SRS Anonymous "girl problem" post.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by dave steel, Mar 28, 2005.

  1. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    I was asked to put up this "anonymous" post at the Asylum...

    confused..... (more girl problems)

    i guess im just another guy with typical girl problems. i think i might possibly have psychological problems also. anyways, i really like this one girl that ive been friends with for a while now. she knows i like her and i think that she has at least some feelings for me. its a semi complicated situation. she knows that i like her because ive told her before and for a while it was a "we should just be friends" sorta thing because when i first told her she had just gotten out of a relationship and plus she said she was really busy with school and all that stuff. i first let her know that i liked her back in october. at first she seemed like she liked me too and i thought it was great cause its a great feeling to have feelings returned. she said she liked me. it was great for maybe a week until i sorta kissed her but i felt like she was kinda holding back or something and so i stopped. it was a little awkward for a while cause i thought maybe she didnt want anything to happen so i backed off and we were just sorta friends again. time passed, i started feeling depressed just because i hate when things go sour. a month later, we ended up going to a concert with some other friends. on the way back, she told me she had been hanging out with her ex a lot lately. she said it basically out of nowhere and so i kinda assumed it meant that she maybe went back to him but didnt want to tell me straight up or was thinking about it. i just said "oh" and felt horrible but didnt say anything cause i dont think i had any right to. fast forward maybe a month. we were doing some stuff at my house with another friend but later he left and we watched some dvds together, what i thought was just as friends, and we ended up laying in my bed and she started cuddling with me and stuff. i still hadn't gotten over it just because it never really ended and i thought things could still possibly work so i held on to that hope. so of course i cuddled with her and we ended up making out and stuff. a day (or two) later, she came over again to just watch a movie and she ended up spending the night at my house. we slept in each others arms and it was awsome. a few days later we talked about things and she said she didn't want to start something she couldnt finish and once school started in 3 weeks, she wouldnt have time to do things and hang out and stuff. i was really depressed because i really liked her more than she even know and she didnt even feel the same about me. she didnt even give me a real chance and seemed like she didnt want to. after a lot of thought, i thought the best thing i could do was just to get away because it wasnt going anywhere and it wasnt worth the stress and i needed to get over her. i decided to avoid her just because it would be easier to get over it. for the next 3 weeks, i didnt talk to her much and never saw her at all. then one day i was talking to her and told her about a dvd i had just gotten and she wanted to watch it. i thought, "its fine, we're just friends" so i told her to come over to watch it. first thing she did when she came over was give me a hug. i didn't really know what to think. mostly confused. we ended up watching the dvd and then later ended up laying next to each other in my bed again. we were just joking about things and sorta cuddling again and then she said "i wish i had more time for nights like these." i dont know if i wanted to hear that or not because i didn't know what to think. it was really hard because i was trying to get over her and she pulled me right back in. so the next few days it was back to hangin out a lot and being close and that sort of stuff. for the next week or two it was great. we didnt hang out during the week because we both had school and stuff but we talked on the phone the way people who are "talking" talk. not really about anything specific but just rambling. then at the end of her school week (thursday) she asked if i wanted to hang out and she came over and we hung out. we cuddled and listened to music until around maybe 3am when i asked her if she wanted to just stay over and she ended up spending the night again. same thing as the last time she stayed over. again. it was pretty cool for a week or two. then it started to fade i think just because she was very busy with school and we never had a chance to do anything. either that or she just didnt want to. i realized that this cycle didn't seem like it would end any time soon and just decided to try and get over it. i barely ever see her now but when i do, i end up feeling very depressed just seeing her because i really haven't even come close to moving on and i dont think it'll go away any time soon. the other day, maybe a week or two ago, we were just sitting on her bed talking and inside i felt like i was being torn apart because i was sitting next to the very thing i wanted yet despite the fact that it was 2 feet away from me, i couldn't have it. i havent talked to her about it just because the last two times i did, it went sour and we stopped talking and became distant friends and i didnt want that to happen again. earlier this week i got drunk and ended up calling her while drunk but i didnt say much. i ended up waking her up because of it so i just said hi, told her i was really drunk and that i was really sorry i woke her up. she said it was ok. then i said "i miss you" and she said "i miss you too." then i told her i was sorry again and to go back to sleep. i dont know if she said it because she actually does miss me or if she just said it because she knew it was what i wanted to hear. a few days later we were hangin out with a bunch of other friends and we were talking about a movie. she said it was her favorite movie and the proceeded to ask if i had seen it. i think this hurt the most out of everything that has happened because i saw the movie with her the week it came out. while in the movie she even held my hand and stuff. i think it made me realize that she will never like me as much as i like her. i will never mean as much to her as she means to me. i dont think she will ever understand how i feel. and i need to let go because i feel its what i have to do. i know i should probably talk to her about it and everything but i dont know if i want to because it hurts so much as it is right now and i just want it to stop. i also think that if i talk to her, ill only hear what i already know and so it would be putting myself through exactly what i went through again. i feel like i should move on but i really dont want to because i really like her a lot and its hard to just throw it all away. it hurts so badly and i just dont know what to do. i know i left out some parts in typing up my whole situation because so much has happened and i dont remember it all and it might not be exactly in order.

