SRS Anonymous Post: My Dad Is Killing Himself...And My Family Too...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Darketernal, Oct 16, 2005.

  1. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    My dad has been struggling with alcoholism for just over two years now. He has lost his job, failed out of school, and is pushing my family away. It is really difficult for me because I live 2,000 miles away from my mom, dad, and sister. I just got off the phone with my mom and she informed me that he is back to his old ways again...he went through two rehab programs and was kicked out, and AA is a crock-of-poop.

    Basically what I am asking is for information on how to help him get over this. He is doing every thing in his power to push us away, yet continually lies, deceives, manipulates, cons, etc. Like I said before, this is something that has been going on for over two years now and we are not novices with this situation. Financially, my parents are broke and while my dad continues to drink his life away, my mom is struggling to finish school so she can student teach in the fall. The best thing I can think of at the moment is to lock him away in some detox center where he cannot voluntarily check himself out, nor be kicked out. This costs A LOT of money, something my parents cannot afford, and I am unable to help with at the moment.

    I am at a loss. What CHEAP, available, reputable, programs are out there for alcoholism? If there is another way of getting him help please let me know. We have tried every thing. And talking is a waste of time now. His apologies are empty. I am more angry than hurt at this point. It kills me to hear how this is hurting my mom, and it is unbelievable to me how strong she stays through all of this. Something needs to be done NOW in order to save him from himself, save my mom from the stress, and save my 7 year old sister from being permanently damaged by the wrongs of my father. It is difficult being so far away, but some intervention is needed.

    My relationship with my dad is already severed and I want things to be mended eventually. My moms family is fed up and my dads family is in denial. Bottom line: HELP...
     
  2. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

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    There's nothing you can do until he is ready to accept help for his problem. I imagine that you say "...AA is a crock-of-poop," because it hasn't worked for your dad. It hasn't worked for your dad, because he isn't ready to change and he isn't willing to try to recover.

    I'm not sure how old you are, but it sounds like your family would really be better without him for the time being. Attending an Al-Anon meeting may provide you with better advice, but I have a feeling this is basically what they are going to say. You can lookup how to attend in the stickies.

    Basically distance the family from him. Hopefully he'll come realize he misses his family and he's ready to accept some help. I'm of the opinion that AA will definitely work for him when he is ready and willing. When he is ready he can move into a Sober Living Environment that charges slightly more than normal place for rent, but he has to live with a couple other guys in a room until he gets some time under his belt. There's no rehab that will instill willingness in him, that has to come from him, there's nothing you can do about that but keep your distance until he proves himself.
     
  3. metoots13

    metoots13 New Member

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    I have to agree with Eligh, Alanon Family Programs can give you and your mom a lot of support with the problems of your dad. It will teach you a new way to live and deal with an alcoholic in your life. It is based on the 12 steps of AA, but is focused on healing family members of alcoholics and addicts and learning to detach from them.

    There is no way you can make anyone, alcoholic, addict, gambler, or a normal person do anything they don't want to do. But you can quit taking responsibility for the things they do and quit trying to fix them and learn how to express your feelings and get support from other people who have learned how to do it also.

    Good luck to you, it really works.
     

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