 3 (out of 4) subjects we had in common.

    well.. the semester went by. she wasn't the sharpest knife in the cupboard but she tried.. and it was good fun having her around. in fact it became so good to have her around. as far as academics went.. it was a good combination. when she gave her full concentration, i was encouraged to give mine. when she didn't, i would burn myself out because i knew.. she could see me suffering, and yes, the resulting guilt trip produced a very productive partner later on.

    we also became good friends. i talked to her everyday.. we talked on the way home, our conversations lasting between 30 and 60 minutes. we'd ramble on just about everything.. and it was always a pleasant surprise, and a great note to end the day on. four weeks into the semester we started having dinner out together; once a week maybe, taking turns paying the bill.

    it was great. it was a far cry from my previous semesters of coming home every night alone, trying to convince myself not to step in front of a moving vehicle. i was quite the recluse then; i'd go for days or weeks without having had a meaningful conversation with another person. i'd read existentialist novels to spur my indignation and feel exalted in my desperation.

    basically, meeting this person resulted in a dramatic change in my life. for the first time i could concentrate on my studies. my grades were on the right track. i was literally seeing what i was capable of for the first time.

    i had enough confidence to start conversations with strangers, as well as people i already knew but wouldn't normally talk to. i've also been looking for a job for a long time, but i never had the self-confidence that i had at interviews this time around; i landed the first paid job i've ever had where i wasn't self-employed. i was happier around family, and my friends could see that i'd stopped spouting the usual depressing ramble. i also lost the tension i typically when having dinner with other girls.

    **

    all this time we were just friends. on the last day of the semester, i kissed her. i guess i should mention here that she had a boyfriend. 4 years. he doesn't go to the same school, but we've met several times. the point is i acted in full knowledge of this.

    she reciprocated my sentiments. exam period.. we proceded to study intensively. there was this ironic day where i met the boyfriend in the afternoon (where he wished me good luck on an exam), and had sex with her for the first time the same night.

    we're still seeing each other. but the next semester's starting soon, and this raises several questions, with the one i'm sure is on the tip of some people's tongues being: "is all this really gonna last?"

    and so, my little dilemma; all i can see good in my life at this point is founded on a shameless little charade. there are very many reasons this might fall apart, and i'm convinced that it's only a matter of when and how it all ends. one question i'm worried about is how is basically: what am i gonna do when that happens, because i can already see the very big hole i'm gonna have to somehow try and fill. i don't know what i'd do if i had to go back to how i lived before her.

    one comforting thought is that we were friends a whole 3 months before that kiss. rebuttal; we both saw said kiss coming.
     
  2. B_RowL

    B_RowL OT Supporter

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    So she helped you find your self-confidence....great. The same thing happened to me with a girl I met from Japan. Now you need to harness the fruit of this relationship that got you on track with your life and find confidence in yourself, not in her or you and her. Take what you have learned a go forth. I am not saying that you need to abandon her, but you will meet other people if you keep this attitude that you have developed. Do not rely on her to carry you, rely on yourself.

    It is a pretty awesome thing to have a friend of the opposite sex like though
     
  3. AntiSocialism

    AntiSocialism New Member

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    Ooph. Now that made me wince.

    Is it possible that the kiss (and more) was merely fueled by the fact that you two were together so much? It becomes easy to be comfortable with a person in so many ways when you spend that much time with them. I'm assuming by the fact that you're considering its falling through that you're not in love with your friend, right?

    Hmm... Don't pull away all at once, that will only widen an unfixable gap. Take it a bit at a time as the new semester rolls in. Start doing things with other people but don't completely disown her.. The last thing you want to do is create hurt feelings with a friend who you want to keep on a more casual basis, rather than the extremely close friend you've developed.
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Seemingly you want more, you want to be her lover. Its not allowed until the boyfriend moves away on his own you have 'no right to interfere with her relationship' and this being said, i encourage you to date other girls, its an important rule that you should 'never wait in life' life is too short to wait, your hopes your dreams your ideals, it makes no sense to wait for them to come true, if this particular individual cannot give you this because she is occupied, the more reason for you (there are plenty of fish in the sea) to find yourself a person who can forfill,love you and is loyal towards you. So don't do nothing until she becomes available go bond relationships with other people (if your stable enough to bare with them that is) and get relationship experience, the time if she comes free you can ask for her hand if your other relationships don't work out.
     

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