    cliffs: lots of things happened with a girl, really depressed, not sure what to do.
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    (edit i made some spaces between it to make it more readable. )


    confused..... (more girl problems)

    i guess im just another guy with typical girl problems. i think i might possibly have psychological problems also. anyways, i really like this one girl that ive been friends with for a while now. she knows i like her and i think that she has at least some feelings for me. its a semi complicated situation. she knows that i like her because ive told her before and for a while it was a "we should just be friends" sorta thing because when i first told her she had just gotten out of a relationship and plus she said she was really busy with school and all that stuff. i first let her know that i liked her back in october. at first she seemed like she liked me too and i thought it was great cause its a great feeling to have feelings returned. she said she liked me. it was great for maybe a week until i sorta kissed her but i felt like she was kinda holding back or something and so i stopped.

    it was a little awkward for a while cause i thought maybe she didnt want anything to happen so i backed off and we were just sorta friends again. time passed, i started feeling depressed just because i hate when things go sour. a month later, we ended up going to a concert with some other friends. on the way back, she told me she had been hanging out with her ex a lot lately. she said it basically out of nowhere and so i kinda assumed it meant that she maybe went back to him but didnt want to tell me straight up or was thinking about it. i just said "oh" and felt horrible but didnt say anything cause i dont think i had any right to.

    fast forward maybe a month. we were doing some stuff at my house with another friend but later he left and we watched some dvds together, what i thought was just as friends, and we ended up laying in my bed and she started cuddling with me and stuff. i still hadn't gotten over it just because it never really ended and i thought things could still possibly work so i held on to that hope. so of course i cuddled with her and we ended up making out and stuff.

    a day (or two) later, she came over again to just watch a movie and she ended up spending the night at my house. we slept in each others arms and it was awsome. a few days later we talked about things and she said she didn't want to start something she couldnt finish and once school started in 3 weeks, she wouldnt have time to do things and hang out and stuff. i was really depressed because i really liked her more than she even know and she didnt even feel the same about me. she didnt even give me a real chance and seemed like she didnt want to. after a lot of thought, i thought the best thing i could do was just to get away because it wasnt going anywhere and it wasnt worth the stress and i needed to get over her.

    i decided to avoid her just because it would be easier to get over it. for the next 3 weeks, i didnt talk to her much and never saw her at all. then one day i was talking to her and told her about a dvd i had just gotten and she wanted to watch it. i thought, "its fine, we're just friends" so i told her to come over to watch it. first thing she did when she came over was give me a hug. i didn't really know what to think. mostly confused. we ended up watching the dvd and then later ended up laying next to each other in my bed again. we were just joking about things and sorta cuddling again and then she said "i wish i had more time for nights like these." i dont know if i wanted to hear that or not because i didn't know what to think. it was really hard because i was trying to get over her and she pulled me right back in.

