I'll start with some cliffs: I have been married for 4 years, my wife is moving out in a week and I am to be left with a house I can't afford. I am also a co-signer on her car and she is terrible with money so I can see my credit being ruined. She has a child from a previous relationship who calls me Dad and she has said that she wants me to have no contact with her or her son when we split. I entered into a relationship with another woman 6 months ago and she broke up with me last week. My life is in complete shambles and I see no way to get my head above water. My wife cheated on me 1 year ago. Not only did she cheat but she neglected to tell her partner (who is now her boyfriend) that she was not on birth control. She slept with me 11 days after her period and him 14 and 16 days after; neither of us used protection. She became pregnant.She was adamant the children (it was twins) were his and took some arthritis pills to chemically abort the pregnancy. She miscarried but 1 survived. We had tried for children previously but nothing happened so I was lead to believe that I was unable to have children, which was a crushing blow to me as my ex-girlfriend had been pregnant also so I instantly assumed she had cheated on me too. I told my wife that we could do a paternity test on the surprisingly healthy remaining child at 10 weeks to determine the father. If it was mine then I would do all that was needed to be a Father to it. She was worried about the effects that the pills had on the child so she decided to have it aborted. Being still adamant it wasn't mine she had the boyfriend pay half and take her to the clinic. Before her abortion I went to the doctor to have my little men tested and everything came back as better than average, so her insistance that I was unable to father a child became a moot point, but she still refused to believe the child could be mine. For some reason I decided to stay around and try to forgive her indescretion. Bad idea. She gave me nothing, not even a straw to grasp and we didn't have sex for 6 months or so. I tried to make things work but she didn't seem to care. She carried on talking to the guy she cheated with and this enraged me even though she saw it as not a big deal. Just before Christmas a female friend expressed an interest in me and we went out on a date. I had known her for 2 years, I had always admired her and been attracted to her. I was over the moon when she asked me out. The date went incredibly well and I spent the night at her house (I didn't have sex with her). I returned home the next day and told my wife what had happened and that I wanted to persue a relationship with this woman. She was shocked. I have no idea why! 6 months without any physical contact from her and she was surprised I looked elsewhere? Being with her was great. I was so happy. But, I couldn't stop thinking that she wasn't really interested in me and that she didn't love me. We talked about kids and marriage and I fell in love with her within a few months (which is unusual for me). I was convinced she didn't enjoy sex with me and told her this. I would tell her that I knew she would leave me sooner or later and that she wouldn't be happy with me. My whole outlook was completely negative. I eventually wore her down and she agreed that she couldn't be happy with me so she broke it off last week. I caused this. We were great together both in bed and out of it. She has been my world for the past 6 months and I can't believe I ruined it. We still talk and she has told me that things might change between us if my outlook changes, but I just can't stop being negative and ruining any chances I might have left. I don't know what to do. I've thought about eating the end of a shotgun but my parents would be devastated. I don't really care about my life anymore but I want my girlfriend back (my wife can go DIAF for all I care). How can I be positive when I have so much weight on my shoulders? I can not forgive my wife for what she did. Maybe when she moves out her infidelity will be less of a part of my everyday life as I won't have to see her anymore. In the year that has passed there has not been a day where I haven't thought about what she did to me. I just can't let go and I know this is part of my problem. I need to have a positive outlook on life and don't know how to change.