SRS Anonymous Post: I want to give up a few bad habits but can't find where to start

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by i killed tupac, Oct 21, 2007.

  1. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    "I want to give up a few 'bad habits' but just can't find where to start."

    I think just writing this out and knowing that people read it and support me is going to help immensely, so their may be a lack of real 'questions' or ask for help. However, if you have any input, advice, suggestions, whatever you think may help me in getting my life turned back around, I would really appreciate it :hs:

    I'm turning 20 in less than a week and I've been a smoker since my exgf and I broke up almost a year ago. I really got 'hooked' on cigarettes when I used them to de-stress from the deteriorating relationship, and haven't been able to kick the habit since. This is the first and most important thing I want to quit, but I just can't figure out where to start. Which pack is the last pack?

    It's like I want to stop, but can't ever get the courage to say no to the habit. Its always 'just one more pack' when I'm seriously considering quitting, and by the time I'm done with it I've forgotten the 'deal' I made with myself. Any advice or firsthand knowledge is appreciated :hs: I've got a very addictive personality (as you will see with the rest of my 'bad habits'), but I just want to be able to respect myself again. I think smoking is a disgusting habit, yet I smoke a pack every single day. Its killing my self-esteem. . .I've smoked for a year and still hide it from some people because I'm so ashamed.

    The other 'habits' I'm dealing with are a little more complex and probably more detrimental than smoking (or could lead to things that are worse?), but I feel like the self-esteem I could gain back from quitting smoking will really help me be 'happy' enough to give these up.

    I currently believe I'm addicted to both Adderall and Lorazepam (Ativan), as well as marijuana. The pills are both prescribed to me in moderately high amounts and, to be completely honest, this is mostly due to me manipulating my psychologist. I exaggerated symptoms, side effects, and even my behavior during doctor visits in an effort to get these pills. I honestly believe the Adderall is helping me, as I legitimately believe I have ADD. However, its gotten to the point where my dosage is so high I can't function without them. This high dosage is what started me on my path of addiction with both Ativan and pot. I take so much Adderall, my sleep pattern is completely fucked.

    I pretty much smoke pot and take 2-4mg's of Ativan every night in an effort to sleep, which still usually doesn't happen until 4-5am. I then sleep, if I'm able, until 3-4pm. This has led me to really just ignore a lot of my responsibilities and opportunities, because I pretty much sleep while these opportunities pass me by. I don't know what I'm asking here or what I should do, but I honestly look at rehab centers and wonder if a few weeks of being 'locked away' from these wouldn't do me wonders, just so I can kick the dependency and not go through complete hell trying to function on a daily basis without them.

    I have, as I stated before, a very addictive personality (both sides of my family are prone to alcoholism) and don't know how to make this cycle end. I want my life back, I want to be happy and be the confident young guy I used to be :hs:


    [/anonymouspost]

    This thread is posted on behalf of a member who wishes to remain anonymous. That person's responses in this thread will be done via me. :)
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2007
  2. chucklenut

    chucklenut New Member

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    Have you considered going to an NA meeting? People just like you, wanting to quit. It's a great way to get yourself strait.
     
  3. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You are on high doses of prescription meds. My suggestion, forget anything you read on OT and get a doctor where you can be 100% completely honest with them. Perhaps it's your current physician but I think it will be a different one.

    IMO you need to address your drug issues first and with the help of a medical professional. THEN worry about smoking.

    I was a pack a day smoker for 10 years and I had to be 4 years sober before I could handle kicking cigs. It's seriously one of the hardest things I've done.
     
  4. i killed tupac

    i killed tupac New Member

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    I could not agree more. You should find a doctor or psychiatrist that you can be perfectly honest with about your marijuana usage, the side effects of your prescriptions, etc. You are not unique, and these people are not police, you will not be judged, reported, etc. You will be diagnosed by a certified specialist.

    As far as the cigarettes go, I do have an opinion on that :big grin: ! Don't even try to quit right now. Your head is such a mess right now that you wouldn't be able to do it anyways! Concentrate on the more serious, immediate issues first.

    For your post, well, i can relate to alot of it. For me it was never really an issue of "courage" to stop something, i flat out couldn't! It wasn't like i didnt want to. I looked at it like some sort of failing that i didnt have this "courage" that I assumed every had. Turns out i wasn't unique, either, and the methods that worked for other worked for me, and continue to work.


    "I want my life back" -what an interesting statement, what does that mean? Where did it go?
     

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