    so the next few days it was back to hangin out a lot and being close and that sort of stuff. for the next week or two it was great. we didnt hang out during the week because we both had school and stuff but we talked on the phone the way people who are "talking" talk. not really about anything specific but just rambling. then at the end of her school week (thursday) she asked if i wanted to hang out and she came over and we hung out. we cuddled and listened to music until around maybe 3am when i asked her if she wanted to just stay over and she ended up spending the night again. same thing as the last time she stayed over. again. it was pretty cool for a week or two. then it started to fade i think just because she was very busy with school and we never had a chance to do anything. either that or she just didnt want to.

    i realized that this cycle didn't seem like it would end any time soon and just decided to try and get over it. i barely ever see her now but when i do, i end up feeling very depressed just seeing her because i really haven't even come close to moving on and i dont think it'll go away any time soon. the other day, maybe a week or two ago, we were just sitting on her bed talking and inside i felt like i was being torn apart because i was sitting next to the very thing i wanted yet despite the fact that it was 2 feet away from me, i couldn't have it. i havent talked to her about it just because the last two times i did, it went sour and we stopped talking and became distant friends and i didnt want that to happen again.

    earlier this week i got drunk and ended up calling her while drunk but i didnt say much. i ended up waking her up because of it so i just said hi, told her i was really drunk and that i was really sorry i woke her up. she said it was ok. then i said "i miss you" and she said "i miss you too." then i told her i was sorry again and to go back to sleep. i dont know if she said it because she actually does miss me or if she just said it because she knew it was what i wanted to hear. a few days later we were hangin out with a bunch of other friends and we were talking about a movie. she said it was her favorite movie and the proceeded to ask if i had seen it. i think this hurt the most out of everything that has happened because i saw the movie with her the week it came out. while in the movie she even held my hand and stuff.

    i think it made me realize that she will never like me as much as i like her. i will never mean as much to her as she means to me. i dont think she will ever understand how i feel. and i need to let go because i feel its what i have to do. i know i should probably talk to her about it and everything but i dont know if i want to because it hurts so much as it is right now and i just want it to stop. i also think that if i talk to her, ill only hear what i already know and so it would be putting myself through exactly what i went through again. i feel like i should move on but i really dont want to because i really like her a lot and its hard to just throw it all away. it hurts so badly and i just dont know what to do. i know i left out some parts in typing up my whole situation because so much has happened and i dont remember it all and it might not be exactly in order.



    cliffs: lots of things happened with a girl, really depressed, not sure what to do.
     
  3. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Basically the doom you are letting so easily in your life isn't going away in same manner as it came in. This woman is ruining your life, and looking and being conserned for your sake i would strongly advice you to quit it. This woman is more then you can cope with. You where also a 'open target'

    Don't go into a relationship thinking it will work out just because it conserns you.

    That way it will still hurt but you are more prepared for a hard blow like this.

    Basically there are more red flags , which should be considered. Her going back to her ex is one, and her not having any time available spending with you.

    If any of the 2 of you don't have enough time, then it's not going to be a nice relationship to begin with.

    Another reason is because she is just too beautifull ,which means too many guys want her and it will bring you a lot of pressure misery and suffering if you try to keep you while she already only has so and so feelings for you.

    The end conclusion is that she isn't ready for a new relationship, and that you aren't ready to cope with a woman like her. She likes her ex and not you, you are just sitting on her fishing line , your a crutch that she leans on when her ex dumps her she goes to you, whines a bit lies in your arms and lets you comfort her, and as soon as she is better she runs back to the guy she likes namely her EX.

