SRS Anonymous: has anyone ever been in this position before?

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Throwdown, Dec 5, 2005.

  1. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

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    background info: i'm 30, have been married 10 years to my wife and mother of our 2 sons. she has been my only serious relationship since we started dating in high school when we were both 16 yrs old. the last few years have found us drifting somewhat apart in the natural ebb and flow of relationships.

    for the past several months (6 mon) i've been getting very close emotionally to a young woman (23 yrs old) that i work with and see fairly regularily. she knows that i am married and there has been no inappropriate physical contact between us yet. i find myself thinking about her very often and lately our conversations have steered toward the possiblity of messing around physically.

    incidently, my relationship with my wife has been getting much better over the course of these few months. i feel like i'm paying a lot more attention to her and meeting her needs in the right way now, just generally being a better husband... it probably comes from a subconcious guilt. i know what i should do so this isn't really an advice seeking sort of post but more of a confessional. i really love my wife and i'm committed to her but i've also found room in my heart for this other woman as well. am i crazy or is it possible to love two women at once?
     
  2. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

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    to thread starter:

    first of all. with your two sons being involved i dont think that this is going to work out well if you continue to have a relationship with this other woman. physically or mentally, a relationship of any kind with the wrong intentions can damage the one your currently in. (but i'm sure you know this). i think what you are going through is normal considering this girl is NEW to you and your judgment is being clouded by this fact. i think you should think long and hard about the damage that this could cause your family. if you really do love your wife then you should have no trouble telling this new girl that this cannot continue because you have sworn your life to your wife and it would be a horrible thing to do to cheat on her. would you want her to do that to you? i'm not trying to judge you or hurt your feelings in any way. i just want what is best for you and your family. maybe in 20 years when you and your wife are 50 years old and your sons have gone off to college or gotten jobs and don't live with you anymore, and you are having a great time in married life you will be thankful that you didnt screw it up so many years prior.

    this is my advice. i hope everything works out for you. PM me if you want to post a reply. :wiggle:
     
  3. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it's time to fertilize your own lawn.

    It's unfortunate that you have only have experience tending to this one lawn, but since you've bought the land (married your wife) and have young, fragile trees growing on it (your sons), give it a try. If you still can't get your lawn to grow after trying all available fertilizers, you might want to get the help of a professional gardener (counsellor). You may have to sell the land and move, but this should be a last resort.

    Keep in mind that fertilizer isn't everything... lawn quality also depends on what's underneath. Is it excessively rocky or sandy, or is there clay? You may need to put down some topsoil and new turf (do some soul-searching and rebuild your relationship from the ground up) to get the best results...
     
  4. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    :bowdown: When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it's time to fertilize your own lawn. :bowdown:


    Well said Teo!!!
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    HA that's asylum wisdome stuff, i'll put it in if im allowed to use it :wiggle:
     
  6. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Agreed there!
    PLEASE do not pursue the relationship with this young woman any longer. In the long run (IMO) it will cause you (and especialy your wife and children) nothing but pain and heartache.
    Do you really want to throw your marriage, love and family away for this woman?
    edit: YOU may have found room in your heart for both women, but how do you think this would make your wife feel if she found this out?
     
  7. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Not to mention this other woman is a coworker. About as bad a situation as you can get into. You're about to risk EVERYTHING, and could end up with nothing. Don't do it.
     
  8. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Sure :o

    In addition to the other posts, consider this:
    The only side of this woman that you see is the side that stays at work. You don't know what she acts like after work's done and she's not hanging out with co-workers. You don't see what happens when she goes home. You don't know know anything about her habits, her idiosyncracies, how she conducts her relationships with her friends and family... anything. It's like looking at the tip of an iceberg... there is so much you don't know about this woman that it'd be a mistake to date her even if you weren't currently attached. Why do you think office romances are taboo, aside from the stigma of having to see the person you broke up with and your relationship being in the public domain? It's because you can't get a sense of who the person really is without watching them interact in daily life.
     
  9. KatWoman

    KatWoman •••••••••••

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    :eek3: :bowdown:
     
  10. Throwdown

    Throwdown whore destroyer

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    from thread starter:

    thanks for the responses and i really do know what i have to do (take care of my wife/family and end this other "thing"). i suppose one of the major factors in this is that it's nice to get attention from other women.. especially when it's an attractive younger woman. (i didn't think turning 30 would effect me like that but i guess i'm only human.)

    thanks for the encouragement and now i just need the strength to not look across at the "greener grass" and think it will be more fulfilling than my current situation. i don't think i'm too far gone to be without hope yet. i think most times when people go through something like this there is a huge feeling of isolation and that only compounds the problem and sharing my confessional here has helped a bit. i'm sure i can do this, i just have to find it within me first.
     

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