    Try replacing 'we could be friends ' with ' you are my backup ' , Of course you are suffering , you are totally in love and getting her in your arms might be great. But i just as well would love to embrace a poisoness snake in my arms. :ugh2: Because that is what she can do, bite, poison and hurt you for a long while until the poison goes away. Put her with her ex in a cage, and NEVER open the Cage door which leads back to you again. :squint:
     
  4. vicman

    vicman New Member

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    what darketernal said is so right. Just let her go man. if she really liked you and her feelings were genuine she would go to you and tell you how she really felt about you. Go get another hot chick and see how she reacts!:bigthumb:
     
  5. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    "anonymous reply"...

    well, about her ex, she broke up with him because she told me he is annoying and she couldnt stand him. she doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. i think the reason they hung out before was because she wanted the "we can be friends" but he wanted to get back together with her. one of my other friends asked a few months ago if she was getting back with her ex and she said "no, never."

    and also i don't think im a backup or whatever. she hasnt been involved with any other guys (at least not that i know of but i dont think she has time to) since around december time. i do think that the time issue is probably the one thing doing the most damage in regards to whether or not anything will happen between us. last night she came over and we did homework till late at night together and she stayed overnight. then then later in the day she brought me some lunch in the middle of the day. honestly i dont think im just her fallback guy but maybe im just blinded by my desires conflicting with whats happening? i really hope not though...
     
  6. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Unfortunately we can't know *for sure* if you're the backup, but you're sure as hell not the *primary*. That should tell you something.

    As to whether your emotions are clouding your judgement....umm I think that's a given, here. You're being used as an emotional safety blanket. Or teddy bear. Whatever you want to call it.

    Some people are ok with this (cuddle bunny status) because at least they get to hold/snuggle/spoon/sleep with(nonsexual) the target of their obsession.

    Sometimes these situations can be weirdly intimate -- she tells you deep dark secrets, and she may kiss you and even sleep next to you with little or no clothes on.

    But you never go all the way, and sooner or later, a REAL boyfriend (aka SEX PARTNER) comes along who will happily pound her until she's raw. She'll come back and confide the gory details in you, her very bestest friend, which is of course, exquisite agony for you.

    Up to you how far down this road you want to travel.
     
  7. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    That shit = no fun. Not worth it.
     
  8. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    well, i have kissed her and stuff and we've done other things. not sex but sexual things. i dont know, i dont think she has time for a boyfriend and i think that is the reason it isn't going farther than it is because over break when we had free time we hung out a lot and were pretty close and stuff. i dont think she has time for a primary, to use your terms. that's kinda what i get from my own opinion and from what a few friends have thought when i told them about it.[/QUOTE]
     
  9. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    The problem is that you aren't the primairy in her life. Which concludes to that your efforts on her are being wasted. Now wether it takes a brick falling on your head to realise that is another. But im sure you understand that that's why i don't think you should continue a relationship with this girl.
     
  10. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You need to realize that any person on this earth will make time for someone they really care about. It doesn't matter how busy you are.

    And, no disrespect, but I doubt she is a high-flying corporate attorney, or a shuttle pilot, or going on a deep-sea research mission that precludes having a boyfriend.

    If she doesn't want you as her "boyfriend", well its because she doesn't want you as a boyfriend. If that sounds simple, it is. Its NOT because she's too busy.

    It actually doesn't make any sense at all, since as you say, you two hung out LOTS over break. You willfully see only what you want to see. I can understand why -- heartbreak lies down that other path.

    Well, I can see that you will need to continue on this course in order to satisfy yourself as to her real motivation. Nothing teaches like experience. I just hope the ride isn't too bumpy for you.

    Oh and the fact that you've done "sexual things" but not actual sex...in no way contradicts what I've said. In fact, it is only more supporting evidence. Shrug. Good luck there. It'll get worse before it gets better.
     
  11. JordanClarkson

    JordanClarkson OT Supporter

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    That's really sad that she didn't remember seeing the movie with you. Don't get so caught up on being her boyfriend--it's just a title. You get to hang out with her, sleep next to her, cuddle, make out, etc. You've gotten farther than most guys ever do with their crushes. Just enjoy the moment and don't pressure her. There's really nothing you can say or do that'll make you change her mind, and even if you could any change of feelings on her part may only be temporary, and when she goes back to normal it could mean the end of the friendship. You've told her how you feel. Now the ball's in her court. Act like you don't really want her or don't really care.
     

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